To ask what your lightbulb 💡 epiphany moment was?

[DelusionalBrilliance]

In regards to anything, as long as it was big or life changing! A moment where something suddenly hit you and made a realisation, something that forced you to make changes or think about it differently?

Today I got talking with a few friends and they had all had at least one of these moments and it dawned on me I’d never actually had a life changing thunder clap of a moment where something clicked, either I’m boring or dead inside I think.

YANBU - I’ve never had one either
YABU - I’ve had them / several

Realising in my mid-30s that I did not understand that my friends at the time weren't really my friends, after all, and that they only cared for themselves. New friends now!

Accepting in my early 40s that social class and background do have a significant effect on your status, success and wealth. My parents left school at 15-16, no qualifications, no networks, no help onto the ladder. See '50', below.

Realising in my early 50s that my workplace was not a meritocracy and that hard work, qualifications, positive client feedback, and common decency simply did not matter. The opposite in fact.

Finally realising at 54 that this is my life, and I'm now going to do what I want. I no longer need to care about pleasing anyone else, but I can still behave in a way consistent with my values and treat others fairly.

I once had a friend point out that the thing that I'd been worrying for months might happen hadn't actually happened in the end. She was completely right and worrying about it had used an enormous amount of energy. It has made it easier ever since for me to not stress about things that might turn out fine.

Realising I no longer need to do things just because other people can’t be bothered to do them themselves. I have spent most of my working life doing the crappy tasks that other people didn’t want to do. On here, I read for the first time the term ‘weaponised incompetence’, which I have noticed a lot of, particularly amongst males in my work and personal life. Now I just say that I’m not going to do it either.

Accepting I was an alcoholic and if I didn't stop drinking then I would lose DH, my children, my job ans probably die.
I'm sober 7 years.

Christmas brings it all... No, I don't HAVE to do - secret santa, works night out, family round to stay, tree, etc

Just came to the realisation that I can say no (or yes), whenever I feel like it, and guess what... the world doesn't explode.

Realising that my ex was an absolute lying arsehole 3 months after he left for ow and he was such an appalling dick to me in one phone call because his mum was retaining good relations with me. Literally in seconds went from desperately hoping he'd see clearly and come home to hating him and being glad he was gone. Made the subsequent divorce and endless wrangling much easier.

Realising that I could buy new kitchen scissors. I struggled for years with my kitchen scissors as they got more and more blunt and then the plastic handle broke so that it painfully pinched my skin whenever I used them.

Never occured to me to buy new ones! I just accepted that they were crap and considered that I was just inherently unlucky to be saddled with such a rubbish implement.

Was walking through the kitchen utensil dept of Ikea one day and came across an entire box of scissors. It then occured to me, as if by magic, that I could buy some, which I did. I then returned home, threw the old scissors out and started using the nice new ones.

Why on earth hadn't I done it sooner? It just never occured to me that I even could 😂

Late dx of autism has just explained so much about my life
I am gutted that i wasn’t able to explain before my Dad passed away
I listened to today programme on R4 randomly one morning whilst someone else was explaining their own dx and just thought that’s me !

I had a client who also suggested it to me a year before but it didn’t sink in

absolutely life changing and I hope I am a nicer person for it

The most liberating thing I ever read was in my teens, part of a Terry Pratchett novel (possibly Moving Pictures), where he says (I'm paraphrasing):

"Most people live in a world-bubble that is centred on and surrounds their own head. They're almost totally pre-occupied with that, so they are paying much less attention to you than you believe they are. They are the stars of their own internal show, and you are an afterthought."

Overnight transformation from normal-levels-of-self-consciousness to "oh, that's true, so I can stop worrying/caring about how I look or act, or what I do, because no-one else cares, they're all just worrying about themselves too".

Wonderfully freeing, and has enabled me to be fully & happily myself and not waste time and effort trying to align with the imagined/projected views of others.

