To think my friends husband is lying!

[Kate0902900908]

Ok so friends husband over the course of a year has had a tia (mini stroke), various muscle issues- which when explained make absolutely no sense, a suspected heart attack, panic attacks (in which he has driven himself to the hospital mid attack), numbness in limbs, sensitivity to light meaning he can’t leave the bedroom, vertigo, a lazy eye in which his retina is affected and now after a private MRI (he had to pay for it as NHS would not do one he says) he was given a USB of the pictures which his GP looked at and told him he has neck/brain lesions. He is now awaiting funding to see if the NHS will pay for an MRI under neurology (this is what he has told wife)

• friend has never been to 1 appointment.
• She has never been to A&E once when all this was supposedly happening
• when he has been to A&E he has been uncountable for hours at a time
• he sometimes goes away to get away from health related things which consists of remote gateways again uncontactable for periods of time.
• when they went on a break together spent most of the time in the hotel alone as just too sick

she doesn’t seem to think this is all a bit bizarre and tells the stories like it’s normal and poor guy. He during all of this has continued to drive, work and drink.

I’m almost subconsciously certain he’s living a double life.

Well there is that.

So would he have to wait for a neuro appointment before even having a scan? Years ago I had an mri for suspected MS and I’m fairly sure the GP organised it prior to a neuro appointment. So he’d at least be on a waiting list for one. Guess procedures may vary across the country or even changed over time.

You'd think. We have a friend with MS. Diagnosis has taken a long time and multiple different tests. Still drives, works, etc.

Tread carefully as you can’t know for sure. Do you ever spend time there when he is there?

I think it all sounds plausible and a double life would the least likely explanation in my view.

You have just described my mum when she was alive. She spent 15 years like this, not wanting to bother me ‘as you are so busy’. It took me travelling to her (time off busy work schedule/flight etc as long distance), to sit down with her GP on a few occasions and also make calls as a HCP myself to have the right people in her local system join the dots and make the right referrals. Complete shambles.

I've had a TIA. Wasn't allowed to drive until the consultant had given the all clear and on blood thinners for life.

Just on that alone he's lying.

My gut says he has MS

he was given a USB of the pictures which his GP looked at and told him he has neck/brain lesions.

That never happened.

It could be several things, firstly he could be telling the truth. Have you shared any of your concerns with her? My thoughts are gambling, drugs, affair.

I love the psychic MNers.

Sounds like he had a private MRI. Similar happened to both my mum and my partner. After months of going to the GP they arranged private tests. Mum was referred to neuro after GP saw private MRI. My partner is awaiting rheumatology and haematology after paying for his X-rays and geneticist (previously was only offered PT by the GP).

It could be severe health anxiety and I agree that if he has had a brain lesion( tia) or suspicion of brain lesions ( mri) he should not be driving and is likely to be on blood thinners.MS is hard to diagnose , hence all the prolonged / delayed diagnoses and is possible in this scenario but it is odd that if there is a concern about a very significant illness his partner isn't attending at least some of these appointments; she should.Around here, MRIs are quick on the NHS ; neurology appointments are slow unless it is something that needs acting on urgently eg stroke/ brain tumour.

I also thought health anxiety. He sounds like several people on mumsnet who post in a terrible state believing they have these kinds of issues and they aren't exactly lying, it's a complicated thing where they can't accept the truth that they're well, and indeed they're very unwell in the sense that they have this problem. It may be something else, but I wouldn't have defaulted to lying and affair without other good reason beyond the health situation.

If he gets migraines they would probably explain the eye issues and the brain lesions. As well as that, your stroke/tia risk increases enormously.

How do you know?

I drive have a neurological disorder and after diagnosis was pretty much left to it on my own still under neurology but they don’t do much apart from physio and mine was horrendous so I stopped going he can absolutely have issues without going to appointments all the time and my partner doesn’t come with me although he would like to I don’t want my partner bombarbed with extra stress. However as a health care professional I find it strange she hasn’t seen meds etc because regardless he would be on something x

This

His insurance will be invalid.

Could he have Münchausen syndrome?

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/munchausen-syndrome/overview/#:~:text=Munchausen%20syndrome%20is%20a%20psychological,are%20the%20centre%20of%20attention.

I had a stroke - which didn't affect my limbs. I was only told to "avoid driving where possible" for 4 weeks after the stroke, and that's only because the risk of another stroke is highest during that point. It left me with eye issues where things like flashing lights cause me issues and what is like vertigo, and massively increased anxiety and panic attacks. It's also made me much less able to deal with people and life in general. If I was in a position to be able to go off and spend time alone I most certainly would do. Any brain injury, and TIA is a brain injury, can lead to personality change like this. It will all depend where his TIA was. (ETA: Mine wasn't a TIA, but a full stroke, but not all strokes look like the common experience of strokes)

I also went private for the follow up MRI as NHS lists were long and I was worried. A private MRI gets a report written which is then sent to the GP. The GP would then read this report and feed back from that. The MRI was for both brain, and looking for a relatively common heart defect in young stroke patients.

My husband has never come to any of the appointments with me because I didn't feel he needed to be there, and, well, life. (work, kids etc etc). Maybe I was off somewhere lovely having an affair when I was on a stroke ward!

It seems a bit bizarre to instantly jump from hospital appts to "he must be having an affair!) He may be of course .but perhaps he has Munchausen syndrome or another sort of MH issue? Either way not really your concern .His wife may be fed up of all the lies of course ,or feels that he is exaggerating his symptons

This happened to me. 22 years of evvvveryone thinking I was some kind of paranoid hypochondriac. Rolling of eyes when I said I was in pain. Asked how I managed to 'wangle' PIP (in them says it was DLA). Even the GPs at the surgery I use began jokingly asking what else I had to ask at the end of each session as I always had multiple issues going on.
Turned out that ALL of it was MS. I'd been massively failed by the NHS and GPs who presumed I was just another lazy young person looking for ongoing sick notes to claim benefits....
Fucking MS. All this time I could've been receiving treatment and potentially even doing some work in the industry I was so passionate about and miraculously managed to (very slowly, via night school) get a foundation Degree in. I could've at least worked part time for a while, with the right medication. Now I'm far, far too unwell.

Not one single apology from any family/etc who doubted me this entire time. 22 fucking years

Oh @GladioliandSweetPeas thats truly awful. I’m so sorry you weren’t taken seriously. I think a lot of young women have the same.

Nope. My mum has had a TIA and was able to drive. I have MS and had a suspected TIA and didn't have licence taken either

That’s awful, I’m so sorry this happened to you.

This DOES happen when you go private and are going back to the NHS

Why do you need to do this? Is it because you genuinely think there is something that is a real issue or are you like a lot of the posters on here that need drama? And if you can't find it create it?