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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a really odd way to do gifts

114 replies

itsgoodtobehome · 15/12/2023 11:04

DH's family's way of doing Christmas gifts goes something like this:
He has a conversation with, say his brother (but can equally apply to anyone in his family). He'll ask what he wants for Christmas. Brother will say, "oh, I bought myself a new cycling jacket a couple of weeks ago, you can get me that. It was £xx." Then he will ask DH what he wants, and DH will give a similar response with a similar monetary value. So in their minds, they have sorted out each others Christmas presents without any money or gifts having actually changed hands. This routine is then repeated with every other member of the family.

IABU to find this bizarre? In my family, we actually go out and buy each other gifts, wrap them and hand them over.

YANBU - this is a very odd way to do things
YABU - this is actually very efficient, saves a lot of hassle, and ends up with the same end result

OP posts:
SoLongDaisyMay · 15/12/2023 11:06

That's odd but I sort of get the logic behind it. And if everyone's happy then why not

chillichoclove · 15/12/2023 11:10

I'm jealous of how easy this sounds. But if is a bit miserable

MMMarmite · 15/12/2023 11:10

If they're happy with it, leave them to it. Some people love giving and receiving gifts, other people find it all a lot of faff - this is a nice technique for people in the latter category.

EvilElsa · 15/12/2023 11:12

Seems a bit joyless to me, but if it works for them then great! They all get exactly what they want, no shit gifts.

BabyYoshke · 15/12/2023 11:12

Ha! I love it. Going to adopt this asap. A for Efficiency 👌

Daisies12 · 15/12/2023 11:13

Honestly it sounds very sensible. And better than buying unwanted rubbish that gets given to the charity shop in January.

Jacfrost · 15/12/2023 11:15

Joyless but sensible really

CurlewKate · 15/12/2023 11:16

I was completely thrown when I joined dp's family by two main things. They showed how much they loved each other by asking about their cars. And if you said "what would you like for Christmas?" they told you. Including the shop (this was pre Amazon) and how much it was.

NuffSaidSam · 15/12/2023 11:18

It's not very exciting or magical, but very efficient and assuming these are all adults then seems quite a good system.

ManateeFair · 15/12/2023 11:25

It seems a bit odd to me personally, because ultimately, they might as well just give each other some money in a card and not have the conversation about what it's for.

But if it works for them, it's all good. I can see that it's easier than having to puzzle over what someone might want or getting the exact right item, and I guess if you name a particular sum that the item costs, that does at least avoid the weirdness of exchanging cards containing identical amounts of money (we once got a £50 gift voucher from SIL and BIL, for exactly the same store we'd given them a £50 gift voucher for).

I'm all for people doing things in whatever way they like, rather than feeling obliged to do things a certain way just because it's expected.

grass67 · 15/12/2023 11:27

Might as well not bother then.

Christmassss · 15/12/2023 11:27

Sounds a good plan, everyone gets what they want, there’s no waste or buying crap.

merrymerrychristmasall · 15/12/2023 11:28

A verbal exchange followed a new perspective that the coat that I was already enjoying has now become a lovely gift from someone I care about. Magic!

Christmas is grand.

PuttingDownRoots · 15/12/2023 11:31

DH and I do this with each other. However they get given to the giver to wrap and return.

It sounds joyless but its easier than him tracking down odd books etc and me going to outdoor shops or looking at motorbike gear when I barely know one end of the bike from the other.

dancinfeet · 15/12/2023 11:33

I did this with my extended family members because there are loads of them and only three of us and it was costing me a fortune, so I told them to spend the equivalent on themselves as what they would normally spend on us and I would do the same.

ActDottie · 15/12/2023 11:35

SoLongDaisyMay · 15/12/2023 11:06

That's odd but I sort of get the logic behind it. And if everyone's happy then why not

This. Particularly when they’re adults. We do secret Santa with all the adults in our family. £50 budget, one person to buy for easy.

fingerguns · 15/12/2023 11:37

ActDottie · 15/12/2023 11:35

This. Particularly when they’re adults. We do secret Santa with all the adults in our family. £50 budget, one person to buy for easy.

Show quote history

I assume you are one of my siblings and spouses, as we do exactly the same thing, haha. Sibling & spouse Secret Santa, £50. Job done. Everyone gets what they want!

SleepyTraveller · 15/12/2023 11:38

We do this! If it's something tangible and small-ish we maybe then wrap it and give it just for fun. And sometimes a small surprise gift too, but only if something springs to mind

SleepingStandingUp · 15/12/2023 11:40

I think as everyone kinda knows the budget, it's fine. My sister and I spend the same on each other and our partners. So one year I gave him and her vouchers and she brought me and DH vouchers all for the same amount. This just removes the faff of swapping.

I do mentally tag some stuff I buy knowing I'll get X money for Xmas so I might buy a show ticket in Dec and then when I get the cash for Xmas I mentally allocate to the ticket and say thanks, I brought a ticket to X show

VanityDiesHard · 15/12/2023 11:42

Sounds great to me!

CuriousityKilledThePussy · 15/12/2023 11:43

If no money changes hands then they aren't even paying for it? So not actually buying them anything at all. Weird.
I do similar, like "I just got this if you want to buy it from me" kind of thing, but not actually paying for anything is not buying a gift surely?

CremeBrunette · 15/12/2023 11:51

It’s fine. I don’t see how it’s any less joyless than voucher swapping for the same amounts, which is what we will do with a family member. I bought some clothes before Christmas. I knew I wanted clothes with my Christmas money, I knew I would be getting money, so I ordered them in advance, tried them on and checked I was happy with them. They’ve been folded and out in the pile of stuff to wrap but they’ll probably just be put in a gift bag. DH is transferring some money for them back to the joint and my mum will transfer some for the rest. I get the clothes on Christmas Day, knowing I’m happy with them, they know they’ve bought me something I want. I plan on wearing one of the tops when I go out between Christmas and new year, which if I waited for my Christmas money I wouldn’t be able to do.

user1486915549 · 15/12/2023 11:55

My mum banned buying Christmas presents in our large family many years ago. We each buy ourselves something we really wanted and tell the others what we got. Win win.

sensationalsally · 15/12/2023 11:59

I think that's hilarious! It's practically what me and my sister used to do when we were teenagers - we'd each buy each other something the other other wanted and then swap on Christmas Day. Now, I just ask everyone what they want and buy it. It's easy. They tell me where to get it and send a link so I can buy it online. We do, however, wrap the gifts and exchange them on Christmas day

LorneSausage · 15/12/2023 11:59

My brother and I buy ourselves something that we wouldn't normally be able to justify then we enjoy showing each other what we chose. This year he's bought me a lovely jumper and apparently I've got him a book he's been wanting for ages - works for us!