Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some romance scam victims are simply stupid?

531 replies

TheAverageJoanne · 19/12/2023 10:38

At home today and have the TV on with For Love or Money about romance fraud. One victim is an international business development manager but gave £113000 to scammers, persuading her mother and sister to part with their savings

How far the love of Christ would you trust someone with a responsible job when they do this sort of thing and judgement flies out of the window?

I get there are people who are lonely and vulnerable but this one took me by total surprise. How could she have been so stupid? She received an email while waiting for him at the airport, showed it to airport staff who confirmed it was fake but still sent another £30000 to prevent airport staff at the other side from killing him. Jesus Christ.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
14
neeep · 19/12/2023 13:37

Watching it now - christ! lied to the police about what the money was for

SamW98 · 19/12/2023 13:37

Amara123 · 19/12/2023 13:30

I saw a Dr Phil on this.
Apparently the initial messages with the bad spelling etc. are a form of screening test for the scammers.
People to respond to these are more likely to be gullible and a mark. They do it on purpose so as to focus on those.

The lost dog/ missing grandad posts on FB are often used to see who’s gullible enough to share them on face value.

There are some very sophisticated scams out there - I had one claiming to be from O2 that even I was unsure about - and i work in FCP - but many are very easy to see through.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 19/12/2023 13:37

I’ve not watched this particular episode but when I have watched some I find it so frustrating and hard to fathom.

One case I watched the woman thought she was in a relationship with an American soldier and then she spoke to him on the phone and mentioned to him that he sounded Nigerian and he said to her that his accent had changed as he’d been stationed in Nigeria. It’s beyond ridiculous.

In another case the police came to the woman’s house and explained it was a scam but she didn’t believe them and kept sending money.

I don’t get the psychology. I think it’s like chasing a sunken cost. They must know on some level but can’t face it. So keep going further in.

It must be so frustrating being the relatives of people sucker in.

Hipnotised · 19/12/2023 13:38

Housebuyer37 · 19/12/2023 10:53

I know. I read about one woman who believed she was in an online relationship with Jason Statham and ended up giving him tens of thousands of pounds.

For a start why would Jason Statham need your money? And also not to be mean but what does Jason Statham need with a middle aged woman from Stoke when he has his supermodel girlfriend 🤔

I have also had 'Jason Statham' slide into my DMs...

To think some romance scam victims are simply stupid?
readymealeater · 19/12/2023 13:40

ThomasinaLivesHere · 19/12/2023 13:37

I’ve not watched this particular episode but when I have watched some I find it so frustrating and hard to fathom.

One case I watched the woman thought she was in a relationship with an American soldier and then she spoke to him on the phone and mentioned to him that he sounded Nigerian and he said to her that his accent had changed as he’d been stationed in Nigeria. It’s beyond ridiculous.

In another case the police came to the woman’s house and explained it was a scam but she didn’t believe them and kept sending money.

I don’t get the psychology. I think it’s like chasing a sunken cost. They must know on some level but can’t face it. So keep going further in.

It must be so frustrating being the relatives of people sucker in.

A bit like gambling. The money's gone but you keep trying to win it back, losing even more in the process.

hookiewookie29 · 19/12/2023 13:41

Agree! There are so many warnings about people like this and yet women still fall for it!
They wouldn't go out in the street and give a stranger thousands of pounds, so why give it to someone online they've never met!

Riapia · 19/12/2023 13:41

How ready we are to believe that which we wish to be true.

NonPlayerCharacter · 19/12/2023 13:41

I got tricked into clicking through to a very convincing fake Evri website just last week. They'd just lost a parcel of mine so I found it believable at first. They wanted my birthday which obviously set alarm bells ringing, so I gave my ex's. Then they wanted card details for the redelivery charge. Clicked right off then but it really did look like the real website...and this is the time of year for online deliveries. I can absolutely see how someone who isn't so familiar with courier deliveries might be fooled.

5128gap · 19/12/2023 13:42

bruffin · 19/12/2023 12:22

It's the type of person they believe that loves them makes them narcistic. I have someone who loves me, so do not consider myself unloveable. It's the fact that they believe the likes of Johnny Depp or Barry Gibb or some stranger half their agie will fall for them and contact them over the internet which brings narcissism into it.

Show quote history

Barry Gibb? Goodness. If he contacted me on the Internet I'd think he was the deluded one!
😂

BashfulClam · 19/12/2023 13:42

The saddest one I read was a widow in her late 60’s who went to turkey with a friend. A young waiter convinced her hexwax in love with her and they got married. He then said as a man it was not normal in his culture not to have control of all money and assets. So she transferred over her money to him and he convinced her to sell her home and gone to live in Turkey with him. She did and he disappeared with all the money including her house proceeds. He was 26 and she really believed he loved her… the marriage was also not legal she later found out.

NonPlayerCharacter · 19/12/2023 13:42

hookiewookie29 · 19/12/2023 13:41

Agree! There are so many warnings about people like this and yet women still fall for it!
They wouldn't go out in the street and give a stranger thousands of pounds, so why give it to someone online they've never met!

Because the stranger hasn't found any weaknesses or spent any time creating a personal dynamic between them.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 19/12/2023 13:42

NonPlayerCharacter · 19/12/2023 13:27

Sweet Bobby was particularly weird because iirc, it wasn't about money. It was literally some manipulative sadist doing it because she could. Bobby was also a real person and she met him at some point although he was a complete innocent.

