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Original poster

How to split will?

101 replies

Southwest17 · 13/12/2023 22:14

I would really appreciate advice about how I should split my will, in the event anything happens to me.

I am late 30’s, widowed with young children (4 & 7) and a DSS (19). House worth around £500K and owned outright (mortgage paid off with DH life insurance) and approx £200K savings (life insurance payment).

DSS and I have a very good relationship, I have always treated him like my own in terms of equal splitting of things. Relationship between his mum and I is very amicable.

DH and ex-wife formally divorced approx 10 years ago, she kept house/contents and paid him 10% of house equity, DH agreed to also pay her 20% of pension lump sum upon retirement despite being advised by solicitor this was far too generous, he just wanted DSS to be looked after and ex-wife to be able to remain in house and afford this. Ex-wife will not get the 20% anymore as DH has died.

Will is currently prepared to split all assets 3 ways equally between all 3 children. However, given that the youngest two are so young and DSS is now an adult and working, plus has his mum to inherit from (DSS only child/mum has no partner), I’m wondering whether I need to make more provision for the youngest 2 should anything happen to me while they’re under 18?

WWYD?

OP posts:
RM2013 · 13/12/2023 23:58

So sorry that you’re in this situation. It’s is a tough one. DH and I have had a conversation about something similar because we have 2 children together (teens but both live at home with us) and he has a DS who is in his 30’s and owns his own home.
DH’s thoughts were that if something happens to him then his estate should pass to me, life insurance would pay off our mortgage and leave a small amount of savings. In the event that something then happened to me he would want his 50% share of our estate to be split equally between his 3 children but feels my 50% should be split between our 2 children together.
we need to sort out a will because this does worry me because our teens are currently dependent on us as live with us so would need to have a home whereas DSC has a job and his own property

saraclara · 13/12/2023 23:58

They each get a third, because this:

It sounds like you largely have the savings and property you do because the money was directly attached to your DH, who has three children. There’s no justification for treating one of his three children differently with the money he left.

But your £100,000 insurance should you die, goes in trust just for your children, for their guardians to be able to use.

MontyDonsBlueScarf · 14/12/2023 00:05

Southwest17 · 13/12/2023 23:18

Yes you have summed up what I’m trying to explain but in a much better way. Whatever agreement and division I draw up now would only stand until the youngest turn 18 and I would change as I go and as the youngest get older and need less financial provision.

I think the idea of ring fencing a set amount would be better so that DSS wouldn’t feel any less than the others.

The reality is that we had a joint life insurance policy, we earned the same and came into the relationship with equal amounts of money, everything has always been split 50/50 between us as a couple including the payment of child maintenance, anything for DSS right from the start. There is no split of who’s is who’s, it was all joint.

Any payout was intended to firstly pay off the mortgage (which it has) so the other remaining parent could afford to raise the children and remain in the family home. The other remaining money was to live on for the next however many years given that I am in an unusual situation of being widowed so young and therefore my ability to work is affected given I am now the sole parent and provider for the children.

Show quote history

Given the relative ages of the children, and your age, it's pretty much impossible to decide now on a solution that will be fair for the next 40 years. I would concentrate on something that feels right for now and the next 10-15 years, and commit to reviewing it as things change.

I think your idea above is perfect. It's far too simplistic to split three ways, as if all three had equal needs. At this point in time, they don't. That will change, and as it does, your will can change too. But for now the younger two need more.

DSS has had a childhood with the support of two parents and a stepmother. The youngest two won't have that, and if you die sooner rather than later they won't even have one parent. Insofar as money can even that out, that's how it should be used. Any surplus can be split equally.

MontyDonsBlueScarf · 14/12/2023 00:09

saraclara · 13/12/2023 23:58

They each get a third, because this:

It sounds like you largely have the savings and property you do because the money was directly attached to your DH, who has three children. There’s no justification for treating one of his three children differently with the money he left.

But your £100,000 insurance should you die, goes in trust just for your children, for their guardians to be able to use.

But by the time you die, what's left won't be 'the money he left'. It will be what he left, less whatever you have all needed to live on, plus whatever you alone have added to it over hopefully many years.

SleepPrettyDarling · 14/12/2023 00:19

You can make a will now, and revisit it in 15 years time. What you need to consider now is what would happen if you got hit by a bus tomorrow. An equal split would not meet the needs of your two DCs. As the sole surviving parent of two minors, imo you should break down their needs from now until their ages of majority plus uni, and work from there. Eg child aged 4 = 14 years at (say) €10,000 per year; child aged 7 needs 11 years at same amount. And ringfence those amounts.

I recently reviewed my life insurance. Divorced, I was paying a huge premium, but after ten years, DD1 is now closer to ‘aging out’ of needs, and DD2 is two years behind her. So I’ve reduced it, which puts money in my pocket for their day to day needs. Ex is getting remarried so I can’t rely on his will to provide as his wife will get the larger share.

