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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Some people are so fucking selfish 🤬

127 replies

BlondeRaven · 19/12/2023 21:48

Who the fuck thinks it’s ok to send a 6yo into school with a tummy bug anytime let alone 4 days before everyone breaks up for Christmas!

Turns out the child was up throwing up all night but the parents didn’t want them missing out on Christmas activities so sent them in, only for the school to send them home 2 hours later after the child projectiled all over the classroom. The mum was pissed off as she was out shopping and is complaining about being called into school WTF!

So fucking stupid and selfish!

I had to walk away from her complaining at the school gate, I know I should have kicked off but I was afraid I’d just loose it. We have 2 immune compromised people in our house and planning on visiting elderly relatives this week, I’ve done all my shopping and avoiding crowded places to reduce risks so we can see them this year and the selfish bitch just sends her contagious child into school because otherwise it’s inconvenient for her 🤬🤬🤬🤬

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 19/12/2023 23:46

96waystobehappy · Today 23:40

I96waystobehappy · Today 23:40

I can’t speak for people who are “immune compromised” because I don’t have that issue in my immediate family or friendship group, so may feel different if this was the case.
My family have never been afraid of “germs”. It just isn’t a thing in our family, not sure why but guessing those beliefs happened to run through both my mum and dads side. I will happily go and sit on the bedside with someone with a sickness bug. Sit on a sofa next to someone with the flu etc. It’s just not on my radar to believe it will transfer to me. I just think to myself, if my immune system is low, I’ll pick something up from ANYWHERE but if it’s not a won’t pick anything up. And from doing this I can tell you this is exactly how it works.
I have worked with people with viruses / Covid / flu / sickness bugs / c.diff, pretty much everything for years. Rarely get ill.
I would be suprised if 27 in that class of about 30, are not sick at all over Xmas . And if 2 are, how can you proove it’s from that student if 27 were not sick!?
Don’t fear getting sick.. it makes you sick

Yes, I expect you would.

Will stop there. Before I swear at you. Or call you a fucking idiot.

SirenSays · 19/12/2023 23:47

Some people can be so selfish. I hope other DC didnt catch anything.
Last year a young boy in the choir threw up all over the stage, apparently his dad had told him not to mention feeling poorly before he went up.

96waystobehappy · 19/12/2023 23:55

@MrsSkylerWhite

Im not faffed if you agree me and it’s a bit weird to get so mad that a stranger on the internet has a different opinion to you. Just think you should all chill. Sickness is part of the tapestry of life. Is it actually the end of the world (if not immune compromised) that you get a cold or a sickness bug. Horrible at the time but surely they are inevitable events now and then. People are so scared of being sick for a few days and Covid has just made that so much worse. It’s sad.

GlitteryUnicornSparkles · 19/12/2023 23:56

YANBU in the circumstances and I wouldn’t have sent my child in but I agree that attendance policies and school attitudes don’t help. My son has been having (non contagious) health issues that are under investigation, he passed out having convulsions in a lesson only a few weeks ago landing him in A&E and he’s asthmatic and has sinus issue to begin with, all of which mean his attendance is low due to lots of appointments (not actual illness) and I am getting crappy letters off the Education Welfare Officer, a week later he came down with a particularly nasty cold and cough and he was really feeling rough and struggling, there was no way I was sending him to school feeling like crap and struggling to breathe or function with underlying heath problems and involving a 20 minute journey cycling by himself each way in freezing cold and icy conditions before even factoring in that I’m sure his teachers (one who is pregnant) probably wouldn’t appreciate it. The Head of Year told me its not really acceptable or necessary to be off with ‘just a cough & cold’ and that I should be plying him with paracetamol and sending him in regardless, he can always go to the school nurse for more at lunchtime! Its honestly like covid never happened! Obviously I told her I absolutely wouldn’t be doing that! But the pressure is definitely on to send kids in sick or not.

A colleague had her step daughter last week, shes also on attendance monitoring, she’d been ill at her Mums the day before arriving at hers (vomiting) but when they rang the school to check if they had a 48hr policy (we have one at work) they said ‘not anymore’ so as she seemed fine they sent her in because school policy didn’t dictate she needed to be off and they don’t need any more hassle about attendance. So I can see why people do sometimes do this.

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/12/2023 00:05

96waystobehappy · Today 23:55

@MrsSkylerWhite

Im not faffed if you agree me and it’s a bit weird to get so mad that a stranger on the internet has a different opinion to you. Just think you should all chill. Sickness is part of the tapestry of life. Is it actually the end of the world (if not immune compromised) that you get a cold or a sickness bug. Horrible at the time but surely they are inevitable events now and then. People are so scared of being sick for a few days and Covid has just made that so much worse. It’s sad.”

