To ask what your lightbulb 💡 epiphany moment was?

[DelusionalBrilliance]

In regards to anything, as long as it was big or life changing! A moment where something suddenly hit you and made a realisation, something that forced you to make changes or think about it differently?

Today I got talking with a few friends and they had all had at least one of these moments and it dawned on me I’d never actually had a life changing thunder clap of a moment where something clicked, either I’m boring or dead inside I think.

YANBU - I’ve never had one either
YABU - I’ve had them / several

No-one else gonna put that Pepsi in the fridge except me

First was if I wake up needing the loo, just go to the loo. Don't lie there hoping things will get better or that you'll drift back off to sleep.

Second was recently realising that I wasn't actually a horrible little child. It was that my parents didn't like each other but they couldn't argue (not the done thing) so instead they shouted at me, the little kid, for everything that went wrong. Taken me 40 years to not blame myself anymore and that I was a scapegoat.

Thanks for this. I keep forgetting this so it is good to be reminded.

This is me right now 😂 stupidly scrolling mumsnet and hoping it’ll pass.

Actually quite embarrassed to write this now, but mine came when I was sitting in my car in a car park pretending my car had broken down on the way to meet up with "friends". I was so desperate not to go but too worried to cancel so I invented a story and even drove to this car park so I could take a photo of me "stranded" to send to them to prove why I wasn't coming. Absolutely ridiculous. There's a long story leading up to that moment, but dumping the friends who were just shit to me was a turning point and I've never regretted it once. Sitting in that car feeling relieved and realising how stupid it was was amazing. Also it was an eye opener as not one of them offered to come and help me or messaged anything nice either. Said it all.

That I can eat butter, rather than margarine, everyday not just on special occasions.
It took me till my mid 20s, one day I was at the supermarket and thought how much I preferred butter, then it struck me that I could just buy it all the time.
I find it so interesting how you just don’t question some things that you grow up with! It was a similar shock when I realised that you can make homemade gravy/stuffing/soup/pasta sauce etc, I had no idea these things didn’t always come from a packet or jar.

Im currently going through a slow realisation that not enjoying or being good at socialising doesn’t make you a total failure. Again, I feel it has been programmed into us what a happy and successful life looks like and I have just never questioned it.

I'm the eldest of my siblings and my mum us quite a young mum. She was 21 when she had me. In my teens I realised I should probably go easier on her as everything I am experiencing for the first time, she is too, but as a parent. And that can't be easy.

Now I'm a mum myself, I realise just how much she was tackling when she was my age!

Mums are heroes. Sounds so cliche but they really are so amazing!

Well I just learnt about line multiplication and that was pretty mind blowing

My brain is too fickle to actually remember the other defining moments but I am sure there were a few

That resistance exercise and building and maintaining muscle mass alongside eating enough protein is the key to staying in shape. Hours of cardio to burn calories and earn my food isn’t necessary and I didn’t have to eat just 1000 calories or intermittent fast to stay a healthy weight. It wasn’t my metabolism slowing down that was causing weight gain, it was the decline of muscle mass.

I once worked in a big department store and was helping a wealthy customer to shop. I suggested some everyday plates and some different ones “for best”. They were totally puzzled by the idea and said “why wouldn’t I just use the best ones every day?” And I realised you can do that, and probably should enjoy your nice things. I went home and started using all my best stuff every day.

Oh I forgot my favourite: being good at things is not the point of doing them.

There’s a lovely story by Kurt Vonnegut about how he’s talking to someone about hobbies and says that he plays the violin and the piano, sings, goes to art classes, does theatre etc then adds “but I’m not any good at any of them”. The person he’s talking to replies that being good at things is not the point of doing them. Doing them gives you valuable experiences with different skills, and that teaches you things and makes you more interesting, and doing something you love is always worthwhile.

As someone with a whole ton of hobbies I am not any good at, I LOVE this.

Realising that (buried) trauma in my life has an impact on everything - my relationships, how I parent, my views on the world. I suffer from imposter syndrome when things are going well and tend to self sabotage - but when I am feeling mentally stable im able to connect my past to how I’m feeling now and I’m slowly understanding why I do the things I do.

also realising that it’s perfectly normal for my DD to sometimes love my DP more than she loves me - and that this is a healthy relationship. I get so consumed in myself and feel offended and hard done by when my DD pushes me away and shouts for daddy - but I know DD has such a good relationship with her dad - I know now logically know this is probably normal! Still hurts though.

