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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think less of people who send these Christmas cards

339 replies

Bananacup · 11/12/2023 13:41

... to have absolutely no interest in Christmas cards that say 'Merry Christmas from [Sender]'

And that's all

Literally no other message.

You've taken the time to post me a picture of a tree, but you've written no personal message whatsoever? Makes me feel like I'm a box on your to-do list, like the worst kind of business networking. It would have been better to send nothing at all. Just don't bother if you literally have nothing personal or interesting to say.

And about 90% of the Christmas cards I receive are like this!

OP posts:
Isometimeswonder · 11/12/2023 17:26

I can't imagine you receive that many OP.

Milkasheika · 11/12/2023 17:27

G5000
I sympathise. My MIL gave me a diary with all the extended families special dates and addresses .Thankfully we moved abroad shortly after and can exaggerate the postage problems and lack of cards

zingally · 11/12/2023 17:28

The cards I posted out this morning are all like this!

"Dear Amy and James,
message already written in the card
Love from Zing x"

TBH, for me it's more about keeping at least ONE line of communication open with relatives that I don't see from one year to the next. Most years are much like the one before, but if I had something particularly noteworthy to say, I'd include it!

orangeflutterby · 11/12/2023 17:29

Bananacup · 11/12/2023 17:10

I think telling people their empty card has made me sad about our relationship would be taken as aggressive... that's why I moaned on Mumsnet instead.

And yes, I do open them, sigh, and put them straight in the bin

Show quote history

So you just sneer at them and think less of them in private? You sound mean and ungrateful to be honest. I think you should just tell them not to send you anymore cards as its expensive to post them now and they shouldn't waste their money on an ingrate like yourself.

Original poster
Bananacup · 11/12/2023 17:33

zingally · 11/12/2023 17:28

The cards I posted out this morning are all like this!

"Dear Amy and James,
message already written in the card
Love from Zing x"

TBH, for me it's more about keeping at least ONE line of communication open with relatives that I don't see from one year to the next. Most years are much like the one before, but if I had something particularly noteworthy to say, I'd include it!

It's not really a line of communication though, is it?

"You exist"
"Yes, so do you."

12 months later:
"I am still alive."
"Me too."

12 months later:
"Still here."
"I live at the same place."

12 months later:
"Haven't moved. Still alive."
"Me neither. Me too."

OP posts:
TTCnewbies · 11/12/2023 17:35

Do you not celebrate Christmas? I can understand being grumpy about it then. But maybe tell people you don't celebrate in Christmas. Christmas cards have been a thing for years and years, it is a lovely thought. I love getting home to a posted card on the doorstep.

Original poster
Bananacup · 11/12/2023 17:36

Milkasheika · 11/12/2023 17:27

G5000
I sympathise. My MIL gave me a diary with all the extended families special dates and addresses .Thankfully we moved abroad shortly after and can exaggerate the postage problems and lack of cards

Well that can eff off for multiple reasons. Absolute nonsense. Why do women put up with this?

(You didn't, obviously - but others on this thread are perpetuating this woman tax)

OP posts:
mambojambodothetango · 11/12/2023 17:37

cardibach · 11/12/2023 17:18

My old friendships (including 3 from infant school) are very much alive. I haven’t sent Christmas cards for about 20 years.

Show quote history

I'm not telling anyone else how to keep their friendships alive FGS. Just saying that in between seeing each other (which can be a few years), it's nice to write a message to keep up with their news. That's just what I choose to do and I'm explaining why.

Lifeomars · 11/12/2023 17:45

Back in the day when I used to send a lot of cards I would have to set aside an evening to work my way through the list, sign my name, address the envelopes so they could be posted, it was a right faff and I am glad that this is now less of a tradition. I certainly did not have the time or energy to pen personal missives to each recipient. I do write personal and hopefully meaningful messages in birthday cards because I have more time and it is only for one person.

ForlTonightlGodlIslalDJ · 11/12/2023 17:47

I disagree - better than them e cards.

TheWeeDonkeyFella · 11/12/2023 17:49

Alighttouchonthetiller · 11/12/2023 15:47

I love getting a card. Someone, in their busy life, has stopped and thought of me, even if only briefly. It's a lovely feeling.

What a lovely perspective! I hope you're on my card list and not the OP!

catscatscurrantscurrants · 11/12/2023 17:53

I know all the environmental concerns about Christmas cards, but I love receiving them. They are all displayed, all enjoyed. I don't care how the message is written. Like a pp, I suffer badly with depression and it is a small joy to know that I am remembered.

catscatscurrantscurrants · 11/12/2023 17:55

I also write and send them. You don't how much it might mean to someone.

