Would I be ok going alone for a baby in this situation?

[doitalonee]

I own my home but have a hefty mortgage of 1k a month. I have around 250k equity. Savings wise I only have 4K. I can add around 300 a month to this at a push. My maternity policy is full pay for six months. Family have said they would contribute 400 a month until baby is 3. I am 36 and no relationship in sight. I feel so low. I don’t want to jump into it but have been thinking about it for a while and the only thing holding me back is money worries.

Couple of things. Are you public sector? Assuming likely based on the generous maternity leave? In which case those jobs are usually fairly family friendly.

Can you take in a lodger? The rent a room scheme allows for about £625 a month tax free.

You can claim Child Benefit and Tax-Free childcare. (and free hours from a certain age - varies depending on where you are in the UK).

If you have a genuinely supportive family and this is what you want to do, you can absolutely do this.

I did it and 2 yrs on i feel like one of the luckiest in the world.

I would say it is doable if you have family support, also if you have a spare room once child is school age to keep costs down you could look at getting an au pair

I’d say it to married people too, this isn’t about being single or not. You are taking something that’s not even a bit about you and making it about you. Stop trying to hijack the OPs thread with your projections, this isn’t about you! ( lol at me being the obnoxious one here!)

I would do what I could to make this happen. I know someone who did it, but she had a mortgage free house ( both parents died, only child). She spent £££ on 3 rounds of IVF and sperm donor. If your family are supportive, is there room for you to move in with them for support/childcare for a while? Also think about when they are older. You are the only one paying for activities, school trips, university etc.

She might want to experience pregnancy or have a child with her own genes? Not that difficult to comprehend is it?

You would say it to married couples struggling for infertility? Sensitivity is obviously not your forte.

Hi, I started a similar post the other week. I'm single too and self employed, but with a job that's not compatible with a child.

My family, well, my mum has offered to help me out financially. But for me it's a scary thought having a child on your own.

Not sure if I have any advice, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

I’m not sure where your getting your research from, but as a PHD student focused on a developmental psychology topic, the ill effects of one parent on a child includes increased risk of mental issues for the child in later life.

Of course, one good parent is better than two shit parents, but it doesn’t negate the fact that it’s something that needs to be considered when making such a huge decision.

Best of luck op, the fact you’re taking the time out to think about this means that you’ll be a lovely mum 😊

Are you living in the Sims?! Do you realise that there are children whose parents have split up and they are (shock horror) happy and well balanced?

I have no idea what your problem is with the fact that you don’t need to have a baby to be a parent or make a family. regardless of your circumstances. I’d say you also lack sensitivity!

In the OPs case there are lots of benefits of exploring other options. I know many people in her situation who have fostered or adopted and have had great experiences.

I can’t imagine why a couple like you describe, wouldn’t also consider other options if they wanted a family.

Because I was in one of those couples. If the IVF hadn't worked I would have surrounded myself with cats and not bothered with adoption. Luckily it did. I didn't want to do it nor did my DH. The "why don't you adopt" line is very boring.

Ah so you’ve made the OPs thread about YOU. Cool

If you think the previous poster is the only person who has experienced infertility and finds "have you considered adoption?" offensive, I have some bad news for you about the number of people you have probably offended.

And when parents break up the children almost always are still brought up by both parents just separately.
Life happens. Relationships break down, people die . Nobody is denying that but to purposely create a child who will never know one of it's parents is wrong.

There are other ways to find fulfillment in life.

Would your family be able to provide emotional and practical support? As a single parent I would say that's as important as the financial support tbh.

You might actually be better off working part time and claiming universal credit as this would help pay for child care.

I have raised my dd completely on my own (didn't use a formal sperm donor but might as well have done!)

It is hard going but it's not necessarily the things you think are going to be hard! Money is always tight but that's manageable, the hardest things are the emotional ups and downs of parenthood. Not having a partner to back me up when dd is driving me mad or having someone to nip out for calpol when dd suddenly gets a temp at 2am.

That said I feel v lucky to have dd who is now nearly 18! For all the stress and worry I have no regrets about going it alone.

It sounds like you will regret not trying. You are in a better position than probably 90% of mums. Follow your gut x

She doesn't need ivf

Freezing is a relatively small part of the whole conundrum so unless OP isn't planning to use IVF at all it's a reasonable suggestion. Better than waiting 2 years to harvest.

I’m around the same age as you OP and if my partner walked out I wouldn’t bother trying to find a new relationship- I would adopt or have a baby alone.

The timings don’t work at 36/37. You’d have to find someone in a rush and get pregnant in a rush. You’d likely pick the wrong man because you’d be in a rush.

I think the suggestion to rent a room to raise some funds is a very very good suggestion. Is there any way you could reduce costs- sell a car and replace with a cheapo run around (Citroen C1 type little car). Could you get a promotion at your current role?

Another suggestion is that your family could give you some inheritance early and write you out of the will for a certain amount. Worth a discussion.

I understand that some people may have concerns about bringing a baby into the world without a dad. Would you consider adoption OP? I’m sure we can all agree a child would be better with a loving parent than in care.

I'm a single mum and have loved the journey.

DS was born within a loving relationship - except ex decided after a few weeks that fatherhood wasn't for him and bailed. So I agree with you that as a single woman going in to it with your eyes open, you can actually offer more consistency and security. Definitely not less.

It is hard work, and the first couple of years are always tight on money, but in your shoes, yes, I'd go for it too. You won't regret it. Good luck.

If you have very few friends there might be a reason..

I would take the £15k now, put it in a high interest account.

The £4k will probably get used paying for sperm and IUI unless you have separate funds for that? It can be done unofficially with a guy from a website and a turkey Baster but it would IMO be madness to risk that.

So I would start contacting fertility clinics and getting quotes and timescales. Let’s say it will be 3 months to sort everything with the clinic, even if you get pregnant first go you’ve got 9 months plus work to your due date and get 6 months full pay. You could save £5400 plus interest in that time plus get the interest of £1000ish from the £15k if it’s in a 5% account during that time. You will also have child benefit but factor using that for nappies, wipes etc (reusables are cheaper and environmentally friendly but ime much tricker especially if you’re doing it alone). All other baby stuff can be found second hand for free/ at low cost. If in Scotland you’ll get the baby box which helps a lot.

So the key thing is post 6 months of mat leave what are you going to do? I would take advantage of workplace policy on annual leave and if allowed to, try not to take any whilst pregnant and tack on to the end of mat leave, keeping a week or two for inevitable sickness.

Look at childminders who can be much cheaper than nurseries and consider flexible working options that might mean you don’t work 5 days a week but don’t lose much salary. If you have £400p/m from the £15k, the £300 you would otherwise save plus £250p/m from your other accrued savings, plus tax free childcare, you might find a childminder who can do the hours you need for around that. Our DD does 2 days at a council nursery for £330p/m (once tax free childcare accounted for) which would be £825 full time, so depending where you are there may be affordable options.

At the 3 year mark you’ll likely have depleted all savings so you’ll need to use the 30 hours free childcare and find an option where you can get the remaining hours for £300ish.

For school our local childcare place does summer holidays for £35 per day, or £140 per week with tax free childcare, potentially affordable if you alternated with annual leave. The after school care is £52 per week with tax free childcare.

Look into all of this, you’d have to really cut your cloth but if you really want a child it is probably doable.

Also, how would you cope if the child has severe illness or disability?

Planning for best-case scenario only isn't wise.

Artificial insemination and IVF are not the same.