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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Once in a lifetime trip - 3 weeks off school

935 replies

XMissPlacedX · 14/12/2023 20:27

My daughter has always wanted to go to Disney world Florida, but due to funds I've not been able to afford it. She is 14.

Her aunty who is quite well off and has a daughter the same age (my dd's cousin ) goes to Disney world Florida every 2 years and has offered to take my dd next year for 3 weeks.

The problem is it's the first 3 weeks of the school term ( September 2024). I've asked her if there was anyway of going in the summer holidays and she said it would double their cost and it would be cheaper for them to pay the school fine .

What do I do ? Do I say yes or no ? I would love for my dd to go but am not sure how much the fine would be and what impact missing that amount of school would cause.

I'm really torn

OP posts:
cardibach · 15/12/2023 22:41

Cosyblankets · 15/12/2023 16:53

In an hour with a private tutor there are no distractions. There is none of this....
I don't have a pen
Miss he's just hit me
Johnny take your coat off
Jane put your phone away
Miss can I go to the toilet?
I don't have my homework
Peter why are you late again?
Amy can you put your hairbrush away.
Miss my laptop isn't working
Miss I can't log on
Miss I forgot my password.
Miss I can't do this because i didn't read the chapter.
......
So therefore you get through so much more work in much less time. So therefore you don't need anything like the amount of hours that you do in school.

Show quote history

I don’t disagree. But you also don’t get the benefit of discussion. And the original 3 weeks was 75 hours ( I recognise it’s less now - though how much less when jet lag etc is taken into account). Even if you halve it, it’s a lot of catching up after full time school and in addition to homework - particularly if some of the missed content is essential to understanding the work being done in class.

RampantIvy · 15/12/2023 22:48

NotVWoolf · 15/12/2023 22:37

There’s more to life and education than being in a classroom.
I took my four children out of primary and secondary school three times to go travelling. The first trip (USA) they missed the second half of the summer term, the second trip (South America) they missed the entire spring term, and the third trip (expedition across the Sahara) a couple of weeks both sides of Easter. They’ve thrived and are now all graduates with successful careers.
This was before fines and the children were all in top sets, but I wouldn’t have taken them out of school in September. Florida’s a great temperature and it used to be cheaper from Easter to July so could they go then?

Were they taken out during GCSE years. Did the GCSEs have as much content as they do now?

GabriellaFaith · 15/12/2023 22:50

We took 3 weeks out of school too for exactly this with our 2 girls. No regrets! Right decision!

Life is for living and making memories. A few weeks off school can be made up, but a memory like that can't be. It's an amazing experience

I work in oncology so constantly reminded how short life can be. No one ever says they regret a few weeks of missing school or work, but lots regret not doing their bucket list or special things they put off. Go and enjoy it

RampantIvy · 15/12/2023 22:55

Is anyone getting sick of hearing the term "making memories"?
Life isn't just about making memories. It is also about future proofing the future, and one of the ways to do this is to get the best education you can.

I know that no-one knows what the future holds, but you can't go about thinking "what if" all the time.

Teledeluxe · 15/12/2023 22:55

One day was more than enough for us.

NotVWoolf · 15/12/2023 22:58

RampantIvy · 15/12/2023 22:48

Were they taken out during GCSE years. Did the GCSEs have as much content as they do now?

Show quote history

Three were in primary, the eldest was in Year 7 for the last trip. And no, I wouldn’t take them out in GCSE years. I stayed at home with the (GCSE and A level) kids so my husband could go to Hawaii for his brother’s wedding.

Teledeluxe · 15/12/2023 23:01

Will probably learn about hurricane storms is September too.

Mornusting · 15/12/2023 23:15

Orlando is a low risk area for hurricanes.

cardibach · 15/12/2023 23:19

Notasnowballschanceinhell · 15/12/2023 17:57

There's nothing that educates better than travel IMHO. Take every chance offered, pay the fine and smile. Do extra study over the summer holidays if it really worries you.

Travel? Yes, I agree.
A holiday to Disney? No.

RampantIvy · 15/12/2023 23:21

NotVWoolf · 15/12/2023 22:58

Three were in primary, the eldest was in Year 7 for the last trip. And no, I wouldn’t take them out in GCSE years. I stayed at home with the (GCSE and A level) kids so my husband could go to Hawaii for his brother’s wedding.

Show quote history

We took DD out of school when she was at primary school - just for a week on each occasion. It didn't impact her education at all. She excelled at GCSE, A level and degree.

There was no way I would have taken her out of school in years 10 and 11 though.

cardibach · 15/12/2023 23:23

PUGMEISTER21 · 15/12/2023 18:08

Missed a whole year during Covid. Just saying.

A) no, they didn’t.
B) if they had, they all would have. Different from just one.
C) having missed some before makes it worse to miss more now, surely?

cardibach · 15/12/2023 23:29

Tink2007 · 15/12/2023 18:27

I’m sorry but that’s absolute rubbish - you cannot say children can’t catch up.

