Would I be ok going alone for a baby in this situation?

[doitalonee]

I own my home but have a hefty mortgage of 1k a month. I have around 250k equity. Savings wise I only have 4K. I can add around 300 a month to this at a push. My maternity policy is full pay for six months. Family have said they would contribute 400 a month until baby is 3. I am 36 and no relationship in sight. I feel so low. I don’t want to jump into it but have been thinking about it for a while and the only thing holding me back is money worries.

Do it.

If things get tight you can downsize and with a child in your life you won't even care.

If a child is surrounded by a supportive loving family and it sounds like yours would be ,don't be put off by opinions like this.

Of course, but if attempting to get pregnant alone nothing will be free - IUI, egg freezing through to IVF there’s no guarantee how it will go (I say as someone who had her own complicated fertility journey). I just mean OP should be factoring in some costs here along with the rest of the financial planning.

I did iui 3 times and got pregnant twice at the age of 40/41.

First pregnancy was a mc ,2nd pregnancy i had dd

At your age it may be easier to get pregnant via iui as well as cheaper too.

Please feel free to dm if you have any questions.

Do you have any idea how much care those children would need? There are an awful lot of damaged children who need adopting and they really need two adults.

Hahahahha ok. Hope you feel better!

If in a 3-bed house, could you take a lodger? I was a lodger in a house owner by a single mum with a baby and it was really lovely. I stayed for quite a while and was always happy to do the odd bit of babysitting too.

I know this isn't what you asked but have you thought through the practicalities?
Full time nursery is not ideal for a young baby. A nursery worker will effectively be bringing them up. Once they are at school are you going to put them in wraparound care every day? What will you do during the holidays? When they are off sick?
Do you have local family, because if not how are you going to spend your evenings, at home alone every night, and weekends just you and a baby because if you work full time it's difficult to build up a local network and you are limited in what you can do, your baby may not tolerate being in the car either.
I think this is potentially a really lonely life both for you and the child. Clearly it's not in the child's best interests to have no father either.
A friend of mine did this and her poor child is in childcare 50 hours a week and has various babysitters she barely knows putting him to bed so mum can go out occasionally. Plus my friend can no longer do any of the weekend activities she used to enjoy as a 3 year old is now too heavy to carry but it will be a long time before he can walk far himself or do much else that isn't child focused.
If you have loving grandparents retired and available within a 15 minute drive then it may be ok but definitely don't do it otherwise, is my advice

I don't think they necessarily need 2 adults, but they would need someone available to look after them outside school hours, not putting them into wraparound care.

My children loved nursery, they both started at 12 months old and it was the making of them. I felt that was typical and the kids who've done nursery seem to noticeably thrive at primary school.

They still have 2 parents though.

And there is a detrimental effect for those children whose father (or mother) is not in their lives after parents split up.

Of course it happens but to actively choose that for your child is taking on a big responsibility, more than if it is out of your control

From a financial POV I would consider how it may affect your ability to perform your job (sleep deprivation, frequent time off from childcare due to illness etc.) and career. Do you have a very strong support network of family to step in and help? You have limited savings imo especially as it's on you with no partner to fall back on. However, if you want a baby I would do everything to make it happen.

If everyone waited till the time was right and could comfortably afford it, there would be hardly any babies. When you have a child you live within your means and budget accordingly.

Egg freezing only has an 18% success rate so at your age not worth waiting. www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=www.hfea.gov.uk/about-us/news-and-press-releases/2018/press-release-age-is-the-key-factor-for-egg-freezing-success-says-new-hfea-report-as-overall-treatment-numbers-remain-low/%23:~:text%3DCurrently%2520women%2520using%2520their%2520own,a%2520successful%2520pregnancy%2520and%2520birth.&ved=2ahUKEwj33Zzyy42DAxXrhv0HHQR4BOwQFnoECA4QBQ&usg=AOvVaw3QvtpzdF1A2iV6Zh_3gVq2

Well, the OP has to go down the IVF route to get pregnant alone anyway. All freezing her eggs will do is give her the option of having a baby with a man she meets further down the line and so her baby will grow up with a father.

Hi there I am a midwife and my friend is a nurse workiр at fertility clinic. A woman's chances to get pregnant with IFV decline steeply after 35

I am married but had less financial security when I had my children. We were renting. Time is ticking so I would go for it and make it work.
But you will have to continue to work out ways to improve your finances, but I think you can work it out as you go.

I think your finances are fine and if in your heart you truly want a baby for all the right reasons (not because you think you should do it in the eyes of society), you should do it.
As your family seems generous, I would ask for money for a few therapy sessions, to speak it through and detangle a situation and choice that would shape the rest of your life. You need to be sure, absolutely sure you are making this decision for the right reasons (as I would say to anyone wanting a child, relationship or not). Good luck! 🐥
PS: freezing eggs not good option, false promise of a child, very low probability

From a financial POV I would consider how it may affect your ability to perform your job (sleep deprivation, frequent time off from childcare due to illness etc.) and career.

I agree - having and caring for young children is a full time job, so fitting in your other job may be very difficult.

It is the age of the eggs that makes the biggest difference.

A 40 year old woman doing IVF using an embryo created from an egg that was retrieved when she was 35 has the same chance of a successful pregnancy as a woman who is currently 35.

Yep which is why I don't mind using my last embryo created when I was 29when I will be roughly 38.

Given OP is older than 35 already, then chances will be low anyway (but not that low - the study suggesting that fertility falls off a cliff at 35 has been debunked…)

One option is to freeze her eggs and wait and see if she can find a suitable partner. She can then try to conceive naturally (which plenty of women do in their late 30s) or go down the IVF route but will have her younger eggs to use to increase her chances if she freezes them now.

As I’m sure you’re aware, most clinics will accept women up to age 39 for egg freezing.

Exactly this.

The clinic will advise how many eggs she needs to freeze to give herself a good chance of having a baby through IVF. (Obviously the more you freeze, the higher the chance, but that has to be weighed up with cost.)

I find some of these comments so dripping in misogyny.

The idea of men being involved in 'parenting' is new and very westernised.

Women have been raising children alone since the dawn of time.

I've done solo motherhood & it was much easier than 99% of the couple dynamics I read about on MN.

So many fathers become second babies when the woman gives birth.

Focussing just on yourself, your baby & your job is so much less stressful than having to cater for a petulant man child who thinks you should be doing his laundry & dishes now you are on maternity leave... and forever more.

Why don’t you say this to every person who wants to have a baby? Every couple and young fertile couples? Why?