That this is getting on my tits?

[Grapefruitstars]

Work in a nice team. We get presents over Xmas. The usual chocolates etc. One member of the team has started saying I eat all the chocolate and have hidden some for myself. This isn't true. Literally everytime I get up out my chair this starts. Ohhh grapefruit has gone for the food, she's eaten all the goodies. It's getting on my fucking tits.

I'd just look at them and roll my eyes.

and my response to @toomuchfaff also applies to this!

The OP will just come across as either hard of hearing or very slow on the uptake

If this is all in earshot of everyone else i'd say, quite loudly:

''Oh God [name] you.are.so HILARIOUS. Isn't [name] HILARIOUS everybody? The chocolate joke again ..... is there anyone who hasn't heard it yet i wonder?''

While not looking amused at all.

My (late) MIL used to do that. She was a spiteful old bag, always saying something about my make-up/weight, hair/parenting/any other thing. How I wished, for all those years, I'd been able to tell her to fuck herself. You CAN say it to people at work, and I would.

This really made me laugh 😂😂

Making them feel embarrassed by repeating themselves is effective in situations where someone has said something bigoted or offensive 'as a joke'.

In this instance it's quite obvious what the person means so it would just make OP look like the stupid one.

Just telling them to stop saying that because it's not funny and never was is surely the quickest way to deal with it?

Not food related but last week I gave a colleague a card but got his wife's name wrong. No problem I apologized and wrote a new one but he has not stopped going on about it all shift every shift.
He mentioned it again today and I just said "no worries next year you're not getting one".
Some people just don't know when to shut up. I agree with pp "fuck off" should do the trick at this point.

as in completely wrong or misspelt?

just being nosy!

Fuck me , tedious as hell!
I don't know if you'd be in trouble with HR for telling her to fuck off but I'd be saying something to that effect .

They obviously think this is a funny joke so I'd just turn it back on them. Oh Julie, you're always saying I'm going for sweets every time I get up, are you sure you don't have anything to hide?
Say this with a big smile and like it's a joke between the two of you - it should put a stop to it without you lowering yourself to her rude/nasty levels.

I'd be tempted to keep going and getting a chocolate every few minutes and plonk it on her desk with a loud 'there you go, as you feel you're missing out'.

It is. Tell them to shut up. I have been there with this.

To be honest if she caught me on the wrong day i'd tip the sweets over her fucking head!

this made me laugh hahaha

I'd say "good job I'm not feeling insecure about my weight today or might think you're bullying me."

You would be (personal experience here). People like this are beyond tedious and juvenile.

Do a mock laugh every time he says it. A side splitting, holding your stomach mock laugh and say "Oh my God, thats sooooo funny"

We aren’t allowed to tell people to fuck off at work 😓🤣

You're probably not supposed to be bullied either.

Why don’t you just say “Name, this joke (do the inverted commas action) of yours is wearing a bit thin (you could add “and it’s getting on my tits” if you like!). Please stop.”

I would say “Julie, you keep saying this every time that I get up and I don’t understand why. You know its not true so why do you keep on saying it?” Then look serious and puzzled at her in utter silence so she is forced to come up with some sort of explanation. If she doubles down, you can repeat “but you know that isn't true” with further puzzled and now slightly cross facial expressions.

How do you mean, @velvetoptions ?

I'd go with this

I'd also add 'tbh I'm finding it a bit weird. Are you ok?'

😂

You could get them a book of jokes to expand their repertoire since they only have one at the moment.