Page 7 | To think people without kids have more money?

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 2023-12-20T20:46:47+00:00

Than people with kids I mean. Twice this week I've had single child free friends tell me how " lucky" I am that I have my husbands pension to " fall back on". I don't even know what that actually means, he has his pension, I have mine, we both work, 1 pension per person. Neither of us will be able to retire early. We have 2 kids. Kids cost a bloody fortune. I sort of let it wash over me the first time, but the second remark ( different person) bugged me. She said " Well I don't have my husbands pension to fall back on" so I said " You also don't have kids costing you a bloody fortune" I don't care about other people's life choices, or how they spend their time or money, I honestly barely think about other people! Except today obviously 🤣 Both of these women obviously think I am financially better off than them. I've never thought about it, but how could I be??? ( we all work in the same industry btw, on similar wages)

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 21/12/2023 19:30

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 21/12/2023 07:17

Yes I can how post title was misleading, but I did mention in the op that I have a similar job/ financial set up as both women.
What we really needed was a fourth woman to join the conversation, one with a good job, pension, a husband, but no children.
I think I will revert to my original position of not comparing myself to other people at all.

Don't forget the single parent !

coffeeaddict77 · 21/12/2023 19:32

Ortila · 21/12/2023 18:57

Well anybody could do anything. All of these hard-working families could share four bedroom houses, one for each two families. That way they wouldn't be claiming the billions in universal credit and tax credits that they require to pay their mortgage and bills in a living space unpolluted by people not related to them.

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Two families in a four bedroom house would be a lot more crowded than two single people in a two bedroom house.

Xmasbaby11 · 21/12/2023 19:41

Yes kids cost a fortune. My child free friends are sympathetic to this and I don’t need to mention it. I mean it does come up occasionally but they are aware.

likewise, I am sympathetic to my single friends who may have a high income but no one to share the outgoings with.

Anyone can have financial struggles. It’s very individual and affecting not only by martial status and dependents but income, family background etc.

Catsmere · 21/12/2023 20:18

@OrderOfTheKookaburra thank you, that is so kind!

daliesque · 21/12/2023 20:55

there is a benefit to the entire population in raising the next generation.

Such selflessness. Have a 🏅

Or get into the real world where no parent has had kids for any reason other than they wanted to to fulfil their own desires to be a parent.

Oh and the presence of children in my life would not be a joy. So no envy here.

autienotnaughty · 21/12/2023 21:07

Well I would guess single parents are worst off financially and child free couples best? But really it's dependent on income and outgoing surely?

My dh and I each have pensions but we both pay into them obviously so I'm not sure how that benefits more than anyone else's pension

KimberleyClark · 21/12/2023 21:19

People who have chosen not to have children usually do have a lot more to spend on themselves.

So often do people who are childless not by choice. There are compensations.

KimberleyClark · 21/12/2023 21:23

(I also hate the trend on here where someone says something vile about those without kids and thinks it’s an actual defence to be like, oh no I didn’t mean it about thosepeople without kids, It’s always the go-to defence because inevitably everyone agrees that you can be as vile as you want to people who’ve chosen differently.)

So do I.

whimsicalmoon · 21/12/2023 22:51

coffeeaddict77 · 21/12/2023 08:54

Just because you are single it doesn't mean you have to holiday alone. I used to holiday and share hotel rooms with friends and also let out rooms in my house to Lodgers. True that couples may have a partners income if they lose their jobs but that can't necessarily be "relied" on to support two adults as well as children. I don't think you have any idea how much it costs to raise children.

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I don't want to share hotel rooms with friends, and neither do most women my age. I also don't usually have anyone to go on holiday with, since most women my age are married with kids.

I do have an idea of how much it costs to raise children, and it's a large part of why I've chosen not to have any.

Paul2023 · 21/12/2023 22:58

In hindsight, wasn’t Thatchers poll tax actually more fairer than Council tax ?

whimsicalmoon · 21/12/2023 23:05

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 21/12/2023 13:24

I think the point that is sometimes missed is that if you are single, you get to have your own space and things, which is a huge perk and often taken for granted. Many single people living alone could take in a flatmate or lodger but don't want to share their space, so it IS a choice.