Orangello · 11/12/2023 18:01

Back in the day when I used to send a lot of cards I would have to set aside an evening to work my way through the list, sign my name, address the envelopes so they could be posted, it was a right faff

That's exactly what I remember from my childhood, mum sitting there with a long list of all the people you are socially obliged to send cards to. I don't think it brought her much joy. And receiving was also often mixed bag - why didn't great aunt Mildred send a card this year? Did we do something to piss her off?
Nah.

Talk to people you want to keep in touch with. Forget about the ones you have actually already forgotten about, except for the yearly exercise.

BigHoops · 11/12/2023 18:15

As someone who's just spent a tenner on yet more stamps for more cards....I say this with kindness but, wind your neck in OP!

AllAroundMyCat · 11/12/2023 18:51

You've sort of hit the nail on the head in that people feel that it's a chore to send Christmas cards.

It is.

The original Christmas cards were sent to those who you wouldn't be seeing over the festive season.

Pre-printed sentiments saved the sender the bother of writing 'Season's Greetings' etc...

Anyway, back in the 21st Century, with the communication systems that we have, cards are largely irrelevant and so , many people type some words and the majority write cards to those of a generation that might not be able to embrace technology.

Given that millions of trees get ripped out of the ground to produce cards, I'm not convinced that cards are a necessary product anymore.

If you want more sincere greetings then by all means spend a few days of your life writing them.

I write notes in cards to elderly folk and that's it.

Or are you one of those people who want to overshare Dulcie's Grade 3 Ballet achievement or Ronaldo's Cambridge success?

Get a grip . Most people would rather not spend time writing personal messages when a text or FB post will do.

Christmas cards are wasteful and anachronistic.

Original poster
Bananacup · 11/12/2023 19:03

BigHoops · 11/12/2023 18:15

As someone who's just spent a tenner on yet more stamps for more cards....I say this with kindness but, wind your neck in OP!

I say this with kindness but... Why did you do that if you didn't want to? If it gives you ten quid worth of joy then great, but your comment sounds like it doesn't, and you're mad at someone else for not appreciating the sacrifice you have chosen to make

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/12/2023 19:04

I’ve spent this afternoon writing 70 Christmas cards. If I had written a personal note in each one, I’d still be going for hours yet, @Bananacup.

I don’t have the time or the energy.

Eleganz · 11/12/2023 19:04

There are things to be worried about and this is not one of then.

Then again OP, you'd hate me, I don't send Christmas Cards.

LaurieStrode · 11/12/2023 19:05

orangeflutterby · 11/12/2023 17:29

So you just sneer at them and think less of them in private? You sound mean and ungrateful to be honest. I think you should just tell them not to send you anymore cards as its expensive to post them now and they shouldn't waste their money on an ingrate like yourself.

Show quote history

Agree. If you find it so contemptible, why not save them the postage and let them know you sneer at their efforts? Similarly, why send cards if you find it a "faff" and "chore."

Many people enjoy giving and receiving. They do you no harm.

Original poster
Bananacup · 11/12/2023 19:06

Eleganz · 11/12/2023 19:04

There are things to be worried about and this is not one of then.

Then again OP, you'd hate me, I don't send Christmas Cards.

Oh no no no you misunderstand me completely @Eleganz , I would love you! No Christmas card at all is MUCH better than a card telling you the sender couldn't think of anything to say to you

OP posts:
Vettrianofan · 11/12/2023 19:06

But it's a card to say they are thinking of you. Peace on earth.

Original poster
Bananacup · 11/12/2023 19:07

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/12/2023 19:04

I’ve spent this afternoon writing 70 Christmas cards. If I had written a personal note in each one, I’d still be going for hours yet, @Bananacup.

I don’t have the time or the energy.

Why not just send to (say) ten people and make it meaningful?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bananacup · 11/12/2023 19:09

LaurieStrode · 11/12/2023 19:05

Agree. If you find it so contemptible, why not save them the postage and let them know you sneer at their efforts? Similarly, why send cards if you find it a "faff" and "chore."

Many people enjoy giving and receiving. They do you no harm.

Show quote history

I don't send Christmas cards

I can't think of a way to tell people not to bother, that isn't rude.

OP posts:
AllAroundMyCat · 11/12/2023 19:14

Just send a typed note
, that you put in all the cards, and say that , going forward, you'll no longer send Christmas cards and that you'll be donating to ( whichever) charity instead.

That's what we did , apart to the elderly relatives.