To think my friends husband is lying!

[Kate0902900908]

Ok so friends husband over the course of a year has had a tia (mini stroke), various muscle issues- which when explained make absolutely no sense, a suspected heart attack, panic attacks (in which he has driven himself to the hospital mid attack), numbness in limbs, sensitivity to light meaning he can’t leave the bedroom, vertigo, a lazy eye in which his retina is affected and now after a private MRI (he had to pay for it as NHS would not do one he says) he was given a USB of the pictures which his GP looked at and told him he has neck/brain lesions. He is now awaiting funding to see if the NHS will pay for an MRI under neurology (this is what he has told wife)

• friend has never been to 1 appointment.
• She has never been to A&E once when all this was supposedly happening
• when he has been to A&E he has been uncountable for hours at a time
• he sometimes goes away to get away from health related things which consists of remote gateways again uncontactable for periods of time.
• when they went on a break together spent most of the time in the hotel alone as just too sick

she doesn’t seem to think this is all a bit bizarre and tells the stories like it’s normal and poor guy. He during all of this has continued to drive, work and drink.

I’m almost subconsciously certain he’s living a double life.

Could you link to the part where you need to inform your insurance company please.

So, those with actual experience of TIA's and strokes or other neurological symptoms saying that this isn't particularly unbelievable. Those without are saying it's all unbelievable and he is lying.

Can you even begin to image how this all sounds to someone with similar experience?!

Other people have different lives. We don't have husbands / wives who come to appointments because we don't feel the need. I haven't had another adult come to medical appointments (outside of pregnancy scans) with me since I was 16. I don't get letters from the hospital about anything anymore - all 3 hospitals I am under use an app, and the private hospital is email. My husband also doesn't open or read my post.

Luckily my husband trusts me. If your friend has doubts, then she should speak to her husband. It is not your place to get involved in this what so ever.

As above, you’re assuming what OP says is accurate. Private MRI scan images are sent with the report by email and or CD. The images can be then saved onto a USB.

Have any hospital letters come to the house?

They would never give a patient a USB of an MRI.

Some private clinics do. Email, CD or USB.

I don't think @Kate0902900908 , even with the information presented, you or any of us can conclude he's leading a double-life.

Some of the health info makes sense to some posters; some doesn't - but ultimately that's only based on our own experiences (as patients, carers or medical staff).

He could be making ALL of this up to cover up a double-life.
He could be making some or all of this up, because of poor mental health or some other reason.
He could be genuinely experiencing all these issues, and medical appointments; to the extent he's maybe got several unconnected "illnesses" which then appear to make no sense to the rest of us.
He could be exaggerating some or all.
You could be picking up some or all of this and presenting it to us incorrectly (with good intent, just re-interpretation of second or third-hand information).

Its a shame your friend see this is as "normal" because either she's got a physically unwell husband who is still trying to get formal diagnoses (plural) .... or something else is wrong in life.

I agree that gently asking, "do you think he should still be driving?" is a supportive way in, if you want to go there, to help her register legitimate concerns either about the whole story not really making sense, or about the overall care not making sense. In the latter case they might both benefit from her getting involved to advocate.

If the MRI was done with contrast. Then any would have been clearly visible to the GP. Mine lit up like a Christmas tree. O my dodgy bit, is that the GP could see it from
An external USB. In my experience, they have to be encrypted to use in NHS computers.

I’d say you were batshit had I not lived for two years with a friend whose girlfriend moved in with us and claimed to have lupus, attended multiple medical appointments, took time off work sick etc and then was revealed to be perfectly well but copying the symptoms that a relative had, for attention. It came out when my friend spoke to her mother alone next and expressed a worry for her health. Her mother looked absolutely puzzled and asked if she meant the other relative. So no, it’s an awful suspicion to have but not entirely impossible!

I agree but the nhs seems to have an aversion to trusting anything not done in their specific hospital.

I broke my leg in France and came back with xray pictures. NHS hospital re did the x-rays because obviously those French ones weren't to be trusted! :)

DD broke her finger on holiday in Wales. We were given a CD/DVD with images on it from the nhs Welsh hospital to bring home. Again she had to have more xrays as they wouldn't consider the Welsh ones.

So it wouldn't surprise me if they'd redo an MRI no matter how obvious the pictures. I mean for all they know the patient in question could have swapped normal pictures for brain lesion pictures off the internet????

Anyone can make pictures up. DD used to sell positive covid test results to various students at uni as she used to change the emails via photoshop.

I think it is possible that this is someone with neurological symptoms and underlying health anxiety and who may or may not have a name for their condition.

