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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to split will?

101 replies

Southwest17 · 13/12/2023 22:14

I would really appreciate advice about how I should split my will, in the event anything happens to me.

I am late 30’s, widowed with young children (4 & 7) and a DSS (19). House worth around £500K and owned outright (mortgage paid off with DH life insurance) and approx £200K savings (life insurance payment).

DSS and I have a very good relationship, I have always treated him like my own in terms of equal splitting of things. Relationship between his mum and I is very amicable.

DH and ex-wife formally divorced approx 10 years ago, she kept house/contents and paid him 10% of house equity, DH agreed to also pay her 20% of pension lump sum upon retirement despite being advised by solicitor this was far too generous, he just wanted DSS to be looked after and ex-wife to be able to remain in house and afford this. Ex-wife will not get the 20% anymore as DH has died.

Will is currently prepared to split all assets 3 ways equally between all 3 children. However, given that the youngest two are so young and DSS is now an adult and working, plus has his mum to inherit from (DSS only child/mum has no partner), I’m wondering whether I need to make more provision for the youngest 2 should anything happen to me while they’re under 18?

WWYD?

OP posts:
Yetanothernamechangeagain · 13/12/2023 22:20

I would give DSS 1/5 and each of your 2 kids 2/5

Upallnightsndallday · 13/12/2023 22:20

Yes we had a similar decision to make and the solicitor who wrote the will for us advised us on split and why to do differing percentages obviously only advice and we could decide what we want but they have done this hundreds of times before so a good solicitor will be able to advise you of all options and why you might want to split like that

IAmAnIdiot123 · 13/12/2023 22:21

Personally I would split 3 ways equally as I wouldn't want my children and their half sibling to have money be an issue in their relationship after my death.

Quitelikeit · 13/12/2023 22:25

What did your husband ask you to do before he passed away?

Im assuming he wanted all children treated equally?

I would honour his wishes as you are only in this position because of him

It doesn’t really concern you what else the SS gets in life. One of your children could have a windfall does that mean you would change the will in step son and remaining sons favour?

TheGrimm · 13/12/2023 22:25

Who would look after the children under 18 if anything happened to you?

Do you have life insurance?

From what you said about your DH he seemed like a straight arrow sort of person which implies he would want his children treated equally regardless of potential inheritance from elsewhere. If this was the case I would keep it as one third each.

Cantbeardarknights · 13/12/2023 22:26

You need to take legal advice and if you haven’t already you need to arrange for your children’s share to be held in trust until they’re of an age. My will is that the children’s share is held by 2 trustees until they’re 25 and any spending needs to be agreed by them. You also need guardians etc for them: it does cost but it’s really important if you haven’t done it yet

Cantbeardarknights · 13/12/2023 22:27

To be honest you do really need to split 3 ways. They’ve all lost their dad, what his son gets from his mum and her family isn’t a consideration

Catza · 13/12/2023 22:30

Splitting three ways is the only fair option considering you cleared a significant sum of money from your husband’s life insurance. Age of children and other income/ inheritance is irrelevant.

Onelifeonly · 13/12/2023 22:30

I'd take legal advice. The 3 children may all be your DH's but presumably you have inherited from him already. Your two can only inherit now from you but SS can also inherit from his mother who kept assets due to the generosity of the divorce settlement, which complicates things in it is maybe less fair to the younger children?

Quitelikeit · 13/12/2023 22:32

@Onelifeonly theres nothing fair about giving the younger boys more money.

The only fair outcome is to treat them all equally

LuluBlakey1 · 13/12/2023 22:32

I would think of it in terms of you and DH having 50% each to leave. Your 50 % goes to your DC and his 50% is divuded equally between the 3 DC. So your DC get
25% each from you (of your 50%) ie all of your portion between them
16.6% from DH (1/3rd of his 50%)
= 41.6% each

DSS gets 16.6% from DH (ie 1/3rd of DH's 50%)

So if the estate was £ 1,000,000

Your DC would get £416,000 each
DSS would get £166,000 plus all of his mother's estate presumably.

Badgerstmary · 13/12/2023 22:34

I agree with Lulu above. Your dss also has his mum who he will inherit from.

Vanillalime · 13/12/2023 22:35

I was coming on to say exactly the same as @LuluBlakey1 who has articulated it much better then I would have.

WillowCraft · 13/12/2023 22:35

I really don't know.

