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Original poster

Once in a lifetime trip - 3 weeks off school

935 replies

XMissPlacedX · 14/12/2023 20:27

My daughter has always wanted to go to Disney world Florida, but due to funds I've not been able to afford it. She is 14.

Her aunty who is quite well off and has a daughter the same age (my dd's cousin ) goes to Disney world Florida every 2 years and has offered to take my dd next year for 3 weeks.

The problem is it's the first 3 weeks of the school term ( September 2024). I've asked her if there was anyway of going in the summer holidays and she said it would double their cost and it would be cheaper for them to pay the school fine .

What do I do ? Do I say yes or no ? I would love for my dd to go but am not sure how much the fine would be and what impact missing that amount of school would cause.

I'm really torn

OP posts:
Volpini · 16/12/2023 07:07

My kids are 14 (year 9, her school has just started GCSE Biology, Chemistry and Physics) and 9. (Year 4.) We have spent the last 7.5 years struggling under the pressure of my husband’s shock leukaemia diagnosis, when came out of the blue when our youngest was 1.5.

The pressure on all 4 of us during the 3 years of COVID, working full time (from home) in high pressure roles, shielding, and home-schooling was absolutely beyond my ability to put into words. I’m not being dramatic to say I am still not fully over the trauma of all of that.

We’ve received the news he’s in remission in the last few weeks. So I know exactly that life is for living. I know that things can change for the better or worse in an instant. I also know that life is for giving things your absolute best shot.
It’s interesting it has never crossed my mind to take them out of school for a holiday at any time even though we’ve had the best part of a decade wiped out. I think the only circumstance in which I would even consider it is if one of THEM had a life limiting illness (and GCSEs were thereby a moot point.)

My daughter could possibly catch up, somehow. Maybe. If she had to. We’ve all of us had such a hard time, I cannot for the life of me see why I would want to willingly put them under yet more high pressure needlessly. I’m all about making their next years of education as drama free as possible. My kids have managed to succeed through everything they’ve been through, but just because “they missed 6 months through COVID” doesn’t mean I would willingly put them through that again without a bloody good reason.

Yes, travel during school holidays is more expensive, but there’s a lot of holiday and that downtime is there for travel/ bonding/ downtime. If we can’t afford it out of term time, we don’t do it. School is not optional.

Goodgollypasta · 16/12/2023 07:27

Unfortunately they do, in my area at least, it is stated on the gov website for my area, they are being less lenient as people are willing to just pay the fine. I was also told by the school that they are making things more difficult and this is how they are doing it. Why would I make it up I'm not the kids teacher 🤣

Anna79ishere · 16/12/2023 07:32

Going to Disney world Florida for 3 weeks is not a lifetime trip. If she was going to travel South America, or Africa, even Europe, going to visit cities, museums, maybe volunteering somewhere I could say, ok, this is a lifetime experience, but going to Disney world is not. And for 3 weeks! 3 weeks of empty entertainment fuelled by consumerism it’s so bad especially at her age. I would say one week is plenty of time. If you really want to give her this experience, get her to go for one week and then fly in to pick her up and bring her back.

Pliudev · 16/12/2023 07:36

Three weeks in GCSE year? No sorry, that's really not on. There will be a time for
non educational holidays after exams. If it was a trip that somehow related to her eventual goals or for serious family reasons and experience of another culture as Christabela says,* *I might risk it, but Disneyland? That's a definite no from me.

TheaBrandt · 16/12/2023 07:53

I’m such a rule follower and really was as a teen bunking off for 3 weeks would actually stress me out.

SBB18 · 16/12/2023 07:55

Omg she’s 14! definitely sure she’ll make up the missed 3 weeks in the next 2 years! 🙃 let her go, she’ll make amazing memories!

chloe1656 · 16/12/2023 07:57

So id let her go, however - I would prob pay for a tutor to start once she’s back so realistically she can catch up on what she’s missed from school.

TheaBrandt · 16/12/2023 08:15

How would that work then? How would one tutor be able to cover all 10 or so subjects for a short period? How would they know what to cover? Any tutor we have used specialises in one subject and they build a long term relationship with the child not just working with them for a few weeks. I really wouldn’t rely on that as a fix.

Mumto6ac · 16/12/2023 08:22

Looks like I’m going against the grain here but I would let her go. Think how you would feel if (god forbid) something tragic happened, would you feel guilty for not sending her to school or not sending her on a fabulous holiday? Coming from a parent who had a very poorly son (luckily recovered) at one stage I know what I would do. You never know what the future holds.
Life experiences are every bit as important as school work & the first couple of weeks back at school are in my experience just getting organised for the year ahead. If she doesn’t go she will be moping & thinking about what her cousin is up to for the whole time & not concentrating on her schoolwork anyway. She needs to know that she will have to work extremely hard to catch up on any work she’s missed while away & that this is a one off. Does she have a friend who could email any work she’s missing so she knows what she’s missed? I really don’t think 3 weeks out of school will put her education at risk gcse year or not! X

RampantIvy · 16/12/2023 08:25

& the first couple of weeks back at school are in my experience just getting organised for the year ahead

Not during GCSE years. It is full on from day one.
You could use the "what if" the other way. What if I hadn't gone on holiday? I might have passed all of my GCSEs with better grades.

