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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH - Christmas is for family. Aibu to want to see my friends?

101 replies

Adventcalendaraddict · 15/12/2023 08:27

I am an only child of two only children. I have no siblings, no aunts or uncles, no cousins. I just have a mum. That’s it.
I have two very close friends; one I’ve known since I was 6 so for over 35 years and the other I went to university with and lived with in my 20s. They aren’t friends with each other especially, they know each other through me but aren’t close friends.
We are godmothers to each other’s children and I would count these friends as being like family I do not have.
Id like to pop and see them next weekend, probably one Saturday evening and one maybe for a coffee Christmas Eve morning or Boxing Day.
DH is saying no, Christmas is for family.
However he has 3 siblings, about 10 aunts and uncles and many cousins, several of which he’s close to. He has 9 nieces and nephews. Over Christmas we will see a lot of his family - because there are so many of them.
For me, it’s just my mum. I don’t think he appreciates that for me these friends who I’ve known for well over half of my life have become like family to me.
AIBU?

OP posts:
takemehomecountryroads · 15/12/2023 09:51

Do what you want to do OP. Friends are the family we make for ourselves. It can be hard coming from a small family at this time of year.

Goingsunny · 15/12/2023 09:52

Christmas day is for family in my mind. You can do what you like otherwise I think.

Rewis · 15/12/2023 09:53

So it's family time from Friday till Tuesday? He can spend all those days with his family. You can go see your friends on the 23rd

Ohtobetwentytwo · 15/12/2023 09:53

So your friends cant be family because you arent related but him and his family can be counted as yours and your obligation because you married him?

Nope.

See your friends.

ShouldIbeLeftWithLess · 15/12/2023 09:54

How dare he undervalue your friendships. You are probably closer to them than he is his aunts/uncles! Blood doesn't mean everything. I'd be very upset with him about this to he honest, and I certainly wouldn't let it stop you celebrating with your friends.

Whataretheodds · 15/12/2023 09:54

What's stopping you?

He sounds like he needs to be visited by 3 ghosts

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 15/12/2023 09:57

WTF?

A friend is on her own Christmas Eve so I've invited her over. I didn't check with my husband first. Christmas is for everyone to get together - not just family!

Wishimaywishimight · 15/12/2023 10:02

You are unreasonable for not laughing in the face of a 'D'H who tells you "no".

WeeOrcadian · 15/12/2023 10:06

Is he always this controlling?

Your friends are practically family - go see them and don't let him bully you

HotGirlInHell · 15/12/2023 10:18

What is the obsession with 'family time'?

Are we all supposed to just sit around looking at each other for a straight fortnight?

Bollocks to that, I'd go insane.

Go and see your friends. He'll live.

Whattodowithit88 · 15/12/2023 10:23

Who made him god?

Go see your friends, they are your family.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 15/12/2023 10:32

I'd just go and see my friends. He isn't the boss of me. Does he struggle with empathy?

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/12/2023 10:33

How dare he tell you who you can see and when?

Jebbs · 15/12/2023 10:38

Another person who can't undersand why you can't do both. I have siblings and uncles/aunts a-plenty and even so my childhood best friends would be on my to-see list over the holidays. Pretty sure my parents would be concerned if I didn't see them! Think the only issue would be if seeing friends clashed with a family do, but this doesn't seem to be the case unless you left that (rather important) piece of information out.
Is this something that has happened before? What has happened previous years regarding seeing family/friends? If this is new and out of nowhere then maybe sitting down and having a talk with him might help. It could be that there is an actual issue, but might also be that he's just being thoughtless if his lived experience is very different from yours but if it's that then it is important that he understands that this is important to you.

BryceQuinlan · 15/12/2023 10:41

You don't need his permission, or even approval, to see anybody!

Passingthethyme · 15/12/2023 10:42

Family doesn't have to be blood

Tinkerbyebye · 15/12/2023 10:43

Tell him what you have told us, they are in effect your sisters so you will be going to see them

don’t be told by him what to do

TomatoSandwiches · 15/12/2023 10:58

I would be asking him who the fuck he thought he was telling me no.

He is your husband, not your manager, boss or superior.

Go see your friends and enjoy yourself.

theemmadilemma · 15/12/2023 11:09

Nope, nope, nope.

I have a small family. My best friend of over 35 years is part of that small family. My seeing her is non-negotiable and DH actively encourages me - which involves me pissing off for a week at a time to another country multiple times a year. And yes I've done Christmas there!

hsapposhit · 15/12/2023 11:19

They are family. Family isn't just your blood relatives. Some friends become so close over the years that they become like siblings or cousins.
You weren't even suggesting you spend Christmas Day with them, just some time over the festive period.
This is non-negotiable in my opinion. The actual times when you spend time with them can and should be discussed so that you can fit everything in you need to do. But whether you see them or not is absolutely not up for discussion.

He sounds like a selfish knob. What's he like the rest of the time?

WorriedMum231 · 15/12/2023 11:22

It’s coming across as some sort of cruel brag that he has blood relatives and you don’t. I think your DH sounds awful! How unkind…

RedPony1 · 15/12/2023 11:23

i have a large family, but i only like my parents and one brother, i make zero effort to see anybody else on my side but will 100% be seeing friends each day - they mean more to me than 99% of my family

elizzza · 15/12/2023 11:28

We always spent Boxing Day with my mum’s schoolfriend Jenny. My parents are both from big families, who we would see Christmas Eve/Christmas Day, but Jenny has been in my mum’s life forever and we all consider her family as well. It was one of my favourite bits of Christmas and now I take my kids to see her on Boxing Day and they call her Jenny-Nana. I think it’s sad to limit your idea of “important people I can spend special days with” to strictly biological family.

sprigatito · 15/12/2023 11:31

Tell DH to take a running jump? Why is he telling you what to do?

SheerLucks · 15/12/2023 11:33

Your DH is completely wrong and sounds incredibly controlling.

See your friends if you want to!! And make a big thing of it too - more than just grabbing a quick coffee.