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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH - Christmas is for family. Aibu to want to see my friends?

101 replies

Adventcalendaraddict · 15/12/2023 08:27

I am an only child of two only children. I have no siblings, no aunts or uncles, no cousins. I just have a mum. That’s it.
I have two very close friends; one I’ve known since I was 6 so for over 35 years and the other I went to university with and lived with in my 20s. They aren’t friends with each other especially, they know each other through me but aren’t close friends.
We are godmothers to each other’s children and I would count these friends as being like family I do not have.
Id like to pop and see them next weekend, probably one Saturday evening and one maybe for a coffee Christmas Eve morning or Boxing Day.
DH is saying no, Christmas is for family.
However he has 3 siblings, about 10 aunts and uncles and many cousins, several of which he’s close to. He has 9 nieces and nephews. Over Christmas we will see a lot of his family - because there are so many of them.
For me, it’s just my mum. I don’t think he appreciates that for me these friends who I’ve known for well over half of my life have become like family to me.
AIBU?

OP posts:

Almondmum · 15/12/2023 08:29

Why does he get to be the boss of you? Please don't listen to him. Go and see your friends.

Ragwort · 15/12/2023 08:31

He can't tell you what to do ! Just go and meet your friends.

Lochness1975 · 15/12/2023 08:31

Do what you want to do, since when does he call all the shots? Christmas is for family AND friends- Season of good will and all that.

SecondUsername4me · 15/12/2023 08:32

Since when does he get to tell you how you can and can't spend your own time? Fuck that!

underneaththeash · 15/12/2023 08:33

I depends - have you already said yes to something else? Do you have children as well who you want to take with you.
Do they want you to come over then? Personally, I don't see friends that week, but the Saturday would be fine.

AndThatWasNY · 15/12/2023 08:33

DH would never ever tell me who I can and can't see. Is he a twat in other ways?

mottytotty · 15/12/2023 08:33

Blood isn’t always thicker than water. My friends know much more about me than my sisters.

Please see your friends.

Ginandjuice57884 · 15/12/2023 08:34

That's a very rigid viewpoint he's coming from. Maybe it's a bit more difficult for someone with family to understand but you shouldn't be dictated to like that.

SunPlant20 · 15/12/2023 08:34

I have a big family and I still see my friends around Christmas. Your dh doesn't own Christmas and should get to dictate who you see around this time of year. It's not like you're spending Christmas day with them and not him.

Hernameisdeborah · 15/12/2023 08:37

You're not being unreasonable at all. You're not ditching DH and family on Christmas Day to spend the day with them. Is your husband always this controlling?

TheSuggestedAmendment · 15/12/2023 08:37

You are so reasonable it makes me wonder how your DH has even sown doubt in your mind. Please see your friends and godchildren, that sounds lovely.

senua · 15/12/2023 08:38

I don't see why it's an either/or situation. See everybody!

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/12/2023 08:39

Why the fuck does he get to decide what Christmas is “for”. Is he your boss? No.

Like most things in a marriage some compromise is needed. You set aside some time for your in-laws, fine. He doesn’t get to tell you you can’t see your friends.

RatatouillePie · 15/12/2023 08:39

Your DH is right. Christmas is about family.

And these friends are your family so it makes sense to go and see them.

A family is more than a blood relation.

bloodyeffinnora · 15/12/2023 08:40

he would say family first, knowing full well you haven't got many, so he's making Christmas all about him and his family.
yes definitely go ahead and see your friends, tell him they are your family and he needs to realise this.

AuntieStella · 15/12/2023 08:40

He needs to learn the art of give and take.

And perhaps alternating - as people often do with each side of the family being prioritised in turn. Shouldn't matter whether you prioritise friends and he prioritises family as long as you both get turns to do so.

60PercentClub · 15/12/2023 08:41

He said No? Why does he think he can do that? Anyway of course you should see your friends, nothing even slightly unreasonable about it. My husband and I are both from large families, we will be spending that Saturday/Sunday with friends and friends children. Christmas/boxing day etc with extended family. Its not an either/or situation.

DisforDarkChocolate · 15/12/2023 08:43

Knowing you have so little family he's being an insensitive dick.

See your friends, it's lovely you have friends you feel this way about.

escapethemaze · 15/12/2023 08:43

let me guess

your marriage is generally shite and this is a drop in the ocean

Psyberbaby · 15/12/2023 08:43

Wow the vote here is unanimous. He sounds selfish

user1492757084 · 15/12/2023 08:45

Is it a problem due to two events clashing?
I don't see a problem unless you have too much on.

A family event trumps a friends one for my family on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day but I would see the friends at another suitable time over Christmas like you are planning.

Does your husband object to him and the children going along? Is he busy preparing food etc?
Can you invite your friends to the family function if you are hosting? Or just invite one lot of friends for the coffee at your place while your husband remains stuffing the turkey?

Tooshytoshine · 15/12/2023 08:45

They are your family. End of discussion as you both agree.

He sounds a tit.

assessedorregreased · 15/12/2023 08:48

Your husband is being very selfish.

My friends are kinder to me than my family.

You do what makes you happy!

Namechangeforthis88 · 15/12/2023 08:48

I thought you were going to say you wanted to go out on the lash on the big day leaving him and the kids at home!

You are totally reasonable. He doesn't get to lock down the whole festive period with his preferences. Madness. Round here everyone does exactly as they please Christmas Eve. I have slipped out to meet friends at the pub on Christmas Eve when we've had in-laws staying over. We all need a break from each other at some point.

autienotnaughty · 15/12/2023 08:48

I would say these people are my family and I would do Saturday night and Sunday morning then spend Xmas day and Boxing Day with him

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