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AIBU?

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Original poster

How to split will?

101 replies

Southwest17 · 13/12/2023 22:14

I would really appreciate advice about how I should split my will, in the event anything happens to me.

I am late 30’s, widowed with young children (4 & 7) and a DSS (19). House worth around £500K and owned outright (mortgage paid off with DH life insurance) and approx £200K savings (life insurance payment).

DSS and I have a very good relationship, I have always treated him like my own in terms of equal splitting of things. Relationship between his mum and I is very amicable.

DH and ex-wife formally divorced approx 10 years ago, she kept house/contents and paid him 10% of house equity, DH agreed to also pay her 20% of pension lump sum upon retirement despite being advised by solicitor this was far too generous, he just wanted DSS to be looked after and ex-wife to be able to remain in house and afford this. Ex-wife will not get the 20% anymore as DH has died.

Will is currently prepared to split all assets 3 ways equally between all 3 children. However, given that the youngest two are so young and DSS is now an adult and working, plus has his mum to inherit from (DSS only child/mum has no partner), I’m wondering whether I need to make more provision for the youngest 2 should anything happen to me while they’re under 18?

WWYD?

OP posts:
YireosDodeAver · 13/12/2023 22:48

I agree that DSS should get ⅕ and the younger 2 kids should get ⅖ each

DSS will eventually inherit from his mum, and will end up wealthier than your younger two if you split your will equally 3 ways.

However it would be appropriate for you to give DH's ex a lump sum from your DH's estate in lieu of the pension that she was supposed to get. Presumably you got some kind of widow's lump sum from the pension scheme which I would give her what seems like a fair portion of.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/12/2023 22:48

LuluBlakey1 · 13/12/2023 22:32

I would think of it in terms of you and DH having 50% each to leave. Your 50 % goes to your DC and his 50% is divuded equally between the 3 DC. So your DC get
25% each from you (of your 50%) ie all of your portion between them
16.6% from DH (1/3rd of his 50%)
= 41.6% each

DSS gets 16.6% from DH (ie 1/3rd of DH's 50%)

So if the estate was £ 1,000,000

Your DC would get £416,000 each
DSS would get £166,000 plus all of his mother's estate presumably.

This is my thoughts - even though I couldn’t work out the maths.
Your two children should be the entire beneficiaries of your estate and the 3 children that of your husbands

coldcallerbaiter · 13/12/2023 22:49

Can you narrow down what came from Dh? If so, one third each child from that part. Dss will inherit from his own mother presumably too.

The part that is yours, solely to your 2 dc.

Original poster
Southwest17 · 13/12/2023 22:49

So to add, my justification for wanting to change it is what you all say about the age of the youngest children and their needs. As it stands they would go to guardians (either retired grandparents or aunt/uncle), who would need to move to a bigger house and would need to provide for them in all aspects which may include giving up work, paying for all living costs for the children over the next 14+ years say. It is this which concerns me without wanting to cause any divide between them and DSS. I intend to write a letter to explain my thought process and how I have come to whatever figure I decide to do

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 13/12/2023 22:49

WillowCraft · 13/12/2023 22:43

The justification is the age difference. If OP had 3 biological children with that age gap what would she do? I think that's the best way to think about it. If they were all 18 the money should be equally split IMO. But there's an argument for leaving money for the younger ones to be brought up with to give them a decent standard of living as their half brother has had

Show quote history

Would anybody really will their eldest biological child less than their younger children?

BoohooWoohoo · 13/12/2023 22:52

I would split the current assets equally but take out a separate policy in case of your death that could be used to raise the younger 2.

Boomboom22 · 13/12/2023 22:52

You must remember all the kids now have a mum to leave but he has two mums as it were so I'd go 20% and 40 / 40.

fashionqueen1183 · 13/12/2023 22:54

On top of this - can you give DSS some of his inheritance money now/in a few years? Was there no provision in the will for all children to get some money when your DH died rather than it all going to you
and then you needing to decide for future years? It may be useful for them for buying a house etc

Testina · 13/12/2023 22:55

I’m sorry for your loss.

