How to split will?

[Southwest17]

I would really appreciate advice about how I should split my will, in the event anything happens to me.

I am late 30’s, widowed with young children (4 & 7) and a DSS (19). House worth around £500K and owned outright (mortgage paid off with DH life insurance) and approx £200K savings (life insurance payment).

DSS and I have a very good relationship, I have always treated him like my own in terms of equal splitting of things. Relationship between his mum and I is very amicable.

DH and ex-wife formally divorced approx 10 years ago, she kept house/contents and paid him 10% of house equity, DH agreed to also pay her 20% of pension lump sum upon retirement despite being advised by solicitor this was far too generous, he just wanted DSS to be looked after and ex-wife to be able to remain in house and afford this. Ex-wife will not get the 20% anymore as DH has died.

Will is currently prepared to split all assets 3 ways equally between all 3 children. However, given that the youngest two are so young and DSS is now an adult and working, plus has his mum to inherit from (DSS only child/mum has no partner), I’m wondering whether I need to make more provision for the youngest 2 should anything happen to me while they’re under 18?

WWYD?

Whatever you decide to do though, please do sit down with your DSS and explain it, and talk it through. It would be awful just to leave a letter explaining.

If you don't have any pre-existing conditions that would make life insurance prohibitively expensive why don't you get some more life cover to provide for your children should you die before they are adults. You can put it in trust with people you trust as trustees. They'd then use that money to look after you financial needs.

I don’t agree with those that say you should take any inheritance that DSS gets from his mum into account. You’ve don’t know how much he’ll inherit, if any at all. She might spend it all on care, on a world cruise, or leave it to a new husband, or a donkey sanctuary!

But in a similar vein, if your DH had known you were going to partially cut his son out of your will, would he have made different decisions to put his assets in trust for him rather than leaving them to you?

That's a question your DSS may ask.

I’m on the receiving end of this situation - my half brother will inherit 4/6ths of my late Mum and step father’s estate. My brother & I will inherit 1/6 each. It feels horrible, and it’s about far more than the money. It’s a statement about the value you place on a relationship. We are all older, so hopefully our sibling relationship will survive the unequal treatment, but I don’t think it will be easy.

I’d suggest an even split & look at a type of life assurance called Family Income Benefit. It pays a monthly income to cover your children’s costs over a period of time rather than a lump sum. It’s less expensive than a policy paying a lump sum.

Yes you have summed up what I’m trying to explain but in a much better way. Whatever agreement and division I draw up now would only stand until the youngest turn 18 and I would change as I go and as the youngest get older and need less financial provision.

I think the idea of ring fencing a set amount would be better so that DSS wouldn’t feel any less than the others.

The reality is that we had a joint life insurance policy, we earned the same and came into the relationship with equal amounts of money, everything has always been split 50/50 between us as a couple including the payment of child maintenance, anything for DSS right from the start. There is no split of who’s is who’s, it was all joint.

Any payout was intended to firstly pay off the mortgage (which it has) so the other remaining parent could afford to raise the children and remain in the family home. The other remaining money was to live on for the next however many years given that I am in an unusual situation of being widowed so young and therefore my ability to work is affected given I am now the sole parent and provider for the children.

I don't think it's fair or decent to factor in DSS's mother in the plans for your will. What if his mother goes bankrupt or needs money for care or is left penniless in some other way and he inherits nothing? What if one of your children grows up, marries, and inherits a fortune from their in-laws, but your other child doesn't? You cannot take someone else's money into consideration.

If it were me I could only split everything three ways, between DSS and your own two children. Based on three reasons,
That part of your house and savings have come from your husband's life insurance.
That the three children are siblings.
That you say you have a good relationship with DSS.

So right now you have £700k and 3 kids so £233.33k each.

I would cut the step son by half on account that he will inherit from his Mum (probably about £200k at least?) and divide what was cut between your children.

That would give your two with DH £291.66k and stepson 116.67k or thereabouts.

5/12 5/12 2/12

I understand your concern that your younger 2 would need money to support them until they are self sufficient adults, as DSs is now.

Would you at that point, in 15 or 20 years time, readjust your will to leave 3 equal shares?

So sorry you are in this situation OP.

In terms of factoring in DSS’s mum, I have done this because the point I am trying to cover is that should I die, the youngest have no parents left, whereas DSS would still have one that does and will financially support him.

It could well be that if I died in say 10 years time, DSS would become guardian of the children - the agreement would have to be fluid as time goes on based on their age.

It would be very easy if all were now adults or all were now similar age children as all would be split equally 3 ways but I have to be sensible and factor in the money needed to raise the youngest two while they are children and financially dependent on someone. I think ring fencing seems sensible

I would say that you need to increase your life insurance cover to cover the costs that the people looking after your little ones would incur until they are at least 18 (maybe older to allow for college etc).

