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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Some people are so fucking selfish 🤬

127 replies

BlondeRaven · 19/12/2023 21:48

Who the fuck thinks it’s ok to send a 6yo into school with a tummy bug anytime let alone 4 days before everyone breaks up for Christmas!

Turns out the child was up throwing up all night but the parents didn’t want them missing out on Christmas activities so sent them in, only for the school to send them home 2 hours later after the child projectiled all over the classroom. The mum was pissed off as she was out shopping and is complaining about being called into school WTF!

So fucking stupid and selfish!

I had to walk away from her complaining at the school gate, I know I should have kicked off but I was afraid I’d just loose it. We have 2 immune compromised people in our house and planning on visiting elderly relatives this week, I’ve done all my shopping and avoiding crowded places to reduce risks so we can see them this year and the selfish bitch just sends her contagious child into school because otherwise it’s inconvenient for her 🤬🤬🤬🤬

OP posts:
mommatoone · 20/12/2023 02:25

Totally agree with you OP, selfish fuckers. This happened at my kids school when mum sent her lad in with shingles so he could get attendance award.

Ladyj84 · 20/12/2023 02:29

Currently 4 children with a sick bug they go nowhere till it's gone...8 laundry washes yesterday ha fun or what ..,.but no I wouldn't send mine even to my parents right now

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 20/12/2023 03:27

Ponoka7 · 19/12/2023 23:27

You can't keep children off who are on antibiotics. After 48 hours if it was for a chest infection they wouldn't be contagious. However my GC is waiting for surgical removal of a inbeded grommet. She has become immune to amoxicillin, thanks to delays caused by lock down and now needs harsher antibiotics. These cause constipation and the combination of them and laxatives caused one episode of vomiting.

Show quote history

She has become immune to amoxicillin,

It's not her that's become immune. Her resident bacteria have become resistant. I hope she gets her surgery very soon because antibiotic-resistant bacteria are a risk to her and whoever she transfers them to.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 20/12/2023 03:38

96waystobehappy · 19/12/2023 23:40

I can’t speak for people who are “immune compromised” because I don’t have that issue in my immediate family or friendship group, so may feel different if this was the case.
My family have never been afraid of “germs”. It just isn’t a thing in our family, not sure why but guessing those beliefs happened to run through both my mum and dads side. I will happily go and sit on the bedside with someone with a sickness bug. Sit on a sofa next to someone with the flu etc. It’s just not on my radar to believe it will transfer to me. I just think to myself, if my immune system is low, I’ll pick something up from ANYWHERE but if it’s not a won’t pick anything up. And from doing this I can tell you this is exactly how it works.
I have worked with people with viruses / Covid / flu / sickness bugs / c.diff, pretty much everything for years. Rarely get ill.
I would be suprised if 27 in that class of about 30, are not sick at all over Xmas . And if 2 are, how can you proove it’s from that student if 27 were not sick!?
Don’t fear getting sick.. it makes you sick.

Your lack of symptoms are not a matter of attitude but genetics. It may be that your immune system fights invaders off really quickly, or it may be that your immune system's response involves inflammation than other people's so you have less sneezing and pain. Everyone's immune system is a bit different: mine doesn't know how to fever unless I have septicaemia but it's good at releasing histamine to make me cough and sneeze.

It's victim-blaming as well as scientifically-unfounded to suggest that people get sick because they believe that they might get sick.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 20/12/2023 03:46

feelingalittlehorse · 20/12/2023 00:11

Not being goady at all- but do you think as a nation we are getting unhealthier? I honestly don’t remember being off sick from school and it was a real rarity that any of my
peers were.
So much so, I remember the intrigue and speculation if anyone ever was off! It happened so rarely that it was Kind of a Big Deal in our little minds.

I don't remember being sick off school until I was 15 and caught glandular fever. My mum assures me that I was off with D&V, chicken pox, cystitis, mumps, and migraines

The moral of the story is that you don't remember your childhood as well as you think you do.

