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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worried about DH

118 replies

lanterncat · 15/12/2023 21:20

DH had a work Christmas do that started at 2pm today, just lunch and a few drinks in a pub. He said he wasn't expecting it to last all day.

It's after 9pm now and he's still not home. He's not the type to go out really, he's an introvert and prefers to be home.

I've sent him whatsapp messages asking if he's OK and it's stuck one one tick. Sent a text too and I called him and his phone just beeps, no answer.

I'm getting a bit worried.

AIBU to start ringing hospitals?

OP posts:
OhThatHappenedWhatNow · 15/12/2023 21:57

CatVsTree · 15/12/2023 21:54

Last time we had one of these on MN the quiet and prefer-to-stay-at-home-DH had got wrecked and tried to drive home and ended up being arrested.

Anyway, in answer to your question OP it's too early to ring round hospitals.

Quite

and that OP staying up, worrying, stressed with anxiety had no way to change that happening. There is no point OP wasting her Friday night on what ifs they can’t change.

19lottie82 · 15/12/2023 21:58

It’s still early. As someone already said he’s likely in a bar with no reception.

jhy · 15/12/2023 21:58

YABU
Works due, always over run when it comes to drinks.
Anything could have happened, why specifically hospitals? He could have lost his phone or dropped and broken it?

Allfur · 15/12/2023 21:59

19lottie - very few bars/businesses have no reception

BananaSplitsss · 15/12/2023 22:00

OhThatHappenedWhatNow · 15/12/2023 21:57

Quite

and that OP staying up, worrying, stressed with anxiety had no way to change that happening. There is no point OP wasting her Friday night on what ifs they can’t change.

Show quote history

That’s easier said than done when you have serious anxiety. Waaaaaay easier said than done.

KateyCuckoo · 15/12/2023 22:01

Blimey these threads are getting more frequent!

It's 10pm on a friday FFS!

Allfur · 15/12/2023 22:01

So I'm guessing said dh knows about this anxiety?

Aria2023 · 15/12/2023 22:01

My dh is on his work do tonight. He rarely drinks or goes out (also an introvert). He has form of saying he won't be out late or messaging me, saying he's having his last drink and then rolling home hours later! I told him tonight not to message me he's coming home unless he's in a taxi! You wouldn't be worried if your husband hadn't told you he wouldn't be late. That was probably his intention, but he's either enjoying himself more than he thought he would or he’s a bit pissed and easily persuaded to stick it out. He's a grown man, in the company of people he knows so he's very unlikely to come to any harm.

LinguisticallyCunning · 15/12/2023 22:02

I get that anxiety can cause you to overthink and worry but come on, he's an adult. It's Christmas. Not sure if it's Mad Friday or just Friday but it's to be expected at this time of year. Put some Hyacinth Bucket on and chill out.

ActDottie · 15/12/2023 22:05

He’s probably the fine. I always intend to be home by 9/10 when I have an evening social… never happens though cuz I get carried away and now to peer pressure!!

Badgerandfox227 · 15/12/2023 22:06

I would think he’s probably ended up drinking more than he expected and has lost track of time and forgotten to let you know what he’s doing. Can you do a ‘find my iPhone’ on him? Then at least you know where he is (and that he’s not in a hospital).

I do get where you’re coming from when it’s out of the norm behaviour, but I’m sure he’ll be in contact soon x

OhThatHappenedWhatNow · 15/12/2023 22:09

BananaSplitsss · 15/12/2023 22:00

That’s easier said than done when you have serious anxiety. Waaaaaay easier said than done.

Show quote history

OP hasn’t mentioned any kind of anxiety though?

I do understand anxiety and that’s why planning and setting expectations is vital. Does he have a key, can op look up and feel safe whilst having the evening at home, anxiety free.
you can be anxious and still rest I’m bed

Choice4567 · 15/12/2023 22:10

its still early. DH is on his work do that started at 12 noon. I’m not expecting him before midnight at the earliest!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/12/2023 22:10

It’s all very well saying he’s a grown man, leave him alone to enjoy himself etc etc., but depends if he’s got form. I still always worry about my DH cos I had years of him getting himself into bother or being a prick after staying out too late drinking when he was younger. It’s not nice cos you’re lying there tense just waiting to see what state they’re in this time. I gave my DH an ultimatum in the end after one specific episode. Said I had no problem him going out with whoever whenever till whatever time but if he got himself in such a state again where he put himself and others at risk then it would be divorce papers.

we’ve all seen the stories of the bother that some men get into especially at works Christmas parties. Eg the poor guy who climbed in the bin and got crushed in the bin wagon they think. Or the guy who wandered off from the works xmas do at a hotel that had a lake and got disorientated and drowned in it . There have been a couple who’ve somehow got lost walking home and got hypothermia and died.

