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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my 13 DS sleep over at his girlfriend's house?

160 replies

user1496146479 · 19/12/2023 17:43

Help me out! I think I'm losing the plot!
My DS13 wants to sleep over at his girlfriend of about 5 weeks (not sure that matters) house!
Apparently her parents are fine with it, and she has had boys sleep over before!
I've said no.... he is kicking off, I don't think IABU..... I have suggested collecting him late if they want to watch a movie etc.
For info, I have only met the girlfriend's dad once briefly when I collected her for a disco, and have only met the girl for the duration of that car journey!

OP posts:
Meggie2008 · 19/12/2023 21:04

Id love to say absolutely not, but I stayed at my "boyfriends" house when I was that age. Really through, he was obviously more like just my best mate, he slept on a camp bed in his brother's room and I was given his room, and our parents knew each other so not entirely the same

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 19/12/2023 21:05

Yanbu. He is 13.

Cas112 · 19/12/2023 21:18

Definitely not😂

jadey1991 · 19/12/2023 21:20

Erm I would be saying no too.

Umtydumpy · 19/12/2023 21:20

Got to be a wind up? My ds isn't interested in girls yet thankfully, but if he wanted a sleepover at that age with his girlfriend of 5 weeks, it would be a massive no way.

theduchessofspork · 19/12/2023 21:21

Haha no. 13 is too young for a girlfriend in any meaningful sense.

Fionaville · 19/12/2023 21:23

I'm pretty chilled over this issue normally, but at 13, in this situation, no way in a million years!!

Original poster
user1496146479 · 19/12/2023 21:45

Umtydumpy · 19/12/2023 21:20

Got to be a wind up? My ds isn't interested in girls yet thankfully, but if he wanted a sleepover at that age with his girlfriend of 5 weeks, it would be a massive no way.

Not a wind up! You'll see I've already said no!
Have the thread as a sounding board, in case I'm a dinosaur living in the past!
Clearly I'm not!

OP posts:
Original poster
user1496146479 · 19/12/2023 21:46

@Umtydumpy
Enjoy the lack of interest in girls while you can! Puberty has hit very hard in our house!

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 19/12/2023 22:06

Benibidibici · 19/12/2023 18:02

Yabvu indulging 13 year olds talking about "girlfriends". Ridiculous over sexualising of young teenagers.

This ^

Original poster
user1496146479 · 19/12/2023 22:36

@mathanxiety
Not sure what else you would call her.
She's a friend he talks to daily on the phone etc, and hangs out at school. As I said earlier she is currently his only friend due to prolonged bullying!

I'm not sexualising anything! I do believe he genuinely just wants to watch the movie with her, but I'm not prepared to put him/let him be in that in that position regardless!

OP posts:
secular37 · 20/12/2023 00:27

....

Yeah I'm not going to bother to answer.

I'm surprised that the parents are happy with your son to stay over at their house.

Sigh. Some of these posts on Mumsnet make me laugh.

Original poster
user1496146479 · 20/12/2023 00:38

@secular37
Not sure the value of your comment! But real life experience in my house this evening!
I'm not happy for my son to stay over. I've no idea if they are happy or not! Point of my post was if other parents would agree with me. I posted directly after the interaction with my son, and was almost doubting myself!

To repeat, I said no to him initially for the reasons I've said, and I haven't changed my mind!

I agree with other posters, it's likely her parents have no idea, or have questionable parenting values!

OP posts:
PiggieWig · 20/12/2023 01:10

Absolutely not!!!

Nice try DS.

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/12/2023 01:14

Why is this even up for debate?

workworkworkugh · 20/12/2023 01:32

I doubt the parents even know what their daughter has asked or said about previous boys staying over.
I bet she was hoping on the off chance that you say yes, then they'd go to her parents and say your DS has been kicked out of home so he has to stay there the night.
Teens can be so manipulative.

user1492757084 · 20/12/2023 01:43

At thirteen - It's a NO from me.

thebestinterest · 20/12/2023 01:43

😂

um, NO. Does this girls parents know they are dating? I’d have her on BC ASAP.

thebestinterest · 20/12/2023 01:45

Also, her parents sound like rightful wackos. No fucking way would I be allowing a boy at that age to sleep over, or vice versa.

thebestinterest · 20/12/2023 01:46

electriclight · 19/12/2023 17:46

I think it depends on the circumstances. DD's bf stayed over at that age if there was a genuine need. He was obviously in the spare room on a different floor, and she shared with her sister at the time.

BRAVE

HelloOhHell · 20/12/2023 01:58

StephanieSuperpowers · 19/12/2023 17:45

What are those imminent grandparents thinking?

😂😂😂

nomoretoriesforme · 20/12/2023 02:22

MrsJPinkman · 19/12/2023 17:50

Kicking off? He needs reigning in. He's 13, not 23, ffs! 🤦🏻‍♀️

This!

contrary13 · 20/12/2023 02:32

Don't agree to it. I speak from bitter experience. My DS (now 19) told me that he was staying for an after school club when he was 14, and went to his girlfriend's house, instead. She was also 14. Her mother, at least, was at home - and allowed the two of them to not only go to her bedroom, but close the door...

Anyone who tells you that kids that age are incapable of having sex... pfft.

In my house, there was an open door policy - which my son knew about. His older sister (she's now 27) had the embarrassment as an 18 year old, with her first "proper" boyfriend visiting our home, of having her bedroom door propped wide open and me wandering past every now and then (household chores, using the bathroom). My son knew that the same would happen if he brought a girl home. I mean... I didn't engage in conversation, I just made sure my presence was known (which successfully cockblocked in my house).

To this day, I cannot fathom the mentality of the girl whom my son lost his virginity to's parents. I really can't. They were kids... I mean, even at 19, because of covid, my son is immature, but even back then, they were 14... and as the mother of a daughter, what the actual fuck is letting a hormone laden "let's try this" boy stay over (because yes; my son would have been just as into "ooh, body parts, how do they slot together...?" as the girl he was "dating" at the time was) going to do for her self-worth?

Not everyone parents the same way, sure - but when we're dealing with hormone laden adolescents/teenagers... and it's the girl who stands to have her life derailed if she gets pregnant (because one way or the other, it has an impact), maybe we ought to grasp that 13/14/15/16 year old boys are sneaky buggers and tend to offload responsibility onto their parents, and just not allow our daughters to be put at risk.

(Just for the record, my son didn't knock the girl up - to the best of my knowledge - and nor did he contract an STI. In fact, she dumped him within a month because he wound up with a tumour that she felt distorted her SM image... again, another reason as to why kids this age ought not to be given the chance to slot body parts together! They're children themselves.)

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/12/2023 06:44

Are they Friends or bf/gf

You say it's the only person he hangs about with due to bullying

I wouldn't let him stay yet - i
I would want to meet her more. Get her round to yours for films

In time I would also want to meet parents

But no to staying

She is 12. He is 13

I had sleepovers at 12/13 but same sex friends

Fivepigeons · 20/12/2023 07:00

I would only allow it if I'd thoroughly checked out the situation. If i was sure the parents of the girl actually knew about it and were responsible and were having them sleep in separate rooms. If I were sure of that then I'd allow it as I was allowed to do that at that age and did not have any problems. I had friends of both sexes stay over at mine throughout my childhood but it was handled responsibly and I was never in any difficult situation, nor were they. We were just regularly checked up on... either slept in separate rooms, or in one room with the door open if it were a group of us watching a film or something.. boys on one side of the room on the floor, girls on the other etc parents regularly checking us.