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Original poster

Once in a lifetime trip - 3 weeks off school

935 replies

XMissPlacedX · 14/12/2023 20:27

My daughter has always wanted to go to Disney world Florida, but due to funds I've not been able to afford it. She is 14.

Her aunty who is quite well off and has a daughter the same age (my dd's cousin ) goes to Disney world Florida every 2 years and has offered to take my dd next year for 3 weeks.

The problem is it's the first 3 weeks of the school term ( September 2024). I've asked her if there was anyway of going in the summer holidays and she said it would double their cost and it would be cheaper for them to pay the school fine .

What do I do ? Do I say yes or no ? I would love for my dd to go but am not sure how much the fine would be and what impact missing that amount of school would cause.

I'm really torn

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 18/12/2023 10:22

Funny re the plastic comment!

“Risking her happiness” dear me.

She can take a gap year if she is keen to see the world without cocking up her exams. Dd working very hard at school but then is taking a year off to earn then to go traveling with her friend. They could choose anywhere in the world - funnily enough Disney is not even on the list…

Welcome2thecircus · 18/12/2023 10:26

I'd presume they are not going to the actual Disney park for three weeks and most likely 1-2 days, then spending the rest of the time in florida. If so I'd let her go to the first part and pay for an accompanied flight back after. If it was only a few days you could catch her up on her work.

I wouldn't miss three weeks though. It's not just a long time away from a school but her family too. It's very easy to squabble with friends and it's a long way from home at 14.

TheaBrandt · 18/12/2023 10:39

Good point. Dd 14 went on holiday with another family as a friend for their daughter they all get on brilliantly and know each other very well. Dd v confident and sociable. Trip (in the school holidays) was a roaring success but she said afterwards she was very ready to come home after 2 weeks and certainly wouldn’t have wanted to be away any longer - she said 10 days would have been ideal. It’s quite tiring and intense being part of another family.

Goldiemummy · 18/12/2023 11:17

This wouldn't be a hard decision for me at all. This is a really important year for your daughter at school. There's no way I would jeopise this for a holiday. Your daughter can go to Florida another time.

Slightlylostalongtheway · 18/12/2023 12:06

Wow @RampantIvy the use of quotation marks to imply I'm lying about my career! No, I wasn't a GCSE year teacher, I was a primary school teacher who left due to a cancer diagnosis...would you like my TRN to confirm?! Bizarrely, I don't believe school is the pinnacle of life and given my recent diagnosis I believe even more that our education system needs overhauling to teach skills children will actually need. In fact, I truly believe our education system is massively failing many, many children but, if you have never worked in the system you couldn't possibly understand. However, I will take your passive aggressive stance as being somebody who cannot accept that people have a variety of opinions and leave you to it. The op asked for opinions, that's what I gave. They don't have to take it. Maybe take a step back and realise that people are different and if we were all the same the world would be a very boring place! All the luck in the world to you

marcopront · 18/12/2023 12:11

If it has been on her Christmas wish list since she was 6 why hasn't her Dad asked his sister to take her before.

If her aunt goes every 2 years and is paying for her to go, it really isn't "once in a lifetime ".

Also "once in a lifetime" is subjective. People have mentioned going to the Serengeti and climbing Kilimanjaro as "once in a lifetime". I know many people who have done one or both of those multiple times. A friend only counts Kili climbs he enjoys, he is close to 100. However for some of these people a trip to Tescos would be "once in a lifetime"

Dixiechickonhols · 18/12/2023 15:06

Welcome2thecircus · 18/12/2023 10:26

I'd presume they are not going to the actual Disney park for three weeks and most likely 1-2 days, then spending the rest of the time in florida. If so I'd let her go to the first part and pay for an accompanied flight back after. If it was only a few days you could catch her up on her work.

I wouldn't miss three weeks though. It's not just a long time away from a school but her family too. It's very easy to squabble with friends and it's a long way from home at 14.

Op says 2 weeks Disney, 1 week Florida is plan. There’s 6 parks covering area size of Grester Manchester, Disneyworld is not a 1-2 day thing.
I’m a big lover of Disneyworld but it would be a definite no from me in school time. Late August will be similar price and low crowds and no time off school.