PriOn1 · 20/12/2023 03:54

feelingalittlehorse · 20/12/2023 00:11

Not being goady at all- but do you think as a nation we are getting unhealthier? I honestly don’t remember being off sick from school and it was a real rarity that any of my
peers were.
So much so, I remember the intrigue and speculation if anyone ever was off! It happened so rarely that it was Kind of a Big Deal in our little minds.

I think it might be related to the fact that so many mums work now. When I was young, almost all mums were at home, so if their child was significantly ill, they’d routinely be kept at home. Because of this, they weren’t in school to pass their infections on.

I recall being shocked when mine went to nursery by the number of parents who would bring their vomiting children and tell the nursery staff, who would take the child in anyway. Obviously it’s the same in schools. There’s huge pressure on parents to be at work and also pressure to bring sick children in because of the attendance rules.

I moved to Norway when my youngest was still at nursery. In Norway, if both parents work, both are entitled to twelve days off work annually if their child is sick and the reality is that most employers wouldn’t quibble about more if it was necessary.

I don’t remember my children having a single vomiting bug in the entire time they were at school in Norway.

The biggest cluster of vomiting bugs they got was when I had a childminder who thought like the earlier poster who didn’t believe in avoiding sick people. She would allow vomiting children to come to hers, including a baby at nursery half the week. We had more sickness bugs that year than any other time.

Smallmoments · 20/12/2023 04:00

It's probably a mistake to post this... But I sent one of my children in last week before the 48 hours was up. I think it was 44-45 hours. At the time I was shattered and really behind with work. At the weekend when feeling a bit better I realised it was a poor call.
Something I was thinking about is how the switch to home working during COVID means we never take time off anymore. Expected to work with child home sick. Also expected to work when sick ourselves because it's rare to be so ill you can't use laptop. I have sat in bed with work laptop feeling rotten.
I hope your family don't get ill OP.

thedamnseason · 20/12/2023 05:28

@BlondeRaven I think you're absolutely right to be pissed off with the parents who sent the child in because it's cruel and selfish for the poor kid but also others.

Your language is a bit concerning through, kicking off and losing it etc Could you really not have said something to the parent moaning without getting aggressive and causing a scene?
That behaviour needs highlighting but it doesn't need a playground scrap.

Nellodee · 20/12/2023 05:41

I don’t think we’re getting unhealthier. Mumsnet wasn’t around in Victorian times, or we’d have had posts saying “AIBU to send my daughter down the mine with typhoid?”

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 20/12/2023 05:56

Nellodee · 20/12/2023 05:41

I don’t think we’re getting unhealthier. Mumsnet wasn’t around in Victorian times, or we’d have had posts saying “AIBU to send my daughter down the mine with typhoid?”

😂 And "I can't believe that Parliament have outlawed females and under-12s from working down the pit. DS(8) is really mature for his age and loved sitting alone in the dark opening and closing a trap door for twelve hours per day. We baby kids for too long these days".

shearwater2 · 20/12/2023 06:01

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 19/12/2023 22:26

Forget the attendance rules if it means the whole class could be ill.

Show quote history

Bringing them in while ill is definitely encouraged by having 100% attendance certificates.

thebestinterest · 20/12/2023 06:04

Agreed with you. Absolutely outrageous. I ve kept my child out for this week as I didn’t want to get sick and guess what??? We still got sick!!! At least it’ll be over for Xmas.

Freshair1 · 20/12/2023 06:36

It's a crap deal isn't it. Parents have to work. Parents can't be off all the time. Schools trumpet attendance at all costs. The children end up stuck in the middle..or vomiting. Or coughing and spluttering all day while looking wretched. Great deal for the poor people working in schools eh?

CatMadam · 20/12/2023 06:47

96waystobehappy · 19/12/2023 23:40

I can’t speak for people who are “immune compromised” because I don’t have that issue in my immediate family or friendship group, so may feel different if this was the case.
My family have never been afraid of “germs”. It just isn’t a thing in our family, not sure why but guessing those beliefs happened to run through both my mum and dads side. I will happily go and sit on the bedside with someone with a sickness bug. Sit on a sofa next to someone with the flu etc. It’s just not on my radar to believe it will transfer to me. I just think to myself, if my immune system is low, I’ll pick something up from ANYWHERE but if it’s not a won’t pick anything up. And from doing this I can tell you this is exactly how it works.
I have worked with people with viruses / Covid / flu / sickness bugs / c.diff, pretty much everything for years. Rarely get ill.
I would be suprised if 27 in that class of about 30, are not sick at all over Xmas . And if 2 are, how can you proove it’s from that student if 27 were not sick!?
Don’t fear getting sick.. it makes you sick.

