Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH - Christmas is for family. Aibu to want to see my friends?

101 replies

Adventcalendaraddict · 15/12/2023 08:27

I am an only child of two only children. I have no siblings, no aunts or uncles, no cousins. I just have a mum. That’s it.
I have two very close friends; one I’ve known since I was 6 so for over 35 years and the other I went to university with and lived with in my 20s. They aren’t friends with each other especially, they know each other through me but aren’t close friends.
We are godmothers to each other’s children and I would count these friends as being like family I do not have.
Id like to pop and see them next weekend, probably one Saturday evening and one maybe for a coffee Christmas Eve morning or Boxing Day.
DH is saying no, Christmas is for family.
However he has 3 siblings, about 10 aunts and uncles and many cousins, several of which he’s close to. He has 9 nieces and nephews. Over Christmas we will see a lot of his family - because there are so many of them.
For me, it’s just my mum. I don’t think he appreciates that for me these friends who I’ve known for well over half of my life have become like family to me.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 15/12/2023 09:17

Friends are family you chose for yourself

SnapdragonToadflax · 15/12/2023 09:18

Do what you want!

I would say that Christmas Day is for family - and by that I mean children/parents/grandparents, or your closest living relatives if you have any. But the days surrounding Christmas are very much for anyone else you love. Before we all had kids Christmas Eve was always for friends!

mrstea301 · 15/12/2023 09:19

Your friends are your chosen family!

I have a friend who lost her parents at a young age and hasn't got any other family. Would your husband think that she should just sit in on her own over Christmas?

AlisonDonut · 15/12/2023 09:19

See who you want to see, he isn't your boss.

Sholkedabemus · 15/12/2023 09:20

What? DH says no! Who the AF does he think he is? He doesn’t get to decide for you, tell him to do one.

The actual issue here, is him thinking he can decide for you. He can’t.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 15/12/2023 09:24

You could say:

  1. yes, and these people are my family
  2. no, where in the Bible does it say "Christmas is for family"? Goodwill to all, surely
  3. fuck off you controlling wanker, no one put you in charge

Any of these should work

FrenchandSaunders · 15/12/2023 09:28

How did this conversation go? Did you ask him, and he said no.

In this house, it would be more like "I'm meeting Sarah on Tuesday morning and Fiona on Wed night, are you around to be with the kids/dog etc". If he was genuinely unable to be at home I would change it, but other than that there is no way I wouldn't be going.

ModestMoon · 15/12/2023 09:30

This is insane, you're not even talking Christmas day itself you're talking about going to see them around Christmas. Of course this is completely reasonable! I have a big family and am still choosing to see my best friend on boxing day instead of extended family, because she is more important to me than cousins who I only ever see at weddings and funerals.

AnnaBegins · 15/12/2023 09:30

My DH has got similar to this as our kids have got older. Pre-kids, Christmas was for catching up with friends as we all came "home" for Christmas. Lots of pub trips and coffee. Now, I have to beg for a couple of hours at my best friend's house on boxing day, alone, because he considers we should be getting to his parents even before his sister does, to maximise the time there, so he will take the kids there early and I will have to get my friend to drop me over after our catch up. We see both our families regularly, I see my best friend about 6 times a year!

I don't get it, Christmas is for those we love and want to spend time with, whoever they are!

SisterDisaster · 15/12/2023 09:31

Generally, I tend to think of Christmas as for family and New Year for friends. By that, I mean that I want my family to spend Christmas with me. i've asked my (teenage) DCs to be at home Christmas Eve evening, Christmas Day and Boxing day daytime. I've made a big effort, planned celebrations, nice meals etc- I don't want them coming and going at random, or moodily hungover... just over those days. Beyond that, they can do as they please. They get it.

Megifer · 15/12/2023 09:32

"DH is saying no"

🤣 awww is he now? Bless these idiot men who actually think what they say matters.

NameChangeAgain23 · 15/12/2023 09:33

Who made him Xmas police! Do you want everyone to go see York friends or can you go on your own?

My best friend and her children are my family too and I have a huge family and have two sets of parents!!

Alwaystired23 · 15/12/2023 09:35

I totally understand, op. I don't have a massive family but do have a sibling, cousins, etc, bit yes, my friends are important to me, and I would want to see them too. Explain to him they ARE your family and arrange to meet them.

NameChangeAgain23 · 15/12/2023 09:35

My DP always asks if he’s allowed to go out. Makes me laugh but it’s just his way.

Im more a im Catching up with x next weekend when works best? (And only cos we have DC that require looking after!)

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/12/2023 09:37

I think this is worrying OP, he can't 'say no' to who you see!

Lots of people do think christmas is for family (sure all the people that spend Christmas day with friends would disagree)

But Christmas eve and boxing day....just look at pubs who have groups of friends meeting up.

WandaWonder · 15/12/2023 09:38

If you would be happy for him to do the same without adding you have have more people to see than me type thing then no can't see an issue

You should both be free to go out when you want

Newsenmum · 15/12/2023 09:38

Like everyone else - wtf?? Since when is it up to him? Is he worried about having the kids alone for an hour? Christmas Eve is a normal day until the evening anyway.

harriethoyle · 15/12/2023 09:39

Who the heck does he think he is?! Tell him to bore off and go and see the friends that you chose to be your family!

Mariposista · 15/12/2023 09:42

Having a coffee with friends on Xmas eve is a lovely thing to do.

Outforlunchallday · 15/12/2023 09:45

Is he always controlling OP? Those friends are like your family and of course you should see them whenever you want. It’s a lovely thing to do.

PerceptionIsReality · 15/12/2023 09:45

I don't think DH or I would be happy about the other one seeing friends on Christmas Eve - but that is because we have children and have built up a lot of our Christmas traditions around the 24th (its probably our favourite day of Christmas). Assuming that is not a "thing" for you guys that you are disrupting then he's not being fair.

Ignoring the Christmas thing altogether - it is probably time to make him understand generally how important these friends are to you and that they are your surrogate family because it may not be only in the context of Christmas that this comes up.

Therealjudgejudy · 15/12/2023 09:47

Who made him lord and master of you?

Is he always such a controlling twat?

I actually despair sometimes reading what woman are willing to put up with.

Goneblank38 · 15/12/2023 09:50

You don't need his permission to see your friends. You got to decide.

AuntieStella · 15/12/2023 09:50

I agree @PerceptionIsReality

But there's a huge difference between snuggling down as nuclear family from Christmas Eve in the evening and all of Christmas Day. Indeed I'd say that was pretty normal for many (who prefer to be plastered in their own home). And with imposing a longer "exclusion period" but saying his family is exempt from that

Ulysees · 15/12/2023 09:50

He's being a dick end of

Swipe left for the next trending thread