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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Once in a lifetime trip - 3 weeks off school

935 replies

XMissPlacedX · 14/12/2023 20:27

My daughter has always wanted to go to Disney world Florida, but due to funds I've not been able to afford it. She is 14.

Her aunty who is quite well off and has a daughter the same age (my dd's cousin ) goes to Disney world Florida every 2 years and has offered to take my dd next year for 3 weeks.

The problem is it's the first 3 weeks of the school term ( September 2024). I've asked her if there was anyway of going in the summer holidays and she said it would double their cost and it would be cheaper for them to pay the school fine .

What do I do ? Do I say yes or no ? I would love for my dd to go but am not sure how much the fine would be and what impact missing that amount of school would cause.

I'm really torn

OP posts:
ScribblingPixie · 15/12/2023 10:29

Ah, I see you've agreed to 10 days. Well navigated, OP.

EsmeSusanOgg · 15/12/2023 10:31

XMissPlacedX · 15/12/2023 10:15

@Commonsense22 Thankyou so much. I've been on mumsnet for a long time so expected 'those' posters to pop up with their judgment.

I've spoken to DD this morning and she is happy with the arrangement for the 10 days in Disney and then to fly back for school. The posters that suggested this have been tremendously helpful as I'd not thought of that myself so im glad I posted.

Im really happy that she gets to go, I've felt so guilty that I've not been able to take her before and this will be a huge weight off my shoulders, i am so greatfull to her aunt ( although I wish she had asked me before telling dd).

Seems like a sensible compromise.

I'm nearly 40 and have never been to Disney, working out when I can take our little family as it is a big expense and really would be a once ever trip.

pinkspeakers · 15/12/2023 10:31

Three weeks off at the start of the school year age 14 or 15? I really wouldn't, sorry. It sounds very disruptive.

Is she really that bothered about going to Disney at this age?

Onelifeonly · 15/12/2023 10:31

Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic · 14/12/2023 23:11

Haha. The teachers may be experts (questionable in some cases but I’ll bite) but each individual student isn’t getting 5 hours of expert tuition each day and you know it.
“missing out on class discussions” Oh no!
A decent tutor and a flipped classroom approach and she’ll be grand in a few hours.
The controlled assessment may be an issue but I’d have thought the majority was signed off in y10 and y11 was mainly a catch up now. We start in Y9.

I’ll back out now….i home Ed my own and you’ve been teaching almost as long as I’ve been alive 🤷🏼‍♀️ and I don’t plan on teaching as a career.

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8 to 11 decent tutors you mean. In my experience they usually specialise in one subject.

pinkspeakers · 15/12/2023 10:32

Ah. Just read your update. Sounds like an excellent plan!

Sugarsun · 15/12/2023 10:32

No one is going to fail their GCSE’s by missing 3 weeks of work, especially if they are doing extra studies at home.

There are often extra after school classes too and so I’d encourage her to do these and to get ahead during the summer.

She’ll be fine and this is something she will remember for the rest of her life.

notmorezoom · 15/12/2023 10:33

ScribblingPixie · 15/12/2023 10:29

Ah, I see you've agreed to 10 days. Well navigated, OP.

Gosh that's a low bar for good parenting - 'only' missing 10 days of school.........

LizziesTwin · 15/12/2023 10:34

It isn’t once in a life time. She’s 14. Plenty of time to go to Disney/Florida.

pinkspeakers · 15/12/2023 10:35

Though, I misunderstood and thought they were going to leave earlier and the 10 days gets her back in time for the start of school. So not quite so excellent. But still an improvement.

chocaholic33 · 15/12/2023 10:36

I’d send her!! X

OVienna · 15/12/2023 10:37

I cannot even believe that it was a serious suggestion to take a child out of school for three weeks* *to visit a theme park, in year 11. "Once in a lifetime trip" or a once in a lifetime chance to get the best possible start on a good result at GCSE...so tricky to decide.

OhYeahOhYeah · 15/12/2023 10:37

This is from our local council website :

Please note: should the period of unauthorised absence for a holiday in term time be 15 school days or more, a FPN may not be deemed suitable. Instead the matter may be brought directly before the court.

OVienna · 15/12/2023 10:38

OhYeahOhYeah · 15/12/2023 10:37

This is from our local council website :

Please note: should the period of unauthorised absence for a holiday in term time be 15 school days or more, a FPN may not be deemed suitable. Instead the matter may be brought directly before the court.