I've had two:

One was while I was at Uni with an idea of what I wanted to do, but no specific career path lined up. A random conversation with a stranger and it came to me like a lightning bolt what I wanted to do. I still do it 15 years later and for the most part really love it.

The second one was a bit more bleak, but I just had a moment where I realised that life could not go on as it was and my options were to make some changes or to not be alive anymore. Making some changes, hard though it was, seemed preferable to the alternative and my life is vastly different (and better) now.

When I read the words 'comparison is the thief of joy'.
It deeply resonated with me and allowed me to move forward with confidence instead of always feeling not good enough.

@IHS brilliant 🤣🤣🤣

That it's ok to be an introvert. I don't have to pretend socialising is the only way

Sent to soon.

I don't need to pretend that the only way to have fun is with other people. I'm happy curled up with a book.

When my best friend told me my exh was having an affair. The working late yet no extra money suddenly made sense.

Realising one morning on waking that my (ex)H did not really like me, and it was pointless to continue to try to make the marriage work. I made the decision that day to move on however difficult it may be.

2 things my STBXH did this year. The first was definitive proof he was a domestic abuser with serious gaslighting. The second made me stop feeling sorry for him and be glad that I had run away with the kids because he is totally narcissistic.
New life after 20 years of marriage...

That (one and only) time the clique school mums group invited everyone (not just the group) to an xmas meal and I went along and realised that the glitzy photos of them having an amazing time on other nights out are VERY staged and the whole night is spent taking pouty selfies and trying to be centre of attention on the dance floor. Haven’t felt bad about being left out since.

Realising after 5yrs of flogging my guts out to save my marriage that exDH didnt love me, never had, just used me, and didnt care about DD and that i owed it to her to leave. I literally saw my inner child looking at me and shaking her head in disappointment with what i had become.

Realising that my dad was an evil manipulative man and i've never had a positive experience with that whole side of the family - they are a family of shits and i dont like them.

That no one was coming to help and I have to sort shit out for myself.

My mother is a narc

She rang me one day and was ranting about £30 I owed her (she's loaded and didn't need it back that second)

I said I'd pay her on the Monday (pay day) as I was skint and couldn't pull 3x £10 notes out of my arse

She ranted on and on about 'everything I do for you' (like what?she did nothing) 'your a waste of space' 'i wish I'd aborted you' 'you ruined my life the day you where born' 'you'll never meet a man/amount to anything' and 'your brothers (the gc) have it all,youll have nothing' (id heard it all before)

I just had the light bulb moment-nobody was going to speak to me like that ever again

I put the phone down while she was still ranting and have never spoken to her again

I went back to college,retrained and my (now) dp bought our own house

And these facts kill her-she's doing her best to drag me down and is failing badly

My mother was obsessed with appearances. That's how I was raised. But at 36, I was standing in my kitchen, a baby and a toddler, their father was not only not helping, but he was telling me to keep them quiet, and that there was no food in the fridge. I realised that I had prioritised appearing happy above being happy. Then I later realised, I a slow epiphany, that the two had been so enmeshed for me that I couldn't distinguish them. Appearing happy made me feel some happiness.

Realising that I can cut all contact from my step daughter and her horrible mother and I don’t owe either one of them a millisecond of my time, energy or resources.

The peace that this realisation has invited into my life has been truly healing.

Receiving a diagnosis for ADHD and taking medication for it has literally removed my binge eating disorder and body dismorphia, that sadly characterised my entire life, overnight.
I can’t believe how tormented I was.

When my so called best friend kept throwing strops at me for having my own things to deal with and so I stopped contacting her first for a while to get my head straight. I never heard from her again and after a while she blocked me on everything. It made me realise that I can count on one hand the number of people who TRULY care about me and I started to focus building my life with these people.

Secondly, during the pandemic, I remembered how much I love a simple life and that's now pretty much how we live. Time together as a family spent making our home happy and making memories. Stuff and parties are no substitute for that.