Health visitor insisting on coming

[cherrypie95]

I have an appointment with the HV tomorrow and I text her to re arrange for when my son has had his 8 week vaccinations.

I live in a city where we are now having an outbreak of Whooping Cough so I am quite concerned about this.

The HV was supposed to be weighing my son and told me "she has to come and weigh him".
All other checks were done a few weeks ago and was fine.

I have been told that the HV service is optional and I dont appreciate being bullied into something I am not comfortable with.

Am I being unreasonable and how would I go about this as the HV is adamant that she is still coming round.

Just text her again and make it clear you are cancelling the appointment.

You are correct you can opt out of the service. I did with my 3rd after useless experience with them for my first two. They still called to organise appointments and I said I opt out. Then they turned up unannounced two of them together, my older autistic child had just put soap in his eyes and was screaming, I was in a nightdress with my boobs half out as was feeding baby when had to rinse sons eyes. We were both soaked through. Water all over the kitchen. Both boys screaming. I opened the door thinking it must be the police the neighbour thinks I'm killing my children. they told me who they were I said I opted out I don't need support for the baby I need support for my older autistic child who has no school place can you help with this? This is what happens when I feed baby and don't watch him every second. Gestures at the madness that is my house. "We only offer advice for the baby". I told them to leave me alone and literally slammed the door in their face.

I really dislike HV. they are pushy and put everything down to parenting. I asked repeatedly for help for my autistic son he was not right from very early on. They fobbed me off over and over while obsessing about weight of him. Well because he has no referral in early years he's now 7 with no school place because he's severely autistic and not safe in school. Support should have been in place years ago but only just in place now he's hurt so many other kids and been kicked out of school. HV just made me feel like a shit mum. So many others with SEND kids have similar experiences

Urgh, health visitors. I've yet to have one be useful. They promise to do things then don't, put the wind up you suggesting your baby has various problems and then dump you.

They are absolutely not worth it.

I work in health visiting and it really saddens me that so many have a low opinion or have had bad experiences. I also think a lot of people don’t understand the role and remits of the HV’s.

But OP, your baby being 4 weeks prem was relevant as this will be why they’re keeping a closer eye. Your HV sounds really nice, she’s doing her job and by the sounds of it doing it well.

Your argument will only make sense if both you and your DP are sure you won’t be leaving the house until your baby has their vaccinations.
You're being slightly obstructive with the HV and this in itself may well be ringing alarm bells with her.

@PurpleBugz totally get this. My now 15 year old started showing signs of sensory issues from aged 1. We had years of being told his needs are too mild to fit the criteria. Then when he was 12 he took an overdose and I was invited to an introduction to sensory and communication course on zoom. By this point I had 2 children with an autism diagnosis plus my 12 year old. That course would have been useful 10 years earlier but it was too little too late by then. I really hope you manage to get some help with your son soon.

OK I understand you are anxious but as your baby was born 4 weeks early and is only 4 weeks old now, he really needs to be seen by health professionals. My 4 week early baby had only just left the neonatal unit at that stage and the HV was visiting twice a week to weigh him. We were also seeing the dietician, paediatrician and physio regularly.

Sorry OP as an HCP the more you share the more concerned I become. You have now told us your DC was 4 weeks early so born at 36/40, so is only now term aged 4 weeks. How much did he ( apols if a Dd) weigh last time ? I m not surprised the HV wants to check the weight gain ( and probably the feeding behaviour of a premature 1st baby before going off for Christmas and yes she also might well want to make sure your mental health is ok.

I saw hv once for first child, soon realised it was seriously pointless and annoying when I wanted to he doing other things, so didn't have another after including any at all with next kids.

Op at the end of the day it's a voluntary service and you can opt out of appointments if you so choose.

However I think your reasoning is a little over cautious...

Did you get the whooping cough vaccine in pregnancy? If so then your child is as protected as they can be through that vaccine.

Your health visitor will know not to visit if they have any symptoms of cold/flu and will cancel visits with any clients showing such symptoms.

If your child is under 8 weeks I'd be keen for them to be weighed so you know they're tracking along as they should be since things can change quickly at that stage. The alternative is going to a drop in clinic but that would worry me more in terms of picking up illness. I'd rather have one person who's aware of the importance of not spreading illness coming to do a quick weigh in than be out somewhere that could be busy. You can also request she wears a mask and antibacterial cleans her hands.

I do understand your drive to keep your child safe, ds was born end of Nov so peak cold flu rsv season.