Children’s immune systems are less developed than adults, so they’re more likely to catch contagious diseases. Being in a classroom where a child has actually vomited is a brilliant way for an entire class to pick up a vomiting bug.

Rockfordpeach · 20/12/2023 07:16

We had it the week of the nativity, not vomiting but kids with colds so bad that they had been in urgent care (more than one of them) being brought in so that their parents could watch them in the nativity. My DS is an ex preemie with weak lungs and asthma and a cold almost always sends him to hospital. I sat through the nativity anxious as hell watching these poor, poorly children coughing all over everyone. I was really cross

Isitautumnyet23 · 20/12/2023 08:17

thebestinterest · 20/12/2023 06:04

Agreed with you. Absolutely outrageous. I ve kept my child out for this week as I didn’t want to get sick and guess what??? We still got sick!!! At least it’ll be over for Xmas.

Keeping your child out to not get sick??? Missing vital education and making memories at school with their friends- that is ridiculous. Kids get ill in Winter as do adults. Most colds/coughs you can go to school/work with and your child will miss a huge amount of their education if you keep them home either because they are slightly ill or to avoid germs. I’ve never shielded my kids from getting anything and guess what…they hardly get anything other than the odd cold and I haven’t taken a sick day in years.

We also do nice things all through November and December knowing that there is always a chance that flu or some other horrible bug could get us one day at Xmas. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if that happened as we’d have had a great run up to Xmas. Im not going to stop my kids enjoying the last week of school with their friends (they had the best week and did so much) to try and avoid germs on Xmas day.

Jingleeaster · 20/12/2023 08:21

I got grief from my dd's school for attendance. Which was because of the vomiting rule. You can't bloody win these days.

Atishooooo · 20/12/2023 08:58

Kickstartplease · 20/12/2023 00:49

Totally shite, I have always worked if possible through illness previously - however have been self employed & work alone for over 5 years.
However I had a drink with a friend Saturday evening & then woke up Monday morning with cough/cold/sore throat - phoned friend so upset as her immune compromised daughter & grandchildren are due to arrive on Christmas Eve. (Think life threatening) children home schooling since Pre-Covid Totally mortified, Covid tested negative thank goodness.
It's dimple of you are I'll you don't visit others who could easily be made seriously I'll by coughs/colds etc

But this could happen any time your friend meets anyone / goes shopping / has a tradesman in the house? It's shit, I get that, but if Christmas / seeing her grandchildren is that important (and that impossible with a lurgy), then maybe she should consider isolating before she sees them.
*Also, there are plenty of very nasty viruses around that could hospitalise anyone who is immunosuppressed or has certain weaknesses (eg asthma) but aren't Covid.

Kickstartplease · 20/12/2023 09:32

@Atishooooo my friend is isolating now Saturday was our last meet up.
Shopping is all done on line & she is not seeing anyone
Of course seeing her daughter & grandchildren is important it could be her daughter's last Christmas. The family drive down Christmas morning, the husband's work colleagues all wear masks even now as they respect the risks to his family.
Did you listen to radio 2 a Dr on saying no way should you go near elderly or immunocompromised people?