It is also possible that they don't wish to share their personal medical information with acquaintances of their wife.

And my DH has had private mri's with the report shared with him on a usb stick so it is absolutely not outwith the realms of possibility.

He may well be a lying git but it's not all implausible.

My mums friend's DP had to work away for half the week and alternate weekends Went on for years. Someone suggested he might have another woman but the wife was sceptical. It played on her mind so she and a friend followed him on his way to "work"
Turns out he had another woman and a couple of kids in another town about 50 miles away

I've had a bunch of health investigations/hospital visits over the last few years. Dh hasn't come to any with me except to drop off/pick up for general anaesthetic on 2 occasions. In the early appointments He wasn't allowed to attend, and some hospitals still have an 'attend alone unless you need a carer' policy. So dh only knows what I tell him. Obvs that's the truth and all the gory detail but what I'm trying to say is that it is actually possible that @Kate0902900908 friend's dh has been having these tests and stuff and isn't making it all up.

Mobile signal in our local ED is slim to none btw and when I was in there I wasn't in a state to work out the WiFi. So again possible to be not contactable.

Smell a rat with GP reporting scan details and still driving with brain lesions though!

I don't know if you are being deliberately obtuse. It's there in black and white on the government site. You cannot drive for one month after.

You must inform your insurance company. You run the risk of a prosecution and a criminal record if you have an accident and have not declared it.

You cannot be fined unless there is a legislative framework in place. It is a notifiable condition. It is the law. Please stop spreading misinformation.

https://www.stroke.org.uk/life-after-stroke/driving

IF you are told you can't drive, outside of the one month, THEN you have to inform DVLA or Insurance. I'm not spreading misinformation. I know this from experience and speaking to them. Insurance company said I only needed to tell them at the point I would have needed to inform DVLA. That is also the point that it would be illegal to drive. If you health care team say your symptoms will affect your ability to drive.

The reason it is advised for the first month is due to the increased risk of a further stroke.

Who knows, but most adults are perfectly capable of going to hospital appointments alone. I wouldn't go with my partner and I certainly wouldn't want or expect him to come with me. People do need a bit of privacy.

@CormorantStrikesBack yes. I'd had MRI scans at the university next door. And they couldn't open them.

Why is this your business!? Your friend clearly trusts her husband and will have far more insight into his health issues or not. It all sounds plausible to me.

Or my post is based on experience. Maybe he is ill, but he's coping with day to day life remarkably well considering his apparent issues, even managing mini 'holidays' alone to get away from his health issues (how does that work?)
What I was trying to say is that OP should support her friend, whatever is going on with him will be taking it's toll on her. If something seems unusual and far fetched it often is.

Sounds dodgy AF

Hi, my comment on the misinformed was about the advice not to drive, but MN doesn't allow you to only quote part of a post.

I simply linked to the DVLA guidance saying you must not drive after a stroke or TIA. If your doctor diagnosed you with either of these 2 conditions then they should have checked the DVLA guidance and advised you accordingly. As it says must not drive, I would suspect that if you had driven during that time, no matter how short the journey or important the reason and had a medical episode leading to a crash, that your insurance company would have asked you to discose your medical record, and if appropriate, would have asked your permission for your GP/hospital to disclose your medical records, and driving when the DVLA says you must (not consider, or probably, or only under certain circumstances but must not) not is highly likely to have invalidated your insurance and they wouldn't pay out.

As in the link I sent, the requirement for the driver (not the hospital) to inform the DVLA depends on various things including the diagnosis and the type of licence held.

Unfortunately you only have my word for this part, but my edit was to add the fact that this had been the case for 15 years, as that was when I was doing my stroke job. I didn't say anything about you having to inform the DVLA or your insurance.

My take home notes literally say "advised to avoid driving where possible". From the Stroke ward.

My father was never told not to drive after his TIAs - after a while they don’t even bother diagnosing them. If medics deem it serious enough you will have instructions not to drive - a friend with a brain haemorrhage was told not to drive for some time afterwards, had to inform the DVLA and later reapply.

What a shame, because that was the incorrect advice. Potentially the hospital could also be sued if they gave out incorrect advice and an accident occurred (this is why I am rabid about giving the advice). I would have expected a stroke consultant to know this, but I guess it's possible, as a more junior member of the team actually does the writing of the discharge letter, that they might have misunderstood the instruction from the consultant. If you had a definite diagnosis of stroke/TIA and the consultant's advice was accurately transcribed, then they are a medico-legal hazard waiting to happen.

But some TIA diagnoses aren’t definite as I’m sure you know. And after a while with old people they don’t even send them to hospital unless it’s a more significant stroke.