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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your lightbulb 💡 epiphany moment was?

577 replies

DelusionalBrilliance · 16/12/2023 18:53

In regards to anything, as long as it was big or life changing! A moment where something suddenly hit you and made a realisation, something that forced you to make changes or think about it differently?

Today I got talking with a few friends and they had all had at least one of these moments and it dawned on me I’d never actually had a life changing thunder clap of a moment where something clicked, either I’m boring or dead inside I think.

YANBU - I’ve never had one either
YABU - I’ve had them / several

OP posts:
MariaLuna · 18/12/2023 02:42

Realising I could not bring up a child with an abusive man around,

Best decision ever, for me and him.

1994r · 18/12/2023 03:07

Realising that nothing is forever, everything is temporary and to not get caught up in the little things.

Realising that I am absolutely allowed to say no. I don't need to make up excuses. Saying no is enough e.g. "no, we are spending Christmas at our own home this year with the kids."

Realising that loosening my grip on life has given me a lot more peace, especially when things don't go as I had hoped for. Just letting it be has changed my life. I used to think if the opposite of what I hoped for happened, the world was ending. It's not. Life goes on.

belinda789 · 18/12/2023 03:26

@ determinedtomakethiswork
Religion is a cloak worn by some people in this world who will be warm enough without one in the next…..

Greenly3 · 18/12/2023 06:03

Wow that totally resonated with me! I’ve just left a 44 year marriage after spending 35 of those years housebound and bedbound through illness. This may I began a journey that I had had no idea where it would take me but has ultimately led to me becoming well enough to leave my house. Not only was it a light bulb moment but I realised I didn’t have to stay in my marriage! So I haven’t and it’s been the most liberating life affirming thing I’ve done! My life has completely changed now! I am now 67 and have realised I have got the best years of my life ahead of me….. thank you for yourpost. Merry Xmas

hecameoutroaring · 18/12/2023 07:37

"Never be too good at a job you don't actually want."

I first heard this on 'Only murders in the building' and it was a lightbulb moment. It's said to a brilliant assistant who's denied a promotion. I realised that actually I was taking on a lot of extra tasks at work to try and prove myself and got kept where I was cos they needed someone to do those tasks!

SEENMember2023 · 18/12/2023 08:06

Seeing Lia Thomas on the podium towering over all the Female swimmers 😩

I've joined my works Sex Equality and equity network and am doing my best to be a good ally for all women

NonPlayerCharacter · 18/12/2023 08:48

Nevertouchakoala · 17/12/2023 23:30

That putting yourself first isn’t selfish

It is, but that's not always a bad thing.

JazzyJogger · 18/12/2023 09:09

I always thought in the workplace if you worked hard and used your initiative you would get on . No you don't , I realised this when I saw someone get promoted who was useless but really liked . He didn't last long but it made me realise that actually it's who you suck up to and having people like you and the ability to manipulate others is what gets you places . Once you take on extra responsibility for no extra pay it becomes expected of you . I asked one lovable but lazy toad their secret and they told me suck up to the top guns and just do what you have to do don't go above and beyond because if people really like you all your faults are swept under the carpet . My head instantly cleared. So I just do what's expected of me and stay under the radar .

ManonDe · 18/12/2023 09:15

Crikeyalmighty · 17/12/2023 20:31

@ManonDe her that is- not you!!'

Thanks. I was really really hurt by what happened and grieved the loss of that friendship for a very long time.

No longer. It's over for me.

BlondieLady · 18/12/2023 09:20

IHS · 16/12/2023 20:09

Realising that I could buy new kitchen scissors. I struggled for years with my kitchen scissors as they got more and more blunt and then the plastic handle broke so that it painfully pinched my skin whenever I used them.

Never occured to me to buy new ones! I just accepted that they were crap and considered that I was just inherently unlucky to be saddled with such a rubbish implement.

Was walking through the kitchen utensil dept of Ikea one day and came across an entire box of scissors. It then occured to me, as if by magic, that I could buy some, which I did. I then returned home, threw the old scissors out and started using the nice new ones.

Why on earth hadn't I done it sooner? It just never occured to me that I even could 😂

OMG this is me, only I have two pairs of kitchen sisscors. Both rubbish. It hasn't occurred to me to replace them!

OwlWeiwei · 18/12/2023 09:22

WhompingWillows · 16/12/2023 23:51

A very sad one. But the realisation that I do not have to house the child I adopted 15 years ago, now that she is 16. Haters gonna hate, but I have put up with years of violence and abuse. The scars - physical and mental - run deep here.

I admire your bravery and self preservation. I know too many loving adoptive parents whose lives have been ripped to shreds.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 18/12/2023 09:33

Going to university and meeting 'normal' friends and their families and realising that mine was very very not normal. Cue breakdown I never quite recovered from. I'm trying to get my head out of it to this day because, while at the time it seemed like a revelation, I know now 20 years later that almost no family is 'normal' in the way I then assumed most families are and mine isn't, that dysfunction is actually far more the norm and ours was not as bad as many.

But I remember having a real 'blink blink' moment speaking to a uni counsellor about the Christmas I'd just had, and the stuff from my earlier days it had brought up, and her saying "...that's...a lot, isn't it?" and kind of giving me permission to be upset by it, to see it wasn't normal.

Jaybail · 18/12/2023 09:38

Realising - in my sixties - that there are worse crimes than being overweight! Spent my life hiding from cameras, hated eating in public, refused to get up on the dancefloor even though my feet were tapping. Then I realised that the only person I was affecting was me! Went on holiday last year with the family and my size 22 body was on display in a swimsuit at the water park, swimming with the dolphins, enjoying a poolside snack and drink. The world didn't end and I had a fabulous time.