LlynTegid · 18/12/2023 15:11

Whilst 10 days is better than three weeks, I still think it should be no, as it is not anything of much cultural value or to visit older family.

OccasionalHope · 18/12/2023 15:23

Makingmeaning · 17/12/2023 07:32

It's still the autumn term so you could get work off teachers or a student in the year above, or just ask what topics they will be covering. Then she can use 3 weeks in the summer holidays to learn it. Home learning is much more efficient than school learning so she will probably be well ahead when she gets back.

As we all found during Covid. Or in most cases, not.

Livelifelaughter · 18/12/2023 17:09

What's utterly depressing is those parents who are "go for it have fun" who also seem to think Disney and Florida are some type of cultural experience. Here's an idea how about going with DD to somewhere cheaper in the actual school holidays that actually isn't a theme park in a part of the world where there's a different language....maybe go to Athens or Rome or Morocco...

Quartz2208 · 18/12/2023 18:31

It is a particular type of cultural experience though there is nothing quite like what has happened in Orlando - taking Floridian marshlands and turning it into theme park overload (and not just Disney World). It is marmite yes but it is still very much a 20th/21sr century experience.

Having being to Orlando, Athens, Rome and Tunisia (never been to Morocco) all offer different things

not enough to miss 3 weeks of GCSEs for, not that I personally think anything would be. And as I said it doesn’t have peak and off peak in the same way and going in the school holidays actually wouldn’t be anymore expensive

AprilFools2015 · 18/12/2023 18:41

Slightly confused, think she's 14 now? If yes, then Sept 2024 is start yr 11 & as a Careers Adviser I'd say that could be risky (missing work wise); if will be 14 then & start yr 10, then I say you only live once, go to Disneyland, catch up yr 10 after.

I can relate though, am the poor relation in my family & one sister has tykes a private school ; they have lovely holidays...bliss if you're all in same boat, less so if one always feels like the poor relation. Wrong of them to tell your daughter first, so I'd address that with her dad.

stichguru · 18/12/2023 19:12

Ask the school honestly what the impact would be. My gut reaction is she's going into her first GCSE year, or her final year, so she will miss either loads of introductory instructions to her GCSE courses, or just a chunk of near exams work in year 11. Both of those would be pretty much 100% she shouldn't miss. However the school will know what will really be being taught those weeks. Also it may depend on whether your daughter is the "hear it, read it, know it" type, or whether things take loads of effort. If her teachers think, those weeks will mostly be a recap of stuff she knows, then it might be fine, but if they suspect it will be a recap of stuff she's forgotten, struggled to understand, or not paid attention to the first time, then it is probably vital she DOESN'T go!

ThanksItHasPockets · 18/12/2023 19:35

AprilFools2015 · 18/12/2023 18:41

Slightly confused, think she's 14 now? If yes, then Sept 2024 is start yr 11 & as a Careers Adviser I'd say that could be risky (missing work wise); if will be 14 then & start yr 10, then I say you only live once, go to Disneyland, catch up yr 10 after.

I can relate though, am the poor relation in my family & one sister has tykes a private school ; they have lovely holidays...bliss if you're all in same boat, less so if one always feels like the poor relation. Wrong of them to tell your daughter first, so I'd address that with her dad.

At least a quarter of the children in the current year 9 will have already had their 14th birthday, including OP’s DD.

AprilFools2015 · 18/12/2023 19:39

Yes, however those born end August like me are 14 at start yr 10.

Cyb3rg4l · 18/12/2023 22:27

Are you expecting that if DD does work while away, her teacher will mark it when she gets back and give feedback in the normal way?
if so, this would be expecting a lot imo - teacher and the rest of the class will have moved on and be busy doing something new, with all the full time admin and associated marking that entails, why would her teacher back track and juggle marking and feedback in their own time to accommodate a trip to Disney, which tbh teacher probably can’t afford either.
Keeping a class full of children on track and on target to pass their exams is a lot and depends on everyone being on the same page at the same time and parents supporting the process. Dropping out to be a Disney Princess for 3 weeks at a theme park is unhelpful to the process, and expecting any kind of accommodation from the school or teachers would imo be wildly entitled

usernamealreadytaken · 19/12/2023 12:49

Sprinkles211 · 14/12/2023 20:30

It's 3 weeks let the girl go bless her she will remember it for life

She'll probably remember her GCSE results too.

