How is your house not a shithole?

[Give0fecks]

Help me. I’m drowning. I just feel so overwhelmed by the never ending mess and clutter and shit everywhere. I spend HOURS everyday tidying and cannot get on top of it.

I have a 3yo and 1 yo, a dog, a lazy husband and we are all at home a lot. So 3 meals a day for the kids and I. Toys everywhere, plates/packets everywhere always on the kitchen sides. Colouring pens, scraps of fucking scribbles, play doh, Breadsticks under the table as the baby constantly lobs food everywhere. Clothes all over the floor upstairs, out of the drawers/ “floordrobe”.

I just cannot cope. It’s not like I leave it and it builds up, it’s just a tsunami wave of mess constantly and I cannot keep up. Everyday the dishwasher goes on, laundry in, kitchen sides/table cleaned, etc and it lasts 3 seconds and it’s like a bombs gone off again.

im not exaggerating that it’s actually causes me anxiety!

And fatbergs. Nobody should wash fat or oil down the sink.

You beat me to it!

You have a husband who works 20–36 hours a week and does nothing else so this is your problem.

Coupled with a small house and too much stuff.

Also following for tips

Our house was a lot tidier when the kids were small,probably because DP was working in another country.

He says he cant take on any more (because it gets him out of doing any more)

But if you werent there, he would have to do it all.

If you left with the kids, he would have to do 100% of the housework. Washing, cooking, cleaning, toilets, laundry.

What did he do before you? Genuine question.

Sounds like my house. In my case, I just have too much stuff and not enough house. Not so easy to declutter though as I don't really have much just a VERY tiny house.

However, I'm getting myself a cleaning schedule spreadsheet to help me get at least a bit better. I've done flylady before and it helped for a time.

My house isn’t messy but it’s because I am constantly tidying. I’m one of those nervous energy people and not OCD about cleaning at all but am up and about tidying and organising constantly. I feel overwhelmed by it a lot but as my kids get older (4 and 6) I can see them helping out and naturally tidying up after themselves which is really positive. DH also always helps out. Tips are:
Have a place for everything
When kids are old enough teach them to put packages/banana skins etc in the bin and dishes in the dishwasher or sink
Have them put their pjs under pillow and make bed daily
Do one wash a day to keep on top of washing
It’s not you it’s hard. I annoy myself with my lack of sitting still but also hate mess so needs must

Can I point put that if some weeks he works 20 hours and others he works 36 hours...then some weeks he has 16 hours to pick up chores.

He is clearly unwilling not unable.

Yup. Out yesterday and asked (retired, but he's always stepped up) DH how his day was. He'd washed the bathroom and kitchen floor, sawed firewood, laid the fire, hoovered and put away his clothes (laundry is my job). And he had time for emails and farting about playing online Patience for a couple of hours.

Sort out a system for your clothes that works better, whether it's getting rid or more storage.

Have a zone for kids toys and be strict about the majority of them staying in there or being put back there - it won't happen fully but it will help. Can turn it into a game.

Husband should also be put in charge of everything that happens downstairs at 6pm (or whenever dinner time is) and beyond. So cleaning the kitchen table, picking up evening thrown food etc. Put your husband in charge of the dishes, and give him a laundry task to do as well (if not the whole thing - one part, like rounding up clothes in the washing machine or putting away dry stuff).

Kids are messy, there’s no way around it.

Dogs are less messy but they’re still extra work.

My biggest advice (apart from giving your DH a kick up the bum) is to declutter.

The less stuff you have, the less there is to clean.
The stuff you do have like toys, get storage space like toy chests so you can just shove it all in there and he done.

You will never have a show home because show homes aren’t lived in.

You clean as you go and then have 30 mins after the DC have gone to bed where you and DH have a quick blitz of everything.

I felt like this and was told by a friend that I need to lower my expectations. Not many of us have a house worthy of Instagram. Don’t let it get you down. Do what you can. Tell your husband how you feel and he may start helping. Hope you are ok x

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. with two little ones, this is just a season in life that will pass. But until it does, there area few things you could try, such as: Focus on one room per day rather than try to do everything in 24 hours.

Could you give your 3yr old age appropriate tasks such as putting toys away. Maybe make it a game where you set a timer for 2 minutes and ask him to grab as many toys as he can, or to collect all the crayons etc. You say you are home a lot, that must feel overwhelming. are there any local playgroups or casual meet ups at a library etc, so you are not in the same environment all day?

