To ask what your lightbulb 💡 epiphany moment was?

[DelusionalBrilliance]

In regards to anything, as long as it was big or life changing! A moment where something suddenly hit you and made a realisation, something that forced you to make changes or think about it differently?

Today I got talking with a few friends and they had all had at least one of these moments and it dawned on me I’d never actually had a life changing thunder clap of a moment where something clicked, either I’m boring or dead inside I think.

YANBU - I’ve never had one either
YABU - I’ve had them / several

I have had a few LBM, some more useful than others admittedly.

I tried to give up smoking a few times over the years, but hadn’t thought about quitting in a while. I was sitting in a pub just about to light a cigarette (back before the smoking ban) when I was hit by lightning and in a split second thought, wtf am I doing? I’m killing myself. I put the cigarettes in the bin and my lighter and gave up there and then. No cigarettes decades later.

Realising that my codependent friendship with my best friend of 10 years was actually a romantic relationship. I'd been in relationships with men the whole time. We both came out and went our separate ways, now happily married to a woman with a young son :) s

It took me nail my 50’s so really realise…like realise in my heart, deep down as oppose to in my head….that I spent far to much energy making others feel better, usually at my expense ( both personally and professionally)

Wow! That makes me really happy to hear it has had such a positive effect in your life. I’ll hope for the same :) thanks for taking the time to answer

That you don't have to do Christmas just because you've done it for years and everyone else does it.

It's perfectly fine to.not send cards, put a tree up just because it's a habit.

Been doing this a few years now and it's very liberating.

First is rather dad at 34 I realised that you have to pull the bows when you tie your shoes and they stay tied...30 years of falling over

The other that just because you've got a good job in an office, there's nothing wrong with walking away from it and getting dirty in a job you love...my parents had no education and my dad in particular didn't want me to end up with a manual job, scrabbling around for work...I did end up in a manual job but was successful and in demand...I give it up next Friday at 55 for the next chapter in my life

@Citrusandginger

absolutely! Me too after I turned 40

Love this. I hope you are both happier now ❤️

We are, very much so, thank you ☺️

That my honoury uncle who my parents always referred to as "a confirmed batchelor " was gay.
Penny dropped whilst listening to Paul O Grady the radio when I was in my 40s!

. I have no friends. None. Zero. This next bit might sound insanely snooty - until the calibre of people improves, I will remain without friends.

This is intriguing @VolvoFan . Can you say what qualities you would like to find in a friend? (not being snarky, genuinely curious)

I had an absolute lightbulb moment once when visiting my best friend. I'd hauled my whole family cross country to visit her, brought gifts, cooked for her, and couldn't have been happier to see her. My children genuinely adored her. As usual after a few glasses she became melancholy, and after two more nasty. She went out of her way to hurt me and say awful things about me. I realised there and then that she didn't actually LIKE me. Or indeed know me. Our entire relationship was based upon my supporting her. Talking about her. Listening to her. She was fun and very funny and I cared so much for her, but really it was very one sided. I was not a main character in her life. She didn't like me. Nor did she like my children. She didn't like my husband. We left on the next plane. Cost me a fortune to leave early but I was so humiliated at how she treated me (not just on that occasion- our whole friendship she's done this and is not seen it for what it was) and just saw so clearly that I needed to start living without her negativity and her "friendship".

That seeing my in-laws once a month made my life so much better.
I stuck to it religiously and if I’m lucky I can be even less.
They always say how well we get on and in my mind I say “it’s because i hardly see you!”

Yes, WrylyAmused, that's exactly what I had aged 18, standing in the ladies loos watching everyone checking themselves in the mirror and realising they were all locked in their own personal thoughts and self consciousness and I was as little a thought in their heads as they were in mine. So liberating!

A couple, mostly while quite young. The one that really sticks with me was part way through university realising that, whatever you are like, there will always be some people that don't like you. I always had felt before that if someone didn't like you it must mean you'd done something wrong, but it was very liberating when I realised that it's normal to, now and then, run into someone who just doesn't like you, and they never will like you. And also to trust my gut if I got negative vibes off someone - it has never happened often, and I used to think I ought to give the person a chance, but I have learned that on the rare ocassions I felt that way, that just meant that's a person I should give a wide berth.

So many, but perhaps the most significant was realising a good life consisted in small daily pleasures, not big, grand ones, and that neither money, success or beauty guaranteed happiness.

Hey @Squiblet. It's really hard to explain. I somehow made friends in school but it didn't last. From then on I just gave up trying. I'm quite an introverted person and was raised quite badly dragged up. But I made an amazing friend while in sixth form and I went on to marry him! So it's not because I'm unlikeable, you either click or you don't. That one click I made turned into something truly amazing 😍

That I didn't have to be trapped in a job I was finding incredibly stressful and was failing at as a result. I suddenly realised I could just walk away. We would be skint, but we would manage until I found something else. We did manage, I set up my own business and whilst we don't have loads of money we're ok and I'm happier than I've been for a long time.

Also, getting through breast cancer treatment made me realise that I'm a hell of a lot stronger and more resilient than I thought.

I was 40 when I realised just how awful my mother was to me as a child. Bullied and belittled, I was terrified of upsetting her and her mood swings were savage. Her wants came first, always. I missed out on so many opportunities because of her.
It only hit me when my own child started school and I realised how my way of parenting was the polar opposite of hers.

Realizing that the "divide" symbol is actually a fraction bar (aka a vinculum) and the dots above and below are saying "put one number on top and another number down below."

Think I just had my epiphany.

Realising that the pain of forcing yourself to get hard/boring/necessary/beneficial tasks done is always less than the pain caused by procrastinating

First week of 6th form (thanks to a wonderful teacher) I realised that algebra was just filling in the gaps, like a puzzle. I'd struggled so much before, not understanding the purpose of what I was doing.

I got a higher grade at A level than I did at GCSE and the grades I needed for my career.

I remember it so clearly almost 30 years later.

I remember when I was about six realising that other people were inside themselves (internal monologues and the like), just like I was inside me.

When I was 36 I did six months of internet dating and hated every moment. It suddenly occurred to me that I could delete my profile before the paid period came to the end (only about three weeks before it did). I felt like a weight had been lifted! I had the realisation that I wasn’t bothered about having a partner, but I was crushed at the thought of never having a child. It was a long process but I am now a solo parent to a very happy five year old.

Three books.

The women's room author Marilyn French
I read this many times in the 80's it had a profound influence on how I led my life after that. It was a shock to my husband when I changed.

A road less travelled author Scott Peck
I was blown away by this book also read it a number of times. Written by a psychiatrist.

Feel the fear and do it anyway - this book helped so much with crippling anxiety.

Finally a saying I read somewhere

"GOD laughs at plans".

This has stood me in good stead whenever there are situations/plans that go awry.

That going above and beyond at work is fucking pointless when you don't even want to climb to the top.
I'm finally putting myself first!