To think women who enjoy choking during sex should know the risks?

[ImTheGoat]

In a different thread the topic of choking during sex has come up repeatedly. Some women say they enjoy it and it's none of anyone else's business. Others have said it gives abusive men an excuse to hide behind if and when they murder their partners- see here for some tragic stories but bear in mind they're upsetting https://wecantconsenttothis.uk/

My own point of view is that choking during sex is dangerous. Study after study have pointed out that it can cause death or lead to brain damage. It's easy to find this information online but here's an article about it https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-sexual-asphyxiation I do think people should be able to do what they want sexually if it isn't hurting anyone. But I also think people should be aware of the risks. In the other thread people who raised any objection to choking during sex were called "pearl clutchers" or "sex police." AIBU to think no, knock yourself out if that's what you want to do but at least acknowledge it isn't a safe sexual activity?

Yep. Imagine being in a relationship with a man who enjoys strangling you til you pass out. Fuck that! I have higher standards!

Would these 'choking sex is fun' posters on here like to think their daughter is with a man who likes to throttle them til she passes out? Would they be happy for her to risk having rough sex that she could possibly get brain damage/suffer a stroke from? Would they hell!

And as has been said, the men who enjoy strangling women (in the name of 'sex play,') is sure to be the same type of man who enjoys anal sex, probably fisting, and almost certainly slapping his woman hard, and spitting on her. Imagine having such low standards that you will be with a man like this?

As a few posters have said, this has all come from 21st century porn. This never EVER happened pre mid 1990s. Before I met my DH, any man I was ever with never wanted to fucking strangle me, or spit on me or shit on me, slap me so hard that I had a lash-mark, or stick his penis up my arse!

What the fuck has happened to (some) men? Any why are (some) women putting up with it, and convincing themselves it's 'normal' and 'enjoyable?'

I feel so sorry for young women now, who are growing up in a society where foul, porn-driven violent and dangerous sex acts are deemed as 'normal,' and they are called frigid or boring or 'vanilla' (boak) if they don't want to partake in this shit!

To the posters who are normalizing this shit. Give your head a wobble!

Vanilla isn't used in place of frigid and it's quite offensive to say that people into BDSM are in need of therapy and that women are participating in their own demise

100% agree!

@Jellycats4life What absolute balls, I'm at an age where I'm confident enough to do what I enjoy rather than pander to men and I don't have a history of trauma. I enjoy what I enjoy and I've never been with someone uneducated in breath play, never needed a safe word etc. There's certain places to squeeze and avoid squeezing, plus to kill someone by strangulation you need to continue for at least a few minutes after the person has become unconscious. You cannot accidentally kill someone this way.

Fair enough. But death by dangerous driving is not murder. It does not carry that stigma. Many sentences will be rehabilitated (<4 years) and can be kept quiet about.

You’d be better off sticking with murder/manslaughter.

That's some hilarious overreaching you're doing there. I like being choked, slapped etc, I'm happy that my partner is happy to indulge these things. Never once has he suggested fisting, would be horrified if anyone spat as would I and I don't even know where to begin with the piss and shit thing. How did you get there? To each their own but bodily fluids not usually present in the bedroom sure as hell aren't welcome for me and anyone that tried it would be on the receiving end of the slaps. My word

Oh dear.

Again - oh dear!

Seems the posts by people who know what they are talking about and who are presenting actual facts about strangulation sex et al, are just being ignored. From the few posters who are too desperate to tell us all how radical and edgy they are in the bedroom.

I despair for humanity. I wish you well. Genuinely - good luck. (You - and the others who are all like 'I love being choked!') Good luck. You will need it.

Why am I getting an oh dear but the maniac above that says anyone into light bdsm is getting shat on is fine?!

Agree with all this. When I was single and dating over twenty years ago, I never once met a man into weird stuff like this. Thank god. If my lovely dh ever gets fed up of me and tells me to pack my bags, I will be remaining single.

@FreshWinterMorning i enjoy it but I don’t normalise it, I know I’m in the minority. I don’t run around telling everyone how fabulous it is. It’s something I enjoy but I would never ever actively encourage anyone else to try it.

for me it’s not driven by porn I don’t enjoy watching. I don’t agree with how common place it is in porn. I don’t enjoy any of the other things you listed. I love “vanilla” sex and the majority of time this is what I do (I’ve said previously I hate that term) but sometimes I want something different. But I wouldn’t judge someone who wants just normal no kink sex.

Chocking a woman is not something that would do it for me,even if it was a request it would be a flat no,it goes against my morals and beliefs I wouldn't like it done to me either.

I'm quite an open minded person but there are some acts that I just couldn't do to a woman, although some I'm happy for her to do to me.evreyone is different in their views and opinions but it's not something I could ever do

@FreshWinterMorning

"Before I met my DH, any man I was ever with never wanted to fucking strangle me, or spit on me or shit on me, slap me so hard that I had a lash-mark, or stick his penis up my arse!"

