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AIBU?

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Original poster

Think this school policy is ridiculous

771 replies

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 11:50

Secondary school
DS15 has had his phone confiscated for the 3rd time this term.
Absolutely fine, he shouldn't have had it out so deserves the punishment
However, they won't give it back to him at 3.15. A parent has to go and collect it.
Tried to explain that 1, it means one of us leaving work, and 2, he needs it to access the gym straight after school, and 3, it his property but they won't budge. It stays with school until a parent can collect
In no way am I kicking off about the confiscation, but I'm fuming I'm also being punished as well!
Arghhhhh. Rant over.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 20/12/2023 13:43

Christmasbrie · 20/12/2023 13:41

But here's the thing- if parents actually supported schools and disciplined their kids, wouldn't life be better?

I'd consider returning to teaching if this happened, it won't though.

If schools have sensible. enforceable policies and enforce them themselves, then absolutely

Many do not

Parker231 · 20/12/2023 13:43

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 13:39

What exactly do you think confiscated means?
Also, they are not returning it to the child, and are also making it quite inconvenient for the parent to collect it.
Again, they have no right to do this.

Show quote history

They have every right as it relates to school time . If a pupil can’t or won’t follow the rules, the phone is confiscated and the issue escalated to the parents. Hopefully the OP has also confiscated the phone as a punishment for not following rules.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 13:44

Christmasbrie · 20/12/2023 13:41

But here's the thing- if parents actually supported schools and disciplined their kids, wouldn't life be better?

I'd consider returning to teaching if this happened, it won't though.

I do support my son's school by making sure he follows their policy with phone use (which oddly appears to be that they are allowed them sometimes in some classes, and can use at break as long as they don't disturb anyone else - really clear!).

Onceuponaheartache · 20/12/2023 13:44

School policy isn't the issue her, your son's inability to follow the rules is.

They have a policy that is publicised, they are required by ofsted to be on their website so this is not some clandestine act.

You need to deal with your child.

NuffSaidSam · 20/12/2023 13:44

Nanny0gg · 20/12/2023 13:40

Have they got the right to keep them indefinitely though?

What if the OP was a doctor/nurse/teacher(!) and couldn't get away in time?

Show quote history

I think if they make it available for collection then it's for you to get to the school and collect it. They're not keeping it, it's available for collection by a responsible adult.

If it were me making the rules I'd give everything back at the end of term.

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 13:45

MissJoGrant · 20/12/2023 13:35

Show quote history

"Also, if students are young and require access to their phone to be safe when returning home for the night, the school needs to provide them with an adequate alternative communication with their parents."

So if the student communicates with their parent between school and home on their mobile then the school needs to lend the student a phone to provide an alternative to the confiscated one?

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 13:45

Parker231 · 20/12/2023 13:43

They have every right as it relates to school time . If a pupil can’t or won’t follow the rules, the phone is confiscated and the issue escalated to the parents. Hopefully the OP has also confiscated the phone as a punishment for not following rules.

Show quote history

They don't have a right not to return it to the child and to make it quite difficult for the parent to get it back though - not every parent can magically turn up at the set time!

cardibach · 20/12/2023 13:45

Nanny0gg · 20/12/2023 13:42

Confiscating is fine. Not returning is not.

<wonders if the school has a 6th form and how that plays out with 17/18 year-olds>

AND SOME SCHOOL POLICIES ARE STUPID`

Show quote history

I can enlighten you about sixth form as I’ve worked in loads of schools with one. The same rule applies, usually with the addition that they can be used in the common room. Still no phone in corridor or classroom and if the rule is broken, the same consequences apply. Why wouldn’t they? Adults follow rules all the time.
They are returning, just to an adult - probably to have a conversation about how best to help the child follow school rules.
If you don’t like the school policies, you are free to find schools with ones you prefer.

Tracker1234 · 20/12/2023 13:45

Anonny - you sound like you have plenty of time on your hands. Calling the Police? Why arent their consequences for the boy not following the rules (3 times??). In your world what would you do? Clearly the lad is not listening to anyone and not caring a jot. What is wrong with some people.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 20/12/2023 13:45

SchadenfreudeIstMeinMittelname · 20/12/2023 13:30

It's not unreasonable, it's not theft and generations of school children have managed to get themselves safely home after school without any electronic devices whatsoever. And if you really were a teacher, it's probably as well that you have moved on to other things.

Show quote history

And it's a shame you haven't moved on to see how much more dangerous the world is now. I didn't have phones as a child or teen, but these days, I'm not surprised why so many have them now. I disagree with you, and do feel it's unreasonable to not return it back to him at the end of the school day.