I think the fact that that happened within a strong religious/cultural community probably helped it to seem more legitimate. I never got the impression the victim was stupid even if she did act foolishly there.

Show quote history

But that made it even more frustrating! She was articulate and on one level intelligent, but so willfully blind to the obvious.

And I don't think the fact that they were Sikh explains it. It's not like they are some shut away community who don't know how to make video calls.

The cousin seems to have got off scot free, and never explained her motivation (if indeed she understands it).

Ortila · 19/12/2023 13:44

Chilicabbage · 19/12/2023 13:35

I did 😁 To a Captain in US army stuck in ME 10 years ago. I know where they must have gotten the contact and idea I had money from. They emailed specific brand new email I used when helping mum sell our old house. Which goes against the knowledge that it's numbers game but it genuinely was very specific email (based on house location) and not used anywhere else outside of 2 websites with sale ads. What even more ridiculous is that it wasn't english speaking country which was very clear from the ".countryshort".
I asked him to send a nude.

Show quote history

I can see the humour in that, but the person you sent that message to is likely in some off the radar hellhole corner of a despotic state being forced to work 16 hour days who is beaten and tortured if they don't come up with the money the scam has been set up to produce.

It really is best to delete and block.

Chilicabbage · 19/12/2023 13:44

beginningtowonder · 19/12/2023 13:42

I was gobsmacked when I found out that someone who is basically not able to make legal decisions can still marrief and it would be valid. Famous case in one carehome. Absolutely ridiculous

whichwaytohome · 19/12/2023 13:45

@Chocpot1986 I was engaged to DH about two weeks after meeting him and we married 6 1/2 weeks later! We're both English though (I am older than him by 11 months). If he'd been here on a student visa I'd have run a mile.

WoollyRosebud · 19/12/2023 13:46

I used to work somewhere where a colleague was a romance scammer. Fairly newly appointed to the staff. Seemed pleasant enough and no one suspected anything. That is until the Director got a phone call enlightening her. He had not had his references checked by HR, one referee was a prison chaplain. To say the shit hit the fan was an understatement. Escorted off the premises immediately. HR were in deep trouble. He had conned 3 women out of £100,000s. He was notorious and had been featured not long before on TV. He is still at large and is very cunning!

Chilicabbage · 19/12/2023 13:47

Ortila · 19/12/2023 13:44

I can see the humour in that, but the person you sent that message to is likely in some off the radar hellhole corner of a despotic state being forced to work 16 hour days who is beaten and tortured if they don't come up with the money the scam has been set up to produce.

It really is best to delete and block.

Show quote history

I don't believe they are. Have you seen the vids from the "John from Microsoft to help with your virus" callcentres?

NonPlayerCharacter · 19/12/2023 13:47

TheYearOfSmallThings · 19/12/2023 13:42

But that made it even more frustrating! She was articulate and on one level intelligent, but so willfully blind to the obvious.

And I don't think the fact that they were Sikh explains it. It's not like they are some shut away community who don't know how to make video calls.

The cousin seems to have got off scot free, and never explained her motivation (if indeed she understands it).

Show quote history

It's not that they were Sikh, it's that they were part of a community that looks out for its members and knows each other. I can see how that made fake Bobby look more dependable despite the red flags.

Yes, it was hugely frustrating. She clearly wasn't stupid. It isn't that simple. And the people who really truly do not have the capacity to understand this, through learning disabilities or whatever, deserve sympathy.

I think the cousin got away with it because she didn't actually do anything criminal; she stole Bobby's identity but didn't use it to commit fraud or anything. Then she threatened to counter sue her victim, which was probably intimidating.

A lot of these scams are complex psychologically. People are often pressured to give the money to prove they're "good".

Notchangingnameagain · 19/12/2023 13:48

Yes, to a point, but for every one lonely person that falls for it, 100 have blocked them. Told them to fuck right off.

Ortila · 19/12/2023 13:48

Chilicabbage · 19/12/2023 13:47

I don't believe they are. Have you seen the vids from the "John from Microsoft to help with your virus" callcentres?

Show quote history

You might not believe it but Interpol think otherwise.

Chilicabbage · 19/12/2023 13:48

Ortila · 19/12/2023 13:48

You might not believe it but Interpol think otherwise.

Show quote history

Oh I would like to read that. Always happy to learn!

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 19/12/2023 13:52

There was a programme on R4 (IIRC) about a daughter trying to get the law changed on dementia sufferers being allowed to marry. Her mother had been targeted by a man, they married, he distanced her from her family, and when she subsequently died, he bagged the entire estate. Nothing they could do. It was dreadful to listen to.

NonPlayerCharacter · 19/12/2023 13:53

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 19/12/2023 13:52

There was a programme on R4 (IIRC) about a daughter trying to get the law changed on dementia sufferers being allowed to marry. Her mother had been targeted by a man, they married, he distanced her from her family, and when she subsequently died, he bagged the entire estate. Nothing they could do. It was dreadful to listen to.

It wouldn't always be an easy case to win, but I do believe marriages can be annulled if one or both people don't have capacity to consent. IANAL...