We moved during my daughter’s year 11 year. No choice. She didn’t get into her new school until November.

Once she started she discovered that the GCSE History syllabus she had learned at her old school wasn’t the same as her new school. She had to teach herself a whole new history syllabus in less than 6 months for her GCSE. And she did, coming out with a grade 9.

On top of that, she was the COVID cohort which was constantly playing catch up.

If she was covid cohort her teachers were free to give her credit for her ability (rightly, in my opinion). It may have been different in an exam.

Volpini · 15/12/2023 23:52

Ive never taken either of my children out of school for a term-time holiday and never will for the reason school is not optional.
My daughter is in year 9, smart as anything and takes her work very seriously - I know that if she missed that much school it would be damaging for her. I admire your confidence, but it will be irreparably disruptive: she’ll never catch up. The time to do this is after GCSEs.
Aunt is irresponsible for not valuing her education and overstepped for suggesting it at all and telling her before consulting you. It’s crap she’s put you in this position but letting your daughter go is not doing her a favour and it’s not a treat if it winds up costing her her exams.

CagneyAndLazy · 16/12/2023 00:12

Can everyone pretending they are a former teacher please stop; my bladder is no longer strong enough for this! 😂

I"m not sure how much more, "leT hEr go!, liFe'S tOO Short It'S aboUt MAkiNg mEmoriesS hUN!" I can manage without wetting myself. 😂

TheaBrandt · 16/12/2023 00:23

The “never did me any ‘arm” posters are also quite funny. GCSEs in 1992 were pretty different to today. Very content heavy now.

Onlinecaroline · 16/12/2023 00:47

Yes I am. Although not in the English system.

Onlinecaroline · 16/12/2023 00:49

cardibach · 15/12/2023 22:31

Are you really a teacher? Secondary, U.K.? Because that’s not anything I recognise…

Show quote history

Yes I am, not in the English system but in the UK. Maybe there is a wide difference between the two systems, but I’ve taught more than a handful of pupils who have been taken out in S3 for holidays and caught up.

ClairDeLaLune · 16/12/2023 01:10

YABU. It’s too long a period of time, at too crucial a time in her education. She wouldn’t catch up. You can go to Disney any time. You can’t do your GCSE year any time.

NattyNatashia · 16/12/2023 01:16

Not something I would do.

Luckylu123 · 16/12/2023 02:38

Tbh I think missing 3 weeks of school for this is worth it. However the FIRST 3 weeks of school is tricky, that’s when kids form their friendship groups and the teachers set up their expectations for the year.

Tink2007 · 16/12/2023 02:58

Okay so explain her missing nearly three weeks of college due to tonsillitis and coming home with 3 As at AS level this year.

You can’t blanket it everyone with a statement of being unable to catch up.

emziecy · 16/12/2023 04:21

thefirstmrsrochester · 14/12/2023 20:49

After all the sacrifices young folk made these last few years I’d say to take the holiday and to ask if the school can provide the lesson plans for her subjects for the weeks she will be missing.

Firstly, who will plan for and provide these three weeks of 'lesson plans' for one rogue student and secondly who exactly will teach them and when? Let the kid go or not, but please do not expect multiple teachers to facilitate it, nor to be held responsible for helping them 'catch up'.

RampantIvy · 16/12/2023 06:24

TheaBrandt · 16/12/2023 00:23

The “never did me any ‘arm” posters are also quite funny. GCSEs in 1992 were pretty different to today. Very content heavy now.

Well said.

It is clear that most of the "let her go posters" have no idea about the current English GCSE system and have unrealistic expectations of teachers.

  1. A lot of work is covered in three weeks
  2. Teachers won't provide material for the work they have missed. The onus is on the student to catch up
  3. By allowing the DC to go the parent is telling her that instant gratification "making memories" is more important than her education
TravelInHope · 16/12/2023 06:31

Morgysmum · 15/12/2023 19:16

Go for it, yes there will be fines, but it's not her exam year. She will be able to catch up any missed work
She will have memories which cannot be made at school.

She will remember forever the lengthy queues, the humidity, and yes, seeing some out-of-work actor prancing around in a Mickey Mouse outfit. It’s not for nothing that ‘Mickey Mouse’ is a byword for tacky.

TravelInHope · 16/12/2023 06:37

GabriellaFaith · 15/12/2023 22:50

We took 3 weeks out of school too for exactly this with our 2 girls. No regrets! Right decision!

Life is for living and making memories. A few weeks off school can be made up, but a memory like that can't be. It's an amazing experience

I work in oncology so constantly reminded how short life can be. No one ever says they regret a few weeks of missing school or work, but lots regret not doing their bucket list or special things they put off. Go and enjoy it

Of course no-one actively regrets missing 3 weeks schooling, because they don’t now how their life may have panned out. Better GCSEs, better course, better university, better job opportunities, who knows?
If you did know you might be bitterly regretting all that wasted opportunity for one hazy memory of breakfast with a bloke in a dodgy MM outfit.