I guess just understanding in general that there are valid reasons for how people feel and act as a result of it - myself included.

After having yet another crap year at one point I was sat on the stairs feeling broken and empty with loads of jobs to do but no motivation to start any. The same week I was sat watching eastenders when Bobby was being interviewed by the police and Jean screamed to stop and explained how he was struggling with ADHD.

I'd spoke to my previous GP about the chance of being autistic, she said it was highly likely but as I had got to my late 40's I didn't need a diagnosis.

Fast forward to the first covid lock down and because I was classed as CEV my GP rang to see how I was doing, that was the first time anyone had ever mention Adhd. In October I saw my gp mentioned how I felt and she has referred me for testingfor both adhd and autism.

I'm 52, was taken to the doctors as a kid as I kept falling down, the GP just said her brain works faster the her body it'll catch up eventually. I'm a fan of friends and it's been there in the background whilst I was at uni, when I nearly died from complications of lupus and the break up of my only ltr. It's my comfort show when things are rough. When my dad was ill I was told on Christmas eve he didn't have long, he lasted 6 months, I think I too on too much of the strain and didn't seem to affected. Fast forward 4 years with loads of things going wrong when I heard Matthew Perry had died I was absolutely distraught, but as I explained to my mum it wasn't necessarily about his death but about everything all coming to a head. I've done some reading about ADHD as I knew very little about it and what little I did know was incorrect stereotypes. I now believe I do at least have some tendencies but as there's at least a years wait here I'm implementing some strategies that seem to be helping

I'm incredibly frustrated at what might have been and feel let down i some respects but am going to focus on making the best of things.

I had been with my ex partner from around 17 to around 22/23 , I constantly put him first, it got to the point where I was the one working part time, at university and doing all the household jobs each day. He convinced me to leave uni so I did and I had briefly tried to break up with him before the lockdown in 2020, he then had to fend for himself get his own room and pay his own way etc. Obviously lockdown hit, he lost his job and housing, I naively took him back and let him move into my rental house over lockdown convincing myself it was the right decision. It became utter hell, he became more abusive than he was the first time around, relied on me totally, became unbearably controlling and got extreme with violent behaviours. I sat there one night watching tv late (admittedly tipsy) and thought "wtaf, what am I doing with my life seriously??? I have 13 gcse's, 4 a levels, got 1st's on my uni assignments and did everything for him and I was worth more than this sh*t" I told him around the end of 2020 I was moving to university across the country to finish my degree and that he was free to do whatever he wanted. We remained together after I moved to university for around 5 months (but barely) he went slowly more and more off the rails and we split pretty terribly. Now nearly 3 years on I have a degree and a masters, I'm in a pretty great job in my home city, about to buy my first home and have just been on my first holiday with my new boyfriend who also has his own job and home and treats me very well. Point of all of this is don't put up with all of the nonsense when you don't need to!

That things don’t just happen, there are steps you can take to influence outcomes. Break down the steps to easier chunks and it’s achievable.

I was never a passive person, as a teen I did my own laundry, worked a job to have spending money etc but despite being of average to good intelligence, I didn’t do well in exams and I had no concept or desire about having particular goals.

One say while working in a temporary job in a new country (like I said - I wasn’t passive!) I was telling my colleagues that I was having trouble getting a bank account and that I’d like to be able to do X job but it wasn’t working for me. She told me to figure out what the steps were to make things happen, and then do it.
Complete lightbulb moment!

need a bank account ? Ask the bank what documents they need and why. Find those documents and boom - you qualify for a bank account.

Want that job? Figure out what qualifications/ experience are necessary. Okay, now work backwards, how do I get that experience? Start there.

exams aren’t something that only “clever” people do well in. The course covers 6 areas of information, so the exam will cover those areas. Exams aren’t an unknown concept, they’re not a scary monster designed to trip you up. If there are 6 areas on knowledge, break up each of those into smaller chunks and learn them, and then the whole body of work doesn’t look scary.

Being on time? Work backwards, add up travel time, time to walk to the train, add 10 mins for interruptions, don’t forget the time to put on your coat & get keys and then actually do it - ta da- you too can get somewhere on time.

Would like a certain school for my kids? Look up the admissions process in advance, what did we need to do qualify for that school.

