That this is getting on my tits?

[Grapefruitstars]

Work in a nice team. We get presents over Xmas. The usual chocolates etc. One member of the team has started saying I eat all the chocolate and have hidden some for myself. This isn't true. Literally everytime I get up out my chair this starts. Ohhh grapefruit has gone for the food, she's eaten all the goodies. It's getting on my fucking tits.

"Are you trying to imply I'm greedy or just fat? "

"Do you remember you made that joke yesterday Sandra? And the day before. And the day before" while looking at her, puzzled.

What does this mean? Signing in where? How do you sign with money?! Not trying to be obtuse, genuinely don't understand.

It's not always bullying and depends on the closeness and usual banter of the team.

I used to work in a close knit team where we used to tease one another knowing full well it was banter. One guy used to tease me about eating biscuits, I teased him about never making the tea, another woman bought the wrong sugar (the one with the sweetener in it) and we feigned disapproval and joked that we'd put someone else on the case another time. It was all just part and parcel of what was probably the nicest, closest group of colleagues I've ever been a part of.

Clearly though, if it's upsetting you, you should ask your colleague to stop. Maybe she just thinks it's banter and needs to understand that you don't find it funny.

Of course - if you've got brass balls you could sit down next to her and ask her quietly if she's finding herself forgetting things and repeating herself a lot these days? With a head tilt. And a concerned frown.

I read that if someone insults you, you ask them to repeat it. The person saying it wants that dopamine hit of making you upset, but by you not reacting the way they want you to (e.g. not getting upset and asking them, calmly, to repeat themselves) will put them in the spotlight and make them appear the fool.

Are there actually people who shout ‘fuck off’ like hare-brained idiots at colleagues?

Or do they just suggest it on threads for the craic?

I'd buy a joke book for 99p.

Next time day "oh yeah that reminds me - I brought you this as you've been telling the same joke for a week now"

Then hold it up so everyone can see it, smile sweetly and walk over to hand it with great flourish and then walk away.

Don't say anything loudly, go up to them, get right in their face and say, very quietly 'if you don't stop making stupid comments I will report you for bullying. No more warning. Just stop'

Sometimes quiet words carry a darn sight more menace than 'fuck off'

I'd just say, totally deadpan, "Yes, X. I'm going to go and eat all the chocolates again." Every time. I have tried this before with similar stale jokes and it works quite quickly.

For what it's worth, as a co-worker watching this I would both totally understand how irritating it was, and find any elaborate or aggressive response a bit OTT. It's best to assume that it's a well-intentioned banter misfire and give it no more than the minimal attention it deserves.

Oh god how tedious. I once had a manager who used to do this. The food thing was directed to a woman on the team (she was very slim actually) - he always "joked" about how greedy she was, always stuffing her face, racing to the buffet first. I'm not sure where it came from. The irony was that HE was fat and unhealthy.

His "joke " about me was that I was lazy (I wasn't, we were allowed to start work as late as 10am which I did two days a week following the evenings I'd been at college doing a diploma and getting home after 11pm). I did the same hours overall as everyone else, if not more and I got sick of it. I wish I could say I confronted him directly but in reality I moaned about it to the rest of the team and someone told him and he did stop, finally.

He only seemed to do this teasing of the female members of the team though, never the men, one of whom was genuinely bone idle. Aaarrrgghh!

I must be one of the only people on here not sensitive about my weight cos everyone else seems to think this person is making a comment cos OP is fat?!

OP could well be a normal weight, so how's it bullying then?!

I'd say in a similar jocular tone "Ohhh Susan has been at the Xmas booze even earlier today. Lock up your hand gel, she's not fussy!"

No "fuck off" no losing it, no HR. Just this "funny" little game you both play. Every single time. When she doesn't have the last word and it's coming back at her, it will likely lose it's appeal.

Bullies rarely say shit because it's true, they do it to demean and humiliate.

I'm not saying this is bullying- as I've said up thread from my own experience I'd treat it as banter. But important to clarify that victims of bullying don't make themselves targets by doing something wrong.

You're about as funny as cancer... Usually works shuts it right down.

@Whatafustercluck fair enough, but I don't understand why anyone would feel demeaned and humiliated by someone mentioning that they're eating all the chocolates.

Because it implies they're greedy, if nothing else.

@Whatafustercluck But so what?! If someone thought i was greedy/fat/thin etc, i wouldnt give a toss. She says herself it's a nice team, so I doubt this woman is deliberately trying to upset her!

And because that person goes on and on and on and on repeating something that wasn't funny in the first place. Like I said, tedious and juvenile.

She's making you the butt of a joke, which never feels great. She should've twigged from your reaction that it's now wearing thin!

I'd just ask her why she keeps saying it in a puzzled voice. Then ask her to pack it in cos you're fed up of it.

Next time she says it, just say 'I'm not looking for chocolate, I'm looking for a new joke for you. Shame there are no Penguins to be had, we may have found you some new material in the wrapper'

"l feel like l have a weird stalker" would be my reply as l get up to have a chocolate or two.

What is she trying to do then, in your opinion?

I mean, I know you can’t get inside her head to answer that, but she’s doing something - and it’s well and truly not appreciated.

Tell them to Bore Off

I would say “I’m eating all the chocolates because I deserve them” and give her a big grin