RampantIvy · 19/12/2023 13:30

usernamealreadytaken · 19/12/2023 12:49

She'll probably remember her GCSE results too.

Show quote history

Indeed. I took my O levels in 1975, and I can still remember my grades.

ThanksItHasPockets · 19/12/2023 13:42

Cyb3rg4l · 18/12/2023 22:27

Are you expecting that if DD does work while away, her teacher will mark it when she gets back and give feedback in the normal way?
if so, this would be expecting a lot imo - teacher and the rest of the class will have moved on and be busy doing something new, with all the full time admin and associated marking that entails, why would her teacher back track and juggle marking and feedback in their own time to accommodate a trip to Disney, which tbh teacher probably can’t afford either.
Keeping a class full of children on track and on target to pass their exams is a lot and depends on everyone being on the same page at the same time and parents supporting the process. Dropping out to be a Disney Princess for 3 weeks at a theme park is unhelpful to the process, and expecting any kind of accommodation from the school or teachers would imo be wildly entitled

It's not just 'expecting a lot' (although thank you for recognising this). It won't happen. Virtually all state secondary schools now have a policy not to provide work for avoidable absence such as holiday. Providing resources or marking work done during the absence is seen as tacit approval and schools are therefore careful to avoid this.

MrsHamlet · 19/12/2023 14:41

Absolutely what @ThanksItHasPockets says - there is no way that I or any of my colleagues would set or mark such work.

Competing at national or international level - yes.
Sustained medical issues - yes.
A jolly to Disney - no chance.

RampantIvy · 19/12/2023 15:26

Virtually all state secondary schools now have a policy not to provide work for avoidable absence such as holiday. Providing resources or marking work done during the absence is seen as tacit approval and schools are therefore careful to avoid this.

I had no idea it was actually a policy.

I was ripped into earlier by a teacher who said take the holiday because I doubted her credentials. It turns out that she was a primary school teacher.

I think teachers who don't teach KS4 or above and parents who don't have or have not had DC doing GCSEs have any idea about the volume and pace of work involved.

user68901 · 19/12/2023 17:22

I was given hard time taking my daughter out of school for 4 days at start of 2nd term of year 11. She had done her mocks. (which to me made the trip possible)and it was to visit the Australian family we hadn't seen for years because of bad timings and then covid IMO that is an important holiday and a bloody long way...Disneyland is NOT a once in a lifetime trip

Mumtryingtolivethedream · 19/12/2023 18:09

Livelifelaughter · 18/12/2023 17:09

What's utterly depressing is those parents who are "go for it have fun" who also seem to think Disney and Florida are some type of cultural experience. Here's an idea how about going with DD to somewhere cheaper in the actual school holidays that actually isn't a theme park in a part of the world where there's a different language....maybe go to Athens or Rome or Morocco...

Because many 14yr olds would find Athens, Morocco, Rome utterly depressing.
I have an appreciation for the history of these places as I've grown older.
3 weeks out of a lifetime is not going to ruin her whole life.
Life is for living tomorrow is never guaranteed go out and enjoy life.

Mumtryingtolivethedream · 19/12/2023 18:21

Blades2 · 17/12/2023 15:43

Firm believer here that the GCSEs are not the be all and end all.

id let mine go on the holiday

Same here I agree they could be the brightest child with a string of grade 9 GCSEs but have zero life skills or unable to communicate effectively all brains and no common sense.
A grade on a piece of paper does not define who you are you've got plenty of years after school to grow and learn as a person.
You've also got plenty of years to go to Disney but seeing as the opportunity has presented itself take it.

anchoviesanchovies · 19/12/2023 18:44

Exactly this!

Edit: sorry, was trying to reply to the poster saying Disneyland is NOT once in a lifetime!