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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take dd to this party tomorrow?

125 replies

Reallywhatnow · 15/12/2023 21:40

Dd has a party tomorrow for friends birthday.

One of the mums of the girls has messaged the WhatsApp group to tell the party host that her dd has been vomiting this evening so may have to miss the party but will hopefully be ok by tomorrow.

Party host has messaged back along the lines of please don't worry hope she's better soon.

The mum has said that her dd is feeling better already so will be there.

Wtaf? Aibu to not take my dd. Last thing we all need is a sickness bug the week before Christmas.

OP posts:
Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 16/12/2023 14:16

I'd give it a miss.
The other parent is clearly ignoring the 48 hours rule with regard to vomiting and diarrhoea.

Crumpleton · 16/12/2023 14:17

It's a shame for your DD but you've done the right thing, not just for her but for your family.

But...
While I'm here I'm going to have a say...

Judging/Judgy
When did making an observation, as in having a genuine option, without any bitchiness (sp) in any way shape or form become being judgmental.
I suspect that this is one reason why people have attitude and do the stupid/selfish/unreasonable things they do today as it can be thrown back by them as people judging them.

Anyone in this situation, with even half a brain cell would know it's unreasonable to send a sick child to a party, or anywhere for entertainment reasons especially after a vomiting bug.
I'd have thought the last thing a child that has been sick in the last 24 hours needs is party food/games and general running around.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 16/12/2023 14:19

bakewellbride · 16/12/2023 13:53

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 loads of schools broke up yesterday so hopefully this was the case for op too

Ah ok, that’s different then. Where we are there is still another week. Suppose either way though it should be the poorly child that stays home, just difficult to enforce.

Honeyroar · 16/12/2023 14:21

I feel very sorry for the birthday child and their parents- the mother bringing a sick child has probably pretty much ruined their party by still going. I expect a good few more will have pulled out. How selfish, right before Xmas.

wronginalltherightways · 16/12/2023 14:25

MamaGhina · 16/12/2023 11:20

The parent of the birthday child is in a difficult position.

Last year at my child’s party a mum dropped their child off, he was so obviously unwell. He sat on the sofa kind of moaning. I kept a close eye on him in 2 minds about whether to call his mum back. He then puked all over my living room. I cleaned it up and called his mum, she said “he does that sometimes” and wouldn’t come and get him. He puked 2 more times.

Next week at school 2 of the kids at the party were off sick and I felt awful. I know it wasn’t my fault but the party was obviously the spreading source!!! Some parents are just awful.

Personally I’d not go and send a private message to the host explaining why.

I would have been raging and made it very clear she needed to collect immediately.

bakewellbride · 16/12/2023 14:33

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 wow that's a late break up! Yep totally agree

TheWalkingDeadly · 16/12/2023 15:08

Im emetophobe but have improved a bit as dc have both been prolific vomiters.

But i actually disagree with the 48h rule and now give it maybe 24h.
There is no scientific reasoning.
Most adults dont catch the bugs so there is immunity.
More an issue is being there if someone vomits as it goes on the air.

I guess i think over say 8yo 24h and maybe discretion at secondary.
Within the first month dd said a pile of sick at secondary - but left there for ages so hundreds of kids walking past

moonbeammagic · 16/12/2023 15:11

bakewellbride · 16/12/2023 14:33

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 wow that's a late break up! Yep totally agree

Ours break up on 22nd, we're in London.

WimbyAce · 16/12/2023 15:18

Am hoping this is not the party my daughter is going to today......

Sunnydays41 · 16/12/2023 15:33

TheWalkingDeadly · 16/12/2023 15:08

Im emetophobe but have improved a bit as dc have both been prolific vomiters.

But i actually disagree with the 48h rule and now give it maybe 24h.
There is no scientific reasoning.
Most adults dont catch the bugs so there is immunity.
More an issue is being there if someone vomits as it goes on the air.

I guess i think over say 8yo 24h and maybe discretion at secondary.
Within the first month dd said a pile of sick at secondary - but left there for ages so hundreds of kids walking past

Actually, norovirus is most contagious for the first 48 hours; it is just an arbitrary timescale in a way, as you can still catch it even after that.

And noone develops lifelong immunity to norovirus, at most it's 3-6 months immunity for one strain and there are several strains.

budgiegirl · 16/12/2023 15:34

What the whole class have all got the vomiting bug??? Ok

It does happen. A couple of years ago there was such a horrible vomiting bug going round that over 2/3s of our local primary school went down with it within a few days of each other, and they shut the school due to lack of teachers and to prevent further infection. It was really miserable.

VegeBurgers · 16/12/2023 15:36

FloofCloud · 16/12/2023 11:15

Send a WhatsApp message back saying may be best to stay away as she'll likely be infectious still

Yes I would say that.
Say if she’s bringing her daughter then you won’t bring yours as you don’t want a sickness bug just before Christmas.
Other mums will agree with you!