Codlingmoths · 14/12/2023 00:31

saraclara · 13/12/2023 23:58

They each get a third, because this:

It sounds like you largely have the savings and property you do because the money was directly attached to your DH, who has three children. There’s no justification for treating one of his three children differently with the money he left.

But your £100,000 insurance should you die, goes in trust just for your children, for their guardians to be able to use.

Seriously? If the op was hit by a bus tomorrow, there would be an orphaned 4 & 7 year old with no parents, and the priority for any will is protecting and bringing up the children. If they were all my own children that would still be the priority. ‘Fairness’ when two of them are young children is not here you go have a 1/3 each off you go to make your fortune. The 18 yo was looked after growing up, fair is ensuring the children are cared for and supported.

horriblehistorian · 14/12/2023 00:33

200k will surely be spent on raising younger children as you may not be able to work full time for many years. That is about £1200/month until youngest turns 18 so hardly a luxurious standard of living. Your husband 'left' houses to both wives so it will be fair for the children of respective households to inherit their mother's estate - so your children will inherit yours and your DSS will inherit his mother's. I doubt his first wife will leave anything to your children so why would you leave anything to him?

MariaLuna · 14/12/2023 00:36

the youngest would need caring for and would need finances to cover this

You should have put this in your OP. Changes the whole dynamic.

Snugglemonkey · 14/12/2023 01:09

Testina · 13/12/2023 22:55

I’m sorry for your loss.

But I’m still going to go right in and say it…
An even 3 way split until his dad dies, then you talk about splitting unevenly in favour of your kids. Do you see how that looks?! I mean… terrible.

You know better than anyone of course that we none of us know what age we will die. But you are mostly likely going to be around when all the children are adults.

Honestly, I’d stick to the even split that you and your late husband agreed. For existing assets. If you want to leave later savings to just your children on the strength that your stepson inherits from his mother, fine - but be explicit about that.

I do see that more money will be needed if your children are still young when you die. But the way to handle that is life insurance.

So all 3 benefit equally from his life insurance, and you use yours to bump up money to care for your children from your own policy.

I agree. Dh provided for his three children. That should be split between his three children. Anything now make should be split between your children.

endofthelinefinally · 14/12/2023 01:21

Make an appointment with an estate planner. They will give you the best advice.

TwoMoreBoxesJayne · 14/12/2023 01:52

I think 1/5 for DSS and 2/5 each for each of your kids. The age of your DSS and the fact he has 'had more' is irrelevant.

It seems like you are looking for ways to exclude your SS . Your husband will have wanted him to have split his estate evenly between his kids. I think you should do that with his 1/2 of the estate.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 14/12/2023 02:00

Whoever is guardian can either live in your house (and rent out their own house) or have the income from the house being rented out until your DC no longer need a guardian.

Then the house can be sold and divided in a fair way (I also agree that @LuluBlakey1's suggestion is a good one).

TammyJones · 14/12/2023 02:51

IAmAnIdiot123 · 13/12/2023 22:21

Personally I would split 3 ways equally as I wouldn't want my children and their half sibling to have money be an issue in their relationship after my death.

THIS
what else could you do?
My mum actually left her half of the house in a 3 way split , to include my dad , if he was to sell, before his death, which is what happened.

We our 4 it will be an equal split.
I suppose if was it would be my half to 2, and his half between 3, and dd would, possibly get a share from my ex.....but we are doing it in a straight forward, fair split.

You don't know what your dh's ex will do. Maybe she will leave it all to charity , or use it for equality release.

TammyJones · 14/12/2023 03:09

After reading all your posts op I would add:
My own mum died when I was 18

So I also hoped for the best but planned for the worse.

I'm sure you will go on to a ripe old age, like I now appear to be doing, but I worried a bit , until I became older' than my mum.

But if the worse happened, at 19, your dss would probably become responsible adult anyway.

My ds would have been 9 and certainly would turned ti his 2 older brothers 18 and 19, and they would have muddled through.

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

Bringbackspangles · 14/12/2023 03:57

I think @horriblehistorian has a point @Southwest17 which I think most people haven’t touched upon - your DH already left 90% of the equity in his previous family home to the mother of his one child from the marriage - your DSS. Assuming she doesn’t bequeath that money to someone else, it is your DSS’s inheritance from his Dad which your children are not entitled to. If she does bequeath it to someone else/marries/fails to make a suitable will, I don’t think it is your issue to sort. If you decide against a 3 way split (and I think you are entitled to do so given the above) you should explain why in your letter of wishes.