JazzyJogger · 18/12/2023 09:43

Jaybail · 18/12/2023 09:38

Realising - in my sixties - that there are worse crimes than being overweight! Spent my life hiding from cameras, hated eating in public, refused to get up on the dancefloor even though my feet were tapping. Then I realised that the only person I was affecting was me! Went on holiday last year with the family and my size 22 body was on display in a swimsuit at the water park, swimming with the dolphins, enjoying a poolside snack and drink. The world didn't end and I had a fabulous time.

I'm the same . After all we will never see these people again and who cares what they think anyway ? Who has the perfect body ?

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 18/12/2023 09:46

PMTsickandtiredofyourshit · 16/12/2023 20:44

Receiving a diagnosis for ADHD and taking medication for it has literally removed my binge eating disorder and body dismorphia, that sadly characterised my entire life, overnight.
I can’t believe how tormented I was.

Can you tell me more about this?? I am finally seeking help for my BED after years of suffering, but I am also increasingly convinced I have ADHD - how are they connected? How did treating the ADHD knock the BED in the head??

Henrietta70 · 18/12/2023 10:03

Excellent.
2024 will be the year of the fightback!

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 18/12/2023 10:05

VolvoFan · 16/12/2023 22:55

Hey @Squiblet. It's really hard to explain. I somehow made friends in school but it didn't last. From then on I just gave up trying. I'm quite an introverted person and was raised quite badly dragged up. But I made an amazing friend while in sixth form and I went on to marry him! So it's not because I'm unlikeable, you either click or you don't. That one click I made turned into something truly amazing 😍

Show quote history

Ou sound very similar to me. I'm a big believer in quality over quantity. I have a couple of friends I chat to at work or over coffee but they remain at arms length because I know, deep down, that if I truly needed them they wouldn't care enough to be there. But I enjoy their company in the way we spend time together and I'm happy with the light friendship. I have one friend I can talk to about literally anything, DH aside, and I am very thankful for them. DH himself is my best friend, and I'm his. It's a fantastic relationship. I don't feel like I NEED to go out and desperately find more friends. Perfectly happy in my own company doing my own thing. And I very much need my own space to decompress. So it is very particular people that are allowed into that space. No drama or soul suckers.

birthdayday · 18/12/2023 10:09

I was very attached to my friends (very few) - giving and expecting support, fun, understanding, good conversations... Then eventually I started losing friends- they were unreliable, they wouldn't reach out if I withdraw, they were too busy to meet up, etc.

I eventually realised the friend you rely on may be the friend who never wants to go out and have fun, the friend who is fun is not able to support you and is not committed, etc.

Was too late for me - I don't have any friends now, lol- so hopefully will help somebody else.
No friend will give you everything, you need a friend for anything.

birthdayday · 18/12/2023 10:15

And similar to that. I remember an episode of 'greys anatomy' where the patient's family were bickering all the time while she was at her dying bed; the doctor told the family to leave, and she said something along the lines of - better my (imperfect) people, then no people.

StmMary · 18/12/2023 10:20

Realization hit me, was out with family, 4 sisters.. Every time I meet them I get put down.. They had all decided to meet up. Then the day they were meeting, this was planned with the 3 of them weeks ago. I got asked if I wanted to go along on the day.
This time around I asked a question and the look on one of the sisters face.. She ranted at me 3 times over the morning.
Then I said to them all what did they think to these kids stabbing each other.
One sister pounced on me and they all joined in. Then one said to me you'd had this coming to you.
I just went I'm not bothered really. They also all no I'm short tongue and can't say words. I also say the words wrong. They were all laughing at me and one was shouldn't are you so stupid or what. I said to myself this is the last time I'm going to sit in their compony.. In the past I've let them jump down my throat.
There's loads more to this story. Another day. Yes lite bulb went on.

TheGhostILoveTheMost · 18/12/2023 10:24

JazzyJogger · 18/12/2023 09:09

I always thought in the workplace if you worked hard and used your initiative you would get on . No you don't , I realised this when I saw someone get promoted who was useless but really liked . He didn't last long but it made me realise that actually it's who you suck up to and having people like you and the ability to manipulate others is what gets you places . Once you take on extra responsibility for no extra pay it becomes expected of you . I asked one lovable but lazy toad their secret and they told me suck up to the top guns and just do what you have to do don't go above and beyond because if people really like you all your faults are swept under the carpet . My head instantly cleared. So I just do what's expected of me and stay under the radar .

I've seen this happen in many work places! Including my current workplace. The brown nosers suck up to the bosses, they are quickly promoted. It's nothing to do with work ethic

TheGhostILoveTheMost · 18/12/2023 10:29

When people ask for advice that's not what they're really asking.
They already know what to do in a situation, what they're really asking for is for someone to validate them or agree with what they're thinking, then they will go ahead.
Whenever I'm asked for advice now, before responding, I will ask them what they would do and just listen to them make the decision themselves.
They're not really that interested in what I've got to say unless it echoes what they're thinking.

Allfur · 18/12/2023 11:07

That's not true for me, when i need advice, I want people's thoughts and opinions

Hipnotised · 18/12/2023 11:15

Allfur · 18/12/2023 11:07

That's not true for me, when i need advice, I want people's thoughts and opinions

Me too.

TheGhostILoveTheMost · 18/12/2023 11:26

You're right actually. Not everyone is like this but most are. I suppose I'm generalising.

The ones that aren't (including my Dh) fear they are going to make the wrong decision and are scared to follow what they're thinking. In dh's case he was raised by two narc parents that eventually divorced but he always felt he was in the wrong for one thing or another, this has eroded his self confidence. He has no belief in his own convictions and is scared of getting things wrong, so will seek advice.
He quite often knows the right solution to his own problems but doesn't have the confidence to solve it without input.