I cried at Therapy and I'm so embarrassed I feel queasy at the idea of going back

[ItIsWotItIs]

Not exaggerating, it's such an awful mix of terror and nausea and dread that I cried I'm questioning my ability to face the therapist again. Which is unfortunate because I think she is good and I feel comfortable otherwise - it's not her at fault, it'd be exactly the same with anyone. It's like I lost control and was seen at my most revolting and I can't put that genie back in the bottle. How do I cope with the shame?

As is blatantly obvious from this post, I need to go back. But I'm distressed by the idea of it now.

I've fucked everything.

I cried in almost every driving lesson. About things like other cars being near me, 20mph feeling very fast, doing things wrong. It was quite shameful but required as I had to learn to drive. I was 30, a teacher, had 2 kids.
Crying in therapy for any reason is fine.

Please don’t worry about it OP I sobbed like a baby when I started therapy, in between spitting vemon.

Most therapists, I would imagine, make a special entry in their diaries on days when people DON'T burst into tears during a session.

You're kind of supposed to. If anything I'd say you're doing therapy right.

God I can't even count how many times I've cried in front of mine. I've spent entire sessions crying, including once because he had taken a 3 week holiday and I missed him. Generally I don't cry. I hate it, its humiliating.

Therapy is a unique situation and a unique relationship.

They're just doing their job tbh. So they probably pay no heed. And you're being totally normal. Therapy is just uncomfortable really.

I can understand this. I'm in therapy myself currently.
I am a surface person, people see surface happiness, the rest of what I express is logical. I learnt early on that having emotions wasn't really safe.

I cried infront of my therapist. I felt like I'd betrayed myself, and I felt vulnerable, pathetic, ashamed and I didn't think I could go back.

She is the only therapist that I've cried in front of. I had to convince myself that it was a sign that she was on the right track.

It is uncomfortable still, however I have to say, I'm making progress, I'm breaking down barriers with her help, and things are improving.

Please try to get past this so you can go back and continue to make progress with whatever you are working through.

Wishing you all the best

You plainly need to express that emotion. Seemingly crying contains stress hormones, so when you cry you are calming yourself.

Your therapist may well be very pleased with your progress because you have managed to express that feeling. Many therapies depend on the idea that you "feel it to heal it" - so the crying is a positive step.

As for what you are crying about - I think crying is about releasing trauma. It is part of getting better, to find the horrible stuff and let it out so you can build in positive stuff.

I've cried in therapy lots which I expected, what I didn't expect was the sweating! Some of those sessions made me sweat buckets.

Crying is perfectly normal and healthy for other people. It's just not OK for me.

That's probably why you're in therapy. I'm not being sarcastic. I understand this feeling. It's because you are too hard on yourself and won't let yourself feel what you need to feel. Why is that? That's what the therapist is for - to help you find out.

As you say, crying is okay for other people. You wouldn't tell an upset friend to stop crying, I'm sure. No, you'd comfort her.

Therapy will help you find out why you aren't being kind to yourself.

Please don't give up. That you felt comfortable with this therapist is very important. Keep going!

Lovely post. This is it, OP. Give yourself grace and go back there.

Why not? You're the same as everyone else. You are allowed to.

I have had hypnotherapy and when I arrived for my appointment, another lady was leaving, sobbing her eyes out.

The therapist said she'd never seen anyone as uptight and unable to relax as me! So I actually envied the other lady, as I think maybe she had a breakthrough and healed better, hopefully.

Yeah, the physical effects are a bit shocking! I used to be somewhat incapacitated when i got home. All sorts of adrenalin and the inevitable 'down' after it. You don't really hear about that before going, a heads up would be nice 😂

Take these feelings to your next session. It brought up a huge amount of shame. You responded to that shame by literally disappearing. These are brilliant things to work with.

Well done xx

I’m sure it’s something therapist see all the time so it wouldn’t have fazed them.

As others have said, this is very normal for therapists to see.

Remember that the way you feel about therapy/your therapist is all important information to your therapist, and you can and should share it with your therapist. Tell them, in your next session, that you didn't want to come back because you feel so ashamed of crying. Tell them what you've shared here. This is really important "data" for a therapist. I tell my therapist when they've pissed me off, when I have felt resentful about having a session and really not wanted to go, etc etc etc.

A great deal of what a therapist works with is the nature of the relationship between you and the therapist, and the dynamic and its evolutions that unfolds between you. Not in the way that a friend would, but because the therapeutic relationship is a kind of "world in miniature" that helps your therapist understand how you relate to other people in the world. If a client is finding therapy boring, or stressful, or a source of shame, that is a clue to a therapist about how they engage with the wider world. And those clues can lead to big unlocks. It's totally different from the relationship we have with friends etc.

I hope you have a good next session and continue to do good work together! Good luck.