To think this is a really odd way to do gifts

[itsgoodtobehome]

DH's family's way of doing Christmas gifts goes something like this:
He has a conversation with, say his brother (but can equally apply to anyone in his family). He'll ask what he wants for Christmas. Brother will say, "oh, I bought myself a new cycling jacket a couple of weeks ago, you can get me that. It was £xx." Then he will ask DH what he wants, and DH will give a similar response with a similar monetary value. So in their minds, they have sorted out each others Christmas presents without any money or gifts having actually changed hands. This routine is then repeated with every other member of the family.

IABU to find this bizarre? In my family, we actually go out and buy each other gifts, wrap them and hand them over.

YANBU - this is a very odd way to do things
YABU - this is actually very efficient, saves a lot of hassle, and ends up with the same end result

For adults this is brilliant. You still feel like you’re treating a member of your family without all the hassle. But then I don’t personally need to open up presents at Christmas, there are so many other wonderful things to enjoy about Christmas.

Tbh I find it’s the older and younger members of the family who make a big deal of presents.

My parents and DHs are of a generation where Christmas was the one time of the year that they were bought something. None of them grew up wealthy, they didn’t get things bought for them, so it really was a treat and important to them. And younger children don’t really know any better, and get caught up in the (adult) excitement of it all.

Whereas DH and I, and our teenagers… we don’t really want for anything. If we want something during the year and we can afford it, it gets bought then when it’s needed. None of us like to just aquire ‘stuff’ we don’t need.

so we are kind of going through the motions to keep the grandparents happy tbh. I wouldn’t miss the whole present-giving part of the day at all tbh.

I try and do this with my sister - saves time/money/wrapping and means l get exactly whslat l wqnt - no faff!!

Only if 'unwrapping stuff on Christmas day' is something that gives you joy.

Exactly. I find joy in participating in group games and board games, doing activities with the children during Christmas, and seeing them get excited about all the lights. Presents are nice but not where the joy is for me.

Yes it's odd as where's the pleasure of finding just the right gift and seeing the joy on their faces when they open it?

For me, few have gotten the right gift but I have showed joy over them getting me a gift even if I didn’t like it and/or it shows they don’t know me much at all.

The favourite gifts I’ve received off the top of my head are those that are obviously well thought of, hot sauces that my FIL asked a chef friend of his to make for me (they were delicious!) and hiking socks from my BIL because I love hiking.

Those aren’t considered proper gifts to some people, but I love them.

It's hilarious! I love the efficiency of this process, best way to go about if you don't care about exchanging presents 😂

my dad does this and it irrates me. I get he feels he’s making life easier for me but it’s joyless and means he sits on his own Christmas morning with no gifts to open.

If he’s fine with it, why is it a problem for you? He doesn’t seem to feel he’s missing out on any stuff-based ‘joy’.

So you find it joyless and you don't like that your dad has no gifts to open.

If your dad is happy with the arrangement, then why not just be happy that he's happy, rather than forcing your notion of "joy" on him?

My parents are like this - I don’t really see it as an issue but sometimes it will be something they’ve already had use of so won’t be wrapped and actually given to them.
my siblings on the other hand will either ask parents for the money, go out and buy whatever to that value and give it to parents to be wrapped and gifted on Christmas Day, or the same but spending their own money and then asking for the money back.
then there’s me who will say “I’d like x y & z” or “I like this, you pick the colour etc” to make it a small surprise 🤣

Haven’t RTFT but my siblings and I do something probably even more bizarre! We call it “the thought that counts present” - we find something we know the other would like, send a picture/link of it to them and tell them that’s what we would have got them if we had the money. E.g. there was a lovely old Austin 7 on Facebook marketplace the other day, so I sent the link to my brother and he was very grateful for the thought 😁

It is a bit odd but then it’s great as no one is getting things they don’t want/need/like.

my extended in-laws do a secret Santa with a wish list so this is kinda similar. It’s an app we all download and that then sorts for us who we buy for then the recipients can add a wish list but also allows you to message your recipient to ask for sizes etc. it’s worked wonders for me as I don’t know them well enough to buy for and I always get what I want/need without the awkwardness of having to be grateful for something I hate. It’s all the adults that take part with a limit of £70.

It may lack joy and spontaneity. But it makes up for it in simplicity and pragmatism. I depends which of those qualities matter the most to you.

I can beat this... DPs family all give one another £25 on their birthdays. Don't they all just cancel each other out??

Of course it's not traditional - but if it works then why not! Sounds easy to me!