You don't have to have the health visitor. I declined the service with my second just because I really hadn't liked the lady I'd had with my first 'you're making a rod for your own back' and all that. But actually as it turns out I did end up using them and got some really great health visitors this time round.

Hypothetical scenario. A child is found to have been abused. "The parents refused scheduled visits from HCPs" Media/Public "If the HCPs had done their jobs properly this wouldn't have happened."

The op doesn't have to engage with them. It's not a legal requirement.

The HV has the option of reporting/referring to social services if they have genuine concerns. That's doing their job.

Reality. All the notorious cases of children who were abused and killed by their families in recent years; were all seen repeatedly by multiple HCP.

I’d text back “thanks for the offer. Please release the appointment as I don’t have any concerns about his weight at this time”

I took on the advice on here and decided to go ahead with the visit.

The HV wore full PPE and completely understood my concerns.

The HV explained that for the first 6 months DS will be weighed monthly due to being pre term and then after that if there is no development or growth concerns it will be parent led and if we do decide to continue with him being weighed then it would have to be in the clinic.

I am glad I took the advice as I feel better knowing that my son's growth is on point.

@IncompleteSenten "The HV has the option of reporting/referring to social services if they have genuine concerns. That's doing their job."

And what a massive waste of time and resources that would be. Just let the HV in.

That's good news, and I'm glad you're feeling reassured.

Comments about how much you love your son? Really? Extremely unprofessional and I'm smelling a rat 🐀

So you don’t want her in the house - fine. But what about everywhere else you are going?

Please don’t say you are isolating that poor baby?

HV are full of shit and I hate them.

When my son was 6 weeks old, I was advised to start weaning him because "he is a hungry baby" which naturally, caused all kinds of health problems.

That was 20 years ago. I had a baby last year and the HV came round and asked me if I was "mentally stable" or not. WTF is wrong with these people? I am really u comfortable with any strangers in my home as it is without pathetic tick box offensive questions.

Horrible and utterly not fit for purpose.

I refused them after that.

Get rid op, they aren't worth the stress.

This is bizarre! People are speaking to the OP as though the NHS and HV systems are some kind of communist regime where people are labelled mentally unstable for expressing a POV the regime doesn't want to hear! 😳

OP has explained that her baby isn't ready for the 6/8 week check, that she's had previous checks, that she got on well with the HV and that she simply wants to protect her tiny baby against a whooping cough outbreak, bearing in mind in particular that for a perfectly good reason she's not been able to be vaccinated herself. She wants her child to be vaccinated before the HV next visits the house. People also seem to be ignoring the fact that the HV told OP she simply wants to tick this check off before she (the HV) goes on holiday!

We go down a very dangerous road when we start accusing people of inappropriate anxiety, implying that they are not mentally stable and therefore an appropriate subject for 'concern', simply because they've exercised a bit of common sense and expressed a perfectly legitimate desire to protect a 4-week old child against whooping cough 😳

OP, I hope you won't allow these suggestions that you're behaving strangely to get to you. Everything you've said sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Just don't let her in if she insists on turning up. Good job you have the conversation in writing, even though it's just by text.

My third child was premature and slow growing (now a mini-teenager having stuck to their own thing. Never saw a HV once. Neither did my second or fourth. It’s fine, there if you need it- no worries if you don’t

So my first child was very premature and weighed only 11.5lbs at 12 months. She was under the special neonatologists and peads dr. But my HV would say that I had to get them weighed every single 2 weeks and if I didn’t go she’d ring social services. I kept up this charade for over a year when the pressure of the weighing and making me feed her just became so overwhelming. However I broke down in the peads office at the time! I remember her being so aghast at what they were saying to me and what they were making me do. She said ‘most HV don’t even have children!!! Just stop going to her…..no in fact I’m going to write her a letter to not contact you again’

she did the ketter

i didn’t have that HV again

with my second baby with the same issue I was soooooo laid back. You don’t need to do the HV it seems. Mine are almost teenagers now though…not sure if it’s changed.

A hv is going to pay attention to the bond between mum and baby. Absolutely nothing wrong with them commenting that there's a good bond and both parents are loving towards their child. I was really pleased when my hv said the same to me.

Don't plant doubt where its not needed. How is that helpful to the op?

Really pleased that she came and wore full PPE.

You don't have to engage with HVs. In our area they are absolutely useless. Told me to give my 10 month old juice instead of breast milk and to not let her eat eggs under any circumstances. Totally bonkers. After that I opted out for the first child and totally for the 2nd child. No consequences whatsoever. They didn't try to argue after I complained about the advice given.