Its ridiculous and obvious to some people, but once I realised that most of life isn’t a secret or unobtainable (economic limitations not withstanding) that all you have to do is figure out the steps to get there, you can do it too. Being prepared is not cheating

That my family are aging and no matter how much they might annoy me they won't be around for ever. Struck me today in fact. This Christmas could easily be the last so we will enjoy being together and make the most of it.

I had this same epiphany during my divorce. I made a little sign for the fridge…NO ONE IS COMING TO HELP YOU, and that was my inner mantra. It has helped me to get things into perspective and I now rely only on myself for everything!

I've had so many, lots of them as a result of the extensive personal therapy I had as a requirement of training as a psychotherapist in my fifties.

One of the most life enhancing was realising that the good things in life are not just for other people. I had spent my whole life following theatre, reading reviews of plays and wishing I could see them. Despite living within a 30 minute bus ride of the West End it had never occurred to me that plays were for the likes of me. Now I go to the theatre at least weekly. Not just in London either, I regularly travel within the U.K.to see things -Sheffield, Leicester, Edinburgh, Chichester etc. They all have a great theatre scene and it's available to me. Equally, if I read about a great restaurant/make up product.book or travel destination - if I can afford it I can have it. Nice things aren't just for other people.

A time saving one is ironing. I was a SAHM most of my life and for me part of that was being a good housewife. DH's shirts were perfectly ironed every week. I took a hiatus during lockdown when only his head showed in Zoom calls and realised he didn't even notice whether they were ironed or not so I stopped. He is back in the office 3 days a week now and his shirts are hung up straight out of the dryer and he doesn't seem to notice or care that they are creased.

The most recent revelation is that material possessions don't necessarily equate to happiness. I've been practicing the art of Swedish Death Cleaning for the last 2 years. I'm gradually clearing the house of things I have clung on to because they were once of value to me. As shelves and rooms and cupboards become clearer and empty of tat my mind also becomes clearer and I feel free.

Reading the above back to myself it has dawned on me that I am loving my old age. I'm in my sixties and happier and fitter than I've ever been. I hope have decades more of active good health ahead of me. But just in case I don't I'm going to grab every opportunity life offers me now.

Exactly this ^ no one is coming to help unfortunately and one way or another we all die alone so be selfish

I've had quite a few in therapy. I was reluctant for the longest time to see a therapist but now I regret not going sooner.

I think most of us could do with a few sessions at least and learn things about ourselves we did not fully realise before.

Reading about the wide landscape of human evolution and prehistory made me realise that one religion isn't more true than another.

Making real friends at uni helped me realise that in a real friendship you don't feel constantly worried that the others are judging you negatively.

Was always a high achiever. Realising that there will always be someone better at something than you. And more recently that sometimes failure happens no matter how much effort you put into something and you have to just keep going.

These can be divided into 3 distinct realisations

1. Putting pressure in yourself to please others is wasted energy. Enjoy being exactly who you are.

1. If your partner treats you poorly, the only option is to leave. No-one else is going to do it for you.

1. If your scissors or slippers or can opener is crap, buy new ones.

So so many, but in honor of all the posts by people questioning their drunken behaviors at holiday parties - I realized at age 28 that if I was sober I had a much better chance of escaping badly behaved men - when I was sober I could see my surroundings, exit points, get a good look at the guy, see where he was taking me, fight back, if I was being followed - if I was drunk I couldn't assess anything about the situation, figure out a way out, nothing, it was just all blurry spinning falling.

And, bonus, I never made a fool of myself at gatherings once I stopped drinking. The worry was gone.

When I realised recently that doctors just do tests, prescribe pills and dismiss you. I did my own research & discovered simple stretches that helped release my neck & shoulder muscles & I no longer live with a constant, nauseating migraine.

When I realised I didn't have to absorb IL's abusive behaviour. I'd been raised to 'not rock the boat' and to let people walk all over me to keep the peace or no one would want to spend time with me. Well, I capsized that boat and pushed back. I refused to see IL's & their words didn't affect me at all. IL's just became pathetic, bitter, lonely people to me.

When a friend told me her therapist said 'be less available'. I realised that unless I stopped being constantly available & working my life around DH & DC, or cancelling my standing Sunday plans because SIL announced she was visiting, they'd all happily take advantage forever. This morning I sat and did nothing while DH organised himself & DS for a scout outing. DH also hasn't bought his ONE Xmas gift (his DF) and it's not my problem if he forgets. Wonderful.

At 15 I realised a mobile phone is called a mobile because you can take it anywhere... oh dear!

And typically other things like this.