The way this is worded makes it look like your husband has requested those things... 🤭

Jesus Christ would you listen to yourself? You have no right to tell me, what I, as a woman should enjoy. I LOVE it. I cannot think of anything worse than straight up Vanilla sex. It bores me. I find it boring okay? Been there and done it. You don't? Good for you, I genuinely hope you continue to have fun but I don't enjoy it. I wouldn't cum from it. I am 40 years old, I don't give a fuck about fucking in a way that appears to men, I fuck in a way that appeals to me. Have you any idea how anti-female you sound by continually telling women that they can only possibly enjoy something because society/men/porn tells them to do so? You know so many women have minds of their own yeah and we can demand whatever we want in bed?

I'm not going to stop having the sex that I want because you don't like it.

Can I just point out also that all the people saying it's nobody else's business are ignoring a few key points.

1. In the UK we fund the NHS, welfare benefits and social care from taxes. If you end up disabled or dead as a result of being strangled during sex the rest of us will be picking up the bill for your care or the care of your dependents.
2. Most of you will have families and friends who love you. The impact on them of losing you in a sudden incident during sex would be huge. Doesn't that matter to you?
3. And as others have said, you all say you are totally empowered and in control, but you are normalising a practice which less assertive women and teenage girls then get pressured to agree to, or they find themselves having these things done to them without any discussion and without consent. Is that OK too?

Not my bag. Don't understand it. But pretty sure they know!

"You can die if someone chokes you"
"Since when? When did that happen why weren't we told?"

I can't speak for others but I don't assume that current partner would be into something past partners were unless they'd told me so. Why would it be different for anyone else? Why would a guy think 'oh well they were really into X so everyone must be' how are people enjoying what they like within their sex life normalising anything?

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g

• In the UK we fund the NHS, welfare benefits and social care from taxes. If you end up disabled or dead as a result of being strangled during sex the rest of us will be picking up the bill for your care or the care of your dependents.

Wow you must really^^ get your knickers in a twist when you hear of people doing risky sports then. Skiing, horse riding, rugby. Must completely go against your beliefs.

• Most of you will have families and friends who love you. The impact on them of losing you in a sudden incident during sex would be huge. Doesn't that matter to you?

No more than losing them to any other normal activity

• And as others have said, you all say you are totally empowered and in control, but you are normalising a practice which less assertive women and teenage girls then get pressured to agree to, or they find themselves having these things done to them without any discussion and without consent. Is that OK too?
If people twist what is safe and loving into something violent and aggressive that doesn't mean he right thing to do is ban or stop doing the thing.
Alcohol for one. Do you think everyone should stop drinking to prevent alcoholism.
Domestic violence. Hey maybe we should stop having relationships as it could lead to some people being assaulted

Your reasons are amongst the lamest I've read.

What rubbish.

For the first two, that's true of any activity that in anyway is not optimal for your health. And the burden on the nhs and families from choking/strangulation mishaps is unbelievably infinitesimal compared to road traffic accidents, over eating, smoking, alcohol and drug use, dangerous sports. lack if exercise, and a million other things. So unless you scream at anybody doing any of those, reckoning it's your business, why is this different?

On your third point, unless they are depicting these activities by acting in porn, then none of these women are normalising anything. Unless you are saying that on a thread about choking the only women who aren't allowed to comment are the ones with experience of choking?

Finally, the large majority on this thread who have said they like choking have also stressed the need for a trusting relationship, consent and safeguards.....

I concur.

@FreshWinterMorning do u oh always extrapolate wildly and leap around determined to think that slapping leads to shitting or fisting? What's wrong with you? Some of us love sex in many forms. That doesn't mean it's a raging free for all.

What's the bet you think anything other than missionary is an abomination🤣

And that DH is secretly watching scat porn, tugging the dick right off himself whilst yanking the belt round his neck with the other hand.... I joke but fuck that would be hilarious

I wouldn't cum from it.

The problem isn't you wanting to prioritise your orgasms over your safety, but your husband being willing to put your life at risk for a few seconds of pleasure (yours or his).

I've self-harmed because in that moment I needed to feel pain and see my own blood to feel better. It would still have been ABH for anyone to assist me. Strangling someone is wrong for the same reason that cutting them with a razor is, whether they ask for you to do that or not.

I recommend that you and your husband research breath control techniques that don't involve compressing the neck. It's not worth risking a stroke for an orgasm.

Here's a post from someone who enjoys it who hasn't got a clue about the risks, and thinks that her partner would have to keep pressure on her neck for minutes after she'd lost consciousness for her to die 🙄. Just for the people who are convinced everyone involved knows exactly what they are getting into.