To ask what your lightbulb 💡 epiphany moment was?

[DelusionalBrilliance]

In regards to anything, as long as it was big or life changing! A moment where something suddenly hit you and made a realisation, something that forced you to make changes or think about it differently?

Today I got talking with a few friends and they had all had at least one of these moments and it dawned on me I’d never actually had a life changing thunder clap of a moment where something clicked, either I’m boring or dead inside I think.

YANBU - I’ve never had one either
YABU - I’ve had them / several

I've had a few. One was the first time I met DH. I knew within half an hour that I could live with him for the rest of my life and not get bored. He was an old very close friend of a friend.They hadn't seen each other for years. I said goodbye to leave them to catch up, walked half way across the room then turned back and thought: No, I'm not going to miss this chance.

One was a sudden really powerful feeling about my job. I'd been an actress for a decade, was doing pretty well and enjoying it when I suddenly thought: I don't want to do this ever again. I was standing in the dressing room during the interval, and the feeling arrived from nowhere, and was overwhelming. I thought: I never ever want to have to put on this much make up again and spend hours having my hair done and being laced into corsets and listen to fellow actresses talking about beauty products and diets. I am SO BORED of it all. I finished that job and was contracted to do one more very long tour, then stopped and have never ever regretted it.

I love the theatre now and go and see loads of plays but never feel any envy or desire to be up there on stage. I just got a sudden instant aversion to it in that dressing room. I massively prefer my new job and am better at it.

Realising my family were incapable of loving me. It helped me to finally cut them off after decades of abuse. Since then I’ve felt lighter, happier, less burdened. Because I’m not constantly tense waiting for them to call with a problem demanding I fix it yesterday and throwing a strop when I can’t reverse time

I've had several:

1. The "religion" that I was raised in, is actually a cult.
2. My first long term relationship was psychologically and emotionally abusive. It wasn't until it started to get physical that I decided to leave. I felt so selfish and guilty for leaving him! It was years later that I learned about the different types of abuse and whilst I knew I wasn't happy, I just couldn't see it at the time!
3. An amazing psychologist helped me see that my "messed up" thought processes were not a result of traumatic events. They were developed from when I was very young, due the to the previously mentioned cult. It's not my fault.
4. My world doesn't implode if I say no to people!

I realised I could just get rid of stuff that doesn’t make me happy, there’s no obligation to carry it around. I had loads of diaries from my teen years that were mostly quite sad and traumatic, and I carried them with me every move but never read them because they were upsetting. One day I realised I could just bin them, and I stuck them all straight in the recycling. Never have I once gone “oh I wish I could read about how sad and lonely I was at 14!”

@Wilxie was that cult the Jehovah's Witnesses by any chance?

I cant remember the ‘epiphany moment’ - BUT i always remember a few times thinking - ummm 🤷‍♀️
I have what you call ‘resting bitch face’ - basically, my usual face looks like I am horrible (no not had surgery or Botox)
im a scouser if that helps 😂😂

anyway - back to topic - there was a moment, when I realised my ‘friends’ weren’t actually that - BUT I made new friends and moved on. And how the hell I was friends with those people in the first place is beyond me - I suppose the epiphany moment must have come in there somewhere - when I had my first child and didn’t hear a fuckin thing from them after !!!!

lovely 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻

Me too! And the same with a rusty old blunt tin opener!

My depressing one...

Just how corrupt, horrible and deceitful most human beings are and how a lot of them hide these qualities rather well

A very sad one. But the realisation that I do not have to house the child I adopted 15 years ago, now that she is 16. Haters gonna hate, but I have put up with years of violence and abuse. The scars - physical and mental - run deep here.

When I realised that my 3 year old wasn't deliberately not doing the things I asked, he wasn't disobedient or difficult. I'd struggled for what seemed like forever with him, he was such hard work. Then one afternoon I was watching him play and the thought went through my mind 'OMG he's deaf'. Once I realised, it was obvious and I couldn't understand why it had taken me so long.

I had a similar epiphany over a pair of slippers that were slightly too big and kept coming off my feet,. They were a present from someone for Christmas and I think I kept them because it would be "rude" to throw them away. Realised that I couldn't even remember who they had been a present from and chances were that whoever bought them for me wouldn't remember buying them for me and even if they did, I doubt they would come to my house and start poking around going "Where are those slippers I got you for Christmas 4 years ago?"

I now have new slippers.

I will also say it took me a long time to realise that 'wherever you go , there you are' is so very true.

My second husband has always been a bit of a restless person with regards to where about you live and moving homes etc and I think it's because he felt a fear of missing out or that it would totally transform your life- the thing is whilst it can- it doesn't actually tend to transform your personality-

I’ve had a few but the most significant was when I finally, truly realised what a fool I had been regarding my abusive ex of 9 years. The epiphany came months after the break up when I had still been controlled by him in other ways. It was a true lightbulb moment. I blocked and deleted that morning and two months later met my now husband who could not be more different to that disgusting excuse for a human I was with.

When I was 11 or 12, sitting in church with all the other Brownies who had to attend Church Parade once a month. It was a high Anglican Church
with incense and Latin. I was watching and listening to all the adults intoning the special mystic words and singing along to the hymns when I suddenly realised that it was all nonsense. Suddenly loads of things made sense — the power of myth and story, the communal activity, the bells and smells and music that made people feel they were part of something bigger than themselves. That was the day when I knew I was an atheist.