But I’m still going to go right in and say it…
An even 3 way split until his dad dies, then you talk about splitting unevenly in favour of your kids. Do you see how that looks?! I mean… terrible.

You know better than anyone of course that we none of us know what age we will die. But you are mostly likely going to be around when all the children are adults.

Honestly, I’d stick to the even split that you and your late husband agreed. For existing assets. If you want to leave later savings to just your children on the strength that your stepson inherits from his mother, fine - but be explicit about that.

I do see that more money will be needed if your children are still young when you die. But the way to handle that is life insurance.

So all 3 benefit equally from his life insurance, and you use yours to bump up money to care for your children from your own policy.

Cantbeardarknights · 13/12/2023 22:56

WillowCraft · 13/12/2023 22:38

So what money are the guardians supposed to use to care for the children? The inheritance or their own money?

Show quote history

It comes from the trustees who are one of my siblings and one of my late husbands siblings. The inheritance in trust is not given to them as a lump sum it needs to be used in agreement with both trustees to provide an income for the children to be used by the guardians as needed and will also cover education and associated costs.

Original poster
Southwest17 · 13/12/2023 22:56

Quitelikeit · 13/12/2023 22:48

consider how the SS feels his father has passed and he will never inherit because his other sons take priority - that is not very fair

I cannot believe that he did not discuss this with you when you both knew what was going to happen

It’s not a situation that DSS wouldn’t inherit, that isn’t what I want. It’s that he would inherit less because he is older and has had more already due to being much older and the younger two need money to live on until they’re the same age.

As much as you imagine having the deep and meaningful conversations at the end of life, he wasn’t able to do this as he found it too difficult to accept he was going to die and leave us behind. Like I said above, we made a will together and split everything equally but we never discussed and I don’t think he ever considered anything happening to me in the future.

Day to day, DSS gets everything equally to the others as much as I can make that possible. He lives with his mum but visits regularly as he always did since he was little, we have a very lovely situation thankfully which is why I’d like to keep things fair. But I also have to be practical and realistic.

OP posts:
Catza · 13/12/2023 22:58

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/12/2023 22:49

Would anybody really will their eldest biological child less than their younger children?

Show quote history

Exactly this. If the OP had a child who was 19 she wouldn’t be agonising over the will on the basis of him being able to work. She would split the assets equally.
I am also not sure why the guardian would need to give up work to look after a child for 14+ years or why it is such a certainly that the step son will inherit from his mother. His mother could have no assets or could need care later in life.

wronginalltherightways · 13/12/2023 22:59

LuluBlakey1 · 13/12/2023 22:32

I would think of it in terms of you and DH having 50% each to leave. Your 50 % goes to your DC and his 50% is divuded equally between the 3 DC. So your DC get
25% each from you (of your 50%) ie all of your portion between them
16.6% from DH (1/3rd of his 50%)
= 41.6% each

DSS gets 16.6% from DH (ie 1/3rd of DH's 50%)

So if the estate was £ 1,000,000

Your DC would get £416,000 each
DSS would get £166,000 plus all of his mother's estate presumably.

I think this is roughly the way it should be split. your DSS has another parent (and their line) to potentially inherit from; your two children have only you (and your line).

user284246975787632445 · 13/12/2023 22:59

Southwest17 · 13/12/2023 22:49

So to add, my justification for wanting to change it is what you all say about the age of the youngest children and their needs. As it stands they would go to guardians (either retired grandparents or aunt/uncle), who would need to move to a bigger house and would need to provide for them in all aspects which may include giving up work, paying for all living costs for the children over the next 14+ years say. It is this which concerns me without wanting to cause any divide between them and DSS. I intend to write a letter to explain my thought process and how I have come to whatever figure I decide to do

Wouldn't your life insurance plus 2/3 of your house value be more than sufficient for all those things?

Can you increase your life insurance? Are you employed? And if so, do you have a death in service benefit?

Similarly, pension?

