When one half of a couple is pregnant, should the other partner not be 'allowed' to drink?

[fishonabicycle]

A woman I know is pregnant and has announced that her partner won't be drinking as she can't.

I'm interested to know what the consensus is on this!

AIBU - she is reasonable.
AINBU - she is not reasonable

I've quoted because your post gives too little info - you have said the woman has 'announced' it but that doesn't mean it was solely her decision.

I think as long as it was a joint decision it is a fine thing to do.

Your YABU/YANBU options suggest it was all a decision 'she' made - is this actually the case?

No alcohol issues for either of them, and Christmas at least no driving involved, no big back story at all.

Very odd behaviour. I can only assume alcohol is a really big deal to her.

A pretty high percentage of the adult population find it hard to resist drinking.

Wine o'clock, happy hour, one for the road, hair of the dog - we live in a country full of people with alcohol issues.

Depends on whether he wanted to join her in alcohol free as part of sharing the experience of expecting a baby and understanding changes she's having to accept, perhaps also lose weight or get healthy as he is going to be a dad and responsible for another human, maybe.
If he's all 'sad face', and she's all 'lock it away and hide the key' that's something else.

All that she'd said is that her husband won't be drinking. For all you know it could have been his idea. Why do you assume either she's controlling he's an alcoholic or problem drinking?

Some people to love a bit of drama.

Yep this

A bit odd. Mr Monkey frequently gives up drinking for months at a time when he is marathon training. I feel not obligation to do the same. I often end up drinking less during this time as a result though, as it is not a lot of fun drinking on your own.

Depends entirely on who made the decision. It's not clear from your post

I think I voted wrong...do you mean reasonable or unreasonable.

She is BU
She may as well let him drink now so she can drink after the birth and he can stay sober

No reason the partner shouldn't stop too then. Unless he's got an alcohol issue.

If your pregnant partner has an alcohol problem and is staying sober surely you'd want to do everything you can to help them stay sober, including not drinking yourself.

But not 'allowing' e.g. a smallish nip of single malt before bed seems a bit mean. Or half a pint of Cobra on curry night. I don't think either partner should have the right to 'forbid' (or compel) the other to do anything. That is the start of abusive control, and would poison it for me.

Yabu because it's none of your business how they conduct themselves.

How absolutely pathetic.

It's up to them really. I didn't care if DH had a drink while I was pregnant, but tbh I barely drink anyway so it wasn't massively different to normal for me.

If it's his choice then fine.
If not sounds rather controlling.

Are they doing this for everything (rare meats, soft unpasteurised cheeses, etc.)? Each to their own I guess, but it does sound controlling.

I think it’s fine if a couple decide together that this how they will show solidarity through an important time in their life as a partnership. However, if their lives usually revolve around drinking, that is not healthy. For some people staying sober during a pregnancy might
be enough to get them back on a better footing though; The same might apply to smoking.
Also, it might not be for the whole of the pregnancy; I remember a work Christmas do where the boss’s wife was about 36-37 weeks (she wasn’t at the do) but he wasn’t drinking in case he had to drive her to the hospital.

Neither - it’s up to them

It’s not that unusual for one half of a couple to be supportive by dumping drinking or eating healthily when the other is on a health kick

Is this the logical conclusion of couples announcing "we're pregnant"?

Snarking aside, the non-pregnant member of the relationship doesn't need to stop drinking, unless there's some huge backstory.

If the pregnant woman's attitude and outlook to alcohol is such that she's upset, angry and irritated at the thought of her partner having a beer or a glass of wine because she can't, I'd question her relationship with alcohol before the pregnancy as well.

I’m currently pregnant and DH still has a drink, neither of us are big drinkers really but he still has his nights out etc while I’ve been pregnant. The only caveat though is we have agreed he will stop drinking completely from about 6 weeks before my due date so that if there was ever a “mad dash to the hospital” he can drive me there and is sober to support me/baby if needed.

I think it can be a lovely show of solidarity from the partner. I don’t think it’s something you can dictate as a pregnant woman but I do think it’s sweet.
My partner never offered but he did stop smoking which was much more important to me as it could actually have an impact on the developing baby and obviously on the newborn’s safety once they arrived.

@Beezknees I completely agree. I think if one half of a couple is struggling with addiction or similar, in any situation, the other partner should support that in any way possible.

It depends who made the decision not to drink, him or her.

My husband isn't drinking right now* because I'm pregnant. I didn't ask him to, it's just what he sees as fair. He still has cheeses I can't eat but would draw the line at eating a rare steak in front of me 😂

*Not that we were big drinkers anyway, just enjoyed a cider at the weekend.