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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take dd to this party tomorrow?

125 replies

Reallywhatnow · 15/12/2023 21:40

Dd has a party tomorrow for friends birthday.

One of the mums of the girls has messaged the WhatsApp group to tell the party host that her dd has been vomiting this evening so may have to miss the party but will hopefully be ok by tomorrow.

Party host has messaged back along the lines of please don't worry hope she's better soon.

The mum has said that her dd is feeling better already so will be there.

Wtaf? Aibu to not take my dd. Last thing we all need is a sickness bug the week before Christmas.

OP posts:
Familiaritybreedscontemptso · 16/12/2023 11:43

tomatoontoast · 16/12/2023 11:40

Do not respond to the group chat as a whole. The parent will think you're judging them.

Message the host directly and bow out.

So? They deserve to be judged for being so selfish and unthinking.

Sometimes you have to call people out on their behaviour.

geckofrog · 16/12/2023 11:44

tomatoontoast · 16/12/2023 11:40

Do not respond to the group chat as a whole. The parent will think you're judging them.

Message the host directly and bow out.

She is judging them.

And rightly so

margotrose · 16/12/2023 11:45

tomatoontoast · 16/12/2023 11:40

Do not respond to the group chat as a whole. The parent will think you're judging them.

Message the host directly and bow out.

They deserve to be judged if they're going to be a selfish dick.

TheGoogleMum · 16/12/2023 11:46

I'd be tempted to message publicly. The other mum will hopefully take the hint

CaroleSinger · 16/12/2023 11:47

So no chance she just ate something that made her ill then.. clearly infectious based on no evidence whatsoever 😉

noooooooo · 16/12/2023 11:49

One issue with sending a message about not wanting DD to catch a vomiting bug publicly. If it doesn’t play out the way PPs hope, could be interpreted as an attempt to force the hand of the hosting parent (even though it shouldn’t need forcing) and depending on the personality of the (entitled dipshit) parent who’s planning to take a recent vomiter to a social gathering, might open a can of worms with the other girl(s). ‘Your mum tried to ruin/stop me going to X’s party’ type thing. Not worth the potential aggro to DD, regardless of the obvious selfishness of the other parent.

It’d be nice to think host mum might say best not bring her if she’s been ill but I suspect if she was going to she already would have. I’d agree to definitely just make a polite excuse and take her somewhere nice yourself, this comes under the heading of ‘circumstances outside your control/influence.’ Sad the other parent’s actions might potentially screw up the birthday girl’s day😟

Scarletttulips · 16/12/2023 11:50

well some of the other kids will catch it and spread it on Monday - so likely hood is she’ll get it anyway.

Make sure she’s washing her hands and stop holding hands and hugging others.

Original poster
Reallywhatnow · 16/12/2023 11:52

If she's thrown up from car sickness or something like that why advertise that she's thrown up?

Message was "really sorry xxx but dd has been throwing up this evening so might not make the party tomorrow, hopefully a good nights sleep will sort her out".

Party host message back "please don't worry just let her rest up and hope she's better soon".

The mum then later said "dd is feeling better already now she's thrown up a few times, she wouldn't miss the party for the world so hope to see you tomorrow".

OP posts:
HamstersAreMyLife · 16/12/2023 11:52

I once went to a party where this had happened without telling the host. Child then vomited massively at party. No one else got sick but I was annoyed, I wouldn't bother if it had been 24 hours tbh but not if your kid was sick on party day!

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 16/12/2023 11:54

Party host message back "please don't worry just let her rest up and hope she's better soon".

I definitely read that as the host saying that the child shouldn't come. And the other mother has either missed it, or wilfully ignored it. I bet the host is annoyed.

How old are the children, out of interest?

margotrose · 16/12/2023 11:54

CaroleSinger · 16/12/2023 11:47

So no chance she just ate something that made her ill then.. clearly infectious based on no evidence whatsoever 😉

You can't be sure that it's not infectious, so the decent thing to do is keep your child at home.

margotrose · 16/12/2023 11:55

Reallywhatnow · 16/12/2023 11:52

If she's thrown up from car sickness or something like that why advertise that she's thrown up?

Message was "really sorry xxx but dd has been throwing up this evening so might not make the party tomorrow, hopefully a good nights sleep will sort her out".

Party host message back "please don't worry just let her rest up and hope she's better soon".

The mum then later said "dd is feeling better already now she's thrown up a few times, she wouldn't miss the party for the world so hope to see you tomorrow".

