To be put off using childminders because of the ones at toddler group?

[Strawberrypeachlime]

They actually seem like lovely women but they don’t watch the kids at all because they are chatting amongst themselves. Am I being unfair / unreasonable? I get it must be a really tough job but I would just want a bit more.

Yanbu but they are rare around here. Everyone has a nanny for their kids from what I know. The thing that would put me off was my child being in someone's home and you never know what could go on especially with others there. I have a nanny who is just for my kids and very good with them.

I was a childminder for ten years. My house looked like a nursery, we did outings/experiences every week. I was well respected and liked in the community.

When we went to playgroups/soft play I would let them go off and play. I watched them, I was there if they needed me but it was a safe environment for them to explore independently which is actually really important for development. Also most childminders 10 hours a day with no set break times. Then on top of that clean the house, do displays, plan new activities, set up play areas, plan crafts. Complete paperwork, daily diaries, plan for children's development/learning experiences. Link new learning to EYFS. Evidence development and future planning. Write up Sen reports and plans, attend/lead Sen meetings, Safe guarding, Complete risk assessments, update policies. Update professional development, mandatory training. Most of this is done outside of working hours (so technically unpaid) due to the impossibility of taking time off.

Sitting with a coffee in a soft play for an hour is a very small perk. !! Especially given I'd be lucky if I sat for five minutes straight and got more than a mouthful of hot coffee.

Unless you have done the job you literally have no clue.

This is why we chose a nursery - more than one person to speak up if things aren’t right. We went on personal recommendation and it worked out very well. Of course we don’t know they aren’t ignored but they come out happy and are starting to tell us what they did that day.
I’m not sure I could ever trust one single person to care for my child.

@autienotnaughty in no way is this personal to you but every childminder who has replied has said they were brilliant while most parents who have replied seem to have seen the sort of thing I mean.

It does suggest there’s a difference in perceptions.

Childminders are like any other care givers, there are good and not so good.
I remember seeing dd's toddler friend and anothed dc being pushed in a trolley to the car after her cm had done a big shop. It was pouring with rain and the cm put all of her shopping in the car and then the children, who were now soaked.

I’m in the middle too. MIL is an ex childminder but super on the ball, took the kids to playgroups but watched them and didn’t go to socialise with the other parents / CMs.

Then I’ve experienced the local CM myself at different groups. One, as you say generally let the kids run riot while scoffing biscuits and drinking coffee.

The other truly horrified me. She would bring looked after children and her own two. No attention at all on the kids that weren’t hers, hers were a fucking nightmare for snatching toys and being awful to other kids, so I sort of understand that but one day as a child was coming in, one of her looked after ones bolted out. She didn’t have a clue, the group leader had to run after him and get him back in the room. Was completely oblivious, didn’t even realise he had gone as she hadn’t seen the woman even bring him back in. The group leader was a bit of a wet blanket and didn’t say anything so I did. I was raging on behalf of thay parent.

@Strawberrypeachlime i didn't take it personally but its a common misconception. Childminders do all the same planning/paperwork as nurseries and pre schools, they are all held to the same standards but somehow childminders are judged more critically and at the same time get called babysitters!

I was genuinely a good childminder and I have seen good and bad ones but I've also seen slack behaviour in nurseries by staff. The only difference is, is its behind closed doors so parents don't see it. Like all professions there's all levels of competence.

When I used to go to toddler groups I used to get stuck into conversations sometimes and forget to watch my kids so I think YABU. I wouldn’t have expected my childminder to have higher standards of childcare than myself. A playgroup is a safe space and the children don’t need watching like hawks 100% of the time.

I know they are @autienotnaughty . I don’t think anyone is misunderstanding that. But what happens on a day to day basis isn’t always representative of the reality.

I thought the same. There was one who used to take the children to a music group I went to. She didn't even take the coats off the children who weren't doing it and they stayed buckled into the buggies (in a warm room) watching. An old neigbour was a childminder and her partner was incredibly dodgy.

Mine went to a nursery with an all day drop off / pick up policy and I never saw anything to give me concern when they were looking after my children or the other kids. Used to see them out and about at the library and shops too.

The CMs who came to the toddler group I used to help at were great - very engaged and watchful. And yes, I knew exactly who were the CMs because I would speak to almost everybody, almost every wee€k.

I wonder whether there's a phenomenon that the CMs who prefer to chat mainly to each other and ignore the children hang out together in the places each week. And one of those places is OP's toddler group?

My nursery definitely isn’t perfect. They have absolutely gorgeous facilities but staff turnover is quite high and it does worry me a bit. So I did briefly consider childminders but I really don’t think it would work.

I have to say it does depend

I took mine to toddler groups and there were 3 brilliant childminders there. They watched theirs and would watch the mums children for a moment if they popped to the loo etc. they were really engaged, chatted when all was calm but always with an eye on the room.

I use one of them now largely because of my experience and the fact I grew faith in her from watching.