Bluntly, whatever your calculations and explanations, DSS will take it as being less loved and less valued. People almost inevitably do. Having lost his dad so very young, that would be really damaging for him.

I appreciate what you're trying to do.

Oopsididitagaintomorrow · 13/12/2023 23:00

Myself and DH have 1 child between us, and he has 2 sons from precious relationship.

In my Will, my half goes to my DD, other half split between 2 DSS. DH's Will is split 3 ways, as he has 3 children.

Oopsididitagaintomorrow · 13/12/2023 23:01

*previous not precious!

greyhairnomore · 13/12/2023 23:01

I think it should be equal.
DSS might not inherit from his Mum , she may need care ( so might you)

Holdingontilljuly · 13/12/2023 23:02

@LuluBlakey1 has laid it out in a good way.

AndThatWasNY · 13/12/2023 23:03

We have a very similar scenario.
My top tips:

  1. Be very honest with DSS now so he knows
  2. I kept £200k for whoever brings up the kids to help them. Now this would quite possibly be DSS!
  3. Once all 18 a 3 way split. It's so important for the siblings future relationships. No one wants to feel less important. Quite potentially DSS could be one of the most important adults in their lives and with no parents he could be key.
PaminaMozart · 13/12/2023 23:04

Right now you need a will that ensures that your under age children would be taken care of, including appropriate recompense for their appointed guardians.

However, it'll be important to revise this as your children reach majority.

I'm sure any competent solicitor will be able to advise you as they will have dealtw ith this kind of scenario before.

user284246975787632445 · 13/12/2023 23:04

Honestly, I think writing wills on the basis of strict financial calculations is what tends to sow destruction on the family left behind. It really doesn't work.

Even when it's not intended that way, people have a real visceral response that it's a mark of how much they were or were not loved when parents leave their estate in unequal shares.

Whatkindofworld · 13/12/2023 23:05

You need to leave provision for the cost of bringing up the two youngest. Only after that do you know what you have left to leave. I’d then leave more to you sons as as will inherit from his mum.

Butterflytown · 13/12/2023 23:06

Given the age of your two DC, if you were to pass away now whoever took care of them would need money for their living expenses for the next x years until they are adults. So could you separate out/ ring fence some money purely for that purpose in trust? So say your estate is worth £1mn could you seperate out say £250k or whatever amount is appropriate for your 2DCs living costs until their adults, and then split the remainder equally 3 ways, DSS would get his now and your 2 DCs once they reach adulthood. That way each child inherits the same but there is an amount ringfenced for the younger DCs care which they need and DSS doesn’t because that was already paid for when your DH was alive.

Budgiegirlbob · 13/12/2023 23:12

Butterflytown · 13/12/2023 23:06

Given the age of your two DC, if you were to pass away now whoever took care of them would need money for their living expenses for the next x years until they are adults. So could you separate out/ ring fence some money purely for that purpose in trust? So say your estate is worth £1mn could you seperate out say £250k or whatever amount is appropriate for your 2DCs living costs until their adults, and then split the remainder equally 3 ways, DSS would get his now and your 2 DCs once they reach adulthood. That way each child inherits the same but there is an amount ringfenced for the younger DCs care which they need and DSS doesn’t because that was already paid for when your DH was alive.

I agree with this. You can always revise the amount left in trust as the years go on. Then when all children are 18, revert back to the 3 way split.

I don’t agree with those that say you should take any inheritance that DSS gets from his mum into account. You’ve don’t know how much he’ll inherit, if any at all. She might spend it all on care, on a world cruise, or leave it to a new husband, or a donkey sanctuary!

Lizzieregina · 13/12/2023 23:14

Can’t you put all assets in a trust upon your death, to be invested and managed so that if you die when the littles are still minors, the money is used to raise them. Then once they reach adulthood, whatever remains in the trust to be divided equally at an age you deem appropriate.

Alternatively DSS gets a designated inheritance upon your passing (not enormous as you need to provide for the small kids) and then gets an equal share of the trust eventually.

I’m in the US and we’re all about the trusts here! Don’t know if it’s the same there.