To think my friends husband is lying!

[Kate0902900908]

Ok so friends husband over the course of a year has had a tia (mini stroke), various muscle issues- which when explained make absolutely no sense, a suspected heart attack, panic attacks (in which he has driven himself to the hospital mid attack), numbness in limbs, sensitivity to light meaning he can’t leave the bedroom, vertigo, a lazy eye in which his retina is affected and now after a private MRI (he had to pay for it as NHS would not do one he says) he was given a USB of the pictures which his GP looked at and told him he has neck/brain lesions. He is now awaiting funding to see if the NHS will pay for an MRI under neurology (this is what he has told wife)

• friend has never been to 1 appointment.
• She has never been to A&E once when all this was supposedly happening
• when he has been to A&E he has been uncountable for hours at a time
• he sometimes goes away to get away from health related things which consists of remote gateways again uncontactable for periods of time.
• when they went on a break together spent most of the time in the hotel alone as just too sick

she doesn’t seem to think this is all a bit bizarre and tells the stories like it’s normal and poor guy. He during all of this has continued to drive, work and drink.

I’m almost subconsciously certain he’s living a double life.

Even with vascular dementia, which progresses by mini strokes, I actually had to contact the doctor to get my father stopped from driving. There are far too many elderly patients with all types of dementia driving imo.

I have no idea if I saw a consultant until after my discharge (onto a virtual ward) - I did see one at that point, once home and just going in for tests and appointments. And yes, it was a very confirmed stroke - Significant ischemic cerebral stroke, and in fact, once MRI's was done, it turned out there was evidence that I'd had previous strokes in the area.

You probably wouldn't be surprised to hear that vast amounts of my care was severely lacking (and I say that as a huge supporter of the NHS)

Something similar did actually happen to my sister in law. Her husband claimed to have cancer and then other conditions, but wouldn't let her attend the appointments etc and it was literally one thing after another. He didn't do it because he was having an affair but for financial gain as he collected a lot of money from the family because we all felt so sorry for them. Luckily he's an ex now when he was finally confronted by her dad and confessed all!

This DOES happen when you go private and are going back to the NHS

On a USB stick?

My scans from private didn't and nor did two other peoples I know, they didn't go to a GP either.

"Most men" do not have affairs. "Some" men do.

You did indeed spread misinformation as you said there was no law. There is. I've provided links to the Government site and the Stroke Association to evidence that.

You have to inform your insurance company regardless. As the licence holder you have a duty under the Road Traffic Act 1988 (and subsequent regs as amended) to inform the DVLA of any medical condition that affects your driving. A tia is a notifiable condition under the guidelines. The legal responsibility remains with you and should you fail to comply you can be prosecuted.

I think this has been derailed enough but hopefully you are now aware for the future.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/inf1883-car-or-motorcycle-drivers-who-have-had-a-stroke-or-transient-ischaemic-attack-tia#:~:text=You%20do%20not%20need%20to,licence%20you%20must%20tell%20DVLA.

"You do not need to tell us if you have had a TIA if you have a car or motorcycle licence.
If you have had a stroke you need to tell us if you have suffered any complications."

From the leaflet on that link:
"When you need to tell us: You do not always need to tell us if you’ve had a single TIA or stroke. However, you need to tell us if you’ve suffered any complications listed on the page."

"By law, you must tell us if any of the following apply one month after the TIA or stroke you are still suffering from:
(i) weakness of the arms or legs
(ii) vision problems (for example: visual field loss, double vision or visual inattention)
(iii) problems with co-ordination, memory or understanding n you have had any type of seizure n you needed brain surgery as part of the treatment for the stroke
(iv) a person providing your medical care has said they are concerned about your ability to drive safely
(v)you hold a current Large Goods Vehicle (LGV) or Passenger Carrying Vehicle (PCV) (Group 2) driving licence"

Some people present to the GP with all those symptoms listed in the opening post and expect to be fixed. Health beliefs differ and what is understood by patients also differs. Nothing in that OP makes me think another life elsewhere just a person who has multiple symptoms.

I can’t understand how she wasn’t with her partner at the hospital if he had a TIA or a suspected heart attack. I’d drop everything to go if it was my partner and vice versa. Is he telling her to stay away from the hospital?
And maybe he has some form of serious health anxiety? Which can be utterly crippling for people

Not to drip feed but no children, he opens all post (at his request) and he insisted on numerous occasions she didn't go with him as ‘he doesn’t want her to see him in the states he gets in at hospital’ her head is in the sand she could question him but I honestly think she is that scared of the truth she won’t. I feel terribly for her because along with other things (would be outing) he’s clearly telling lies.

Another friend is convinced he’s going to try and fake his own death (being absolutely serious) or that he has another partner and child (reasons for believing this).

I myself have a neurological condition (he doesn’t know this) and we live close so the NHS availability is the same for us both and nothing he has been saying makes any sense.

Has she ever indicated that she finds him controlling or that she’d like to leave? Has he been through a sudden financial loss/bankruptcy?

You are only hearing what your friend has chosen to tell you. This could be something different to what's going on (she wants to keep it private) it could be her interpretation of what's going on, it could be his interpretation of what's going on, or it could be what he has intensively told her.
If eg I suspected I had MS or a brain tumor I'm not sure I'd want someone with me at diagnosis. I'd need some private time to digest it and decide how I was going to handle it.
There are so many scenarios. Devious deception wouldn't be my first thought. Just be prepared to support your friend.

You can get electronic copies of scans.

First advice I would give, would be to MYOB and stop judging, when it has nothing to do with you whatsoever. I had very similar symptoms as you described, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I have multiple lesions on my brain and in my spinal cord, I am still safe to drive, and have a driving licence, yes, it is subject to renewal currently every 5 years.

Lots of potential possibilities. Just support your friend. This story may be recognisable… maybe you should delete the thread @Kate0902900908

Stop backtracking. There really is no need. Nothing contradicts what I actually said if you reread properly. All you are doing is trying to distract from what you said earlier when you said there is no law which is patently untrue. If there was no law you couldn't ultimately be prosecuted - it really is that simple. I suggest you go and read the Act and the regs if you are that invested.

I was reluctant to play this card and I'll happily admit it's not my area but I'm a solicitor.

Doubling down is immature. Feel free to have the last word as you have derailed this enough.

I said there is no law that you must stop driving if you have a stroke. There isn't.

What there is is a law that states you must report / stop driving if you have certain symptoms which is very different. Dependent on where the stroke is in your brain, you may have no symptoms that will prevent you from driving. I'm not doubling down. You said in your previous post "...A tia is a notifiable condition under the guidelines." A TIA, or a Stroke, or not a notifiable condition and it even says on the link you provided you don't need to inform DVLA of a stroke.

You yourself have admitted this isn't your area. Claiming to be a solicitor doesn't make your claims correct. Not does repeating it.

I will post this again, from the government website:
"When you need to tell us: You do not always need to tell us if you’ve had a single TIA or stroke. However, you need to tell us if you’ve suffered any complications listed on the page.

I've had a TIA, have focal seizures and have had open heart surgery associated with a serious blood clotting disorder but to look at me I don't look remotely unwell.

Sorry but I feel like you're being unfair, poking your nose in where someone else's health is concerned is not a good look.

I’d give it up if I were you. @justteanbiscuits is right.

If anyone is being immature it’s you - just accept you were wrong and the law doesn’t apply the way you thought it did. Solicitor or not - this is clearly not your area.

@Willyoujustbequiet I was there when she was told she'd had a TIA and I can assure you they told her she was fine to drive because I myself asked them if she was

Yes but only after a month. If you want to scroll back up there are links to the official guidance.