The lazy husband is an issue, he needs tasks for when he is indoors, as you are both working full time(whether that's in employment or full time parenting) so no reason you should be doing everything at the evenings and weekend too!

You mention toys everywhere, is it time to have a sort out of what toys are no longer used or broken etc? maybe to a toy switch with friends, or donate to a charity shop/local playgroup.

Sounds like the kitchen could be hubby's job of an evening, so you can go to bed knowing you have clear work surfaces at the start of each day.

Whose clothes all over the floor? if its is the children's then I would get laundry baskets for clean laundry to be popped into until there is time to properly put away. Maybe have set days for washing the towels/bedding, then colours another day then whites another so you aren't trying to do it all in one go.

It’s not like I leave it and it builds up, it’s just a tsunami wave of mess constantly and I cannot keep up. Everyday the dishwasher goes on, laundry in, kitchen sides/table cleaned, etc and it lasts 3 seconds and it’s like a bombs gone off again.

I honestly don’t know how anyone with small children (and no money for a cleaner) has a neat abs tidy house unless it’s the absolute only thing they do.

That's the issue, yep

te the DH problem. I don’t really know what else to do about it. He works but not many hours - between 20-36 a week (but full time wage) but he feels a maximum capacity. He is stressed, I am stressed. Being in the house with both kids we struggle to get anything done as it’s chaos. Sounds pathetic I know.

This winds me up.

I’m a single parent and work FT with absolutely no help from my ex or anyone else and I still manage to get off my ass and clean up after myself.

My home is not perfect and yours definitely won’t be with such young kids but you should find it much easier than I do because you have a partner who is meant to help you.

He needs to clean like every other adult does.

Perhaps sit down together and draw up a rota of who does what and when.

Try this simple technique:
Get a massive bin bag. Pop husband in it. Tie up and leave outside back door.
Works miracles.

Or she tells her DH to pull his weight. Me and my DH are both naturally quite messy and lazy but by splitting the jobs we keep the house mostly tidy. And the little one is following our lead and puts things in the bin, clears up things etc. The solution is not to send her DH away while she tidies once. Its for them both to tidy regularly.

Robot hoover. Honestly. Changed my life. Cheap one from Amazon.

Batch cook. You can't be cooking everyday. Do a large pasta bake, a big spaghetti bol I've never understood how anybody can work, look after little ones and cooking 3 meals per day.

Thanks @Nanny0gg I will try your suggestion but should has form for sniping back and being a bit nasty so I'll tread warily.
They're talking about moving to a bigger house but I fear they'll just find more stuff to fill it up with 🙄

This was me and i've turned it around - so it can be done.

Every weekday/non school holiday day i clear out one area- literally the saucepan cupboard one day - take it all out, clean it and replace or one bedside drawer. It was hard the first year and took much longer, but now i'm about 3 years in so it's much easier as i'd already made the hard decisions in years gone by.

I started with the areas that gave me most stress - ie the coat cupboard and did that one day, and then another stress causing area the next. Some days are really tight on time, so then i'll 'treat' myself to an easy one (like the saucepan cupboard or cutlery drawer).

I also have thought about storage and getting stuff off the floor - so i've got lots of hooks in the cupboards holding the broom, or the sieve etc - actually life changing.

Every week day/non school holiday day i also do a 'spring clean' job - ie ciffing a door or cleaning one of the chandelier lights

And every day i clean one room - Wednesday is always the downstairs loo/easy mop of the kitchen. Friday is always the kitchen - a proper clean including the microwave, polishing the appliances etc, Saturday is a proper mop of the kitchen and bathroom floors. The other days, i do what room most needs it. It means the house is never spotless but always clean to a degree and most important it's totally manageable.

DH does a full hoover on a Friday and we have a Eufy hoover going a couple of times downstairs.

You really do have to stick to it, but i probably spend about half hour a day on this and then generally tidying.

I also put things away and not down!!!

Good lord, do it.

Keep an eye on local hotel availability on your phone.

At the first critical comment you say, "Well unfortunately your lazy arse son doesn't do anything around the house, which is why it is a mess. Preparing for your visit and hosting you should really be his job since you are his parents, but it has been left to me as usual. I'm going to check into a hotel for some me time. Perhaps you can show your son how to use the hoover."

😂this made me laugh!

I remember feeling similarly outraged when my mum expressed the same sentiment. I totally understand now…