Boob photo on dh's phone 🥹

[Honeyplease]

Been having marital problems for a while, but of weird sexual coercive type behaviour on dh's part.
Both been working hard on ourselves/relationship and DH is having therapy. In a generally good place but I am still very very nervous about sex and intimacy with him.

He was just showing me some videos of the kids on his phone, went back into his camera roll and I could see a photo of some boobs at the top... I quickly said "What's that!!?" And he quickly put on another video and I repeat "what was that, boobs?" And he said "don't be silly watch the video" he came out of it and I saw them again very quickly... By this point my heart is beating out of my chest .
First he denies it completely, then tries saying I'd seen something else. Then says it's probably something embarrassing like a screen shot of porn by accident. Then goes off in a huff.

I finishing cleaning the kitchen and I am fuming.

He's just come back and said "sorry, it was a screenshot of porn. I've deleted it now. I was embarrassed because I've felt so weird about porn and sex and masturbation etc lately"

I've told him to prove what it was because at the moment my head is going to the worst places and I do not believe him.
Also, the gaslighting has sent me bonus extra livid. I've just gone upstairs I can't stand to talk to him.

The photo was just of a chest and boobs and it seemed to have a green border.
Can anyone tell me, do screenshots save onto camera roll on an iPhone?

Also help with the general situation 🙃

He’s assaulted you - he pushed you. Phone the police - draw the line in the sand right here and right now. Call the police

I don’t think anyone who is just sending nudes to a partner would be putting a border onto them

I don’t know. It is Christmas after all.

really sorry you're going through this. the shouting and pushing are v likely because he's lying and feels backed into a corner. he's a bad egg. i hope you can get away from him safely.

He has assaulted you. Getting this angry seems even more likely that he was lying about the boobs - it's v common to come up with the least unpalatable explanation and confess to that. Of course it's possible he's telling the truth, but whether he is or isn't pales into insignificance compared to shoving and yelling in your face.

I'm so sorry. I would also be calling the police and letting a trusted friend/family member know too.

He's a sexually coercive shouty pushing twat. I'm not sure it matters one way or another about boob shots. He's not treating you right. He's not respecting you, but you should respect yourself.

He's sexually coercing you, he shouts in your face, pushes you and screen shots tits (or worse). Sounds like you're better off in your own op

If he is watching porn and, I assume, wanking, how would he have enough hands to take a screenshot? I need 2 hands for a screenshot on my phone.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I have to say that his anger sounds suspicious to me. If it was an innocent boob pic, as in an accidental screenshot then he would have shown you. It’s an awful time to find out. I’d tell him you knew about her but didn’t have proof and now you do then see what he says. Have you noticed him on his phone more often?

Could it have been a meme of some sort OP that may have come from a lads group chat? Some
of the stuff that goes round those things is ridiculous!

I'm sorry op but his reaction screams affair.

With an iphone screenshots save to the camera roll but you can go into albums and see a screenshot folder. If it’s also in there then it’s a screenshot. If it wasn’t in there too then it’s a saved photo. There’s also a folder called hidden which only appears if you’ve selected photos to hide from Your camera roll.
I imagine he will clear out his deleted photos though.

Just read your update- it’s awful he’s pushed you. I wouldn’t want to stay around him tonight so id try stay elsewhere or ask him to go for a bit. Sorry to say but it seems like he’s got something to hide based on his reaction.

It’s not a screen shot, he’d need 2 hands to do a screenshot on an iphone, and if he was watching porn he’d only have one hand free.
pushing you is assault, please get yourself to safety now, youvcan make decisions later.

Well the pushing has added a whole new level of issues and there's not a chance I'd be continuing with that relationship. Not only is he hiding stuff, he's abusive when confronted. A real Prince. I'm sorry OP, he's a prick.

I highly doubt affair because he is not very sociable, doesn't know many people and we have young kids so they are always with him or me apart from work.
Its probably porn tbh but his whole reaction has been insane.

Feel like we're back to the leaving for temp accommodation route.

That's not true, I can take a screenshot on my iPhone by double tapping the back of my phone, so one handed, also you can screenshot with just one hand if using the power/volume button

Standard MN response: spidey senses, red flags, run for the hills, secure your finances, humiliate in public, go through his phone, LTB, go non-contact, stop doing housework, etc.

I wrote a long response and then saw your post about him pushing you and deleted my response. I think the image is irrelevant now. Pushing you is totally unacceptable. He doesn't sound like someone anyone should be in a relationship with.

He's been violent to her before even once when she was pregnant. It's a very bad situation. He also threatened to leave but complained it would take a couple months to get a new sexual partner. I'd say she definitely needs to get her affairs in order and save herself and her children

Report the asssult with the police and take up the help they offer you. Whatever is going on he couldn't care less about you. Get rid of him asap.

Wishing you a safe Christmas x

So sorry op, this is completely shit that he’s got physical, if it’s worth anything now any pics sent to me on WhatsApp or whatever on my iPhone don’t get saved to my camera roll but I’ve had to choose that on settings.

Pushing you and shouting in your face aren’t exactly the actions of someone innocent. He’s been caught out and he knows it. Whether it’s a physical affair or online stuff is irrelevant - both are cheating. And now he’s being violent to boot. You need to take your kids and leave. If he’s going to behave like that over an accusation of cheating when you’ve seen some evidence then who knows what he’ll do next. Don’t take the risk.

If he has said you can check his phone I would go straight to the WhatsApps.
Might be memes from other men or if there is a chat with a woman you will see it there I would think.

As his wife I don't think there would've been anything wrong with insisting on seeing his phone as it seemed like he might've been upto no good of some kind.

He's just pushed me and shouted in my face.

You know this is abusive- physical, verbal, psychological, sexual and in any other way at some point no doubt @Honeyplease . You don't have to live this way. Leave for sure- maybe to a family member's for you and the LO's for xmas, then somewhere else. You're not safe with him.

This relationship isn’t working.

I don’t understand why you’re both trying to hold on to something that is not working.

At what point are you going to say that it’s just not worth it?
Whats going to have to happen for you to end things and move on?

To be honest this was the very last chance, we decided to try with therapy on both sides and a better understanding, plus my dh holding himself accountable for being abusive in the past (like someone said above, when i was pregnant 2y ago)
We were doing ok, this has fucked it though I agree. I’ve reported to the police.
Dh appears to have left.