To think people without kids have more money?

[Zoomzoomzoomzoom0]

Than people with kids I mean. Twice this week I've had single child free friends tell me how
" lucky" I am that I have my husbands pension to " fall back on". I don't even know what that actually means, he has his pension, I have mine, we both work, 1 pension per person. Neither of us will be able to retire early. We have 2 kids. Kids cost a bloody fortune.
I sort of let it wash over me the first time, but the second remark ( different person) bugged me.
She said " Well I don't have my husbands pension to fall back on" so I said " You also don't have kids costing you a bloody fortune"
I don't care about other people's life choices, or how they spend their time or money, I honestly barely think about other people! Except today obviously 🤣
Both of these women obviously think I am financially better off than them. I've never thought about it, but how could I be??? ( we all work in the same industry btw, on similar wages)

But the point is that you’re more likely to be housed as a family.

People letting you sofa surf more as a single person is in no way as helpful as the council having a duty to house a family with children.

It's completely dependent on what sort of income level you're talking about.

2 low earners with 2 children are massively subsidised (in percentage terms) by the taxpayer, whereas the same couple with no children would not be.

It's nowhere near as simple as A & B earn X and have Y left at the end of the month so if a child costs Z to raise they now have £Y-Z at the end of the month.

I assumed that we weren't taking about very low earners on benefits given OP works and says that her children cost "a bloody fortune". Without doubt if you are a on a reasonable salary you will be better off financially not having children, (unless your DH is a much higher earner obviously).

I'm not sure how it works everywhere but where I live there is certainly no need for single people to wait for the council to house them. You can look on rightmove to find somewhere.

Then surely families can house themselves and look on Rightmove as well?

So what’s the problem?

Unless they’re on a good income, it’d be a job for a single person to find anything reasonably affordable around here - unless you’re talking the less desirable sort of flat or house share.

Everyone thinks everyone else has it easier/ more than them etc. Does it honestly really matter? Everyone has their own shit/different expenses/issues etc

Of course it matters to the people without homes.

Surely if they’re a SAHM they living off their men is exactly what they do?
I don’t see how someone can take issue with that, as if they’re not working then surely the DH is indeed paying the bills - which if it suits their situation then great.

It's much harder to find private rental accommodation for family on housing benefit versus single adult person accommodation.

Not if the single person can’t afford the accommodation, in which case they are homeless.

Whereas the council has to house families, even in temp accom.

Few people live in desirable accommodation if on benefits where I live either but that includes families.

I can't speak for everywhere but some areas have accommodation that will be paid for with housing benefit. Brother in law moved to one. Being single made him more mobile as didn't have to worry about taking children out of school etc.

DoesMaryNotDrive
It doesn’t really, what someone else has isn’t going to change a person’s situation

But it isn't a choice!!!!! I CANNOT share. It's not about want to or not want to. I CANNOT share. My mental health would not survive sharing with strangers. I have physical and mental health needs. At almost 40, I don't know any friends who are single and would want to share. It's not like being 21.

What part of that are you not getting into your head?

But people make the CHOICE to get married and have kids. Everyone could choose to be single and alone if they wanted, but strangely enough, they don't. All those people whinging about how hard it is to cook for so many people could be sitting on their own in their poky studio flat with a ready meal on Christmas Day if they wanted to, but they don't, do they? Many people who are single and childless aren't single and childless by choice. People who struggle with disabilities and chronic illness are much more likely to be single, on top of already being more likely to be poor. Everyone who is married with kids made an active choice to have that lifestyle.

The total lack of empathy on this matter is incredible.

I suppose what OP was referring to at the start was the assumption that if you are married and have kids then your DH will somehow be subsidising you. Quite a few posters have also apparently assumed this.

This is a widespread belief which can even stop women with kids getting promoted because there’s an assumption they are on a “mummy track” with a comfortable home provided by a DH and are just working for “pin money”. Of course it’s 1950s thinking but it’s still deeply ingrained.

I am divorced now but always out-earned my ex and yet had people assuming I was somehow just working as a hobby or something! So stubborn, insisting on going in to work!

All I can say about having kids is it can spur you on to try and earn more and advance up the ladder to make life more comfortable all round. Of course lots of those without kids do exactly the same, but I have seen relatives who have no dependents just give up jobs and drift for a while because they don’t have to worry about anyone other than themself.

In the end though, a lot of that depends on what sort of person you are and what your drive and abilities are.

@whimsicalmoon well the grass is always greener!

I’ve been married and now do prefer to be single.

It is a choice because you have been able to choose not to share. Regardless, I am talking about the majority of single people not the exceptions who are disabled or have other specific needs. I am sure there are 21 year olds with specific needs too so not sure why you keep going on about being nearly 40.
You say that your friends don't want to share but that doesn't mean they can't.

Also, if you're so outraged that I am not considering what is I'm sure is a minority of people who actually cannot share even if they wanted to why aren't you jumping up and down about those who keep saying that everyone with children has chosen to have them as of nobody is ever raped, contraception never fails and/or abortion is available everywhere on demand?

Interesting that you think many childless people haven't chosen to be childless (I know loads who have) while at the same time you think absolutely everyone with children chose to be pregnant.... It's as if rape and contraception failures never occur and abortion is always available on demand.

I suppose what OP was referring to at the start was the assumption that if you are married and have kids then your DH will somehow be subsidising you. Quite a few posters have also apparently assumed this.

I agree. I wonder if people would insist that married men with children are financially so much better off than single men and that they don't need to worry about pensions/redundancy as they will be able to rely on their wife's income and pension. I suspect not.

It’s funny that a few people are saying “oh I’d be richer if I was single” followed by saying they chose to reduce their working hours. Of course you’d earn more if you worked full time.

If I chose to live in central London, I might suggest that people living in the Home Counties are richer than me because they can afford bigger houses. But if I chose to live in a small apartment in London, I benefit from my choices. Any comparison makes me look ridiculous. There may well be people both much richer and much poorer than me in the Home Counties but it has sweet FA to do with where I live.

It is not about subsiding, it’s about dual income. 🤦🏻‍♀️ If you lose your job and your partner won’t support you and your joint children, you have a big problem and it ain’t just money.

whimsicalmoon
totally fair enough x

@teder but joint income doesn’t make you individually richer! You don’t even get to keep all your own earnings as your partner now has a claim on them even though they have not earned them. I got divorced and had to pay my DH to go away. I then had to raise the kids alone. Not entirely my own choice - his actions caused this. I would have been better off on my own from day one.