There are 5 in my house, I don't have a corner of the world to call my own, even my car is the 'family car' full of everyone's junk, but that's part and parcel of having a family and I accept it. What bugs me is when my single friend moans about having to pay a single supplement on a hotel room, I feel like screaming 'but you get to have your OWN ROOM' - do you not think I would much rather get my own room too?? But no I can't afford it so I'm stuck with DH all the time. I can't imagine her being happy walking into a smelly toilet, or having someone else's stuff strewn about her bedroom, or being interrupted 3 times while trying to have a bowel movement!!

God, this is so incredibly callous and tone deaf.

Lots of single people are not single by choice, and some don't have many/any friends either. I'm incredibly lonely and isolated because of chronic illness and depression. I would love a partner or a gang of friends to split costs with, but I don't have that. If I want to go on holiday for my mental health, I actually do have to do it alone, yes. I can't really live with flatmates because of my health issues.

If you didn't want a partner and a family, you could have chosen my life, but I couldn't just choose yours, so it's not a fair comparison. You can't magic up a partner or magic up friends, and nobody seems to get this. If you go on a solo holiday, it's painted as luxurious and decadent rather than what it often is - making the best of a bad situation. I'm not living the life I wanted. I'm living the life I've got. You could have my life if not having your own space and being "stuck" with your DH all the time bothered you so much, but you didn't want it, did you?

I can never quite believe how insensitive so many married people are.

mantyzer · 22/12/2023 00:26

Generally married people only want to go away weekends with friends. I know that I will not spend the money and annual leave to go away with a friend. I will spend that time and money with DP and the children.

mantyzer · 22/12/2023 00:26

Should say to go away for 2 weeks with a friend.

coffeeaddict77 · 22/12/2023 00:33

whimsicalmoon · 21/12/2023 22:51

I don't want to share hotel rooms with friends, and neither do most women my age. I also don't usually have anyone to go on holiday with, since most women my age are married with kids.

I do have an idea of how much it costs to raise children, and it's a large part of why I've chosen not to have any.

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I'm not sure how old you are and I don't see what it has to do with age anyway. I sometimes go away for a few days with friends rather than DH and we usually share rooms to keep costs down. We're in our 50s. I lived in shared houses in my early 30s and would probably do so again if I was single. I get that you don't want to but it is a choice.

Ortila · 22/12/2023 00:36

Yeah exactly, you go away for a few days with friends.

Not for two weeks, for your main holiday.

And like bollocks would you or anyone else who has a family home willingly move into a room in a houseshare with a bunch of strangers.

Luckyduc · 22/12/2023 01:07

I think you're friends probably right tho. Most of us have 2 wages and not the 1. You're friend might only bring home £2000 but you and your husband might bring home £4000 or more and I think once the outgoings are deducted then it's still a chunk left over
Also kids grow up and fly the nest or earn a living ....depends on people's pensions. She might only have a government pension or small private pension whereas a couple each have a pension and if one dies then you get half or in my case 3 quarters of their husbands pension or full amount if they die within 5 years of retirement age...so yeah, she's right.

QueenBitch666 · 22/12/2023 01:31

Yep. Childfree and smug here 😎

cakeorwine · 22/12/2023 08:14

coffeeaddict77 · 22/12/2023 00:33

I'm not sure how old you are and I don't see what it has to do with age anyway. I sometimes go away for a few days with friends rather than DH and we usually share rooms to keep costs down. We're in our 50s. I lived in shared houses in my early 30s and would probably do so again if I was single. I get that you don't want to but it is a choice.

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Is it a choice?
Do you think that we should have a society where people can afford to live in their own place - even if it is a flat or a small house - if they earn say the median wage?

I wonder what the average house is that someone can afford to buy on a median wage? (and how that varies around the country)

It's also difficult house sharing as the people you share with come and go. But in a couple, you generally have the same person. A proper relationship which is needed when sharing a space.

ImTheGoat · 22/12/2023 08:23

daliesque · 21/12/2023 20:55

there is a benefit to the entire population in raising the next generation.