Obviously your cicumstances were quite specific @Mumto6ac, and I'm glad your son has recovered.

Aprilx · 16/12/2023 08:28

WalnutBlue · 14/12/2023 20:44

Let her go take the fine.
3 weeks of a once in a lifetime experience is worth.
She has the rest of term to catch up.

Why on earth do you say this is a once in a lifetime experience! Disney World is not about to close down. She is 14 and has many years left to go to Disney World, on the other hand the first three weeks of GCSE studies will be lost forever.

MzHz · 16/12/2023 08:30

Aprilx · 16/12/2023 08:28

Why on earth do you say this is a once in a lifetime experience! Disney World is not about to close down. She is 14 and has many years left to go to Disney World, on the other hand the first three weeks of GCSE studies will be lost forever.

Show quote history

AND the sil goes every other year. That’s not once in a life time, that’s a routine! The dd can go on the next trip!

Ggttl · 16/12/2023 08:31

Your daughter’s education is the most important thing she is doing right now. As a parent, it is your responsibility to do what you can to make sure she is in school.

Mornusting · 16/12/2023 08:31

She's 14 - she's actually a bit too old to get the "magic of Disney"

RampantIvy · 16/12/2023 08:33

Mornusting · 16/12/2023 08:31

She's 14 - she's actually a bit too old to get the "magic of Disney"

You are so wrong. People of all ages get the magic of Disney. I did at 27, DD did at 16. We saw loads of people of retirement age at the parks when we went.

Mornusting · 16/12/2023 08:39

We will have to choose to disagree on that @RampantIvy. Yes thousands of people in the parks but it's not the same for them as for a 6 year old eg.

TheaBrandt · 16/12/2023 08:41

If she wants to experience “the magic of Disney” in the future she needs to do as well in her exams as she can and get herself a decent job so she can afford to go herself.

There are so few years when missing school does actually matter and is likely to have a tangible affect on your results and therefore prospects so it blows my mind that any responsible parent would encourage this. Sorry I would be judging you quite hard. Primary up to possibly year 9 fine but years 10-13 hard hard no. They’ve got years to faff about at Disney and go on holidays. Dd1 has a levels in the summer we went away oct half term as a family but that’s it now knuckling down until after June. Then go away.

ajay19uk · 16/12/2023 08:46

We did exactly this in Oct half term. We took them for 3 weeks which meant they missed 8 days of school. It didn’t affect them in any way shape or form. You can give the school plenty of notice (and pay the fine) so she won’t ‘miss’ the school work, it’s not a particularly important year eg. GCSE year so she will have plenty of time to catch up and more importantly a wonderful lifelong memory.

Bbex123456 · 16/12/2023 08:48

I would absolutely let her go, if you stop her you risk the relationship with your daughter & her happiness. But I’d be asking school what the 1st few weeks of work will be and expecting her to study this over the 6 weeks holidays prior to the holiday. You can get the syllabus for her subjects & even tutor wizz do a free trial to help with maths & English.
there are ways to manage this without stopping your daughter from going.

TheaBrandt · 16/12/2023 08:50

I understood it was first 3 weeks of year 10? That’s a gcse year they start their gcse course for the exams in year 11.

Tumbleweed101 · 16/12/2023 08:50

I might have done in younger years but not for years 10 or 11. My daughter is in Y10 and they have had a lot of work since September for their courses. Y11 is important for revision and topic content as the exams start in May.

Starfish11674 · 16/12/2023 08:56

Can you remember what you learnt the first three weeks of year 11? I know I can’t. I can remember every trip I’ve taken abroad since I was 10. Life’s too short. Let her go, but tell her that she’ll have to work to catch up when she’s back

RampantIvy · 16/12/2023 09:02

But I’d be asking school what the 1st few weeks of work will be and expecting her to study this over the 6 weeks holidays prior to the holiday. You can get the syllabus for her subjects

This just isn't realistic. The teachers wont do this, and they will probably use the 6 week summer break to plan the next academic year, so they won't be able to tell you what they will be covering in the first three weeks of term anyway.

Can you remember what you learnt the first three weeks of year 11? I know I can’t. I can remember every trip I’ve taken abroad since I was 10.

No, but it's useful to remember at exam time. Learning a topic for the first time when revising is hard. It's much easier when you are revisiting something you learned earlier because it tends to stick more.

I think people make far too much of "making memories" these days. It isn't Instagram, it's real life.

Tiredalwaystired · 16/12/2023 09:19

Jasnijade · 15/12/2023 17:33

Ask the school to give you the work she’ll miss while she’s away so she can work on it. I think you’ll be surprised how little there is.

I think you’d be surprised how much there is. It’s year 11, not year 1.

TheaBrandt · 16/12/2023 09:21

Over a lifetime there is so much time to take holidays consequence free. Seems perverse to me to choose a “once in a lifetime” long trip absenting yourself in one of the very few periods of time in your life span where that absence may actually have a long term affect on your future (and is proved to do so). As parents surely our job is help our kids thrive over the long term and see the bigger picture when they can’t.