How does it work if someone takes on your children after your death? Presumably they would want money to pay for them?

I mean if a family member were to take on 2 extra children that would come with significant cost in terms of housing, bigger car, luxuries like music lessons, sports, driving lessons etc... if the money is in trust for the children and they have 200k in the bank each but their carers can't afford to give them a nice life while they are children, what's the point?

I would think about who would take on the children and whether they would need extra funds or whether they are well off already and wouldn't need it, to help with this decision.

I mean the 19 year old has had the benefit of his father's income for all of his life so far, so it's only fair that the younger ones get the same, as they would if OP stays alive.

tootiredtospeak · 13/12/2023 22:35

I have this situation with my own son 22 and then 2 young kids with my partner. If I died I would want it split equally. They are all 3 my children forget what my eldest may or may not receive from his Dad that's not the point.

Original poster
Southwest17 · 13/12/2023 22:37

My husband and I didn’t discuss it, we had a will drawn up based on me being alive and the sole parent in the last few weeks of his life. But reality shows me that bad things can happen and should anything happen to me suddenly, I need to make sure the youngest 2 (who would be financially dependent) were catered for, for a long period yet given their young age.

Personally I feel that what DSS may get from their mum is a consideration, he’s much older and now an adult so can provide for himself in terms of working and finances. I need to think practically and consider that for potentially another 14 years at least, the youngest would need caring for and would need finances to cover this

OP posts:
WillowCraft · 13/12/2023 22:38

Cantbeardarknights · 13/12/2023 22:26

You need to take legal advice and if you haven’t already you need to arrange for your children’s share to be held in trust until they’re of an age. My will is that the children’s share is held by 2 trustees until they’re 25 and any spending needs to be agreed by them. You also need guardians etc for them: it does cost but it’s really important if you haven’t done it yet

So what money are the guardians supposed to use to care for the children? The inheritance or their own money?

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/12/2023 22:39

Inheritance is never guaranteed, you can’t base a decision on an assumption that DSS will inherit from his mum when she may end up using her assets to pay for care in her older age, or even just spend them.

It sounds like you largely have the savings and property you do because the money was directly attached to your DH, who has three children. There’s no justification for treating one of his three children differently with the money he left.

Plus agree with previous poster who noted that you don’t want your and DH’s legacy to be bitterness and breakdown in relationship between the three siblings over inheritance.

NigellaAwesome · 13/12/2023 22:40

Whatever you decide, make sure you do a letter of wishes explaining your decision if it isn't an even 3 way split. It would be so hurtful to DSS to not understand your rationale if you decide to go for something other than 1/3 each.

MuggleMe · 13/12/2023 22:42

No reason why you can't have more given to your younger children then changed when they're older. Do you have any life insurance yourself?

WillowCraft · 13/12/2023 22:43

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/12/2023 22:39

Inheritance is never guaranteed, you can’t base a decision on an assumption that DSS will inherit from his mum when she may end up using her assets to pay for care in her older age, or even just spend them.

It sounds like you largely have the savings and property you do because the money was directly attached to your DH, who has three children. There’s no justification for treating one of his three children differently with the money he left.

Plus agree with previous poster who noted that you don’t want your and DH’s legacy to be bitterness and breakdown in relationship between the three siblings over inheritance.

Edited

The justification is the age difference. If OP had 3 biological children with that age gap what would she do? I think that's the best way to think about it. If they were all 18 the money should be equally split IMO. But there's an argument for leaving money for the younger ones to be brought up with to give them a decent standard of living as their half brother has had

WillowCraft · 13/12/2023 22:44

MuggleMe · 13/12/2023 22:42

No reason why you can't have more given to your younger children then changed when they're older. Do you have any life insurance yourself?

Yes.. maybe split the existing money equally but then get your own life insurance to pay for the younger children's costs. That seems fair to me

Original poster
Southwest17 · 13/12/2023 22:45

I have since taken out some life insurance (£100k) because the policy we had was joint, it cancelled when it paid out upon DH’s death. However, this amount isn’t very large because I felt the value of the house/savings was enough.

OP posts:
FairytaleOfKent · 13/12/2023 22:47

@LuluBlakey1 has the fairest solution in my opinion. It's what I would do.

Quitelikeit · 13/12/2023 22:48

consider how the SS feels his father has passed and he will never inherit because his other sons take priority - that is not very fair

I cannot believe that he did not discuss this with you when you both knew what was going to happen