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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think this school policy is ridiculous

771 replies

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 11:50

Secondary school
DS15 has had his phone confiscated for the 3rd time this term.
Absolutely fine, he shouldn't have had it out so deserves the punishment
However, they won't give it back to him at 3.15. A parent has to go and collect it.
Tried to explain that 1, it means one of us leaving work, and 2, he needs it to access the gym straight after school, and 3, it his property but they won't budge. It stays with school until a parent can collect
In no way am I kicking off about the confiscation, but I'm fuming I'm also being punished as well!
Arghhhhh. Rant over.

OP posts:
SerpentEndBench · 20/12/2023 13:14

I am so sorry, OP, it sounds like the phone is just one thing amongst many at the school. I had a tricky teen who needed very careful handling, I feel for you (it did turn out okay, the teen eventually grew out of being an asshole). KBO.

shearwater2 · 20/12/2023 13:15

Nanny0gg · 20/12/2023 13:10

I'm in agreement with you.

I normally would back schools as I do think teachers have a really tough time

However, with the rise in academies and imho, often piss-poor leadership I think many, many policies are ridiculous and do nothing to foster a good relationship between staff and pupils and staff and parents. That's assuming that the ones that DO benefit pupils are followed

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Exactly, I agree with you. I used to be a massive supporter of state education and was a model student myself at school, as was DH, and DD1, but so many schools are just dreadful now, particularly with SEN, and I cannot wait for DD2 to be out of the system. It's broken.

Lunabetty · 20/12/2023 13:16

Tbf, I don't think YABU

Hmindr68 · 20/12/2023 13:16

As others have said - YABU

Spotsandleopard · 20/12/2023 13:16

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 12:42

I'm going to pick the phone up, I'm not leaving it till January.

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Glad you’re picking it up

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 13:17

I would be sorely tempted to phone the police and accuse the head teacher of theft. I am not joking. I understand that schools need to have rules, and I support punishing kids who break them, but sorry, beyond detention no school has the right to steal ANY CONTROL whatsoever over my child outside of school hours, and they have no right to steal.

WearyAuldWumman · 20/12/2023 13:18

EarthlyNightshade · 20/12/2023 13:13

OP I think you should try this.
Very curious to see how it would play out.

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WTF900 had me going for a minute. I have seen parents behaving like this (minus the affair accusation). It usually ends in a whole-school transfer, with the parent bleating about the inconvenience and 'bullying'.

cardibach · 20/12/2023 13:18

shearwater2 · 20/12/2023 13:11

They probably are but were just not seen by a member of staff.

It's illogical to make everyone use their phone but punish them for using their phone.

Either have everything on paper and say phones need to be put away during the day, or embrace the use of phones at school if you want everything to be paperless.

Something in between is too unclear.

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I’m not aware that this situation of timetables only on an app occurs at the OP’s child’s school - or any school. You seem to have invented it. Plus I guess you have a computer at work. If you used it in work hours to do shopping, social media or, I dunno, porn, I assume you would be in bother with the management. Even if schools are used routinely, inappropriate use is going to attract a consequence.

araiwa · 20/12/2023 13:18

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 13:17

I would be sorely tempted to phone the police and accuse the head teacher of theft. I am not joking. I understand that schools need to have rules, and I support punishing kids who break them, but sorry, beyond detention no school has the right to steal ANY CONTROL whatsoever over my child outside of school hours, and they have no right to steal.

Lmao

VickyEadieofThigh · 20/12/2023 13:19

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 13:17

I would be sorely tempted to phone the police and accuse the head teacher of theft. I am not joking. I understand that schools need to have rules, and I support punishing kids who break them, but sorry, beyond detention no school has the right to steal ANY CONTROL whatsoever over my child outside of school hours, and they have no right to steal.

Do you think nobody has tried this before? The police would tell you it's not theft, it's nothing to do with them (and if they had any sense, to tell your child to follow school rules and stop inconveniencing you).

EarthlyNightshade · 20/12/2023 13:21

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 13:17

I would be sorely tempted to phone the police and accuse the head teacher of theft. I am not joking. I understand that schools need to have rules, and I support punishing kids who break them, but sorry, beyond detention no school has the right to steal ANY CONTROL whatsoever over my child outside of school hours, and they have no right to steal.

It's only in school hours. Parent can pick phone up at 315.

NuffSaidSam · 20/12/2023 13:22

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 13:17

I would be sorely tempted to phone the police and accuse the head teacher of theft. I am not joking. I understand that schools need to have rules, and I support punishing kids who break them, but sorry, beyond detention no school has the right to steal ANY CONTROL whatsoever over my child outside of school hours, and they have no right to steal.

You're quite wrong.

As has been explained and linked to up thread teachers/schools have the legal right to confiscate things from pupils.

Call the police and accuse the headteacher of theft, I'd imagine they need a laugh sometimes.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 13:22

Cosyblankets · 20/12/2023 12:43

Lesson one maths
John can you put your phone in your bag please?
Ok Miss
Lesson two
John can you put your phone in your bag please?
Ok miss
Lesson three
John could you go and put your phone in your locker please?
Ok miss ...... and then disappears for 15 minutes.
John is only one of 30.
Can you see why telling them to put it in their bag or their locker with no consequences if they don't is never going to work?
Next day
John has phone taken and has to collect it at end of the day. So off he goes and picks it up at the end of the day and then he carries on with his day.
Next day same again, getting him to pick it up at the end of the day didn't work so it happens again. Again, John is just one of 30 in the class. Assuming secondary and 5 classes a day that's 150 kids plus the ones in the teacher's form class maybe twice a day. That's a lot of kids. Again, no real consequences for the child though.
How much time do you think is spent on contacting parents for low level disruption?
Having a parent collect the phone from school puts the onus on the child to tell their parents that the phone has been confiscated.