Some people are selfish arses who don’t care about anyone else. That’s very sad indeed.

My husband is immune suppressed. My son isn’t. He chose to give up the sociability of his Sixth form years, studied alone in an attic for 15 months before vaccines became available, to save his dad’s life as he saw it. We desperately didn’t want him to. It fucked him up for some considerable time.

Tell me, what would you have done, in those circumstances?

Maybe consider the feelings of people who are reading your throw away comments? And keep them to yourself. Arsehole.

TeaAndTattoos · 20/12/2023 00:10

Poor kid must’ve felt so awful. My sister is the same her teenage step daughters wanted to go clothes on shopping at the weekend and my niece had started throwing up on Friday night instead of telling them to wait until next weekend or get the bus she dragged my poor niece out after she had been up all night throwing up I couldn’t believe she thought it was ok to do that to her.

binglemyoats · 20/12/2023 00:11

Honestly, you sound really dim.

feelingalittlehorse · 20/12/2023 00:11

Not being goady at all- but do you think as a nation we are getting unhealthier? I honestly don’t remember being off sick from school and it was a real rarity that any of my
peers were.
So much so, I remember the intrigue and speculation if anyone ever was off! It happened so rarely that it was Kind of a Big Deal in our little minds.

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/12/2023 00:13

Apologies, @BlondeRaven, drawn into a derail.
Yes, they were incredibly selfish. Hope you’re all well for Christmas.

binglemyoats · 20/12/2023 00:13

Sorry not you OP, totally agree that's incredibly selfish behaviour - I meant to reply to another poster in my comment above...the one who says her and her family happily spend time around people with contagious illnesses and never worry about seeng them, getting ill etc. That seems pretty dim to me.

binglemyoats · 20/12/2023 00:16

feelingalittlehorse · 20/12/2023 00:11

Not being goady at all- but do you think as a nation we are getting unhealthier? I honestly don’t remember being off sick from school and it was a real rarity that any of my
peers were.
So much so, I remember the intrigue and speculation if anyone ever was off! It happened so rarely that it was Kind of a Big Deal in our little minds.

I agree we seem to be unhealthier. A big part of that is probably covid, most school age children and their families will have had multiple infections by this point, and there's a lot of research showing that covid causes immune dysfunction.

So many of us are sick all the time these days as it makes us much more susceptible to everything else that's going around.

Atishooooo · 20/12/2023 00:25

YANBU to be pissed off but YABU to be so aggressive and abusive about it. Exactly what good would "kicking off" be? And why all the unpleasant language?

It was stupid of that parent, I agree, but for every child displaying clear symptoms, at this time of year there will be several others harbouring germs and being invisibly infectious, about to get sick tomorrow or the next day. It could even be YOUR child infecting others!

It's just part of socialising and going to work / school at this time of year unfortunately. You take your chances.

Southpoint · 20/12/2023 00:32

That is outrageous! They just do not want to parent. She was shopping so that was happening because she sent the kid to school rather than to look after him at home. Definitely very selfish and the school should emphasise that unwell children should stay home. Poor kid. However, you are game for germs everywhere at this time of the year. Difficult to control this tbh.

96waystobehappy · 20/12/2023 00:36

@MrsSkylerWhite But why am
i an arsehole? Everyone that has a different opinion to you is an asshole? You’re ranting and swearing at me, do you think it may be more likely you are the horrible one?

You’re asking me “what would you have done” as though I know you and have personally critiqued your life. My opening line explained that there is no one I lob that is immune compromised and I understand I may possibly think differently if that were the case.

To answer your question though: if I were the son, I’d have done the same. If I were the Father I would not have done the same. I don’t think I would isolate if immune compromised unless that was for a short amount of time and only once, for example straight after chemo etc. I just wouldn’t want to live like that forever but I’m not in that position so cannot confirm that to be certain.

Deathbyfluffy · 20/12/2023 00:38

Sapphire387 · 19/12/2023 21:56

Does the dad not bear any responsibility either?

Other than that, YANBU. Very selfish behaviour.

The OP clearly says ‘the parents’ in the first part of the post - the only mention of the mother alone was when she was annoyed about missing shopping to pick the kid up.

Swing and a miss

Pussygaloregalapagos · 20/12/2023 00:38

Lose not loose.