I also wondered about this but didn't mention it in my post. It seemed very unlikely to me that a school would do nothing more than fine a parent for that amount of time away. Could they even de-register her/call SS?

DaftFlerken · 15/12/2023 10:39

absolutely not - i'm surprised your even considering it

ScribblingPixie · 15/12/2023 10:40

notmorezoom · 15/12/2023 10:33

Gosh that's a low bar for good parenting - 'only' missing 10 days of school.........

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As someone who missed more school than that through illness, I think the time can be made up if you get organized. It would have been better if the holiday hadn't been offered, but broadening horizons isn't a terrible thing.

OhYeahOhYeah · 15/12/2023 10:44

I honestly have no idea, but I’d expect them to throw the full force at it, if nothing else to prove a point

Google suggests court fees would be in region of £2500, so crazy to even contemplate the trip in my eyes

whatsappdoc · 15/12/2023 10:50

Interesting that a Disney trip is deemed 'once in a lifetime' whereas really it's school that is once in a lifetime!

Sugarsun · 15/12/2023 10:54

notmorezoom · 15/12/2023 10:33

Gosh that's a low bar for good parenting - 'only' missing 10 days of school.........

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I’d say a low bar for good parenting is stopping your child from going on an amazing holiday which they will remember for the rest of their lives, because you think it’s less important than 10 days out of 12 years of school.

Daddydog · 15/12/2023 10:54

You know your daughter OP. You know if she will be able to cope missing time off school. You know if you will be able to handle the financial consequences if it escalates. If your family truly see it as a once in a lifetime trip then do it and don't stress it. Every situation is different and there's no point looking for reassurance here. Something that may disrupt one kids studies may actually inspire another to work harder.

RampantIvy · 15/12/2023 10:56

There are things that are more important than a couple of weeks at school.

Passing your GCSEs with good grades are far more important than having a Disney holiday.

I know of parents who took their DCs out of school for an entire year because they were travelling the world. Funnily enough they returned and got all 8s and 9s in their GCSEs.

During years 10 and 11?

She has the previous 6 weeks to get ahead of the topics

How will she know what is going to be covered? Subsequent teacher posters have confirmed that this won't happen.

I think posters fail to realise that good GCSEs are a stepping stone to the next level.

Employers won't be interested in GCSE grades once the young person has graduated, but most 6th forms won't allow students to take A levels in subjects that they have ony scraped a grade 4 in, and most tend to ask for at least a 6 or 7 in their A level subjects. It isn't just about passing, but opening opportunities.

Can you afford the fine and could you afford an after school tutor for a while to help her catch up on what she’s missed? If I could answer yes to both of those things, I’d definitely let her go.

Under those circumstances I would agree with this @XMissPlacedX, but be prepared for teachers to tell your DD that she needs to find out what she has missed from her friends. Will she be coming back to year 11?

The contempt for eduation by some posters on this thread is depressing.

Janus · 15/12/2023 11:00

Personally year 11 (one of mine is in year 11 now) I would not do this. Mine had mocks at the beginning of December so they hit year 11 running. The school will be all over you about this.
But your mind is made. So on a practical
note, check the airline as some do not allow 15 year olds on their own. Also have a notorised legal document giving your and your ex’s permission to travel as airlines are very particular about travelling without their legal guardian.

notmorezoom · 15/12/2023 11:01

ScribblingPixie · 15/12/2023 10:40

As someone who missed more school than that through illness, I think the time can be made up if you get organized. It would have been better if the holiday hadn't been offered, but broadening horizons isn't a terrible thing.

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It's a theme park........................

notmorezoom · 15/12/2023 11:02

OhYeahOhYeah · 15/12/2023 10:37

This is from our local council website :

Please note: should the period of unauthorised absence for a holiday in term time be 15 school days or more, a FPN may not be deemed suitable. Instead the matter may be brought directly before the court.

I'd hope so!

OVienna · 15/12/2023 11:03

@RampantIvy I wonder if 'rich aunty' will fund the hundreds of pounds in tutoring too?

@Janus good point about the mocks. They could be as early as early December.

OhYeahOhYeah · 15/12/2023 11:05

Scary to even consider it in my opinion

really setting the kid up to fail 🤔