Such selflessness. Have a 🏅

Or get into the real world where no parent has had kids for any reason other than they wanted to to fulfil their own desires to be a parent.

Oh and the presence of children in my life would not be a joy. So no envy here.

Exactly. Those parents who think they're doing all of society a wonderful favour by having children are usually the same people spouting "stop the boats" because the country is full. Can't have it both ways - either we need more people or we don't, and if we do need more people then there are plenty out there willing to come and add to our population already!

EmpressaurusOfCats · 22/12/2023 08:42

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 21/12/2023 13:24

I think the point that is sometimes missed is that if you are single, you get to have your own space and things, which is a huge perk and often taken for granted. Many single people living alone could take in a flatmate or lodger but don't want to share their space, so it IS a choice.

There are 5 in my house, I don't have a corner of the world to call my own, even my car is the 'family car' full of everyone's junk, but that's part and parcel of having a family and I accept it. What bugs me is when my single friend moans about having to pay a single supplement on a hotel room, I feel like screaming 'but you get to have your OWN ROOM' - do you not think I would much rather get my own room too?? But no I can't afford it so I'm stuck with DH all the time. I can't imagine her being happy walking into a smelly toilet, or having someone else's stuff strewn about her bedroom, or being interrupted 3 times while trying to have a bowel movement!!

Sounds like the stuff of nightmares - why on earth did you do it? I knew staying single & childfree was a good move, I only get interrupted by the cats.

Blah12345678999 · 22/12/2023 09:06

whimsicalmoon · 21/12/2023 22:51

I don't want to share hotel rooms with friends, and neither do most women my age. I also don't usually have anyone to go on holiday with, since most women my age are married with kids.

I do have an idea of how much it costs to raise children, and it's a large part of why I've chosen not to have any.

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Precisely! Honestly I think the people who have been settled down for so long and talk about being single often think about when they were single which is usually when they were barely an adult 🤦‍♀️ Having children with someone you love is not generally a choice it’s a bloody privilege (I am excluding single parents etc here). Anyway until these people end up in a single person situation (if they ever do which is completely fine if they don’t) there’s no point trying to explain IME, but I do know when these people end up single they do have a shock and appreciation of the challenges.

coffeeaddict77 · 22/12/2023 09:34

Blah12345678999 · 22/12/2023 09:06

Precisely! Honestly I think the people who have been settled down for so long and talk about being single often think about when they were single which is usually when they were barely an adult 🤦‍♀️ Having children with someone you love is not generally a choice it’s a bloody privilege (I am excluding single parents etc here). Anyway until these people end up in a single person situation (if they ever do which is completely fine if they don’t) there’s no point trying to explain IME, but I do know when these people end up single they do have a shock and appreciation of the challenges.

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Do you seriously think people are only single while barely an adult nowadays? It's not the 1950s.

coffeeaddict77 · 22/12/2023 09:43

Ortila · 22/12/2023 00:36

Yeah exactly, you go away for a few days with friends.

Not for two weeks, for your main holiday.

And like bollocks would you or anyone else who has a family home willingly move into a room in a houseshare with a bunch of strangers.

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I don't go away for two weeks with anybody including DH. There isn't a law saying everyone must have a two week holiday. As for housesharing, I mean I would have lodgers if I was single which is what I did before living with DH. I appreciate not everyone wants to do that which is their choice but ridiculous to say nobody would want to just because you don't. Lots of people have lodgers for extra money.

Ortila · 22/12/2023 11:12

Well obviously you know best about what it means to be single in one's fifties, with your finely honed understanding of how it works in practical, emotional and financial terms. Honestly, I don't know what all these single women are moaning about, the great ninnies. The only thing they need do is what you and other married people tell them to and all will be well.

By the way, you did actually say you would live in a houseshare. I know, it's utterly ridiculous but you said it.

Lincslady53 · 22/12/2023 11:20

A few years ago we took our kids to a show with a couple of gay friends who had a similar business to ours. We had a Nissan Bluebird at the time. They pulled uo in their Porsche. 'How come you have a Nissan and they have a Porsche?' asked DD. 'How many children do they have?' I replied. Argument over.