Definately does depend on the minder, but if I saw the sort of things you're saying obviously I wouldn't choose that one

This is a hard read 😢 I've been a childminder for 13 years now. Someone earlier said the job isn't that difficult. I find it takes over my life but I still love it. I seem lucky and have wonderful parents and great kids. But it's a full on day from 7-6 sometimes longer. It pains me to say it but there are definitely some rubbish childminders out there and it's so embarrassing being at a playgroup when they're there. I try my best to stay away and keep head down. I don't want people thinking I childmind like that. I work really hard and do exactly what I do with my own children. Most my work is from word of mouth but it's bloody annoying being a professional who is constantly updating their training, is always ready with the house fit for children, is probably too hard on my own family because I worry what people think of us all when out and about when I'm not working, then you have some who are just so unprofessional I don't understand how they got children in the first place. A few of us actively don't let on about certain playgroups etc as we don't want to be tarred with the same brush and would rather we don't end up at the same places.

Thankfully there are still excellent childminders, nanny's and nursery's as an option but I do wish these people would stop ruining the business for the rest of us. It's not the easiest job but I do enjoy it. I was one of those that my poor own kids always came last so no one ever thought I was favouring them. It's definitely given them some resilience though and they have a lot of time and patience, empathy etc after growing up in a house full of other children all week. Hopefully my families all think they have a good one and appreciate just how well I do care for their little ones 🤞

I don't understand the objection to school runs. Surely every younger sibling with a SAHP is 'dragged on school runs'?

Yanbu we have had an awful experience with a childminder and have seen all this behaviour before. It's the blatant way they behave that annoys me most, we all know who they are and they are a walking advert for their business...why would you not try to be more professional and engaged with children. ...then again it's a really difficult job with no down time or breaks or cleaner. I have 4 children and am really organised and struggle to keep on top of the housework/admin. How childminders are supposed to do all that and properly mind other people's children seems like an impossible task tbh. Maybe it's time for a re think on the while concept and for the government to fund early years education like they do with schools (with more funding)

But that's totally different..you are paying childminders to mind your children, not be driven from pillar to post. Your own school run is not the same.

After viewing several nurseries, including a couple that were judged ‘Outstanding’, I decided to send both of my DC to a childminder and never regretted my decision. We were very lucky to find one who was highly regarded with 20+ years experience. She is known throughout the community, leads the local CM network and sets high standards (she has been know to take other CM’s to task or inform the borough’s CM coordinator if she has concerns). It all depends on the individual and you can’t generalise about an entire profession based on a few that you see at soft play.

I do not have anything against nurseries in general but the ones in my area charge £1500 - £2k a month and I wasn’t happy with what I saw: lots of children confined to a single room, uninspiring facilities and young staff members who seemed bored unmotivated. The fact that nursery workers are so poorly paid does make me worry about the quality of care. I just didn’t think this was the best environment for my child’s development.

DC are 8 & 10 now and we’ve moved area but they still love their old CM, visit her in the holidays and attended her wedding!

I’m laughing the aren’t all childminders inattentive to the children. I once observed mine at a distance when my son was at the playground and all the childminder were following the kids round like shadows and I thought they should chill out and let them explore.
I was talking to an A&E nurse on a training course who really disagreed with me, she said the accidents she saw 20 years ago were unobserved because the kids were playing out alone, now they’re unobserved because the parents are on their phones!

I’m thinking back to myself taking the kids to soft play and once they were running around I just left them to it. They knew where to find me.

Are you expecting them to follow the children around? Isn’t the point of soft play exploration and “safe” risk taking in a controlled environment? Or is it so long since I’ve had little ones that I’ve forgotten?

There are two childminders round here that I've seen at playgroups that are absolutely brilliant - better than most of the parents! There are another couple i know who I wonder how they ever manged to become childminders as they don't even look after their own kids well.

I do think there are a lot of childminders who are amazing - and also a lot that really aren't very good (but probably don't last long as childminders). If you're looking for a good one though then it's definitely worth seeing how they behave when they take the children out if you can.

@Hardbackwriter i think it does depend on your lifestyle. My baby is dragged from pillar to post as it is so I try to minimise it where I can! But if you don’t get out much yourself for whatever reason then school runs as part of childcare might be quite nice.

But I don't really understand what difference that makes to the child?

I've used two childminders and two nurseries and all had quite different pros and cons. I think in either case if you think that because you're paying you're getting not just good, safe and caring childcare but childcare that is actively better and more child-focused than you yourself can be as a parent then you're delusional. I find it mind-boggling that everyone accepts that a mother looking after one child will need some downtime during the day to continue to function but a childminder looking after multiple children is expected to have none at all because she's being paid.

I don’t expect that at all but it’s also not really what I want, and I suppose that’s the point. If what you want is a home environment then the childminder will be a ‘normal’ mum doing normal mum things and things like school runs and screens will happen.

Mind you, i have recently found out they use an iPad at DS nursery which I’m not thrilled about if I’m honest.

Also @Hardbackwriter to be fair it probably does make a difference because chances are there’s been a run to the childminder. So you end up with a child in the car / pram to the childminder then out again on the school run, then again at around 3, then again at home time. With a SAHM it would only be twice. So I’m not saying that’s bad but it is different.