Generally if it’s a woman in that state then her friends usually look after her and make sure she gets home ok. But if it’s a man, it’s somehow frowned on for their friends to look after them and make sure they get home ok, like it’s not the done thing and men can look after themselves. So they’re more at risk I think.

OP the balance of probability says that he will have just had a great night, had a probken with his phone battery and getting home and will be back late. It IS a worry, I know, but it’s not that late yet.

Choice4567 · 15/12/2023 22:11

Oh and I meant to say he messaged me at 12:30 to say he’d arrived. I’ve not replied or heard from him since - because he’s out on his work Christmas do so I don’t talk to him

MeinKraft · 15/12/2023 22:13

He's not in hospital OP, he's on the steamboat. Let him have a night out.

idontlikealdi · 15/12/2023 22:13

Work do, pissed. If anything had happened you'd have heard. It's 1013

LadyScarlett · 15/12/2023 22:13

He'll be fine. He's probably caught up chatting or has let loose and on the karaoke. Definitely too soon to be phoning hospitals.

OhThatHappenedWhatNow · 15/12/2023 22:15

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/12/2023 22:10

It’s all very well saying he’s a grown man, leave him alone to enjoy himself etc etc., but depends if he’s got form. I still always worry about my DH cos I had years of him getting himself into bother or being a prick after staying out too late drinking when he was younger. It’s not nice cos you’re lying there tense just waiting to see what state they’re in this time. I gave my DH an ultimatum in the end after one specific episode. Said I had no problem him going out with whoever whenever till whatever time but if he got himself in such a state again where he put himself and others at risk then it would be divorce papers.

we’ve all seen the stories of the bother that some men get into especially at works Christmas parties. Eg the poor guy who climbed in the bin and got crushed in the bin wagon they think. Or the guy who wandered off from the works xmas do at a hotel that had a lake and got disorientated and drowned in it . There have been a couple who’ve somehow got lost walking home and got hypothermia and died.

Generally if it’s a woman in that state then her friends usually look after her and make sure she gets home ok. But if it’s a man, it’s somehow frowned on for their friends to look after them and make sure they get home ok, like it’s not the done thing and men can look after themselves. So they’re more at risk I think.

OP the balance of probability says that he will have just had a great night, had a probken with his phone battery and getting home and will be back late. It IS a worry, I know, but it’s not that late yet.

That’s a massive projection there. It’s just gone 10pm and OP hasn’t returned.

19lottie82 · 15/12/2023 22:20

Allfur · 15/12/2023 21:59

19lottie - very few bars/businesses have no reception

Not in my experience. Especially if it’s a basement bar.

Mylovelygreendress · 15/12/2023 22:20

Why is always the man who goes AWOL ?

NonPlayerCharacter · 15/12/2023 22:24

Even introverts who prefer being at home (they're not the same thing) need to let their hair down occasionally and it's really not unusual to go out not really feeling it, and then get into it and have a great time.

If he really is in a hospital you'll find out soon enough, but it's far, far more likely that his phone is dead or he's underground and just having some fun. We used to do this quite a lot...go out, talk to people and find we were actually enjoying it.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/12/2023 22:25

OhThatHappenedWhatNow · 15/12/2023 22:15

That’s a massive projection there. It’s just gone 10pm and OP hasn’t returned.

Show quote history

I was just pointing out that it depends on what usually happens with OP’s husband’s nights out as to whether she is “allowed” by posters to worry. He may be an introvert but some introverts manage parties by drinking too much. I just don’t like some posters implying she’s ridiculous and OTT because it’s still early etc.

Yes it is far too soon to be thinking of ringing hospitals, and it’s wasting their time. But she knows what the norm is for her husband and even if he has run out of battery he may still then have issues getting home. It’s normal to wonder how your other half will get home if their battery died, they missed the last train and can’t get a taxi.

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 15/12/2023 22:28

It's a work DO. Do, people, not Due.

(Completely missed point of thread)

KateyCuckoo · 15/12/2023 22:34

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 15/12/2023 22:28

It's a work DO. Do, people, not Due.

(Completely missed point of thread)

Who called it a Due?