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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my 13 DS sleep over at his girlfriend's house?

160 replies

user1496146479 · 19/12/2023 17:43

Help me out! I think I'm losing the plot!
My DS13 wants to sleep over at his girlfriend of about 5 weeks (not sure that matters) house!
Apparently her parents are fine with it, and she has had boys sleep over before!
I've said no.... he is kicking off, I don't think IABU..... I have suggested collecting him late if they want to watch a movie etc.
For info, I have only met the girlfriend's dad once briefly when I collected her for a disco, and have only met the girl for the duration of that car journey!

OP posts:
marleymoo12 · 19/12/2023 19:33

He can kick off all he wants I wouldn't let him! 13 no chance!

Original poster
user1496146479 · 19/12/2023 19:34

@GreenIsMyFavoriteColour
I'm not even sure I know then enough to trust that sort of arrangement!

OP posts:
cardibach · 19/12/2023 19:34

I've told him that I wouldn't be comfortable with him staying over a boys house with parents we didn't know either at his age!
Why ever not? This is a bit odd. He’s 13 not 3. I can understand reservations about a girl’s house, but a boy’s?

Goodlard · 19/12/2023 19:36

@GreenIsMyFavoriteColour that's as many be, however the OP does not want her 13 year old to stay there, so end of conversation!

GreenIsMyFavoriteColour · 19/12/2023 19:38

Goodlard · 19/12/2023 19:36

@GreenIsMyFavoriteColour that's as many be, however the OP does not want her 13 year old to stay there, so end of conversation!

She literally started a conversation about it with this thread.

Bertiesmum3 · 19/12/2023 19:40

Rosiiee · 19/12/2023 18:08

@Bertiesmum3 i mean I can see where you’re coming from and maybe it’s unfair of us to automatically think sex. Buttttt the girl has had previous boyfriends who have spent the night apparently soooo that’s why I’m thinking there’s an agenda here.

I’ve just seen a reply stating that she’s not even 13 yet, hopefully her parents are being very careful when letting boyfriends stay over if it’s true, the boy could just be saying it so his parents let him stay.
Very strange for parents to allow boys to stay over when their daughter is so young

hangingonfordearlife1 · 19/12/2023 19:41

not a chance and wouldn't want him being around a girl who's parents let sleep with boys at 13

StasisMom · 19/12/2023 19:42

It's a no from me! And yes, what are those imminent grandparents thinking?!!

GreenIsMyFavoriteColour · 19/12/2023 19:42

user1496146479 · 19/12/2023 19:34

@GreenIsMyFavoriteColour
I'm not even sure I know then enough to trust that sort of arrangement!

In which case has there been any reliable confirmation that a) This invitation is real b) Loads of other boys have stayed over before?

Seems unlikely to me unless there's some missing information.

Orangeandgold · 19/12/2023 19:50

Don’t let him do it ….

Original poster
user1496146479 · 19/12/2023 19:50

@GreenIsMyFavoriteColour
Only going by the Snapchat message he showed me!
Like I said, I don't know the girl or the parents

OP posts:
Lubilu02 · 19/12/2023 19:51

You'd be setting him up to fail IMO, and who knows of the things he could be accused of.

You're his mother, it's your job to protect him and steer him in the right direction in life.

He can kick off all he likes, it's for his own good at the end of the day, so you needn't feel bad or guilty at all!

Original poster
user1496146479 · 19/12/2023 19:55

@Lubilu02 this is how I feel.
Just checking my logic is all!
Thanks

OP posts:
terraced · 19/12/2023 19:56

It would be a no from me. My 15 year old has been with his girlfriend for months and I've said no to sleepovers.

GreenIsMyFavoriteColour · 19/12/2023 19:56

user1496146479 · 19/12/2023 19:50

@GreenIsMyFavoriteColour
Only going by the Snapchat message he showed me!
Like I said, I don't know the girl or the parents

Snapchat from the girl?

Bet the parents are oblivious and she's just saying it to make herself look grown up.

Hippomumma · 19/12/2023 19:56

He’s 13. Why is this even a question?

Original poster
user1496146479 · 19/12/2023 19:57

@GreenIsMyFavoriteColour
This could be the case.
I don't know them to know if it is something they would allow!

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 19/12/2023 20:04

13 definitely not. Surprised 13 year olds even have girlfriends or boyfriends.

ModestMoon · 19/12/2023 20:06

I'd be amazed if this invitation was real and approved by parents. She's twelve!

Stayupallnight · 19/12/2023 20:06

perhaps I’m very old fashioned but I think parents who have let their daughter, at age 13, have multiple boyfriends sleep over at their house is some form of abuse. Must be terribly damaging for her self worth and self esteem, it’s atrocious parenting IMO. How do they know the kids involved even want to be sexually active? At 13 I would not have wanted to but if set up in that situation I wouldn’t have felt able to say no, especially if my own parents were encouraging it.
Same goes for a 13 year old boy, they might be hormonal and curious but not actually feel ready for it. How do they say no if it’s all set up for them like that? really disturbing.

Superduper02 · 19/12/2023 20:09

She's had boys stay over before? 🫣 At 13!!?!?! Actually a bit gross her parents are enabling their CHILD to be in this situation.

DidiAskYouThough · 19/12/2023 20:20

Superduper02 · 19/12/2023 20:09

She's had boys stay over before? 🫣 At 13!!?!?! Actually a bit gross her parents are enabling their CHILD to be in this situation.

Nope, the child is 12.
The mind boggles.

GreyGoose1980 · 19/12/2023 20:27

Definitely not OP. 13 is way too young for that. At 16 I’d be okay with it if they’d been together longer as they would then be over the age of consent and you can’t stop them forever but 13 - no way!

givenupcaring92 · 19/12/2023 20:41

yeah.. its a no from me too

BUT...

If they are and want to get up to naughties they will be doing it irrespective of where. might be time to make sure 'the talk' has been had

givenupcaring92 · 19/12/2023 20:46

RaininSummer · 19/12/2023 20:04

13 definitely not. Surprised 13 year olds even have girlfriends or boyfriends.

Im afraid this is now a sad reality.... i am a great great aunt (i think i've got that right? my sisters, daughters daughter has a baby?) to a little girl born to a 13 year old mother!! I was shocked at this news, but all parties were delighted and said that XXX would make an amazing mum at 13!!!