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I wasn't suggesting letting them take them into the class or letting them have them out and then confiscating them though, the idea would be to not even take them out of their bags/lockers in the first place.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 13:23

Mrsjayy · 20/12/2023 12:48

there is some posters that don't seem to understand the inloco parenatis thing. teachers are well within their rights to conveacate phones or whatever that a child is using to distract and distrupt no wonder some kids are so bloody entitled i mean "stealing" phones my god !

The phone is not theirs to take though.

cardibach · 20/12/2023 13:23

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 13:17

I would be sorely tempted to phone the police and accuse the head teacher of theft. I am not joking. I understand that schools need to have rules, and I support punishing kids who break them, but sorry, beyond detention no school has the right to steal ANY CONTROL whatsoever over my child outside of school hours, and they have no right to steal.

You would look pretty silly since the law explicitly allows this. It’s not theft. And nobody from the school is controlling the child outside of school hours. Just his phone.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 13:25

Plsdiscuss · 20/12/2023 12:50

Do you also disagree with schools who regularly confiscate knives from children?

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Well, in a world where knives and phones were comparable it would be an interesting chat - as it is they're not so.....

fluffy2buffy · 20/12/2023 13:25

OP you seem to be just after people agreeing with you? But I consider on this occasion you to be in the wrong, sorry.

You can ring and book him into the gym.

The school are trying to make him learn consequences. Third time caught with his phone? You need to help him learn consequences of his actions. He doesn't need a phone.

I'm really sorry but I think you're thinking more about yourself here than your son learning a really important lesson.

Neriah · 20/12/2023 13:25

I have just seen a poster suggesting that the appropriate "nuclear response" is to make a false allegation of improper sexual activity against the teacher who has confiscated the phone. I was already gobsmacked at the number of people who think that schools should not expect parents to enforce rules. No wonder behaviour in schools (and elsewhere) is so appalling these days if these are the attitudes of the so-called resp[onsible adults. And no wonder nobody wants to teach. Anyone thinking of teaching these days, with these attitudes around, needs their head testing.

Tacotortoise · 20/12/2023 13:25

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 13:23

The phone is not theirs to take though.

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It doesn't have to be theirs in order for them to confiscate it though. Confiscation is not theft, that's why when your car is clamped and towed its not been stolen.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 20/12/2023 13:27

I cannot believe the amount of people who are ok with this.

The law states that they must act in a reasonable manner, and keeping the phone after 3.15pm, and overnight for however many nights until a parent can collect would be seen as unreasonable here. Schools have a duty for the health, safety and well-being of their pupils, and it could be argued here that they are failing in the duty by not returning his phone when leaving school.

I have heard of other parents contacting the police as the school are acting unreasonably, it's essentially theft now if they refuse to give it back to him when he leaves school that day.

@sadbutdontknowwhy I would be reminding the school in no uncertain terms of the laws, (others have provided helpful links), that they must be acting reasonably and that they have a duty to protect their pupils for health, safety and well-being, and that failing to return his phone when he leaves school that day is them failing in their duty to do so, and that you'll be making formal complaints and reporting them to the police for theft (you can do this quickly and easily online).

I'm a former teacher, and I do think the school is being unreasonable. Stand up to them and remind them of their legal duties. That usually works.

Maxus · 20/12/2023 13:27

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 13:23

The phone is not theirs to take though.

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They aren't taking the phone. They are confiscating it when the child disrupts the class with it and will return it to a parent. There's a big difference

Epidote · 20/12/2023 13:27

I think the policy is spot on. It is your kid making fun of your working time not the school.

Don't go to collect it until next Friday see if he catch the purpose of it.

Mrsjayy · 20/12/2023 13:27

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 13:23

The phone is not theirs to take though.

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you sound petulant imagine if the phone was I don't know a school bag that he kept swinging about causing a disruption or a pen knife they were showing round the class still their property so should they still have it ?

Anisette · 20/12/2023 13:28

Did the school publicise this new policy? If not, they're acting unlawfully.

Can you phone the gym to sort out your son's attendance this afternoon, and then collect the phone tomorrow at a time that is more convenient to you? Presumably they're open before 9 so it might impact less on your work to collect the phone then?

Out of curiosity, if they use phones in lessons and they've confiscated one that hasn't been collected by a parent, I wonder how they manage?

cardibach · 20/12/2023 13:28

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 13:22

I wasn't suggesting letting them take them into the class or letting them have them out and then confiscating them though, the idea would be to not even take them out of their bags/lockers in the first place.

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They. Have. Been. Told. Not. To. Take. Them. Out.
Jesus. What about this aren’t you getting? The rule is phones in bags/lockers. 3 times this boy has broken the rule, in common with many pupils up and down the country. At that point confiscation and other consequences happen. What do you suggest when the rule is phones in bags and a child takes a phone out without permission?