I agree you need to think about before the youngest turns 21 (you should assume a degree education level is on the cards) and post 21 so that they are taken care of to achieve the things you would want them to be able to. However, before you get there (and in light of recent bereavements in my own life) I think you should also consider:

  1. your own Powers of Attorney- who makes decisions for you if you are incapacitated.
  2. That should the worst happen, access to immediate funds should be a priority for whoever is set to be your children’s guardian. As accessing a bank account to which you are not a signatory is a criminal offence upon a person’s death (even if you are the sole beneficiary) you should do this via your own life insurance policy. Probate at the moment is still very backlogged.
  3. Your children’s guardian should be of a similar age or younger than yours. Leaving children to your parents when they are in their sixties sounds fine, but IME, the next 10 years brings an immense change in the health of parents and they may not be able to do so. This also applies to your POA’s.
  4. Set up a funeral plan with a reputable company and lay out your wishes for that service. Funerals are more expensive than everyone realises and you don’t want immediate monies being used for that purpose. Laying out wishes saves everyone so much angst, especially if it is a sudden passing.

I’d echo pp’s in that you should see both a solicitor and estate planner who have specialist experience in this area.. Finally, I am so sorry for your loss, once you have sorted this, please take time to ensure you look after yourself.

Cantbeardarknights · 14/12/2023 07:32

Lizzieregina · 13/12/2023 23:14

Can’t you put all assets in a trust upon your death, to be invested and managed so that if you die when the littles are still minors, the money is used to raise them. Then once they reach adulthood, whatever remains in the trust to be divided equally at an age you deem appropriate.

Alternatively DSS gets a designated inheritance upon your passing (not enormous as you need to provide for the small kids) and then gets an equal share of the trust eventually.

I’m in the US and we’re all about the trusts here! Don’t know if it’s the same there.

Yes you can and this is the sensible way to do it. As I mentioned mine has a trust until they’re 25 in the event of my death as all 3 were minors when my husband died.

SecondUsername4me · 14/12/2023 07:42

If you were hit by a bus tomorrow, your DSS would have his mum. Your own children would be orphaned. So your will should reflect that.

LULU'S post up thread has (imo) the best split.

Did your dh not make any provision in his will so any money went to his son at the time of his death? Or did it all come to you?

Sodndashitall · 14/12/2023 07:44

I agree that you need to cater for your children slightly differently as they are minors and would need caring for until they reached an age of maturity (at least 21).
So your will can ring-fence the amount needed for them until they reach 21 and then split the remainder 3 ways. This means that you have a separate and distinct commitment to raise and educate them which is distinct from the "cash for inheritance". You can then adjust it post 21.
Alternatively just ring fence a lump sum for your DSS and that's what he gets, on the grounds that he also inherits from his mum. For the posters that say his mum may give all.to charity etc, well that's not the OPs problem. The DH did give sufficient assets to the ex to ensure the son was cared for and OP can reasonably assume these would be for the DSS so her DC should get proportionally more.

TheGrimm · 14/12/2023 07:45

Your 50% share could be split 2 ways and your DH’s 50% share could be split 3 ways.

kweeble · 14/12/2023 07:52

There’s enough capital for you to split 3 ways to avoid upset.
I would also massively increase your life insurance for the next 20 years . This could specifically be named for the dependent children, in trust, so whomever can use it to raise them.
Term life insurance is fairly cheap and it would be payable directly outside of the will.

CatherinedeBourgh · 14/12/2023 07:54

I would increase your life insurance to whatever you think will be necessary to see your dc to adulthood, and make them the beneficiaries. Then the rest can be split equally.

Or sit down with your dss and discuss it with him, including the possibility of him being the guardian and an assessment of how much he would feel is reasonable.

Theunamedcat · 14/12/2023 07:59

Take out life insurance specifically for your children split the house three ways between all the children

Moglet4 · 14/12/2023 08:06

Southwest17 · 13/12/2023 22:49

So to add, my justification for wanting to change it is what you all say about the age of the youngest children and their needs. As it stands they would go to guardians (either retired grandparents or aunt/uncle), who would need to move to a bigger house and would need to provide for them in all aspects which may include giving up work, paying for all living costs for the children over the next 14+ years say. It is this which concerns me without wanting to cause any divide between them and DSS. I intend to write a letter to explain my thought process and how I have come to whatever figure I decide to do

I really think the fairest and most sensible solution would be to write a will stating that until the youngest is 18, the assets will be spilt 17% to SS (1/3 of husband’s portion of the estate) and the remainder between your children. Once the youngest is 18, though, this changes to an equal 3 way split. I don’t think it’s fair, though, to take SS’s mother into account- what she leaves (or doesn’t) is irrelevant.

SecondUsername4me · 14/12/2023 08:06

I'd sit and work out what a third of dhs half is now, and make that the figure your DSS inherits, as long as it doesn't make up more than a third of your estate.

It's possible that, in time, you may meet someone new, have more dc etc. So then whatever you then are worth at the time of your own death has massively changed from the amount now - which would further complicate it, and could leave you and any future dh in a position where funds that he has a share of are being paid out to a now adult man neither you or he were related to.

Boomboom22 · 14/12/2023 08:34

It's weird people are saying don't take ss mum into account. So ss end up with 6/5 of a house and your two with 2/5. You can never ever be free of being the second wife and prioritising the first children even beyond adulthood now it seems.
Also weird are the ones going sp militant down to exactly 12 or 17%. Like life is only transactions and you can work things out like that.

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