When one half of a couple is pregnant, should the other partner not be 'allowed' to drink?

[fishonabicycle]

A woman I know is pregnant and has announced that her partner won't be drinking as she can't.

I'm interested to know what the consensus is on this!

AIBU - she is reasonable.
AINBU - she is not reasonable

The partner should offer and be prepared not to. Its then up to the pregnant woman if she wants the solidarity or not. I'd think a lot less of a partner who didn't offer snd very badly of one who refused, as it bodes poorly for their idea of partnership and alcohol really shouldn't be that big a deal.

The partner should offer and be prepared not to. Its then up to the pregnant woman if she wants the solidarity or not. I'd think a lot less of a partner who didn't offer snd very badly of one who refused, as it bodes poorly for their idea of partnership and alcohol really shouldn't be that big a deal
See I think expecting a partner to offer and then be granted permission or not by her highness the pregnant one is a sign that alcohol is a big deal to at least one of them.
Does the partner also have to avoid certain cheeses, rare meat, and whatever else you're advised to when pregnant too? After all, it's only good partnership to decline cheese and crackers in the name of solidarity. Better eat your steak well done too because it might be upsetting to the pregnant one to see a non-pregnant person eating steak.

Maybe views on this say more about people's attitudes to alcohol. I wonder if those who care more about alcohol and feel like they're making a huge sacrifice by not drinking during pregnancy are more likely to expect their partner to abstain, whereas those who aren't bothered and would only drink in moderation now and then aren't going to be crying into their orange juice if their partner has the occasional beer.

Currently pregnant. I think it's personal, I personally am not bothered about a drink so it doesn't bother me, but if it was something we both did together I could see it would be inconsiderate. I imagine if chocolate was banned during pregnancy I wouldn't be happy about him opening a bag of malteasers next to me on the sofa.

I am 36 weeks now, so partner will not be drinking so he's on standby for baby arriving.

Depends on the couple and what drinking means to them. A drink on a Sunday afternoon seems harsh to ban. If "drinking" means a regular big night out coming home plastered at 3am I think shes reasonable. That sort of thing is fun for some when done together but would be fucking shit as the sober observer being woken up.

Bit pointless. Unless there's an issue with alcohol dependency I guess.

Unless the birth is imminent then why shouldn't they drink? If birth is imminent then they may need to drive their partner to hospital so shouldn't then.

It isn't being supportive to not drink.

Unless there's a backstory then she's being unreasonable.

We all know that being pregnant is a huge undertaking that wrecks a woman's body. There's no way to sugarcoat that.

Her partner stopping drinking is a tiny tiny token gesture in acknowledgement of what she is going through to benefit them as a couple. I don't think the pregnant woman should ask, but I think her partner should offer without being prompted. I also don't think it's that big of a deal to stop drinking for 9 months unless you have a problem!

(Assuming, of course, that both parents actually wanted the child.)

I can honestly say my body was not wrecked by pregnancy nor any of my friends, yes many women are, and have multiple birth injuries, but I feel strongly you cannot say all women like that.

No I would never tell dp that, it's quite good now as over Xmas I can be the driver, he usually drives and can enjoy himself properly without worrying! Although saying that, he is not drinking very much at all at the moment probably because I am rubbing off on him.

She sounds really controlling, I'd never tell my partner what he can/can't do. I didn't mind whether he drank or not when I was pregnant.

Depends whose decision it is and why.

It's up to the couple. If the partner is happy not to drink, all's well.

Secretly though, I'd probably think the pregnant woman must have an addiction issue.

There is a big difference between "not allowed to drink" and " won't be drinking", so which is it?
If you don't know, you should probably stay out of it.

There is a big difference between "not allowed to drink" and " won't be drinking", so which is it?
Agreed. Big difference.

As other posters have said, it depends on whether 'won't be drinking' means he has voluntarily given it up, or whether his partner has dictated that he must.

If it's the former, then whatever, who cares? If it's the latter then she has absolutely no right to tell him whether he can drink or not.

The OP has said that the woman in question doesn't have any alcohol addiction problems, but even if she did and that was the reason her partner had given up drinking too, that would not be something limited to the span of her pregnancy - she'd need him to stop drinking permanently if she's an alcoholic who can't be around a drinker. So if that was the case she'd be announcing they were both giving up completely for health reasons, not that she was just making him give up for the nine months of her pregnancy.

I think that's being really OTT, to be honest.

It's taking pregnancy too far, for me. Alcohol is in no way a necessity and it's only a few months. Asking them not to get wasted, sure but a few glasses of wine with Xmas dinner?!

It's Xmas - let the man have a Bailey's!

I would never ask someone to give up drinking for me, but I think it's kind not to get absolutely blotto'ed around them, particularly in the last few weeks.
I was always the designated driver to my drunken friends/partner when I was pregnant and it annoyed me as they didn't seem to care.
I also remember picking partner up steaming from the pub 2 days before I gave birth.

It's different for all couples but communication is key.
I've known couples where the man won't drink at all through their partners pregnancy, for 'solidarity'. No need to do that but don't be a drunken idiot either.

It depends on the person... for me I would struggle if my partner was quaffing a lovely wine while I was sat with him pregnant. I absolutely love wine... but if he was having beers out with his mates that would be OK. The woman takes 99% of the hardship of having a baby, if her partner not drinking makes it better for her then he should!

He can choose not to drink to support her but she can’t tell him not to.

You may feel that your body isn’t wrecked, but when I hit the menopause I developed a prolapse right where my episiotomy scar was. It’s definitely related to childbirth.

Sounds rather bossy.

I find it odd you've come at this from this particular angle if I'm honest! I would have read it from the other side - why is alcohol so important to the non-pregnant parent that they won't give it up for 9 months?

Regardless, when I was pregnant DH didn't drink, neither he nor I were big drinkers anyway but he said he didn't think it was fair on me to spend money on booze when I was so unwell. It might have been different had my pregnancy been easier. Can't remember about the second on tbh but I suspect he didn't drink much then either.

I had no problem with DH drinking for most of pregnancy providing he wasn't getting smashed. From about 34 weeks or so he elected not to, in case I needing ferrying to hospital quickly.

Your partner sounds lovely