Then I would split your assets three ways in your will.

I have seen the results of well-intentioned wills which did not give the children equal shares. It causes such hurt and bitterness on a long-term basis, even though the person making the will had good reasons for doing what they did. Don't poison the relationship between your own DC and your SS!

If DH had a son from a previous marriage who lived with his own mum but we were on good terms with, I can't see how I would want to leave my share of our estate to him.

I would want him to have an equal share of DH's half of our estate (along with our 3 DC - so 25% each of DH's half) but my half would be divided between our 3 DC. I might leave him a token bequest from me but not an equal share of my 50% of our estate.

If you apply that thinking- that the whole estate should be split equally, will his mother be doing the same for your 2DC and including them in her will?

This is exactly right

I am assuming you owned the house 50:50. Surely he would get a third of your husbands 50%.

Thank you, it is an awful situation to be in and I only want to do the right thing by everyone. It would be so easy to bury my head and hope it is all sorted out should the worst happen but the very fact that I’m in this situation shows me that I need to be realistic and practical about making sure everything is taken care of.

Yes absolutely I would do this, as per my post above, it may well be the case that they get old enough whereby DSS would become guardian for example.

I'm a fair bit younger than my siblings and my parents had their will written so that there was provision made for a sum to be allocated to me from whatever age I was when they died until I had completed my undergraduate then the remainder was split equally. Thankfully they're still alive and I'm way beyond that. I'd do something similar but at that point give the children that have only one parent a double share.

But the older boy has his maternal family to inherit from.

Could you do it so that if any child is under 18 when you die, they get a 40% share and the rest is split equally?

eg if both of the youngest were under 18, they would get 40% each and DSS the remaining 20%

if one of the youngest was under 18 (but the other was 18 or over), they would get 40% and the remaining 60% would be split equally between DSS and your eldest (30% each)

If all were over 18, then it would be split equally between the three of them

Just a suggestion

I'm a young widow myself, my daughter was 2 when my DH died, so I understand your fears, but I think you should split it equally between the three offspring. Your children are already well provided for: 2/3 of your existing house will easily cover a larger house for their guardians, plus there will be money from your own life insurance for looking after them. They are already really well set up for life.

Consider that if you did die, what your children would need more than anything is all the family they can get. Don't risk alienating your stepson. In his position I'd be hurt to receive less than my half siblings.

Also, would you plan to change your will once your own children are 18? That would seem fair based on your reasoning.

I think I'd do this but I'd leave a letter explaining what I'd done and why.

Will you revert the will back to 1/3 when your kids are 18? It's unlikely. You should just take out life insurance and keep the 1/3. It's fairest.

You need to write this will on the basis of what would happen tomorrow/next 12 months, not try and predict 10 or even 5 yrs ahead. You can revise annually or whenever things change.
If you died tomorrow who would have your children. Ring fence money/provision for their living costs then split rest into 3.

You have no personal reason to leave your DSS anything but you have ultimate responsibility to provide for your younger children.
At the time of your husband's death what was the equity breakdown of your marital assets? How much was yours, how much was his? All that was yours should go only to your younger children. All that was his could be split up fairly by you when considering your Will..

I would deem fair that any part of the house be utilised by your younger children until they are 21 and also any cash until they are the same age. I would appoint a guardian to overlook the assets should you also die. After your youngest children reach 21, I would deem it fair that they receive one third each (same as DSS) of anything remaining of your husband's share of your assets.
There might be nothing to share.

So, at most, your DSS would inherit one third of your husbands share of your joint assets after the younger children have reached adulthood.

As harsh as it is, you wouldn’t even need to take DSS into consideration. Your DH maybe should have left a will for this reason. But you’re clearly thinking fairly, and I think splitting three ways would be the best thing to do here.

I agree with @LuluBlakey1 split his 50% into three portions and your 50% into two. Leave detailed instructions explaining this. Revisit it when all the children are over 18 / if his mother looks as if she is going to spend all her money. The DSS could be inheriting a whole house to himself plus the 1/5 from your house (i.e. 6/5 of a house compared with your dc each inheriting 2/5 of a house. The ex wife is not splitting her house three ways to accommodate your dc which would be the only truly equal provision - although obviously not a serious suggestion.

I would have two will plans, one for if my
children are minors, when basically everything has to go towards bringing them up. If they are all 18, we could do it 1/3 each or 2,2,1 fifths. I would talk to dss about this explaining that orphaned young children would need someone to bring them up- that’s just basic providing for children which is different really from leaving inheritances when you are older and they are all adults. But that if nothing happens so you see them all get to adulthood, then you will amend it to include all 3 of them.