To ask what your lightbulb 💡 epiphany moment was?

[DelusionalBrilliance]

In regards to anything, as long as it was big or life changing! A moment where something suddenly hit you and made a realisation, something that forced you to make changes or think about it differently?

Today I got talking with a few friends and they had all had at least one of these moments and it dawned on me I’d never actually had a life changing thunder clap of a moment where something clicked, either I’m boring or dead inside I think.

YANBU - I’ve never had one either
YABU - I’ve had them / several

When you realise that almost every decision you make has the potential to be good for someone and not so good for someone else. It's ok to allow yourself to be the person it's good for some or even most of the time. Self care is not the same as selfishness.

@keffie12

Sending love and strength. I was widowed twice by my mid50s, losing both lovely DHs to cancer.
It is so tough isn’t it?

When I got sent the Crown, I laughed and cried, but I saved it… and look at it when I need a boost.
Wishing you a lovely Christmas X👑

Weirdly, my epiphany at nearly 50 is that I should sort out some therapy for myself. I don’t know why it’s never occurred to me before or why I thought it wasn’t for me. After spending so much time working on improving my physical health I’ve now realised this is the next step I’ll be taking this year.

I always feel embarrassed about where we live, it’s part council and a bit scruffy - litter everywhere, not a lot of pride in the area, that sort of thing. But we’ve paid our mortgage so we own this property. It’s a good sized 3 bed semi, massive corner garden.

We’ve been looking to move since DS was born so he can grow up in a better area. Everything we can afford is smaller than what we have generally, especially the garden. I was chatting to a friend the other day - lives in a really nice house on a lovely estate - and she was telling me how she’s having loads of trouble with her neighbours - disputes over parking, boundaries, noise and the like.

It sort of clicked with me that you can live anywhere and be unlucky enough to not have nice neighbours, or have something about your property that you don’t like. So we’re staying put, using the money to stay on top of making our house lovely, having experiences and holidays and saving up for retirement / DS future.

@Abouttimemum you're a wise woman

I had a similar moment about my house and area. Mine was, I spend about 10 minutes walking past the not very nice stuff to then close my front door and spend the rest of my time in my lovely big house which was perfect for my family's needs. I live in the house, not on the street and the experience of sitting in a nice room is exactly the same whether there's litter on the pavement outside or not.

For what it's worth, we made exactly the same decision as you. My DC are now grown up and tell me they had the best of childhoods. We travelled, had days out, I could afford clubs and activities. I now own a four bed house that I have the way I want it, and as a bonus, over the years, my area had improved quite a lot.

That’s really helpful and reassuring- thank you!

Yes, you could live in a naice area and yr neighbours could be a shower of Mrs Buckets, complaining non-stop about your visitors parking outside their house, your children making squeaky noises on their trampoline, your cat walking over their driveway, 'leaves falling' and littering their garden, or your Christmas lights being too flashy. Council estates tend have younger families and are more tolerant of children playing outside, pets etc (I'm not denying that there are more troublesome families that make lives miserable too.) But you've only got to read some of the threads on here to see the downsides of living in a 'desirable residential area'.

>>But you've only got to read some of the threads on here to see the downsides of living in a 'desirable residential area'.

You mean the AIBU psycho wars?

I have only just started reading this so will post and then read from the start.

my lightbulb moment was that ‘you can run the washing machine twice’

if you don’t unload it straight away and it starts to smell then just run it again. It’s so simple.

so basically like others you wait until you use up a product even if you don’t like it, you clean a full pan rather than using a piece of foil to then bin… things I did in the name of saving money and reducing waste.

anyway I think this was said to someone in the depths of depression meaning that if they were totally overwhelmed and would end up without clean washing then it’d be better to just run it again 🤷🏻‍♀️

You mean the AIBU psycho wars?

if that's what those bizarre threads about elderly couples shovelling up binbags full of leaves in autumn and leaving them at people's doors are, then, yes!

Not an ex partner but an ex friend who I now refuse to see. I realised how much of what she says is a lie and that I can't trust her as far as I can throw her. When I was talking to my siblings about her - they know her too - we worked out how none of the details in her stories matched abs we talked of how uncomfortable we feel around her due to her one-upmanship and know-it-all behaviour. She dragged into an argument and when I wouldn't back down and my husband was backing me up, she threw a bombshell and stalked off. I didn't chase her; I blocked her number and no longer answer the door to her.

Me too! Not life changing but made me not only not care what I didn’t have but massively appreciate what I do have.

My neighbour died a few years ago. He was a lovely older gentlemen, very friendly, fascinating to talk to. He had adult children who visited regularly.

After he passed I watched his family emptying his bungalow. A flatbed truck turned up and, piece by piece, his possessions were thrown on the back of it, like non of it meant anything to any of them. I’m sure there were odd bits that each of them kept but I came to the realisation that day that ‘stuff’ means nothing to anyone except you!

I’ve never been a materialistic person, but I’m even less so now! The things you surround yourself with, that you spend your hard earned money on, that make you smile when you sit down at the end of the day, just become a problem to the people you leave behind because they have to deal with it all once you’re gone!

@leesylou
Sound as if a charity rocked up and then took what was left or maybe a house clearing company .

This Christmas I've purchased two silver jewellery boxes. In each I've put a piece of fine jewellery I have owned for a long time that will be enjoyed by a younger generation. The girls have been borrowing pieces over the years so I decided to start handing them over.

@JazzyJogger nope. It was definitely his family. Like I said, he was a neighbour, I knew his adult children. It was his sons emptying the bungalow.

Run the dishwasher twice

A man so insights maybe come late. If your partner starts criticising other women for no apparent reason, take note.

Take note because she's spotted something you've missed? Or take note that it says something about her character that she criticises other women?

Fair question, take note because she criticises other women - may offer insights as to where she is at/where her mind is at.

A couple:

I don't have to like everybody, everybody doesn't have to like me..... and that's ok.

I don't have to accept unacceptable behaviour. I've been NC with my maternal family for about 8 years now.

wonderful thread - reading every single post closely!

When I was 50 and my mum was standing in my kitchen reeling off her usual nasty stuff to me. The penny finally dropped that no matter what I did, it was never going to be enough. I stopped doing things for her, went gray rock. She is still deeply unhappy with me, but I'm in a much better place.