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 16/12/2023 15:37

TheWalkingDeadly · 16/12/2023 15:08

Im emetophobe but have improved a bit as dc have both been prolific vomiters.

But i actually disagree with the 48h rule and now give it maybe 24h.
There is no scientific reasoning.
Most adults dont catch the bugs so there is immunity.
More an issue is being there if someone vomits as it goes on the air.

I guess i think over say 8yo 24h and maybe discretion at secondary.
Within the first month dd said a pile of sick at secondary - but left there for ages so hundreds of kids walking past

But even by this fairly relaxed rule, this child was vomiting last night and it sounds like the party was early afternoon. So it's probably only about 16 hours. And it's a party with party food, running around, general excitement. So it really wouldn't be surprising if she vomits again at the party.

As well as the issue around it spreading, I just find it so rude to basically be saying "please look after my child who very well may vomit. Hope you don't mind cleaning up sick."

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 16/12/2023 15:38

@TheWalkingDeadly sorry, I realise my last paragraph might sound like it was directed at you! It wasn't, it was about this child's mother.

coldcallerbaiter · 16/12/2023 15:40

Suggest the vomiter stays home on WhatsApp. In front of the rest of the group. They are probably thinking the same.

Swishswish26 · 16/12/2023 15:40

I really think you should let the host know the real reason why your dd is not attending- it is so unfair your dd has to miss out because of one persons selfishness.
Similar happened at my dd’s dance show today, apparently one of the performing girls had been vomiting all night yet still performed in the show. I’m going to be worrying for the next 48 hours now that a sickness bug is going to hit our family 😭

Puffypuffin · 16/12/2023 15:42

A couple of years ago one of DDs friends had a sickness bug the evening before DDs party. The mum put a message on the group chat the morning of the party to say that they would still come as her daughter was really looking forward to it, but they would 'sit away' from everyone. I replied that I was sorry she was unwell, but it would be better for her and all the other children if she stayed at home until she was better. Especially as my DD is type 1 diabetic and sickness bugs are pretty horrendous for her. I said I'll save her party bag and cake for when she was ok. All the other parents relieved - she accused me of leaving her child out and told me that I was unfair. I didn't give a damn to be honest.

Prinnny · 16/12/2023 15:51

It’s a shame your child has to miss out for one selfish bitch! No one wants noro on the lead up to Christmas!

LaurieStrode · 16/12/2023 16:08

This is the kind of situation where it behooves the host to take charge and not be wishy washy, for the sake of other guests.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that little Vomita isn't feeling well. We will look forward to seeing her another time, then. Take care."

CatMadam · 16/12/2023 16:19

Dacadactyl · 16/12/2023 14:13

I think you're overreacting tbh. Wouldn't even cross my mind not to let DD go.

She’s not overreacting; sickness bugs are sooo contagious, that’s why school advice is to wait 48 hours after a D/V episode before coming back.

hellsBells246 · 16/12/2023 16:19

The party mum should have been firmer and told the mother of Vomita to keep her at home.

Some people are totally unself-aware and selfish.

craigth162 · 16/12/2023 16:20

I wouldnt have made excuse...would have very publicly said no your child cant come they are sick. Selfish parents everywhere. My kid gets sick he will have seizures and end up in hospital. Or his shunt gets infected with the bugs and he needs brain surgery. All cos parents thinks they dont need to consider others.

Strawberryjams · 16/12/2023 16:41

This is the problem idiotic parents who send their children to school, clubs and parties when they are still infectious. Where I live this sickness bug has been rife and the amount of children coming to school unwell is a joke.

wronginalltherightways · 16/12/2023 16:57

Puffypuffin · 16/12/2023 15:42

A couple of years ago one of DDs friends had a sickness bug the evening before DDs party. The mum put a message on the group chat the morning of the party to say that they would still come as her daughter was really looking forward to it, but they would 'sit away' from everyone. I replied that I was sorry she was unwell, but it would be better for her and all the other children if she stayed at home until she was better. Especially as my DD is type 1 diabetic and sickness bugs are pretty horrendous for her. I said I'll save her party bag and cake for when she was ok. All the other parents relieved - she accused me of leaving her child out and told me that I was unfair. I didn't give a damn to be honest.

Sadly, the sheer selfishness of parents doesn't surprise me anymore. Schools have sooo many parents trying to send their children back when they've been at home vomiting bugs the day/night before. They truly don't give a shit about anybody else.

Strictlymad · 16/12/2023 17:11

The way I read the response from party mum is ‘let her rest- ie don’t come’ but she should have been more blunt. Having been in hospital 7 times this year with my vulnerable son- sometimes due to others taking sick kids places I’m afraid I’ve become a bit of a cow about it. I now message ‘Thanks for letting me know, my Dd will have to miss out now as I can’t afford Ds to need another week in hospital as this really affects add mental health and Dh can’t have more time off work. Have fun’ decent people backtrack, others carry on regardless