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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worried about DH

118 replies

lanterncat · 15/12/2023 21:20

DH had a work Christmas do that started at 2pm today, just lunch and a few drinks in a pub. He said he wasn't expecting it to last all day.

It's after 9pm now and he's still not home. He's not the type to go out really, he's an introvert and prefers to be home.

I've sent him whatsapp messages asking if he's OK and it's stuck one one tick. Sent a text too and I called him and his phone just beeps, no answer.

I'm getting a bit worried.

AIBU to start ringing hospitals?

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/12/2023 22:36

I remember one thread like this and I think the husband possibly actually wasn’t drinking cos he was driving home. And had parked in a car park which was unaware was locked overnight or something so he couldn’t get access to his car, was going to share a taxi home/somehwhere and get the car in the morning but somehow ended up missing the taxi ride. I think he might have ended up wandering round town for a couple of hours till he could access the car park and then charge his phone up in the car and phone home. Something like that. The poster was anxious all night then too.

I wonder how many people have no landline and only a mobile. And how many of those have their other half’s mobile number memorised? I don’t know DH’s off the top of my head so if my battery died and I had to use someone else’s phone I’d have to ring our landline which we never normally use but at least I remember the number.

10HailMarys · 15/12/2023 22:39

It hasn’t ‘lasted all day’. It started at two and it’s only half past ten now. Presumably they’ve had a meal at some point.

If his messages are only showing one tick then his phone’s either out of battery or he’s got no signal. That’s why he isn’t answering or texting.

He is fine. He is an adult.

FWIW I’m also an introvert who prefers to be at home. My work Christmas do started around 4pm and I eventually got home at 12.30am. And that was midweek.

Honestly, you don’t need to worry.

Catza · 15/12/2023 22:42

Allfur · 15/12/2023 21:51

Catza, so he didn't let you know he was going for dinner?

No but I don’t generally expect him to keep me updated on his whereabouts during the working day. If he’s not back from work by 7, then I might just quickly text him to find out ETA (mostly to see if I should eat or he’s going to be home imminently to have dinner together). He’s an adult.
And once it’s gone 9pm on a Friday night, there is nothing I need him home for anyway. Everyone is fed, washed and in their PJs. So as long as he is back before 2am to be up by 8 the next morning, we are golden.
Someone will inevitably be around to accuse me of being a “cool wife” 😂

RedHelenB · 15/12/2023 22:42

Allfur · 15/12/2023 22:01

So I'm guessing said dh knows about this anxiety?

So what if he does? He's having a rare night away from it, why should he be in contact with OP?

OhThatHappenedWhatNow · 15/12/2023 22:43

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/12/2023 22:36

I remember one thread like this and I think the husband possibly actually wasn’t drinking cos he was driving home. And had parked in a car park which was unaware was locked overnight or something so he couldn’t get access to his car, was going to share a taxi home/somehwhere and get the car in the morning but somehow ended up missing the taxi ride. I think he might have ended up wandering round town for a couple of hours till he could access the car park and then charge his phone up in the car and phone home. Something like that. The poster was anxious all night then too.

I wonder how many people have no landline and only a mobile. And how many of those have their other half’s mobile number memorised? I don’t know DH’s off the top of my head so if my battery died and I had to use someone else’s phone I’d have to ring our landline which we never normally use but at least I remember the number.

I also remember that thread. My husband would not have a clue what my mobile number is and it would be a reach for him to remember we have a landline especially with a few beers in his belly.

my point is, this is a regular thing and our anxiety plays a massive part. As long as a plan is in place to lock up and at least worry in the comfort of our own beds it is still very, very early even for an introvert out on their Christmas night out.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/12/2023 22:44

Yeah there’s always usually a good explanation, and usually it’s just that the person has got drunk and enjoyed themselves (even if they ARE
very annoying when they get in, and ESPECIALLY when they stagger upstairs and throw themselves on the bed and fall asleep on you breathing kebab breath in your face all night. 🙄)

JoyeuxNarwhal · 15/12/2023 22:46

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/12/2023 22:44

Yeah there’s always usually a good explanation, and usually it’s just that the person has got drunk and enjoyed themselves (even if they ARE
very annoying when they get in, and ESPECIALLY when they stagger upstairs and throw themselves on the bed and fall asleep on you breathing kebab breath in your face all night. 🙄)

You forgot snoring and farting while they're at it 🙄 (may have experienced this myself this week).

Sodapop1 · 15/12/2023 22:49

There are threads like this all the time and the DH usually turns up drunk somewhere having lost their phone/ran out of battery.