Beware - maybe when I go back into teaching, I'll be teaching your child! Oh, the horror!! 😂

Tracker1234 · 20/12/2023 13:46

Perhaps the parent will now parent as opposed to ranting at the school?

cardibach · 20/12/2023 13:46

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 13:42

Your replies are getting more ridiculous.
I have wasted enough time explaining to you a different view point than yours, yet, as per MN, there's isn't such a thing.

Show quote history

You aren’t explaining a viewpoint though. You’re saying the school should try having a policy they clearly already have and failing to understand that the child has contravened that policy, that’s why he’s received consequences.

itsmyp4rty · 20/12/2023 13:46

If your son's ADHD means that he is impulsive and so struggles with not getting his phone out in lesson then it would be best if he handed it in at the beginning of each day or didn't take it at all and you found an alternative way for him to access the gym. This has happened 3 times already so you need to put something in place for him so that it doesn't keep happening.

Personally I think it would make sense for the school policy to be that a phone that isn't collected by a parent will be returned to the student at the end of the last day of term.

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 13:46

Re: teaching discipline. IMHO bullshit like this does not teach discipline, it teaches kids (and inconvenienced parents) to hate teachers and authority more widely. It teaches them to say "fuck you" to authority, literally and metaphorically, as often as they can.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 13:47

NuffSaidSam · 20/12/2023 13:44

I think if they make it available for collection then it's for you to get to the school and collect it. They're not keeping it, it's available for collection by a responsible adult.

If it were me making the rules I'd give everything back at the end of term.

Show quote history

You seriously think you would be entitled to keep someone else's property, such as a phone (that their parent pays for) until the end of term? Not.a.chance!

Nanny0gg · 20/12/2023 13:47

cardibach · 20/12/2023 13:45

I can enlighten you about sixth form as I’ve worked in loads of schools with one. The same rule applies, usually with the addition that they can be used in the common room. Still no phone in corridor or classroom and if the rule is broken, the same consequences apply. Why wouldn’t they? Adults follow rules all the time.
They are returning, just to an adult - probably to have a conversation about how best to help the child follow school rules.
If you don’t like the school policies, you are free to find schools with ones you prefer.

Show quote history

18 Year-olds are adults

And sometimes there aren't any other schools to choose.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 13:47

cardibach · 20/12/2023 13:46

You aren’t explaining a viewpoint though. You’re saying the school should try having a policy they clearly already have and failing to understand that the child has contravened that policy, that’s why he’s received consequences.

Show quote history

Sure.
Next.

cardibach · 20/12/2023 13:48

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 13:45

"Also, if students are young and require access to their phone to be safe when returning home for the night, the school needs to provide them with an adequate alternative communication with their parents."

So if the student communicates with their parent between school and home on their mobile then the school needs to lend the student a phone to provide an alternative to the confiscated one?

Show quote history

Or the child goes to the office and asks to borrow the landline to arrange transport home.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 13:48

Tracker1234 · 20/12/2023 13:46

Perhaps the parent will now parent as opposed to ranting at the school?

Perhaps the school will stop taking people's property from them?

MikeRafone · 20/12/2023 13:48

could you collect the phone tomorrow morning on your way to work? Maybe a bit inconvenient but at least you’d have the phone and then could wrap it up, pop under the teee ready for Monday

Incogg · 20/12/2023 13:48

I'm under no illusions that the confiscation wasn't warranted, it will have been
I just don't get the policy

The policy exists because students breaking the rule about phones out in lessons can be incredibly disruptive, distracting and cause larger issues (e.g. taking photos/videos of others in the room).
I think this policy sounds proportional, it's the third time your son has decided to break the rule. He obviously didn't learn the first two times.

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 13:48

Tracker1234 · 20/12/2023 13:45

Anonny - you sound like you have plenty of time on your hands. Calling the Police? Why arent their consequences for the boy not following the rules (3 times??). In your world what would you do? Clearly the lad is not listening to anyone and not caring a jot. What is wrong with some people.

The consequences could / should be confiscating the phone in school hours (confiscate it every day at registration for all I care), detension, extra homework. Loss of privileges. Not stealing a phone that he needs to stay safe and keep fit (access the gym).

Tracker1234 · 20/12/2023 13:49

Anonny - now you are taking nonsense. Should this boy just carry on doing what he likes, no consequences for him. He is probably now thinking that there are rules and policies - just not for me. I do what I like!

He is being taught a great lesson...

givenupcaring92 · 20/12/2023 13:49

actions have consequences... this is not the first time he's been caught with his phone out, its not even the 2nd.. its the THIRD time.

he didn't learn from the first two occasions, so maybe if, instead of being angry at the school for removing the phone, you got annoyed at him for putting you in this position.. it won't happen again

Lolovans · 20/12/2023 13:49

Our school has this policy. Mine are super aware that if I or their Dad is required to collect it, they won't be seeing it for a while. I work an hour away in the opposite direction and they are on school transport so me finding time to go to school has to be planned around my work commitments