To think some romance scam victims are simply stupid?

[TheAverageJoanne]

At home today and have the TV on with For Love or Money about romance fraud. One victim is an international business development manager but gave £113000 to scammers, persuading her mother and sister to part with their savings

How far the love of Christ would you trust someone with a responsible job when they do this sort of thing and judgement flies out of the window?

I get there are people who are lonely and vulnerable but this one took me by total surprise. How could she have been so stupid? She received an email while waiting for him at the airport, showed it to airport staff who confirmed it was fake but still sent another £30000 to prevent airport staff at the other side from killing him. Jesus Christ.

@MrsOvertonsWindow
'Psychologically what has happened to them that they dismiss the most serious of warnings?'
I wonder if the 'US officer/Special Ops guy/A&E Consultant in war torn country/M15 operative/Head of Foreign Affairs/celebrity' actually turned to meet them in their local coffee shop would they still hand over large amounts of money (or any amount) there and then? My feeling is that generally they would not.

I truly believe that there is something about the internet which determines some of these behaviours. Perhaps also linked in to sending money at the touch of a button rather than taking cash out of the bank and physically counting it out or even writing a cheque and sending it.

Are there any studies on how internet manipulation works on people? Would be an interesting read.

I wonder if it allows the victim's own brain to do a lot of the work? Instead of a real person in front of them they can build these mental fantasies of their perfect person.

@SomeCatFromJapan
Yes, it is like it becomes part of some people's brain I feel. Like virtual world stuff but only in their own minds and, as you say, building mental fantasies.

Really interesting observation about the internet. We haven’t had time to evolve to deal with this means of interaction. Quite scary.

I’m currently watching the woman who thought she was talking to Gerard Butler. She sent him £350k to help his charity as he was running out of money.

Im sorry I know these people are vulnerable but come on?

Thanks to this thread I've been obsessively watching the Catfished youtube channel. Just saw one about a Californian widow on her seventies that handed over hundreds of thousands of dollars to what appeared to be two separate men (was probably the same group of fraudsters though).

Both their alleged pictures were of relatively attractive, retirement-age white men and both said they were Americans, so I did wonder why alarm bells didn't sound for her that the "boyfriend" she was regularly talking to on the phone had a very obvious accent and clearly didn't have English as a first language.

It's honestly like some sort of self-hypnosis and I think it's all going to get even worse as AI improves. Our brains just aren't evolved for any of this as PPs have said.

I suspect it’s the same process that happens with people who buy into conspiracy theories. A complex web of emotional needs exacerbated by scammers knowing which buttons to press.. Once you’re hooked your ability to convince yourself of the ‘rightness’ of your position is almost limitless.
A lot of posters sound pretty smug.. frankly we can all convince ourselves of all sorts of things when we need to.

@SomeCatFromJapan
Please watch the Pig Butchering BBC 3 programme I mentioned earlier in the thread. It is absolutely frightening - young men being recruited from third world countries (with good English) with customer service jobs promised in Thailand and Cambodia that are actually being imprisoned to become scammers in compounds and 'disappeared' (probably murdered) if they step out of line or try to escape.

@BarmyFotheringay thank you, I'll actually watch that just now.

I think it was Take A Break who had a regular feature along these lines.
"I couldn't believe my luck when 27 year old Demitri told me I was beautiful" swooned 55 year old divorcee Sandra.

I don't think intelligence comes into it. These scams seem to target all sorts of people with the common factor being they are needy. Like you I do wonder about the psychological make up of these victims. Maybe they're the same type of person who joins a cult, becomes a religious radical, or joins the BNP. It seems to stem from an overwhelming need to feel wanted. Im sure there's a research paper out there.

I agree. I've had numerous random men interject into a FB conversation...usually something along the lines of how they thought I was lovely and wanted to be my friend. They're nearly always 50ish, widowed and either on an oil rig, in active service or a senior healthcare professional. They clearly haven't targeted me other than I'm female and maybe single. I bet they're sending identical texts to numerous women. I look to see if they have friends. They usually have 6 or so middle aged women...church goers, animal lovers and NHS workers is common.

Was thinking about this today when booking airline tickets -cheap then the add-on suggestions come. Loads of marketing works this way. Upgrade your room. Upgrade your Mc Donald’s meal. Add insurance. Lots of soft suggestions that sucker money out of you.

Thanks for the fascinating (if at times depressing) responses.😀😔

@NaughtybutNice77 You're right, there must have been research done and profiling. I'd guess that most of the victims will have traits in common. It's really sad. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for family members watching their loved ones be conned and their pleas falling on deaf ears!

YANBU they are stupid but you missed out that they are also extremely vain.

The implausibly handsome mid-life men are everywhere, I'm on Good Reads and am approached by them on there wanting to be my friend, but funnily enough they have never read any books!

Happened to a very elderly friend of my mother’s. She was normally quite savvy but they brushed over her concerns. Forget how much she lost, wasn’t her life savings, but definitely more than £500.

She’s not online, has no family, no-one in her circle had warned her of these types of scams and so they played her. They kept the line open so when she ’called her bank’ as instructed, the scammers answered and of course told her it was fine.

She realised after she’d handed the money over. To her the scammers sounded very plausible.

We’re all one stupid decision away from being scammed. I nearly got caught by someone pretending to call from O2. Fortunately I said I was too busy to talk to them and by the time they called back, the scam penny had dropped. But I could so easily have given my details to them.

Someone I work with recently clicked on a link that looked legit and part of her Etsy-seller set up but took her to a dodgy area and still she entered her card details. Fortunately her bank spotted the odd purchasing patterns and blocked them. The scammers called to ask her to unblock her card and reconfirm her details. Happily the friend she was with intervened and stopped her from doing so.

No, that's backwards. If you thought that you are gorgeous and lovable, and HE is lucky to have you, and he thought he was gorgeous and lovable, and YOU are lucky to have him, that would be narcissism!

Fil (80 and looks it) recently went on holiday to Portugal and thought he had a chance with the young, pretty waitress.

I mean, hold on a sec. You're 80, relatively poor and think she would take you on? What planet are you living on??

😂

I have a friend in her sixties. She made a comment on Facebook and a stranger responded that he thought she was adorable. She was flattered until I pointed out that's how scammers start. I could not believe she didn't know this. She's quite a switched on lady.

@Mamanyt
"No, that's backwards. If you thought that you are gorgeous and lovable, and HE is lucky to have you, and he thought he was gorgeous and lovable, and YOU are lucky to have him, that would be narcissism!

I hope not. I'm gorgeous and lovable and I think my husband is very lucky to have me. Fortunately he is also gorgeous and lovable and I think I'm lucky to have him. There is no narcissism involved!

@BarmyFotheringay I did watch it - fascinating to see the other side of the scams, I suppose it makes sense that it's organised gangs and those lower down the chain are victims too.

Glad you said it, I couldn't be bothered.