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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worried about DH

118 replies

lanterncat · 15/12/2023 21:20

DH had a work Christmas do that started at 2pm today, just lunch and a few drinks in a pub. He said he wasn't expecting it to last all day.

It's after 9pm now and he's still not home. He's not the type to go out really, he's an introvert and prefers to be home.

I've sent him whatsapp messages asking if he's OK and it's stuck one one tick. Sent a text too and I called him and his phone just beeps, no answer.

I'm getting a bit worried.

AIBU to start ringing hospitals?

OP posts:
Shutthefookup · 16/12/2023 00:12

Perhaps if OP's husband is one to communicate regularly with her and his behaviour today totally out of character, she has grounds to be a bit concerned.

I too would worry if it were my husband in case he'd had an accident or such.

Hope all ends well OP and he's soon home if not already.

fingerguns · 16/12/2023 00:17

His phone has probably run out of battery. Does he know your phone number off by heart? Could he contact you via someone else's phone, or could you contact someone from his work?

Livelovebehappy · 16/12/2023 00:32

I suspect because op hasn’t been back that he arrived home ok and they’re both now tucked up in bed.

AGoingConcern · 16/12/2023 00:35

Far too early to ring hospitals (or a coworker - my god please don't). Being anxious or irritated by a lack of text/call if that's the norm in your relationship is reasonable.

But these threads always leave me baffled at the number of grown adults who don't have at least one of their emergency contact numbers memorized cold. Surely being able to rattle off at least one parent phone number was a basic safety measure everyone was drilled on around reception age? Why are so many adults not making a point of memorizing their spouse's (or equivalent contact person's) number?

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 16/12/2023 00:39

Being out at 9 p.m on a Friday evening at a Christmas work do isn't an emergency.

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/12/2023 00:45

Mylovelygreendress · 15/12/2023 22:20

Why is always the man who goes AWOL ?

Its not, its just that they are not on MN about "the wife" not being back when she said she would.

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 16/12/2023 00:53

StressedOutSemolina · 15/12/2023 23:54

Imagine being in a relationship and the other half starts phoning round hospitals if you're not home by 9pm. Fuck me, I can't breathe just reading that.

This!!

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 16/12/2023 00:54

Rainbowx90 · 15/12/2023 23:52

My DH has been out since 4pm and I've not heard from him.
He will roll in when he's ready. Don't understand why people have to fuss and panic, unless they don't trust their partners.
It isn't unusual for me to come home at 4am from a night out with the girls, me and DH never text or call each other (unless in an emergency) when we are out with our pals. Leave him alone 😅

this!! Common sense.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 16/12/2023 00:55

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/12/2023 00:45

Its not, its just that they are not on MN about "the wife" not being back when she said she would.

Show quote history

I'm more likely, or certainly was more likely, to be the one out late. I'd be horrified if my husband were on Dadsnet fretting about my being out after 9 p.m

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/12/2023 01:30

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 16/12/2023 00:55

I'm more likely, or certainly was more likely, to be the one out late. I'd be horrified if my husband were on Dadsnet fretting about my being out after 9 p.m

Show quote history

Same here!!

Shortly BC (Before Covid) I took my father to our local pub to meet an old school friend of his that lived up the road from me, plus a few other people he knew. He was having agreat time. Said to my mother he would be back "about ten-ish". Both our phones were blown up by her from ten past ten. We were laughing and chatting in a loud pub so didnt hear them. When I saw that she had been ringing I texted her to say "Its a bit loud in here so cant ring, but we will be back shortly after chucking out time!" (half eleven). She met us on the drive in her nightdress, went nuts at both of us and didnt speak to him for three days.

She wasnt worried, she knew he was half a mile away with me, she was just utterly pissed off that he would have a nice night out that didnt involve her. She wouldnt have gone, she hates that sort of thing, so was very resentful that he didnt stay at home with her as she wanted him to. She says things like "oh we dont like parties" or "Oh we dont do NYE" when what she means is "I dont like....XYZ and I expect him to do what I want".

Ironically, during and since Covid, she is sick of him hanging aroung all the time but if I took him to the pub again, she would probably be just as clingy.

Diaria · 16/12/2023 01:33

I think he’ll be alright…

There are several threads a day at the moment regarding missing husbands post Xmas do, it isn’t that uncommon.

He will come to his senses eventually and come home.

Siha345 · 16/12/2023 01:45

I’m sure he’s fine and he’ll be back soon if he isn’t already. It’s not unreasonable to worry but phones don’t stop working just because someone is in hospital, if it’s not going to voicemail it’s more likely that it’s been stolen

dizzydizzydizzy · 16/12/2023 01:46

Has he turned up?

HappyHolidays22 · 16/12/2023 01:49

Hope this ended well OP

Teaandtoast12 · 16/12/2023 04:34

I have to say I do worry too when it feels out of character, especially when there is no service etc, but definitely try not to worry

SweetFemaleAttitude · 16/12/2023 04:37

Hope this is a piss take. If not, don't be a prick.

WandaWonder · 16/12/2023 04:54

Is is this time of the week again, as I say every time this comes again and again on here

They are an adult I presume they have a phone and can call if they wanted too

WandaWonder · 16/12/2023 04:57

BananaSplitsss · 15/12/2023 22:00

That’s easier said than done when you have serious anxiety. Waaaaaay easier said than done.

Show quote history

That is up to the person to deal with, I am sick of anxiety used as an excuse to be dramatic

MyFirstLittlePony · 16/12/2023 06:38

hope he got home ok

SinnerBoy · 16/12/2023 06:45

He's slept in a skip, he'll be fine, apart from waking up, looking like Boris Johnson.

RatatouillePie · 16/12/2023 07:31

So did he turn up??

Mikimoto · 16/12/2023 07:37

He presumably returned at 9.30pm, got an earful from ridiculous OP and went to bed humiliated.

Nanaof1 · 16/12/2023 07:40

SIGH I wish people would be kind enough to update their thread. I hope he got home safe and sound and OP has decided not to be angry with her DH.

I always forget that it's 5 hours ahead there, so it's early morning there and the middle of the night here.

User75325426 · 16/12/2023 08:02

Another thread started for attention and the OP never comes back...

RampantIvy · 16/12/2023 08:30

User75325426 · 16/12/2023 08:02

Another thread started for attention and the OP never comes back...

Probably due to all the unsupportive comments on here. I get that it was early, but it was out of character for the OP's husband, so I also get that she was worried.

@lanterncat did your husband get home safely?

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