96waystobehappy · 20/12/2023 00:40

@MrsSkylerWhite and as sad as your story sounds. We’re talking about a kid vomiting once in school with no mention of people that can die as immune suppressed. Appreciate your life seems difficult but not everything has to revolve around you.

Dibbydoos · 20/12/2023 00:41

Completely agree @BlondeRaven

Many people didn't learn a thing from covid.

You have to remember the av IQ is only 100 though so maybe she's just stupid....!

96waystobehappy · 20/12/2023 00:45

It’s so childish and silly to call people stupid because they have a different opinion to you. It’s the lowest form of debate. I’m out of here… stay healthy 😀

Kickstartplease · 20/12/2023 00:49

Totally shite, I have always worked if possible through illness previously - however have been self employed & work alone for over 5 years.
However I had a drink with a friend Saturday evening & then woke up Monday morning with cough/cold/sore throat - phoned friend so upset as her immune compromised daughter & grandchildren are due to arrive on Christmas Eve. (Think life threatening) children home schooling since Pre-Covid Totally mortified, Covid tested negative thank goodness.
It's dimple of you are I'll you don't visit others who could easily be made seriously I'll by coughs/colds etc

Willyoujustbequiet · 20/12/2023 00:57

StrawberryWater · 19/12/2023 22:17

Don't even get me started on selfish assholes!

Someone in Ds's class brought a covid infection in last week and now he has it a week before Christmas. Both Dh and I are ill too and poor old Ds has missed out on all his school parties, after school and weekend activities that we had planned and now Christmas itself is likely postponed because we're all coughing our guts up and can't taste anything and I haven't been able to go shopping.

Some people are so bloody selfish.

endlessdarkness · 20/12/2023 01:42

96waystobehappy · 19/12/2023 23:40

I can’t speak for people who are “immune compromised” because I don’t have that issue in my immediate family or friendship group, so may feel different if this was the case.
My family have never been afraid of “germs”. It just isn’t a thing in our family, not sure why but guessing those beliefs happened to run through both my mum and dads side. I will happily go and sit on the bedside with someone with a sickness bug. Sit on a sofa next to someone with the flu etc. It’s just not on my radar to believe it will transfer to me. I just think to myself, if my immune system is low, I’ll pick something up from ANYWHERE but if it’s not a won’t pick anything up. And from doing this I can tell you this is exactly how it works.
I have worked with people with viruses / Covid / flu / sickness bugs / c.diff, pretty much everything for years. Rarely get ill.
I would be suprised if 27 in that class of about 30, are not sick at all over Xmas . And if 2 are, how can you proove it’s from that student if 27 were not sick!?
Don’t fear getting sick.. it makes you sick.

This is a very privileged point of view. I have always felt the same. Getting sick and encountering things is generally good for the immune system, it's just sickness, it will pass and then you're immune, etc. I've never been afraid of illness.

If you ever find yourself with a teenager (like I did) who is diagnosed with a serious condition, ends up in hospital with Covid and flu, on immune suppressants, you will probably have to revise your whole way of thinking. I don't fear getting sick for myself but I do act out of concern for what I might bring home, because I know it will land us in the hospital again.

I agree yours is a healthy point of view. I hope you never find yourself having to think differently.

endlessdarkness · 20/12/2023 01:46

96waystobehappy · 20/12/2023 00:40

@MrsSkylerWhite and as sad as your story sounds. We’re talking about a kid vomiting once in school with no mention of people that can die as immune suppressed. Appreciate your life seems difficult but not everything has to revolve around you.

Even without anyone who is immune compromised, it's just really selfish to send a child you know has a tummy bug to school. It's selfish for the people the might infect, even if only one other, and it's selfish on the part of the parent who makes their sick child suffer rather than having them tucked up comfy at home.

CourtneyB123 · 20/12/2023 01:56

Haha yes we've had two emails about parents sending their kids in still with d&v that it's caused a small breakout in the setting. My son (in reception) was telling me Friday how one of his friends threw up in the classroom. My son has tonsillitis now so has been off but I'm kind of relieved as that's not what I want to be dealing with this close to Christmas, plus we had it not that long ago. I don't understand when it comes to d&v why parents keep sending their kids in when they're clearly not over it

hoobanoobie · 20/12/2023 02:02

During the height of Covid just after regular kids had been allowed back in, a mother of a kid in DD's class (who was also a lunch assistant) called in sick with Covid . She appeared at the school office during lunchtime that day saying that her DD's test had come back positive and took her home. DD's class went down like a pack of dominoes after that. There's no arguing with stupid.