That reads to me like the host doesn't want her there either. Hopefully she has the confidence to turn her away at the door.

geckofrog · 16/12/2023 11:55

Reallywhatnow · 16/12/2023 11:52

If she's thrown up from car sickness or something like that why advertise that she's thrown up?

Message was "really sorry xxx but dd has been throwing up this evening so might not make the party tomorrow, hopefully a good nights sleep will sort her out".

Party host message back "please don't worry just let her rest up and hope she's better soon".

The mum then later said "dd is feeling better already now she's thrown up a few times, she wouldn't miss the party for the world so hope to see you tomorrow".

What an idiot.

I can't believe she's doing this.

I'd definitely message and say sorry DD can't come as I don't want to risk a vomiting bug as we have a lot on

Flamalotty · 16/12/2023 11:56

I agree that I think the host was trying to throw her off but was too ambiguous. The woman (sick child’s mother) is ridiculous and very selfish. I think a public message to whole WhatsApp group would be best.

Original poster
Reallywhatnow · 16/12/2023 11:58

They're 7.

I've quietly bowed out, wasn't brave enough to do it publicly unfortunately. Would have liked to as I'm really annoyed.

As a pp said it could now go round the class anyway 🤷‍♀️

You can't reason with stupid.

OP posts:
AnnaKorine · 16/12/2023 12:01

I think private was the right call, with any luck party mum will deal with it properly in the app group and you can go.

BoredofBlonde · 16/12/2023 12:07

You made the right decision, what did you say to Party Mum?

Pigsinpainauchocolat · 16/12/2023 12:08

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 16/12/2023 11:18

If you sent a message along the lines of "we really don't want a sick bug over Christmas and as [child] was vomiting yesterday I guess she's still contagious, so I think we'll have to give it a miss I'm afraid" I wouldn't be remotely surprised if other people followed up with similar.

Absolutely post this. It gives the other parents a chance to say the same, and if the host sees enough dropping out, she will likely message Selfish Mum to say keep your vomity kid at home!!

budgiegirl · 16/12/2023 12:09

Very selfish to send your poorly kid to a party, especially just before Christmas. I don't blame you for staying away.

We had this at a cub camp one year - several of the cubs went down with a vomiting bug while on camp, and we had to finish the camp early and get all parents to come and collect their children. It turned out one of the kids had been up vomiting the night before camp, but their parent decided to send them anyway. It was an absolute nightmare for the kids, parents and leaders, and totally a ruined a camp that had been weeks in the planning. I still can't quite believe that anyone could be that selfish.

Original poster
Reallywhatnow · 16/12/2023 12:10

I was honest, thought about pretending dd was ill but thought better be honest. Not heard back yet but expect she's busy as party is soon.

Feel really guilty doing this at the last minute but was giving chance for either the sick child's mum or party host to act.

OP posts:
educatingrati · 16/12/2023 12:11

Party host message back "please don't worry just let her rest up and hope she's better soon".
Clearly the host is being polite and saying 'don't come'. The 'let her rest up' quite literally is saying 'let your kid get better, do not come to the party'.
Sometime I think we just need to be really blunt so there is absolutely no room for any doubt.

thedementedelf · 16/12/2023 12:17

Someone did this at dds party. The mum never told me until I noticed he he was really lethargic, not interested so I asked if he was ok and that's when mum told me he had been up sick all night and that morning but he didn't want to miss the party.

It spread like wildfire through the kids in the next few days.

BalletBob · 16/12/2023 12:24

CaroleSinger · 16/12/2023 11:47

So no chance she just ate something that made her ill then.. clearly infectious based on no evidence whatsoever 😉

There's no evidence required. Just a tiny bit of common sense 😉

There's no way of knowing for certain whether it was food poisoning or a bug. Given how common and extremely transmissible vomiting bugs are, the sensible thing is to assume it could be a sickness bug and stay away for 48 hours after the last episode of vomiting/diarrhea.

SophieinParis · 16/12/2023 12:26

Don’t go and private message the host to say why. But go and drop the present off to be nice x

alittleprivacy · 16/12/2023 12:26

I had this when DS was 1. Went to a toddler group party where one of the mums brought her DD who had a really nasty d&v bug. A few days later me, DS and my dad and brother all had it. I'm still p'd off about it a decade later as my MIL had been diagnosed with a terminal illness weeks before and died two months after we had the bug. We missed out on two of her last eight weeks of life due to the bug as she would almost certainly have died pretty much immediately if she'd contracted it. I know shit happens and sometimes you just get bugs but to bring a child with a highly contagious illness to group setting is just so nasty.