Mamansparkles · 20/12/2023 09:46

The thing is this crap about 'no one has mentioned anyone immunocompromised' is nonsense. People with underlying conditions that can cause normal viruses to be serious are living normal lives. They include children, or teachers, or people who have children or siblings.
I teach in a secondary so I teach several different classes a week. I can think of several colleagues who a virus like this would be really dangerous for due to underlying conditions, including myself - we don't get to opt out of society, we have to rely on people doing their best to not spread sickness bugs. Of course sometimes it cant be helped but sometimes it can and if a kid brings this in on the last day of term then that's Christmas in hospital for me. They are also at their most contagious mid illness so will spread it the most if sent in sick.
I teach kids with type 1 diabetes, crohns disease, brittle asthma and more. In each class I teach there is at least one pupil with an underlying condition. There are others who live with family who are immune suppressed - premature babies, elderly grandparents, pregnant mums with complex pregnancies spring to mind.
So yes, knowingly spreading viruses in school, a place those who aren't perfectly healthy really can't avoid, is incredibly selfish.
OP hope you all manage to stay well.

Janedoelondon · 20/12/2023 10:01

Wouldn't dream of sending my child in under these circumstances. 48 hour rule is there for a reason.

How did you not lose it with this woman?! You are a better person than me!!

thebestinterest · 20/12/2023 16:21

Isitautumnyet23 · 20/12/2023 08:17

Keeping your child out to not get sick??? Missing vital education and making memories at school with their friends- that is ridiculous. Kids get ill in Winter as do adults. Most colds/coughs you can go to school/work with and your child will miss a huge amount of their education if you keep them home either because they are slightly ill or to avoid germs. I’ve never shielded my kids from getting anything and guess what…they hardly get anything other than the odd cold and I haven’t taken a sick day in years.

We also do nice things all through November and December knowing that there is always a chance that flu or some other horrible bug could get us one day at Xmas. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if that happened as we’d have had a great run up to Xmas. Im not going to stop my kids enjoying the last week of school with their friends (they had the best week and did so much) to try and avoid germs on Xmas day.

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You read that right! We have grandparents who are elderly that we absolutely want to spend hols with. Besides, kids don’t miss anything education wise, as they are taught according to curriculum.

Isitautumnyet23 · 20/12/2023 16:43

thebestinterest · 20/12/2023 16:21

You read that right! We have grandparents who are elderly that we absolutely want to spend hols with. Besides, kids don’t miss anything education wise, as they are taught according to curriculum.

Show quote history

Personally I wouldn’t let my children miss out on a brilliant week at school (they came home buzzing every day from the parties, fun activities, trips and a concert). The grandparents could just as easily get ill themselves (unless they were in complete isolation which would be very sad as i’d rather have my parents enjoy their life and be out and about, especially in their older years).

Putting so much pressure on one day is ridiculous. I love every single bit about Xmas, adore the time with grandparents but im not going to change what my kids do in their life in case they get ill. We do the markets, Xmas days out, Panto, trips to the lights etc so they could get ill going out anywhere. School is just one of the millions of places you can pick up bugs. Have you not been enjoying the run up with the kids? They could pick up anything anywhere.

We also make an effort to see family all year, every few weeks at least as they are not up the road. If Xmas was wiped out with a bug, we’d do the same celebration two weeks later and it would make no difference to anyone.

SirenSays · 20/12/2023 17:08

We also make an effort to see family all year, every few weeks at least as they are not up the road. If Xmas was wiped out with a bug, we’d do the same celebration two weeks later and it would make no difference to anyone.

Have you always been so oblivious to your privilege. Most people have work and life commitments that mean they aren't able to just push Christmas back a few weeks

Isitautumnyet23 · 20/12/2023 20:30

SirenSays · 20/12/2023 17:08

We also make an effort to see family all year, every few weeks at least as they are not up the road. If Xmas was wiped out with a bug, we’d do the same celebration two weeks later and it would make no difference to anyone.

Have you always been so oblivious to your privilege. Most people have work and life commitments that mean they aren't able to just push Christmas back a few weeks

I work in healthcare (still working till Xmas), Husbands a key worker. I think you read it wrong (or I accept may have written it wrong), as I meant if Xmas day was wiped out by a bug, we’d have a lovely roast with the family a few weeks later and make the best of the day that we could with the kids. The point I was making is that Xmas day is essentially a nice meal with the family. As lovely as it is (and I adore Xmas and my family), im not going to stop my kids enjoying the whole of December to the maximum in case we get germs. Putting that much pressure on one day is ridiculous.

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