I wonder how many posters are genuinely worried about their other halves and how many are anxious because they actually don’t trust them?

moomoomoo27 · 15/12/2023 22:52

Sodapop1 · 15/12/2023 22:49

There are threads like this all the time and the DH usually turns up drunk somewhere having lost their phone/ran out of battery.

I wonder how many posters are genuinely worried about their other halves and how many are anxious because they actually don’t trust them?

The only one I've seen they called from the police station hours later because they'd been arrested for drunk driving.

ClareBlue · 15/12/2023 22:55

OK, we all know it's not rational to worry about someone out at 10pm on a Christmas party. But it's not our partner.
So. The one tick indicates he has not read your message. Not that he isn't responding.
Most saying no signal but the most likely explanation is that the group has said everyone put your fecking phones away and enjoy the night or his battery has died. He has done 6 hours without a charge at least, so this is very plausible. He won't be looking for a charging socket if his phone died after a couple of pints. Expecially if there is no phones in the group rule. This happens all the time. In fact I think it is happening to me tonight as I was told 10pm return from party and no sign yet or message.😮

MsRosley · 15/12/2023 23:02

OP, I think you've made the astonishing discovery that your DH is an inconsiderate twat when drunk.

Ellamaelucyolivia · 15/12/2023 23:07

Give him a break. It's only 11 now. He's just out and about.

Allfur · 15/12/2023 23:09

As someone who loves a night out, it really isn't hard to send a text

CustardySergeant · 15/12/2023 23:12

KateyCuckoo · 15/12/2023 22:34

Who called it a Due?

Show quote history

jhy · Today 21:58 "Works due, always over run when it comes to drinks."

UnJardinSurLeTwat · 15/12/2023 23:27

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 15/12/2023 21:37

Well, this exact thread ended with the husband arrested for drink driving a few weeks ago.

And about 400 threads since that one have said "my husband has been out for 3 minutes and I have sent him 200 texts and tried to ring him repeatedly and am frantic and/or 'livid'", and he has turned up again as right as rain.

MaidOfSteel · 15/12/2023 23:39

Any news, OP?

NortieTortie · 15/12/2023 23:42

I wouldn't expect a 'lunch and few drinks' to go beyond 5pm without some kind of message?? That would definitely be odd for my husband, whether he's been 'dragged off' or not. I understand OP's anxiety. Hope he's home or at least been in touch now x

Rainbowx90 · 15/12/2023 23:52

My DH has been out since 4pm and I've not heard from him.
He will roll in when he's ready. Don't understand why people have to fuss and panic, unless they don't trust their partners.
It isn't unusual for me to come home at 4am from a night out with the girls, me and DH never text or call each other (unless in an emergency) when we are out with our pals. Leave him alone 😅

StressedOutSemolina · 15/12/2023 23:54

Imagine being in a relationship and the other half starts phoning round hospitals if you're not home by 9pm. Fuck me, I can't breathe just reading that.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 15/12/2023 23:55

NortieTortie · 15/12/2023 23:42

I wouldn't expect a 'lunch and few drinks' to go beyond 5pm without some kind of message?? That would definitely be odd for my husband, whether he's been 'dragged off' or not. I understand OP's anxiety. Hope he's home or at least been in touch now x

Really? It wouldn't occur to me to think anything other than he was enjoying himself. I wouldn't be checking in with my husband if it were the other way round.

Rainbowx90 · 15/12/2023 23:56

StressedOutSemolina · 15/12/2023 23:54

Imagine being in a relationship and the other half starts phoning round hospitals if you're not home by 9pm. Fuck me, I can't breathe just reading that.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/12/2023 23:57

Clearly he doesn’t like staying home as much as you thought Op!

betterangels · 16/12/2023 00:03

StressedOutSemolina · 15/12/2023 23:54

Imagine being in a relationship and the other half starts phoning round hospitals if you're not home by 9pm. Fuck me, I can't breathe just reading that.

Suffocating. I'd hate it.

Rafting2022 · 16/12/2023 00:03

These threads are so tedious.

NortieTortie · 16/12/2023 00:04

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 15/12/2023 23:55

Really? It wouldn't occur to me to think anything other than he was enjoying himself. I wouldn't be checking in with my husband if it were the other way round.

Show quote history

Well, yeah. It'd be well out of character for my husband. He gives me updates if he's staying out later than planned, and would let me know if his phone was low battery or text me from someone else's phone if it died so I wouldn't worry. I do the same. 🤷 I'm not saying I need to be updated every hour, just if lunch and drinks rolled into me not needing to expect him back.