Years later I signed up for a meditation course at a Buddhist centre, hoping to use it as an stress-busting technique. After a few months of being taught to meditate we were pressured to move on to the next stage, which was chanting. I found myself sitting cross-legged on a carpet surrounded by other shiny-eyed westerners, all of us chanting words we didn't understand in Tibetan. I had the exact same realisation that I'd had as a child. I got up at the end of the session, left and never went back. I still meditate though — very useful for stilling worries.

How awful for you. ❤️

was driving in the car one day listening to Taylor Swift and heard the lyrics:

"you're on your own kid, you always have been"

and it resonated on a deep deep level. I thought Yes;
that's me.
In a positive way though.
It helped me to remember that I'm the author of my destiny and reminded me that we come into the world alone and out of the world alone.

Thanks Taylor.

That not everyone will like you. And that that’s fine.

Especially at work.

Revolutionary. I could just…be a good and supportive manager and get on with my job, without worrying about whether my directs liked me or not. It doesn’t matter if they do, as long as we have mutual respect and do our jobs well.

Omg yes you're right!! I can't believe I didn't see this!

@Pluvia it's really interesting you say that. I was about 10 years old, brought up a strict Catholic, and I was in mass one day, and thought this is a load of nonsense! I think the thing that triggered it for me was all the different types of sins. A lot of the rules were just made up but we would be hit if we questioned them. For example, we were told that it was a mortal sin not to wear a hat to church if you're a woman. This was in the 60s. Then the pope changed, I think, and the rules changed and suddenly you could go to church without a hat on and wouldn't suffer eternal pain! I remember following my mother around the house and saying, but the whole point of a mortal sin is that it's a sin in any possible world. You can't say it's no longer a sin. She had nothing to say to it and just told me to go away and shut up! But I remember well that day in church just thinking this is just ridiculous and I don't believe a word of it.

I think the thing for me was but I thought you should be able to tell if someone was religious by their behaviour outside of church, not inside. Some of the religious people I knew were some of the nastiest pieces of work I'd ever met.

The other thing that bugged the life out of me was the story of Doubting Thomas. Even as a child, I thought the idea of blind faith was crazy. The thought that Thomas was a sinner just because he questioned things seemed insane to me.

1. The fact that I am worrying about something doesn’t necessarily mean there is anything to
   worry about. It sounds silly but what I mean is: I had a miscarriage and spent my second pregnancy terrified it would happen again, until
   someone pointed out to me that my anxiety was just something my brain was doing - it didn’t mean that subconsciously I somehow knew something was wrong and that’s why I was so worried.

2. On a similar theme, when I am worried about something that may or may not happen in the near or distant future I tell myself “Yes, but right now everything is fine”. It sounds obvious but it needed pointing out to me and I cope much better with uncertainty now.

Tell me what you have given up and what are you going on to do now! I'd love to change careers at 55

When my surgeon rang me one evening a few months ago out of the blue, I knew that wasn't going to be a chat about the weather. He did his little routine of asking how I was doing after previous surgery, and then came the drum roll before breaking bad news. My histology report was back on that hand tumour. It wasn't benign as thought, but an aggressive extremely rare sarcoma that needed more treatment and would potentially disable my right hand. He told me the molecular genetics were showing I was predisposed towards this sort of cancer and would have scans every year for the rest of my life as it was inclined to come back. He said it had been misdiagnosed when first removed a few years ago, and had regrown because not all cancer cells had been taken away at the time. I already have a disabled left hand so this wasn't the best news about the potential consequences of surgery. What followed was lots of blood tests, scans and a big operation which has hurt more than any operation before (I have had very many surgeries). I have endured decades of ill health, Having to slow down, rely on other people and learn to use software to communicate (as typing is affected) has made me realise the true value of life. It has taken a big shift in my identity as a can do person who doesn't need to enlist the help of others. It also made me learn who my true friends are, because the number of people who are avoiding me due to cancer (or not even asking how I am doing) is rather extraordinary.

I was told about the book Feel the fear and do it anyway, in a course called women on the Move who aimed at getting women back to work after having children. This was back in 1997. I never actually read the book, but always remembered the title and it became my mantra. I am now very successful in my field and now would like to change my career to something let stressful, so I need to feel the fear and do it anyway!!

In my early 20s I had to go on a presentation skills training course at work that involved being recorded giving a short presentation and watching it back with the group.

Won't deny that it was awful, but with one fell swoop all my internal anxieties and negativity about speaking in front of people lost their power.

I thought I came across as a blushing, shaking, hesitant, incoherent mess with an awful accent and unfriendly appearance. What I saw was a normal person, presenting in a fluent, convincing, engaging way - and with humour. Basically, I came across just like everyone else - maybe even better than some of them. And I wouldn't have known if it was a 1-1 course - the benefit came from seeing how everyone else in the room did the task.

Absolute light bulb moment.
Nobody knows what's going on inside your head - and they don't care if you seem a little nervous.
It doesn't matter if you mess up your script - no one knows it wasn't what you planned to say.
Make people laugh is not juvenile and using (appropriate) humour at work is a good thing

First was leaving home and moving to the other side of the world when I was 18. I realised I didn’t have to stay and could make a life for myself somewhere else. Second was going nc with a family member who was emotionally blackmailing me. One day I just realised that they weren’t my responsibility.